18

After this little conversation with Akif, we spend some time together. I saw him different. He had never been so attentive, so close to me. Each time it was only me who made efforts for our couple, it was only me who tried to solve the problems, Akif just knew how to run away. But despite everything, I'm still with him. I don't want to leave him. Since high school I've only seen him, I know that I'm going to end up with him, that he's going to be the father of my children... I'll do everything not to disappoint him.

-Me: Akif gitmem lazim, annemin bana ihtiyaci var. (Akif I have to leave, my mother needs me.)

- Him: Okay.

-Me: Are you just saying ok to me?

- Him: What do you want me to tell you? I won't stop you.

-Me: Yes, but you can at least come with me.

- Him: To the house?

-Me: Well yeah.. çok uzak degil ki, otobusle 15dakika. (It's not too far, 15 minutes with the bus.)

-Him: Uh.. no no I have things to do.

-Me again ? And what is it ?

- Him: Rüya yine baslama, islerim var iste. (Rüya does not start again, I have work here.)

-Me: Why do I have the impression that you are hiding things from me? You don't say anything to me, every time it's me talking, you just make me listen... and yet I have the impression that your head is elsewhere.

- Him: Askim yine saçmaliyorsun, bana güvenmiyormusun? (My love you talk nonsense again, don't you trust me?)

-Me: yes

- Him: Why are you still talking then?

- Me: It's good I'm quiet.

-Him: Well, you should shut up more often.

- Me: Pfft!

-Lui: Anyway, we'll catch up later.

-Me: Take the road with me at least. You'll see the house and my mother too.

-Him: Uh.. another time Rüya.

-Me: Ama niye? ( But why?)

-Him: I don't have time here.

-Me: Okay.

I turn and start to leave but he grabs my arm and turns me sharply.

- Him: Are you planning to leave like that, without a kiss?

-I do not want to.

-Him: But I want to.

He lowers his head as he approaches me and kisses me wildly as usual. I was fed up, I push him a few seconds later.

-Me: Stop, I don't want to.

- Him: You're my wesh girl, I have the right.

-Me: You only think of yourself anyway, I don't want to, you're suffocating me!

- Him: Am I suffocating you? Vasy you suck, everyone loves my kisses.

-Me: NEEE??? (WHAT??)

-Him: Loved it, I meant.

-Me: But you're disgusting!

-Him: Rüya it's good, I was talking to you about girls before you came into my life. You weren't even my girl back then.

-Me: Why are you talking about them now? Are not you ashamed ? Basically you still haven't forgotten these girls?!

- Him: But if I forgot them, what are you talking about? We are getting confused for nothing here!

-Me: Hep senin yüzünden, sirf seninle öpüsmek istemedigim için, bana eski sevgilerinden bahsediyorsun. Hiç mi beni düsünmüyorsun ya? Benim ne hissettiklerim önemli degil mi senin için? (It's all because of you, just because I don't want to kiss you, you talk to me about your ex-girlfriends. You don't think about me? What I feel for you is not important to you? )

- Him: Rüya özür dilerim, tabiki benim için önemli. (Rüya excuse me, of course it's important to me.)

-Me: Learn to speak in front of your girlfriend then. I feel like you want to go back to the past.

- Him: You won't let me kiss you either!

-Me: But I don't want to!

- Him: And why?

-Me: Akif you think that it pleases me, it disgusts me when you kiss me.. I don't know how to tell you but you are going too fast.. There are no feelings you are so wild. Think about me a bit.

- Him: Do you want me to go slowly? Mdrrr it's the kids that my little one!

- Me: Well you know what? I prefer kids than men without feelings!

And I'm leaving this time. It pissed me off but also disappointed me. It's the same every time, I thought that over time he would understand that I want to take it easy, but no, he's still the same. I'm right, he only thinks of himself. He's selfish!

I arrive home and see Lale in the living room with Sema, Ayaz's mother. Is she still there? It's definitely a shitty day. I go to the kitchen to join my mother.

-Me: N'oldu anne? Hemen beni cagirdin. (Ya what mum? You called me straight.)

-Her: Kizim aksam Lale hanimin aileside gelicek, Sema hanim güzel bir tatli yapin dedi. Yaparsin half? (My daughter tonight is Madame Lale's family who will also come, Madame Sema said to prepare a good dessert. Will you do it?)

- Me: With pleasure.

And I go straight to the stove. It was 3 p.m., so I decided to make raspberry cheesecake and cupcakes. I make this recipe often, I love it so much. About 1h30 after I had finished everything, I put the cheesecake in the fridge and the cupcakes in a cake stand on the table.

-Hilal: it smells so good! Yine pasta yaptin sen demi? (You made cakes again, huh?)

-Me: Right.

-H: Let me guess.. Hmm.. Cheesecake and cupcakes?

-Me: Mdrr yesiii

-H: Ahh too biiiiennn, thank you thank you thank you !! I missed your cakes so much!

-Me: It's just cakes huh.

-H: Right? You're crazy, it's my life yeah!

-Me: Yeah ok.

-H: Valla I was born with sugar and I will die with sugar. And I'm not abusing abla (big sister), even my mother's milk was sweet when I was born!

-Me: Don't abuse wesh! Mdrrrr

-H: But it's the truth!

-Me: Yeah yeah, go rest before the guests arrive.

-H: Oh fuck, don't remind me of that. I don't go on vacation, I've become a slave pff!

-Me: Stop saying that, we do that for our parents. We must of course help them.. after all that has done for us, what we do is nothing in the face of that. Ikimiz okulumuzu bitirek ki, annem ve babam artik isi biraksinlar. Sira bizde kardesim, artik biz onlara bakmaliyiz! (We have to finish school so that our parents finally stop working. It's our turn my sister, it's our turn to work and "house them, feed them..")

-H: Yes, you're right. Mom doesn't show it, but she hurts all over.

-Me: Well...

-...: Sofia!!