Chances

“She was beautiful, that type of girl that you will find once in your life. That’s how I feel about her. I want to kiss her lips and hold her close to me until I can feel her heartbeat. There’s no way, she could be available. I have to say something to her, walk closer towards where she stands, she’s holding a cigarette. Fuck, I have a thing for someone who smokes, she’s carefree and only being herself --- “

“Hello? Ethan, can. I. Help. you??” I was staring at him like a crazy person. He looks like he has seen a ghost.

“I… uh. I want to eat.”

“Ok. The cafe is on the other side of this building. Ethan” I want to get away from as soon as possible. He’s just too much for me to handle, I am sure he can see my face all flustered and blush.

“Show me the way.” Ethan smiled.

“No. Thank you.” I replied and walk away.

“Why… this is what you do, helping people. So why don’t you help me? Leah.”

He said my name, it is like I need to feel love, I feel like falling in love with him, he made me blush. “Come this way.” I lead him the way just to return his favour for helping me the other night, then we will be even. I do not have to do anything for him anymore. We were walking side by side, Ethan leans into my right side and I could feel his hand brush to mine, I pull my hand to my chest. My heart was beating fast, I feel like a lost teenager crushing on someone but turns out to be he is younger than me. That is one of the worst-case scenarios for someone like me. No one will approve of us together.

“Leah” He stops.

“What?” I replied I was deep in thought and ignoring him.

“Why do you look so scared of me?” He pushed me down to sit and keep his eyes lock on me.

“I. am not scared of you. Pfft, why would I?” I am crazy for sure now.

“Then why wouldn’t you look me in the eyes?”

“That’s not necessary for me. There, I am looking at you now, the cafe is on that way enjoy your brunch and. I have work. And… Thank you for the lift the other night. Bye, Ethan.” It is best to stay like this.

“I’ll send you. Easy, let me grab a sandwich and we’re good to go.”

“No, Ethan, why, no I am not ready and you have other things to do. I will be fine on my own.” I have to stand firm this time, I am not expecting any of this, he smells like a bad idea.

“Ok, then we will go to your room and I’ll wait. I mean I will wait outside and you get changed.”

The way he smiles… I am not ready, why would he paid any attention towards me and makes me feel like this. Yes, people are nice but towards someone that they knew and not strangers. I do like him after all. “Ok, sure why not. Ethan. Go and buy your food.”

“Do not move from this seat, Leah. I will be back.” He stood up and ran straight to it, he lied to me. He does know where’s the cafe is. I fell for his play again. I look up the sky and let out a big sigh, My self-control is way better than this, I have no idea why did I screw up this bad. Anyone would have noticed that by now, I will make myself look stupid. I was feeding off my after allot letting anyone in my life, look where it got me. I am not able to have a proper relationship and worst I will end up choosing someone that wants me for my body. I give my all but they never stay, he has this look on his face, he wants me not the whole package of me. I close my eyes and takes a deep breath, I have to take control of myself.

“Hello, Leah.”

“You’re done? Oh, James.” Then my ex just showing up out of nowhere. Great, I am so thrilled.

“Am I supposed to get anything?”

He cheats on me when we were together and sleeping with my friends, I still hold a grudge on him on that but that is not why I broke up with him. We are not meant to be together but as a friend, he’s not as bad. “Nope, you don’t have to.”

“So… you’re going for tonight party?”

“I have work.”

“Sheila said you will come. Come on, Leah. You are not seeing someone. I don’t get it.” James hold my shoulders.

“Not interested. She’s talking nonsense. Why do you want me to be there? To show off your new bimbo?” I point at his trophy girlfriend waiting for him in his car.

“What??? No… you should loosen up. More. you know you are so uptight.”

I never get his jokes, instead, I was about to punch his face again when Ethan put his hands on my waist and pulls me closer beside him. Caught me off guard.

“Baby, you’re alright?”

I have to do this on my own, I should have done it a long time ago. “Yes, Ethan. I can handle it.” I push his hand slightly. “Well, James, stop being an asshole for once and leave me alone. Whoever is your girlfriend or wife is, she will never be as good as me.” I wink at him and tap his shoulders. Serves him right.

“That is your boyfriend now? He looks like sugar.”

That boils me more. “He is… but he never shoves his cock at any hole available. He made love to me and only me. James. He’s a man of his words.,” That will do it, I crush him. He kicks off the pebbles, I kissed Ethan to make our fake relationships looks real on him.

