Chapter 8 - HOW

HOW

“Zia, you may go,” Troy said seriously. That was simple and cold. That's scary! The girl shrugged and leave. I don't know what to feel, but I just feel insecure.

“What’s that?! While I am not around you're with you fiancee!?"

“Bullshit! She’s not my fiancee! And that will never happen!” he said madly, getting all the papers on his table and leaving me alone. But that won't happen boy, I followed him. Until I pissed him off.

His footsteps are heavy.

“What did you call her then? Fucker!” I yelled at him before he locked himself at a room. His library I guess. The way he closed the door, I felt how pissed off he is.

I angrily kicked his door and slapped it. And yell at him behind the door.

“You jerk! Virgin Playboy! You’re not true to your words! Damn you! You’re just a motherfucker. Who only wanted a temporary game to play!”

After what I told him, I just walked towards our room. Angrily. I slept in the couch not in his bed. If I saw a bed it reminds me of Troy and the possible girl he beds. But that's way impossible because he's still a virgin. BUT STILL!

It's around 3 AM when I felt a warm hands enveloping my whole body, he carried me and put me at the bed, the tears I cry last night was obviously a tears of a jealous wife. I don’t have the right to cry like that , because I did something too. We're now even.

“I’m sorry,” that voice. I felt his lips in mine. That soft and at the same time cold. I open my eyes and look at him. He stare at me gently, the way his eyes bore into me. I know I'd probably cry.

“I was just so angry Yesha. I saw you with Zaijan. I swear to God , I want to kill that damned but I stop myself. I’m sorry , I bring Zia here. She’s just concern,” he's in husky voice. His reason doesn’t benefits me. I don’t need Zia’s concern.

“She’s one aggressive! And concern from what?”

He hold my hands and smiled.

“She’s concern about the business. My father and her father built. I don’t have a say to that factory of wines and liquors. But I just needed to attend some business seminars,” he groaned.

“Zia already back-off. She wont marry me. We're just going to act as if we tried going out, we try, but we didn’t click,” he added even if I won't buy that, Zia attack me last time we met. Is she up to something again?

But that somehow sent releive, but still I doubt about that. But maybe she's have good intentions. She’s still my bestfriend before, after all.

“I want to talk to Zia then,”

He caressed my cheeks.

“Sure,” he said before laying beside me.

“You’re amusing. I like that,” he closed his eyes while saying that.

“Hmmm. Where?”

“When you’re mad, I find you sexy,” he said kissing me, the kisses are quick and slow. It's way gently, like it's asking me to fell asleep. But his kisses go down my neck, he's now on my top, showering me gentle kisses again. Everything I felt, my doubt amd anger, it fades. I felt his body meeting mine, This isnt the first time feeling his body but this is the most intense.

His hands find it ways inside my dress. Unclapsing my bra. The other hand is teasing the peak of my boob. I arch my back, ans that makes him smirked.

“Troy!” the frustration went out. He teased my core while I'm still wearing my panty. He smirked again.

“You’re so turned-on baby,” that was a soft swift. I’m so wet and waiting for an entrance.

“Troy!” I pushed him a little. I wasn’t a virgin!

“I w-wasn’t v-virgin” I let my thoughts out. And he knew that already.

“I don’t care about that Yesha. That's not what I wanted from you,"

I shut my mouth, he put his hands both on my side, and used it to balance his weight. He stare at me again with that expression.

“Are you ready?” he asked.

I shook my head. “Lets do ‘that’ next time” my face heated after what I told him.

I felt his body on mine once more, kissing my jaw to my neck, even biting my ears. That sent sensation.

“Troy don’t tease me!”

“I’m not!” he grinned, though that was he's doing. His laughters are like my favorite song. I felt different feelings because of what he is doing. Am I sane?

“Then we’re going to cuddle whole night,” he said, I agreed though. I need that more than anything.

My phone beeps, signed that it's already morning, the first thing I saw is Troy's relaxed face, he smiled, seems like he's been awake since a while ago. I stare at him; and let my body indulge the feeling. I look at his eyes, you’ll be drown in the mysterious look of it.

