13

He was back in his city home sitting comfortably in the dark, lost in his thoughts circling around Jane and ways of winning her back. He felt like a lost soul without her and he for sure knew he couldn't go on too long without her presence next to him.

He didn't realise how long he's been like, or how many glasses of whiskey he finished before his phone beeped with a new notification. He reached for it on the coffee table and opened the text. He instantly knew it was Nadia when he saw the unknown number's text.

12:36, (501)-955: Did she tell you she's pregnant?

He felt his world stop and the glass in his hand fell to the ground. Who's the she? Could it be- no. Certainly not. He wondered who else it could be that Nadia was referring to if she would go the extra length of texting from an unknown number since her previous one was blocked. It couldn't be who he thought it was. It just couldn't.

12:38, (501)-955: who?

12:38 (501)-955: oh come on. Don't tell me Jane didn't tell you she's carrying a little you in he???

"Oh, fuck!" he screamed as he picked the glass that fell earlier and it hit the wall, breaking into pieces. cry. Now that he thought back to the previous couple of weeks; she was different. She behaved different, she ate different, glowed different... He recalled the times when she wanted to tell him something but either stopped herself or someone interrupted them.

With shaky hands, he pressed her doctor's name in his contact list and dialed it.

"Good day Nate."

"Sandra, how are you?" He asked politely and because it really has been a while since they've had a chat.

"I'm blessed. How are you?"

"I'm-" confused, complicated, wanting to stop breathing. "It's about Jane."

"Is Jane okay? Is the baby alright?" He immediately heard the panic in her voice.

"So it is true?" he said lowly with a shaky breath as he covered his mouth with his hand to prevent her from hearing his voice cracking with tears.

"Oh, Nate, she didn't tell you?" She sympathised. She was more of a friend than she was a doctor to him right now.

"No. Yes. I didn't know. I just found out. How far along is she now?" He replied, wiping his cheeks with the back of his hand.

"Nearing nine weeks. She won't really show much of a belly because she's one of the lucky ones." He heard the happiness in her voice but felt none for himself. He had to see her.

"Thank you Sandra. For everything. I'll make sure to call you soon so we talk like the old days. I have to go."

"Alright champ. Have a good day." He hung up and grimly stared at the fire roasting the wood. How could she not tell me? I'm a father. She kept my kid away from me.

Without thinking it through, he grabbed his keys and drove over to her place. Once he got there, he started ringing the doorbell mercilessly. He wanted to see her now. He needed to see it for himself. He needed answers.

"What?!" She yelled on the other side as she opened the door, her eyes widening when she registered who it was. "Oh, Nate. What are you doing here?"

Now that she stood in front of him, he thought of all the signs he missed: the nausea, the mood spells, the constant sleep, a little added weight that you would notice if you really knew her well...

"Is it mine?" He asked as he stepped in and closed the door behind him. His brain was clogged with emotions and he first needed to clear the obvious. He doesn't know what he would do with himself if it wasn't. Sure she was a free woman but he wanted her first child to be theirs. He saw recognition flash in her eyes.

"Is what yours?" she asked, tying her robe tighter around her.

Instead of answering her, he reached for her stomach, his palm laying flat on her misleading flat stomach with his other hand around her waist to hold her in place.

"Is it mine?" He asked again, staring straight into her eyes. He felt tears collect but he didn't blink them away in case he missed her affirmation.

"You should leave," she replied lowly, taking a step back.

"You can't keep me away from this."

"I did for the last nine weeks. What's thirty-one more gonna do?"

That felt like a slap to the face. "Were you ever planning on telling me?"

"Did you deserve to know?" She snapped. "Answer me Nate. And be honest with yourself, did you really deserve you know about it? After all you've put me through was I still obliged to tell you, 'hey I'm carrying your kid. Do with it as you did me'?"

"I said I was sorry!" He yelled. He couldn't believe how ruthless she can be. His kid was going to grow up alone, hating the dad who didn't even know about its existence.

"Is that supposed to be enough?!" She yelled, tears rolling down her cheeks as she furiously wiped them away. "What if I said I was sorry too for never planning on informing you, does that change anything? Does it change the fact that what happened actually happened?"

He didn't know what or how to answer that. Too many thoughts were going through his mind but the biggest one was that he had thought they had made progress with him earning her forgiveness. Apparently not.

"Answer me dammit!" She yelled, tears falling freely. "It hurts, Nathaniel! It hurts every time I think of you because when I do, I think of her too. I cannot get that image out of my mind. I don't want to do this any more," she cried, breaking down in front of him. She didn't even care how she looked.

"Jane, please," he begged as he tried to compose and stop his own tears. He was supposed to be the stronger one. If his mom ever saw him cry she'd beat him up for being weak. Fuck that. Fuck her and their way of raising him. He wanted to be a better father than the one he had. He had to be given the chance to be.

"Please don't do this to us," he begged with everything left in him.

"If you won't take my apology don't expect me to take yours either," she said coldly.

It hurt. It hurt that she would hurt him this way. She knew how he struggled with acceptance from his parents earlier in his life and she knows that he didn't want his children to suffer the way he did.

Was that kid ever going to know it's dad waited for its arrival religiously? Or was he going to grow up with the belief that he was unwanted? What was she going to tell him when he grew up? Would it be easier to say she never told his dad about him or that his dad walked out of his life?

"So you're just going to give up on us?"

"I have nothing to hold on to. You left me with nothing to hold on to," she said. Right after that, she felt a sharp and long cramp in her stomach. He saw the pain from it on her face as she grimaced.

"What's wrong? Are you alright?" He asked, panicking as he lead her to the couch. Her temperature had risen even higher and she was groaning in pain as she clutched onto er stomach and leaned against the counter.

"I want to be left alone. You're stressing me out and it's not healthy for the baby. Please leave," she said breathlessly, ignoring the look of hurt and disbelief on his face because of her comment. The pain just doubled and she cried out, holding onto her stomach like her life depended on it. "Ow, fuck that's painful!"

He watched helplessly as she cried in pain, dialling the doctor's number because he didn't know what to do. He had never been involved in this situation and he didn't know if it was normal and temporary or not. He cut the call when Sandra didn't pick up and dialled the hospital line directly.

"I said leave, Nate! I swear to god if my baby is endangered I will hold you accountable," she said. She just wanted him gone. She has had enough with him seeing her in pain. Usually he'd do anything she says just to keep her happy, but today wasn't one of those days.

"I can't leave you," he said before picking her up despite her complaints and laying her on the bed.

"Nate, this happens. I just need to sleep it off. I promise I'm fine. You may leave," she said, her voice final. She didn't leave space for him to defy her.

"Okay, I'll call you after a few hours to see how you're feeling," he said, pulling the covers over her and kissing her temple before he turned to leave. He had a bad feeling about this. Maybe he was just being paranoid and scared at the same time.