I said I will not do this kind of stuff, no more but look at me using him trying to make my ex jealous. I am hoping that he will reject me but he didn’t, the moment that our lips apart we were staring at each other, not knowing what exactly happen but I wanted more. “I… am sorry. For this. He’s gone. You can let me go Ethan.”

“He’s a dickhead.”

“I know.” I laughed, It is true after all.

“You, have a beautiful smile. Leah. don’t hide it.”

Even if it’s true, I was to blame on this because I am the one that chooses to be with him, so all of this is on me. “Thank you for your help. I’m good now. Ethan. People are staring.” I was struggling to let go, he finally loses his grip on me.

“Let’s go and get ready.”

He stares at me again, with a worried look this time, I am getting a headache. My room is not far from there, it feels shorter when I am talking to him, time flies fast and we are in front of my door. “Come in, my room is quite a mess and Leila, my roommate is not around. You should… sit. I only have cold water.”

“That will do. Go and get ready. Leah,”

“Ok.”

I take off my clothes in the shower and stare to the mirror, still trying to process what happens, how I humiliate myself in front of everyone. I must have to look like a pathetic person, he saves me from James and this is the second time. Makes me want to think about him all over my head, perhaps it was his nature to act kind for anyone. That should be the reasons. I let the water runs through my hairs to my body, cleans it thoroughly, he’s still in the room,

“Do you like books?”

He settles down reading my books and lays down on the bed, even the bed seems to like him, I started to talk nonsense, he will leave a scent. “Do you read?”

“What, just because I’m young?” He raises his eyebrows.

“No, I ask..” I put on clothes and sit in front of him.

“Books makes you think and imagine what it will be like in it, this, is not a happy ending. You’re not a big fan of it?” He looks at me.

“I read. To understand and remember, even if it is not a happy ending. That will be it, that’s how the author wants it and we should leave it be like that.” No one has ever asked me the questions, I started to talk more and without realising I have been talking for hours, I ended up didn’t go to work. It was not my shift anyway. From sitting down, we end up lying down and talks about everything, I didn’t realise when did I fell asleep. I woke up, lying on top of his chest, he was sleeping peacefully, I guess both of us had enough of talking. Takes his hands away from me, I had to use the bathroom.

“I’m sorry. I do not have anything against you but this bed is putting a spell to me and you.” He sits down with runs his finger through his hair, dishevelled it even further and look at me, he smiled.

“It’s late and I missed my shift. There’s nothing we can do now. Are you hungry?” I ask while distracting myself from him. I will be in big trouble if he ever hears my thoughts.

“Your party. You’re going to miss it.” He points out on his watch.

“I don’t want to go. I never like it anyway.” I take out some of the food to cook. I had no one to do this before. My ex just wants me just for sex, that was it.

“Leah, how do you have fun?”

“I smoke. That’s how I do it.” I was being sarcastic.

“I am being serious.”

“Ok, fine. I like stargazing, write and read. That’s how I like to fill in my time and have fun. You see, having fun is not exactly in my dictionary. Ethan.” I snapped at him.

“I didn’t mean anything by that. I’m sorry. Hey… look at me. How about both of us go to the party and had fun. How about that? I’ll take care of you.”

“Why would you do that? Anyway, Ethan, I think you hang around me too much, we are not that close. You can leave now” I try to avoid him.

“I will take care of you,” He held my face close enough that I can feel his hand holding my back. “We will have a couple of drinks and then we can go stargazing.” he purposed.

“I have. Class to attend to.” I am in trouble. Deep trouble. His black eyes, staring at me like he knows what I want and what I need. I lift my fingers to his face and land my lips on him, reminds me of today kiss. I need to feel it again, just to make sure that this is happening.

“What was that for?”

He asked when I let go of him, I have no explanations on my actions, I did it in on impulse. “I’m sorry. I didn’t. It’s a mistake.” I freed myself from him. My face feels like its burning. I just need someone to hold on to and I am desperate for it. “You were standing too close and… that’s why I did that. Right, we are getting ready for the party. Let’s go.”

“Wait, Leah. why are you running away? You can kiss me, but I need to know why.” He pushed me against the wall. I was not able to move.

“I told you. It was a mistake like today with James. No more, alright. We’re friends right?” I laughed out of nervousness.

He was about to kiss me again when someone opened the door.