Chapter 3

It has been weeks since I got here and my routine are always the same. When I woke up, I sometimes cook for everyone when Nana Maria agree then after eating I have nothing to do so I water the plants or clean the house without Nana looking because she didn't want me to do anything.

Señor is always out for his work so I don't interact with him that much. I am okay with that because every time he is around I'm not comfortable. It's like he'll hurt me if I didn't something wrong.

For today, Nana already clean the house with her two assistant I met them on my third day here so I'm just watering the plants. I love seeing them grow and turn into something beautiful. It makes me calm.

I was about to look closer to a flower when a bee showed up. "Ahh!" I scream because I have this melissophobia where I have fear of bees.

I lost my balance because I want to stay away from that bee. I can feel the shortness of air and my heart is beating so fast. My hands are cold as ice.

"Lorraine?" It was Nana.

So I stand up and stay behind him, crying. "Nana, t-there's a bee."

I know she can feel that I'm shaking. She hug me so I close my eyes and burry my face into his neck. "I-i'm s-scared."

"Shh,"

Nana Maria is caressing my back. So this how it feels to be comforted by someone. I never felt this kind of happiness. "Let's go back inside."

She guide me until my room. I am still shaking and my hands are cold.

"Take a rest," she said when she asked me to lay down. I nodded and hug myself into a pillow.

When the door close I am trying to sleep but when I close my eyes I can see the bee. I'm scared that it might sting me again like before.

So, I close all the window and curtains so that no bees can come inside. I sat down at my bed and cover myself with my comforter. I need to calm down.

I close my eyes and I still can see the bees so I stand up to enter my bathroom.

This is the first time I'll be using a bathtub because we doesn't have this at home. I filled it with warm water. I saw a bath bomb it smells so good so I use it. I remove all my clothes and lay down until my chin.

Hot water is slowly calming me down same as the lavender scent. I close my eyes and let myself rest.

I just woke up with a loud noise behind my door. I was about to stand up when it opens so I bring my body down.

Señor Matthew with Nana Maria showed up and they both look worried. Nana quickly come to me and hug me. "You scared us, Lorraine." She said.

"Nana?"

"We are knocking for few minutes now and you're not answering. We thought something might happened."

I look at Señor and he look so pissed. That trigger me again to feel nervous and anxious. He look away when Nana give me a towel so that I can get up from the tub. I cover myself with it but ai still feel like naked.

"I-i'm sorry, Nana, S-señor. P-please don't be mad and d-don't h-hurt me."

My tears are falling now. I saw how Señor expression calm down. "We are not mad. We won't hurt you, Lorraine." It was Nana but it didn't calm me down.

My hands are trembling again, I'm breathing so fast and I'm really really scared. "I-i'm sorry. I.. I w-won't do it again, p-please d-don't be mad." I look at Señor. I cannot say now what he is feeling.

"Are they hurting you before I got you?" Señor asked.

He didn't like waiting so I nodded. I don't want him to be mad at me. I look at him and I saw his jaw tighten. "I-i'm sorry." I look down to my fingers.

I can hear Nana Maria's deep exhale. "Let's go change, hija." She said and guide me to my closet.

When I close the door I didn't change. I look at my naked body at the mirror. Seeling this scars makes me hate myself. This scars are the evidence how my parents unwanted me. My real parents give me up to my poster parents that sell me to Señor Matthew.

Why is life unfair? Is it my fault? Am I not a good girl that's why people didn't want me. I can feel that Señor Matthew didn't want me too. I don't think I have a place in this world.

Every time I look at the mirror every memory is showing up into my mind. As much as possible I don't want to look myself into the mirror. I'm ugly, a beast that no one will ever accept  for who I am. No one will love a girl who is broke inside and out.

I don't even know what I want. I grow up not deciding for myself. I grow up in pain and not in love.