02

2

Thibault no longer has a car so I have been his personal driver for two weeks. It would be nice if he thought about having it repaired at some point!

- Yeah, if you want. OK, are you going to help me or not? I know I'm muscular but still! This stuff is heavy! I yelled at him trying to move a concrete block.

He and I worked in construction. We spent our days on construction sites building and destroying buildings or simple little shacks. Usually our schedules don't coincide and we don't work on the same site, but for this one it was.

- I'm coming!

- And you intend to have your car repaired one day?

- Will you give me the money? he asked me, smiling.

- The money I give it to you with the gasoline that I spend on you, you idiot.

- It is not false. But you're doing this because you like me, right?

He had the smile of a five-year-old boy. This man is a kid!

- Yeah… If you say so!

- Flo? Pizza at your house at noon? Thibault asked me.

- No, not today. I have something to do. Eat on your own.

I had to go back to the cafe today without the guys because I wanted to see her again. It was Friday and I wanted to know if she was really going to come back like she had told me. It could very well be that she lied to me and that she decides to change coffee, on purpose not to see me any more and to avoid me. It could be, and it wouldn't surprise me at all, given the way she had addressed me the last time. At the same time, I was a bit pushy with her.

- And what is this thing?

- See you soon ! I yelled at my best friend as I got into my car.

I went to my car and drove to the cafe. I ordered a cappuccino and a coffee and waited at his table. I only hoped she was going to show up like she told me on Wednesday.

The day after I met Flo, in history class, Mathilde, my classmate was talking to me but I couldn't even say what. My head was elsewhere and I thought back to Flo. Am I going to see him again? Was it just to pass the time he had been talking to me? I had never asked myself so many questions about someone. Even less of a boy. But he was different. Everything about him attracted me. Especially his eyes, but also his crooked smile, when I had only spoken with him for a few minutes. It wasn't all me. It was not in my habits and it annoyed me.

- Hey! You come ?

- Yes yes. Hum…I'm coming, I said to Mathilde as the bell rang in the hallways.

Mathilde was the closest thing to a friend. She was the only one in high school who really spoke to me, and even though I didn't confide in her, she seemed to like me. I had known her since I entered high school, in second. I didn't talk to anyone and neither did she. Well, not a lot.

When I entered second, we found ourselves in the same class and she had started talking to me a little, I hadn't had the courage to reject her, which I didn't regret at all. We did not spend all our days together, glued to each other, and fortunately! Because I wouldn't have lasted long.

She had several friends in high school, unlike me, but she wasn't the popular girl in town. Mathilde was simply nice to everyone, and was appreciated by many students here. Sometimes his friends would talk to me, but only out of politeness I guess. I think they all thought I was weird for never talking, but thanks to my friend, no one was picking on me. Not because she was scary or anything, but because she was nice. It was strange, but I got used to it, even though I had no need to be protected by anyone.

It was our last class of the day, and it was noon. That's why I don't go to the café on Thursdays, I go straight home.

Back home, my mother had asked me to do some housework before she got home from work, which I did without delay.

We live in a small apartment with my twenty-year-old brother, Fabien, and my twelve-year-old sister, Kelly. My parents separated almost three years ago. I also tend to think that everything is entirely my fault, even if they persist in saying that things weren't going well between them for some time now. But deep down I knew very well that was wrong. I was the cause of their separation, and I have been very angry with myself ever since.

I had just finished when my mother walked through the front door. My brother and sister came home a few minutes later, and I went to take a shower while my mother started cooking dinner.

I undressed and looked at myself in the large mirror. I'm quite tall since I'm six feet tall, I have long brown hair and my eyes are slightly lighter than Flo's. It's also the only part of my body that I like at home and I think that now I like it even more! A blissful smile froze on my face, which I hastened to eliminate. I was still thinking about him. As if such a hot guy could actually care about me…

- Jesse! Hurry up ! I would like to wash myself too! my brother yells at me from the hallway, knocking on the door.

- Yes yes, it's good I'm going out!

- I hope you didn't take all the hot water!

- But no. That's good I'm done, I replied, hurrying to get dressed.

After eating, I went to my room to finish my homework and then I spent a few hours on the computer, watching movies and series, then I continued the book I had started. In the evening, I do everything to push back the time to sleep as much as possible. I hate sleeping. I'm afraid of falling asleep and waking up screaming since I still have nightmares. The same bad dreams, over and over. It's ironic isn't it? I'm afraid of being afraid. And it's been going on for three years now. Around three in the morning, I fell asleep with my book in my hand.

Six o'clock. I turn off my alarm clock and get ready for class. Throughout the journey and my morning classes, I asked myself the same question: am I going back to the café today? I thought about all this so much that I hardly listened to my teachers.

At noon, after my math class, I had made my decision: I went to Renouveau. As I pulled the cafe door open, I looked at my usual table, and there he was, in the same place as last time. Maybe I should change cafes if I want to continue being alone. Still, I'm not sure if I'm happy to see him again, or not. I believe that I am...

- I was not wrong. I knew you were coming back, he said smiling. I ordered you a cappuccino.

I pulled the chair across from him to sit down and quickly thanked him.

- Are you always so cold, or is it only with me?

- I prefer solitude, that's all. Also, I don't really have any friends, so I'm not used to having big conversions.

- I understand, he smiles at me.