Chapter 10: Brother or No Brother

"I love you forever and ever," I say after taking my last mouthful of curry. The powerful flavours from the sauce explode in my mouth, and just the thought of the Dahl makes my mouth water.

"You should love me forever and ever anyway because I'm your big brother!"

"Yeah but I love you even more because you got me Indian," I sing.

Leo laughs showing his perfect set of pearl white teeth. He really is the child blessed with the good looks. This afternoon we watched 22 jump Street together and now we sit opposite each other at the table having eaten out body weight in curry. I notice how enjoyable it has been to have him home.

"Have you spoken to mum at all B?"

I push my leftovers slowly away from me, the mention of her sending the hairs on my arm instantly on end, "No."

"Are you still mad at her?"

"Aren't you?"

"I only meant to ask if you still want nothing to do with her. There are always two sides-"

“To a story,” I finish his favourite phrase for him, “I know.”

“We have no idea what caused her to do what she did,” He reasons.

"Oh come on! You cannot seriously be defending her," I stand up, my chair scraping against the floor as I push it back viciously. "Are you are seriously siding with her?"

Leo stands back aghast, "Come on that is not fair, you know I'm not, nothing condones what she did, it just might be nice to understand."

With speed I throw my scraps into the bin and practically throw the dish into the sink.

"Have you spoken to her then?" I ask, storming up the stairs.

"No," he mumbles. I look back from the top of the stairs to see him looking down dejectedly; something I don't often see my brother do.

Realisation suddenly hits me; taking all the breath out of my lungs. My glare softens at once.

"You called her, and she didn't answer," I guess quietly, sitting myself on the top step.

"Changed her number."

"She’s a bitch Leo!" I exclaim, running my hands through my dark hair, my head falling into my hands with my elbows placed firmly on my knees. I soften my voice somewhat, "She changes her number without even telling us. Without telling you!"

"She's still our mum."

The anger rises back up in me and with it the volume of my shouts. "For god’s sake. Stop Leo. Stop being so delusional. You trust and hope that everyone is good. But she,” my voice cracks as I faulter, tears brim around my eyes, threatening to spill over, “She’s not.” I croak. “She's not my mother she is just someone I share genes with.” I get up and make my way into my bedroom, fists clenched as a barrier to my tear duct. Leo runs up behind me, “I’m sorry B,” He says pulling me into a hug, “I’m you’re big brother, I should have protected you then and I god damn should protect you now and not bring it up for you.”

I feel myself begin to crumple. Having spent years building up the wall, the smokescreen surrounding that woman, I hate how easily it can be broken down. I was grateful that Hannah just knew never to bring her up. I had become so good at pretending everything was normal. The lines had been rehearsed repeatedly. “I have a Mum, Dad and Brother. A normal life.”

“You’re never going to be on your own, you know that B?” Leo says, pulling his embrace in slightly tighter.

I nod silently into his chest.

“Tomorrow is a new day; we will forget about this and start over. What do you say?”

“Forget what,” I respond with a meagre smile.

Leo gives me a final hug and leaves my room, taking his strong scent of lynx deodorant with him. Wiping away the couple stray tears who have powered through my barriers, I quickly change into my normal shorts and a T-shirt pyjama and curl up in bed. I cling onto my childhood teddy; a rabbit Dad had picked up from one of his art conventions. Quilted in all different fabrics, once a bright teddy now a faded beige colour.

Before I can even close my eyes, something starts tapping on the window. It sounds like heavy raindrops but having not noticed it raining before my curiosity is pricked. I swing my legs over the side of the bed and get up. Slowly, I open my curtains to reveal the cause. Over on the other side I see Alex throwing stones at my window, where he has managed to get them from, I am unsure. Not in the mood for his tricks tonight I turn away. I close my curtains and curl back up in bed. Squeezing my eyes shut with the hope that self-pity I am forced to listen to the continuous pounding of my window. Beginning to get tired and cantankerous I pull my duvet over my head in an attempt to drown out the sound. But alas – no luck. Throwing my duvet away from me I accept that he won’t stop until I make an appearance.

I stomp irritably to my window, wrench the curtains apart and throw open the window.

"Alex I am really not in the mood for these stupid games right now," I snap.

"I heard you shouting," he replies softly.

"Everyone shouts now and then," I sigh shrugging.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I respond pushing my hair backwards.

When Alex shoots me a disbelieving look I try to reassure him. "Really I'm fine. Fine and dandy."

For a few seconds silence elapse between us, weighing heavily on our shoulders before Alex begins once more, "That's it. Brother or no brother I'm coming over."

"What?"

Before I can tell him there is no need he has already jumped and is slipping into my room.

"I'm not leaving until I deem you okay."