Chapter 9

For the past days, my routine change. After breakfast and watering the plants which makes me calm, the next thing I do is my session with Doc. Capistrano. She goes here every session because that's what Matthew wants.

"So for today's session. We'll do painting. I heard you love painting."

I am still shy around her. After I told her what really happened to me she said that I need a weekly session for my traumatic experience same as for my anxiety and depression. I am shock when she told me that. I didn't notice that I am suffering from those mental health problem.

As soon as we enter the painting room, Nana leave us. "Mr. Alejandre can you also leave us?" I go straight to the paintings and canvas to pick what I will use.

"Can't I join?" I didn't look back.

I pick a small canva and some acrylic paints. I sat down and let them. "We'll just call you when we're done." Doctora said.

"You can watch if you want." I don't know where is that came from. It's not like I want him go watch us but this feeling inside makes me say that. "I'll watch,"

I look at Matthew who sat at the couch. "Before we start, how are you feeling?"

"N-nervous,"

Doctora chuckled. "I see. I would like to ask you to paint what ever comes to your mind. Like express your feeling through your painting." I nodded.

I can see Matthew from the side of my eyes. All of his attention is on me. "O-okay,"

I started painting. I decided to paint the same painting I did before. I first paint the desert and the flower. Then far from that flower is another flower. The sky is not like the last time where the sky is all dark now it's in between darkness and lightness.

"That's a nice painting but can you tell me what's the meaning of that?"

"I already paint this but in the other one the sky is dark and the flower is alone in the desert. Now, the flower have companion but it's abut far. The sky is not that dark as before because she's slowly getting hope because of the other flower that showed up."

Doctora Capistrano smiled at me. "Well that's nice a painting." I smiled at her then look at Matthew.

He is looking at me so softly. Through his stare I feel like he is comforting me and singing a lullaby.

"I can see that the first flower is changing into something positive. I know she'll be okay she's just waiting for someone to come and company her through out the journey. Always remember that you are not alone in this world." Then I realize what she's saying.

I believe in God, I know He's watching me but there are times I cannot control my faith in Him but as the day goes by, I know I'll alwayd ended trusting his actions.

"There maybe people who will take your advantages but at the end of the day people who care for you will be there to help you. Step by step, they are waiting for your recovery and when the time comes you'll be happy more than you expected."

Those words from Doc. Capistrano stay on my mind. For dinner, I decided to come down and help Nana to cook. I've been busy with the session and I can't help them anymore. "What can I help?" I said when I enter the kitchen.

Only Nana and Ella is present. "Where's Cris?"

"She said on her text message that Christian is sick and no one will take care of so she take a leave until he get better." I nodded. Lucky child.

Cris reall love him. The way she talks about Christian to us, I know what she really loves him even though the father of the child didn't want him. "If I have to work all of my life, I will. Just to give my son a better life. I don't want him to end up like me."

That day makes me realize that every parents are different when it comes to parenting and the way they treat there child. My parents are just really different. They use to be kind and loving not until they met drugs. That is where it all started.

"Are you okay?" It was Matthew. I know because of his deep husky voice.

I wipe all my tears and look at him. It's already midnight and I can't sleep so I go down to get myself a milk. "Why are you crying?"

I didn't know what is really up to me but I hug him. I felt him stiff because of my sudden move.

"Matthew, help me. I want to recover from all of this. I still want to life my life like a normal person." My tears are falling again.

Slowly I felt his hand on my back. "I will. I will do everything I can for you to recover. Don't worry. I'm here." I nodded because I feel secure now that he said that.

Matthew let me cry on his chest until I calm down and realize what I did. "I'm sorry." I tried to wipe his grey t-shirt where you can see my tears even though I know that it won't be wipe.

"I'm glad you're getting better now."

I smiled at him what does he mean by that. "You're not trembling or shattering when you're with me."

Now that he said that, I also realize. When he's around after my sessions I never fely scared again. Maybe this session with Doc. Capistrano is really a big help.

"Can I have your other painting too?"

I put down the glass after I drink my milk. "You really like my paintings huh?"

I heard him chuckled so I look at him. "Yes," my eyes got round when I turn my head to him and he's too close.

"Can I have it?" Matthew said with his husky voice. "Uhmm," I blink twice and look away.

He didn't speak for a while. I can see him in my peripheral view that he is still looking at me. My eyes is looking everywhere because my heart is beating so fast.

"Aren't you too close?"

I heard him chuckled. "Sorry," I look at him again. He is looking at me so softly again like he's already sleepy.

"I'll give you the painting tomorrow. Good night." Then I left him at th kitchen.

When I reach my room, I deep exhale and put my hands on my chest.

"Calm down. He's just asking you. Oh gosh!" I talk to myself. When I calm down I go straight to bed.