14

14

Others ?

His remark stopped me and I turned to him. He added :

- The other girls. Flo's exes.

- Thibault, shut up.

- Why ? I asked, ignoring Flo's remark.

I was neither angry nor sad. I just wanted to understand. Because I suspected that I was not his first girlfriend and I also suspected that girls like me were not in the habit of going out with a guy like him.

- You look different from them. And Flo is different with you. I've been seeing him for several days, so I think I'm going to love you unlike the others, he concluded smiling.

The weirdest thing about his little speech was that he sounded sincere. I just nodded and turned to go into the bedroom. Flo held my hand before I left the living room.

- As soon as he's gone, I'll explain everything to you. Promised.

- You don't owe me anything, I replied even though I didn't mean a word of what I had just said.

- Whether.

I didn't answer and he took my face in his hands and kissed me.

I grabbed my things and rushed into the shower thinking about what he might say to me. Apart from the fact that he admits to having had other girlfriends, I did not see what could require a discussion. Unless he was already with someone right now, or had a kid waiting for him somewhere, I couldn't see.

When I came out of the bathroom, Flo was sitting at the bar waiting for me.

- We are going for a walk ?

I nodded and took my phone before leaving the apartment. We walked hand in hand for a few minutes, to the park. It pissed me off to see him so quiet, so I broke the silence by stepping over to a bench.

- So ? What do you have to tell me that seems so important? I asked him as I sat down.

He took a deep breath and took off.

- Good. You must suspect that you are not my first girlfriend?

- I figured it out on my own, yes.

I wasn't upset, I just spoke in a neutral tone like I was used to. I just wanted to know.

- Actually, I never really had a girlfriend. The girls I was with were just for fun.

I did not know what to say. I've never had this kind of conversation so I'm not sure what to say. And neither does he, it seems. He looks embarrassed and…anxious I guess. He continued playing with my fingers:

- As Thibault said, you are different. And I like it. I like you a lot.

How do I respond to that?

- I… I've never felt for anyone what I feel for you. You have to believe me. I'm not going out with you just for… well, just for one night, you know… I really want to be with you.

He had a lot of trouble expressing himself, and I think the fact that I didn't say anything added to that a bit. But no sound came out of my mouth, I didn't know why.

- Say something please.

- Who's Cam?

Why did I ask that! I don't care who it is. It must be her ex or something. Suddenly, he will immediately take me for a jealous girl, when I am not. Whether ? No. We've only been together two days, I can't be jealous, it's insane.

- Cam? Flo repeated, frowning.

Obviously, he hadn't expected me to ask that question either.

- No no. Forget what I said, I replied shaking my head.

- Are you mad at me?

- For ?

- What I told you, he reminded me.

- Not at all. I can't blame you for what happened before, and I don't see why you worried so much about it. You had the right to do whatever you wanted.

- I was afraid of your reaction, and I wanted to reassure you. I believe.

He looked down for a second before looking at me again. He seemed really anxious. He must have expected me to explode or freak out, I don't know.

- So you're not mad at me? It's certain ? he insisted.

- No, I do not want.

He sighed in relief.

- But I have a question.

He tensed again and waited for me to continue.

- You didn't want Thibault to know, right?

- I was going to tell him. Soon. Anyway, he would have known because I intend to stay with you, he smiles at me.

He had regained some of his usual confidence.

- OK. But he looked rather surprised to see me, didn't he?

- It's because he usually doesn't see the girls I'm with. They leave very quickly, or they're girls he already knows.

He avoided my gaze when he talked about the other girls. So I added with a smile:

- Or are they no longer in pajamas?

- Also, he said, laughing. On the other hand, I told Thibault not to talk about it for the moment. My friends are a bit heavy and boring. And if they know, they won't let you go. I want to be quiet for now...

- It totally suits me! I answered immediately.

And it was true. I don't want too many people to know. In case it didn't last… So what he had just said reassured me.

- Are you sure ? he asked surprised.

- Yes yes. You know I don't like talking about myself. So I prefer to wait a bit before meeting your other friends.

- OK. But you can't escape Thibault, he says jokingly.

I asked him how he had known his friend, and he explained to me that they had known each other since childhood. We talked a little more, then we went home and he took me home. Arriving in front of the building where I lived, he leaned over to kiss me for a long time and he stopped me before I got out of the car.

- You wanted to know who Cam was. He is my ex. I stayed with her for a few days but left her the day I gave you my number.

- OK, I answered simply.

I didn't show my emotions, but deep down I was happy.

I love it. Quite simply. And since the first time I saw her, but I didn't know it yet, whereas now I'm certain of it.

But no. It's impossible. I can't love her, I've only known her for a few weeks. Besides, I never saw any point in dating a girl. For me, dating a girl came down to very little. Whose feelings were definitely not part of. Up to her. Until Jessica.

This weekend was arguably the best I've had in a very long time. I had to make up my mind: I really have very strong feelings for this girl. But I won't tell him. I prefer to keep to myself what I feel for her. For now anyway. Because I'm afraid she's running away. I'm afraid to scare him. And it scares me too to love him. This is uncharted territory for me.

This week has been long. The only interesting times were lunchtimes. And in the evening, since I was talking to him on the phone. By message more precisely, since she didn't want me to call her. She didn't want anyone to hear her conversation. It was therefore that she had probably not spoken of me at home.

On Monday evening, I asked him to come home this weekend. To which she replied 'I don't know'. I had insisted all evening, and the next day too, and she had finally accepted. It was really hard to convince her each time, but I kind of understand her hesitation. She's never had a boyfriend, and I feel her stressed out when she's with me. I know she doesn't trust me yet, but that will come one day. I hope so, anyway.

My insistence on her could be considered harassment, but it wasn't. Without any pretension, I knew that she liked me. That she liked being with me. She didn't tell me but it shows in her eyes. Besides, she would have dumped me long ago. Well, I sincerely hoped I wasn't wrong.

All week, I saw Thibault at work and each time he wanted to talk about Jess, but I dodged. Except that today was Friday and Thibault wanted us to go out.

- Go Flo! You haven't been out for two weekends!

- Let me go, I told you no.

- Ah OK. I understood. Jessica is coming to your house? he asked me with a knowing smile to which I did not answer.

- Yeah.

- You sacrifice your friends for a girl?