Chapter 6

I don't know how to eat shrimp so I am waiting for Señor to open his so that I can copy him. "Eat," he said and I nodded but I still didn't move.

He start getting his shrimp and remove it's skin. After he remove the body skin and head, Señor put it on my plate. "You want to learn how to open a shrimp."

I look at him then nodded. Señor hold the other shrimp. "First, pinch this so that it's easy to be open." I follow him as he pinch the skin in the middle part.

Then after that it's easy to remove. Next is the head. "Easy, right?"

"Yes," I didn't control my happiness.

Learning to remove the shrimp skin makes me really happy. I bite at it and it's delicious. Sinigang with shrimp is more delicious than the pork one. I didn't notice that I enjoy eating shrimp too much to the point that I am so full.

I lean back after drinking water. "I'm so full." This makes me sleepy.

I look at Señor Matthew who is looking at me. That makes me realize that I am with him. I sit down properly and bow my head. "I'm sorry, Señor."

"It's Matthew."

My eyes went to him. "S-señor?"

"I didn't ask you to call me Señor but it sounds so good when you're calling me that way." I didn't know what to react. My heart feels like it's going to explode now.

My cheeks are burning and I have again this weird feeling. "Call me Matthew." I nodded

"Say it."

I feel like a kid with this kind of conversation. "M-matthew." It's sounds so smooth. Saying his name makes me have goosebumps.

There's something in his eyes that I cannot name. "Don't call me Señor again. I prefer Matthew now," then he stand up and leave me.

I blink two times, what happened earlier is shocking and I don't know why.

I start cleaning the table when Cris approach me. "I'll clean this, go take a rest." She said with a smile.

"I can do this. You need to eat too."

"We are already eating back there when you're having yours with Señor." I nodded. Then Ella came to us. "You two looks so sweet together." And they start teasing me.

Ella is three years older than me and she have a boyfriend while Cris is five years older than us and she already have a kid when she was nineteen.

They wash the dishes so I decided to go out and look around. This place have a large garden, I saw basketball ring and a pool.

I am just roaming around when someone showed up beside me. I stop walking and look at him. "Señor," 

"What did I said about the way you called me, hmm?"

I bite my lower lips. "M-matthew,"

"Good," He said then pat my head but I move so fast.

He look surprise. "I'm sorry," Matthew said. I continue walking so he is.

"Do you always walk around the house?" He asked. Maybe he also notice that we are both in silence. "Nope,"

I looked at the palm trees surrounded to us. I can hear the birds chirping. This is a city but I never heard the cars passing by nor horning.

"What are you going to do after this?"

I am thinking of painting again but I don't want him to think that I am abusing his kindness. I use his painting room once without his permission, I don't want to do it anymore.

"Do you want to paint with me?"

I didn't expect that. I look at him and he is looking so serious. "Really?" The sound of happiness can hear from my voice. I saw the corner of his lips rise. "Let's go?"

Matthew lend his hands, I don't know what he want but I just look at it. I think he notice that I will not going to give him my hands. I'm scared.

I saw how he slowly put down his hand. "Let's go inside." He repeat.

Matthew start walking again and I just follow him. My eyes travel through his fist. Is he mad? I felt my hands starting to trembling again.

I silently followed him but when he enter the painting room, I stop outside and thinking if I should follow him inside. If he's mad and we will stay in a close area he might hurt me now.

"Get inside,"

I look at Matthew who's now choosing his brushes. I saw him stop and look at me. "Aren't you going inside?" I saw his jaw tighten.

Now it's not only my hands are trembling also my body. "P-please, d-don't be mad. D-don't h-hurt me." I said.

When he took a step, I step back. I don't want to be close with him. I'm scared. He still continue walking towards me. "D-don't h-hurt.. m-me,"

"I won't. Lorraine, calm down."

Memories of my Dad hitting me is all coming back to my memory. I remember how I scream for Mama's help but she just continue eating her food.

"D-don't," He held my arms but I push him so hard with all my strength then I run into my room.

I cover myself with my comforter thinking that it can protect me from any harm. I heard voices behind my door but I'm blinded of being scared and this anxiety I have.

"Stupid!"

"You shouldn't be born, bitch!"

"Just fucking follow me, Lorraine!"

"When I said no. No!"

"You slut! You're useless shit!"

"Why did we even keep you. You're worthless!"

Those hurtful words from my parents for years are coming back now. I can hear every words and the feeling of being beaten is coming back to me.

I stand up and find something I can use. I saw a scissors!

I grab it quickly then enter the bathroom. I let myself lay down in the bathtub with hot water. I need this! I want to do this for very long time now.

I split the scissor and point the end of it on my wrist. I want to end my life now. I am worthless. I am broken and no one can accept someone like me.

Slowly, I press it hard on my wrist until I saw a lot of blood. "This is the end of me. I hope you can forgive me, Lord." I let my left wrist bleed. I close my eyes and lay down under the water. The water is slowly changing color because of my blood.

This is what I really what all of my life and finally I can have it.