07

7

- I saw you leave earlier and you didn't come back so I came to give you a drink, she laughs.

- Are you drunk, tell me? I asked him smiling.

- Yeah, I think so.

She leaned towards me and tried to kiss me but I pushed her away, and left her alone on the stairs. She gives me a drink, all right, but from there to kissing me… It's another brunette I had in mind for a few days so I couldn't do that.

I took my car and drove home. When I arrived, I looked at my cell phone and I had a message. From her. I smiled like a fool, answered him and went to bed. I had only had two beers but I was already exhausted.

On Monday, I met Jess at the cafe, still in the same place.

- Did you have a good weekend? I asked him.

- How are you. And you?

- Saturday was good but Sunday a bit boring, I say smiling.

She looked at me and gave me a tiny smile. And a silence settled. After a few minutes, I say to him:

- Look, I'm really sorry for this weekend if I did or said anything that wouldn't get you more.

- No no. Don't worry, I just… It's okay.

I don't know why but I had my doubts about what she was saying.

- You're sure ?

- Yes yes.

His eyes were riveted on his cup while I wanted to meet his gaze.

- So you're not mad at me?

- Nope.

- So much the better, I smile at him, heaving a small sigh of relief. Shall we do it again this weekend then?

- I don't know, she said raising her head. I need to work.

- Not long ? I begged her with a look.

After a few seconds, I saw a small gleam in her eyes and she accepted. Then I left because I was going back to work earlier than usual. I wanted to see her longer than a few minutes a day, but it was impossible. For now.

We saw each other all week at the cafe with Jess and today is Saturday and I'm going to her place. Arriving in the parking lot, she was already waiting for me.

- Hi how are you ?

- Good and you ?

- How are you. What do we do today ? I asked him as I drove off.

- No matter.

- Do you want to go shopping?

She looked at me a little surprised. It's true that it's weird a guy who asks a girl to go shopping. But I would like to see her in a dress. Or see what kind of clothes she likes.

- I don't like shopping. And then I don't need it.

It seemed to me that she was not like the other girls!

- We'll just watch then.

- Okay, if you want.

So we spent the day hanging out and talking. I wanted to make her try on several dresses and a few tops, but she flat out refused each time. She's really stubborn, but I like her anyway! We then went to have a coffee and around seven-thirty, we went to eat at the fast food restaurant. I was really too hungry. She didn't want too much but I can be stubborn too. And besides, I own the car!

- So you think we'll meet again? I asked her once arrived in front of her house.

- I think yes.

I turned off the ignition and got off. She had her back to the car and I stood in front of her. She really pleases me. When I look at her like that, I just want to take her in my arms and kiss her. Her lips look so soft I'd like to taste them for just a few seconds. But I'm afraid of how she might react.

- Shall we do it again next weekend?

- Why not.

- You always answer vaguely, I pointed out to him, a little disappointed with his answer. Do you really care if we see each other?

- No no. I did not say that…

- So you really want to meet again? I insisted, moving closer.

- Yes.

- It's hard to make you talk, isn't it?

I smiled staring at his lips for a long time. I could see that her cheeks had flushed slightly despite the fact that it was dark and her eyes seemed to be scanning the tips of her shoes.

- In effect.

- I'll try something else.

I put my hand on her cheek so she lifted her head and kissed her softly. I had to try and I did well. Her lips were delicious. This kiss was a very pleasant slow but it was brief since she turned her head after a few seconds.

- What's the matter ? I whispered to him.

- Nothing, it's just that… I… I have to go, she articulated with difficulty.

- OK.

I did not move and stared at her. I didn't want to let her go.

- Please, she asked, looking me in the eyes.

- OK. Until tomorrow.

I kissed her softly on the cheek and shifted to let her pass even though the urge wasn't there. I leaned back in the car and watched him round the corner of the building. She didn't look back. I hope I didn't upset her.

- Jess, it's nothing, it was a nightmare. Calm down.

- Nope ! He came back, he came back for me! He told me, he wants to take me with him! I told him I didn't want to! I told him! I cried to Fabien, crying.

He took me in his arms and rocked me gently. My whole body was shaking and my clothes were sticking to my skin.

- It's a nightmare, Jessie. He won't come back. Never.

- How can you be sure?

- I will never let him hurt you again. I promis you. Come with me, you're going to have a drink of water. It'll be OK.

It was a little after five in the morning, and I woke Fabien. At the same time, my screams must have woken up the whole neighborhood. I hate these nightmares. Always the same. Endlessly. The same scenes replayed, tirelessly.

After that, I couldn't go back to sleep. It's rare that I manage to close my eyes after such a nightmare.

So, I finished the book I had started and I sat in front of the TV, without really looking at it, and I thought of Flo. And I thought back to last night. He kissed me. It happened so quickly and simply that I wondered if it was really true. His lips on mine for a few seconds.

But why am I making such a big deal out of it? It was only a kiss after all. Only a kiss. I mustn't get attached to him – even though I'm already on that path. I have too little self-confidence for this sort of thing. And then, I'm sure he did it on a whim. We haven't even known each other for two weeks, he just wants to have a little fun. Still, I don't want to stop seeing him and I like being with him so maybe I'll let him. It will change my mind, and maybe it will amuse me too. Or that it will hurt me. We'll see…

I don't know what to do with him. I don't even know what I want. The only thing I know for sure is that I liked that kiss. A lot ! And it was my very first. I may be seventeen, but I've never kissed anyone. The ringing of my phone snapped me out of my thoughts.

'I'll pick you up at one o'clock, okay? '

I had completely forgotten that Flo had said "see you tomorrow" to me last night. At the same time, I think I didn't listen to anything after what happened. Even when I got home, I was still a bit in the moon.

When I got off at one o'clock, he was waiting for me, leaning against his black car. He had a lot of class, I had to admit. He was dressed all in jeans, with a light shirt that really suited him and darker pants. I felt like I was out of place next to him: he was perfect, and I was… me. I only wore simple jeans and a thin plain gray sweater.

His eternal smile was frozen on his face and the closer I got, the faster my heart was beating. I'm tired of reacting like this...

When I came up to him, he took my hand and kissed me. On the cheek. Why am I disappointed?

- What's wrong? he asked me a little worried.

- Yes Yes. It's just that I didn't sleep very well last night, I tell him, opening the passenger door.

I was going to get into the car but he blocked my way.