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- Yes. And I already gave you my answer so now I don't want to talk about it anymore.

- Why do not you want ? We both get along well, don't we?

- Because. It's like that. I can't, that's all.

I was leaning against my car and she was in front of me. I don't know if she had made a mistake by using the verb to be able instead of to want and that intrigued me. I took her hand and added:

- You can not ? So that means you want to, but there's something stopping you then?

She looked me in the eyes and I detected nothing but blue, as always.

- I can't. That's all there is to it, she said pulling her hand away from mine.

She crossed her arms over her chest as if to make sure I wouldn't take her hand again and took a step back.

- Look, I'm sure you can have as many girls as you want then…

- Yes, but it's you I want, I cut her off.

Was it me who said that? I really say things that I would never have imagined for some time. I'm going really crazy. As she said nothing, I added:

- Give me a good reason. Just one and I'll leave you alone.

- I have my reasons, she breathed.

Seeing that I was waiting for an answer, she continued:

- As you must have noticed, I don't want to talk about myself. There are things about me that nobody knows, and I know that if we get together, you're gonna want me to talk to you. And I don't even know you so I don't want you to know these things. I don't want you to know me and I don't want you around me.

Ouch. His words are harsh, and his gaze just as much. But that was not a sufficient answer for me.

- I will never force you to talk to me if you don't want to. I'll wait until you're ready if that's what you want, I promise him, approaching.

She took a step back and put her hand on my chest to keep me away.

- Please. Does not insist…

I put my hand on her cheek and lifted her head to look at me. I'm afraid of destroying it if I make a sudden gesture. I feel like she's fragile. That just touching her will break her. But I can't help it. I want her near me. I need her. Why ? I wonder well. I've never felt that, but it's gotten so powerful in such a short time that I don't want her to wander off any further.

She said nothing so I kissed her. A simple kiss that I didn't last but I stayed as close to her as possible.

- Give me a good reason… I breathed against his lips.

- I'm afraid.

I pulled back in surprise, dropping my arm to my side. Am I scaring him? Shit. I didn't think that… I shouldn't have, I really screwed up.

- Not from you.

I sighed in relief and she continued:

- I'm afraid of your reaction when you know why I'm like that. If you ever know. I'm afraid you won't keep your promise. I'm afraid of suffering and regret. And I don't want you to regret too. Which will surely happen.

The more she spoke, the more the sound of her voice diminished. His last sentence was like a breath. I only heard her because I was very close to her. And I saw sadness in the blue of his eyes. His gaze had been empty since a while ago and it hurt me to see pain there now. Truly bad.

- I really want you to trust me. I know we haven't known each other very long, but I want to help you. I want you near me.

- It is very difficult for me to trust anyone, she confessed, lowering her eyes.

- Try it. I will help you trust me, I will do everything to make you feel good with me, I promise you.

- You say that now but you will have enough very quickly.

I shook my head from side to side and lifted hers up to look at me again. I didn't speak and neither did she, but she broke the silence after a few very long seconds.

- You will regret it.

- Nope.

- We'll see.

I took her response as a "Yes, I want to go out with you," and I took her hand and pulled her into my arms. She didn't pull away and I whispered "Thank you" in her ear. I hope I won't disappoint her.

I know I will regret it but I didn't have the courage to push it away again. It was stronger than me. I wanted to believe for just a few moments that I could trust him. He sounded sincere in what he was saying so I'd like to believe him. Just a moment. Even if it only lasts a few days.

After taking me in his arms, he kissed me. In the same way as the first time. His lips still had the same minty taste. I love when he kisses me. When he takes my hand. When he speaks to me. When he hugs me.

I received a message from Mathilde, which interrupted us. I apologized to Flo and he backed up to lean back in his car. I read the message and quickly typed out a reply before putting my phone back in my back pocket.

- I see that you know how to respond to messages after all.

He looked at me smiling.

- When it's not a stalker, yes, I say with a slight smile.

My answer made him laugh and he reached out to grab my hands and pull me closer to him.

- Do you want us to do something tonight?

- No, I'm not here. Really, I added when I saw his accusing gaze.

- What are you doing ?

I am unsettled by his hands on my waist.

- I'm going to a birthday party and a friend is coming to pick me up soon, I explained.

It was the last thing I wanted to do.

- So you're abandoning me?

- I don't really have a choice, I sighed.

"Looks like you don't want to go to your party," he remarked easily.

- I do not want to go. But my mom says I should go out for a bit to take my mind off it.

- You never go out ? he asked, surprised.

I shook my head.

- So maybe she's right.

- I do not think so. But hey, I'll go anyway. I'm going to leave you I have to get ready.

I pulled away from his arms but he grabbed my hand.

- Wait and see.

He pulled me closer again and kissed me. This moment seemed to last forever. Well, that was my impression. And it was an incredible moment. Like every time he kissed me.

Why do I make tons of it every time he's near me or kisses me? I must really look like a kid when he touches me and I'm embarrassed… He won't stay with me for long, he'll get tired of it quickly and I understand that. That's why I wouldn't blame him.

- I go. See you tomorrow ! I shouted to my mother before leaving.

- Have fun !

What joke. I went down the stairs and Mathilde and her father were waiting for me in the car.

We arrived at Margot's, a girl in my class who is celebrating her eighteenth birthday. She lived in a big house, from which quite a few young people came and went. Most of which I never had