06

6

- No problem.

I'm really stupid! I didn't even notice we had arrived...

- So what are you doing?

- I'm going home. Thank you for accompanying me.

I got out of the car without glancing at him, and left after closing the door.

- Jessica?

I didn't answer and turned around. He was standing, one arm resting on top of the car, the other on the door.

- Can I keep your number?

I didn't even know why he was asking me that question since no matter my answer, he would do what he wanted with my number.

- If you want, I tell him after a few seconds of reflection.

When I got home, I lay down on my bed, staring at my laptop and the – very short – conversation I had had with Flo. I hate that feeling I get when I see his name. I don't even know this guy… Why am I missing him already? Why didn't I want to get out of that car? Why do I want to go talk to him again? Or rather, to listen to him speak, to tell the truth. Hear his deep voice, and his laughter.

It was to not feel this that I distanced myself from everyone. If I get too close to someone, I'm going to feel compelled to tell them about me, about my life, about what happened in it so that I can shut myself up. And I don't want to. Because I'm scared. Fear of the reaction of others. Fear of being rejected. I don't want to be rejected, but I'm the one who rejects everyone to lock myself in my bubble and never come out.

- I ss ! At table !

I got up with a start. Seven-thirty already? I fell asleep thinking about Flo. Flo… I would like to know her full name anyway. Florent? Florian? Or is it a weird name? I'll have to remember to ask him next time. Well, if there's a next time.

- I ss ! Kelly shouted as she opened the door to my bedroom.

- Yes I'm coming.

- Mom ! Jess was sleeping! she screamed as she left.

- So what ? Is it a problem for you ?

Since I slept a little, I'm going to have even more trouble falling asleep. After eating, I went to the shower and looked at my phone on my way out. An unread SMS. I press the screen to read it:

'See you on Monday? '

Flo had sent it to me half an hour ago but I very rarely check my cell phone, since I don't receive many messages. Especially one evening, and on weekends. I still took the trouble to answer him.

' I think. And thank you for today. '

I received a reply a few seconds later:

' Thanks to you. See you Monday. '

I dropped Jess off and drove home. On the way home, I looked at my phone and saw that Thibault had called me five times. I called him.

- What do you want ?

- Oh! Finally you answer!

- Sorry I was busy. What's the matter ?

- I remind you that we are going to Melanie's tonight.

Shit ! I had forgotten that I had a party planned.

- Yeah I know, I lied. So what ?

- Are you picking me up in ten minutes?

- I can't, I'm not at home, I'm driving there. And then, I don't really want to go there.

- Are you sick Flo? What's wrong ? panicked my friend. Aaah! You're with Cam right? You abandon your friend for her?

I knew he was joking because he knew I didn't care about Cam. But if I didn't accept, he wasn't going to let me go.

- I'm coming in three quarters of an hour, I tell him, blowing before hanging up.

I went home, took a shower and changed to pick up Thibault. We arrived at Mélanie's after everyone else, and half of the guests were already drunk. In the garden behind the house, we ran into Cam.

- Hey Thibault how are you! she said giving him a hug. We are going to dance ?

- Your boyfriend is next to Cam.

- It's okay, don't worry, I'm not with it anymore, I answered instead of Cam.

I went inside the house to have a beer, and sat on the living room sofa with some friends. I was with them but I was thinking about Jess. I've known her for four days and thought about her for four days. I want to go back to her house and spend the evening with her, and not here, but I can't. I sent him a message and waited for his response.

- Flo! I'm talking to you ! shouted Kevin, a guy sitting across from me.

- Yeah ? What ? I replied distractedly.

- Why are you staring at your phone like that? he laughs. It will not fly away!

- I was thinking about whether it was worth it for me to throw it in your face. But my laptop doesn't deserve such punishment anyway, I replied, getting up.

I walked out hearing the others laugh behind me. I took a beer on the way and landed on the steps of the stairs in front of the house.

Why did I say all this to Jess earlier? I've never talked to any girl like that and I tell her that I don't know her and she doesn't give a fuck about me. I would like to know why she wanted to go out if it was not to talk to me. She's hiding something. I know it, she said it. Well, she rather implied it, but it's the same thing. I'm going to keep talking to him and see if that will do anything. What I hope deep inside me.

- Why are you all alone? asked a girl, sitting down next to me.

I think her name is Emilie but I'm not sure. She handed me another beer when I hadn't finished mine yet, so I decided I liked her.

- There was too much noise. And you, what do you want?

- I saw you leave earlier and you didn't come back so I came to give you a drink, she laughs.