“Goodmorning,” he said, enveloping me. “This feels good. Cancel all your appointments,” he said in husky voice, he wants cuddle. That's for sure, I smiled.

“Remmember I have job,” I told him; like it's a valid reason so he'd get off me. He planted sweet kisses on my forehead. That makes me grin.

“If we get married, I wont allow you to work,” he breathe, I just found myself laughing at his words.

"You're too corny! I need to get ready," I said, he just let me go, so I ran to the bathroom, I need to bring some things I needed for my whole day seminar with President Esquivales. I’m wearing a proper outfit for the event. I let my curly hair freely waving at my back, I put light make up and lipstick. I'm wearing the La Vales uniform, so that i'll be recognized as an employee, not a girlfriend. I don't wanna make Troy mad again. Yet the words I needed to tell him last night still stucks in my throat. Maybe it's still not time to reveal all those.

Maybe there's a "right time" for that, And I guess, last night ain't consider as "right time".

“You look so prim and proper today Miss Ayesha,” It's Zaijan, praising me again. I just nodded at him. I check my phone for Troy’s updates but he's not messaging me.

Maybe he’s busy.

“Turn off your phone later,” Zaijan reminded me. I don't like the idea, but I need to agree because it's part of our protocol here at the event. We entered event place, where I can met a lot of business tycoons.

Press are everywhere; I just felt Zaijan's warm palm at my hips. I wanted to remove than; but I can act professional in front. I just smiled at the cameras.

“Is she your girlfriend?” the other reporter asked. I shook my head.

“Employee,” I smiled.

“You’re gorgeous Miss Dela Torre,” he said. Zaijan's smiled at them and excused us. God I’ll thank him later!

It's already starting; I am amazed while listening at Eco De VVill, 19 years old and already managing a wine factory. I clapped my hands, she's way too awesome.

“Doctor Marquez!” I heard the reporters calling someone. I look at the back and saw him, with another girl. He's wearing black suit that makes him look like a billionaire and a girl with a long maxi tube dress, they look like married couple, who's about to go at their honeymoon, my heart ached.

She’s not nobody, she’s Zia Buenavidez.

“Is it true Doctor Marquez that the wedding is clearly soon,” the reporter asked, I don't know what to react.

I felt bitterness within me.

“We’re planning about it,” Zia said formally, my eyes watered. They’re still getting married! SHIT!

“Bathroom break,” I excused myself, Zaijan look behind us, and his hawk-like eyes glanced at them, before eyeing me.

“You wanna go home? I'll take you,”

I shook my head. “No Zaijan. I’m fine. I just needed a break”

He groaned a laugh, that makes everyone looks at us. Knowing that Zaijan is a decent guy, laughing like this is really way different from his screen images. The reporter who keep asking Troy and Zia, stopped from throwing questions.

“Come on babe. I'm sorry okay, right we're going home," Zaijan said in a loud voice, I can feel someone's glaring me. But I needed to leave this place first. My heart is like a volcano who’s about to erupt.

“Thanks,” in my low tone, Zaijan gently held my waist. I stood up, and we leave. Flashed of camera is now all over us; Zaijan Esquivales the President of La Vales is now dating his employee. That would be a hot trend. For sure. But nothing will ever beat my aching heart, at this moment.

“I’m sorry,” I just don't know what to say anymore, we missed a lot from today's seminar because of our sudden leaving.

“No its fine Yesh. I know where you are coming. You loved him so much do you?”

I didn't say anything; I just let my eyes watered. This is love, you'll love him unending, but at the end of the day you'll still got hurt. That’s love.

“I noticed it before, you liked Troy, do you? He’s one of my friends Ayesha. I just want to assure you that me as a playboy, I want to commit at you, even if it's hard. I just felt like I needed to do this, because of what happened to us months ago."

I nodded. Now its clear. Zaij knew about it already, my feelings over Troy, but why Troy cant? Or I'm too insensitive that's why I kept telling myself Troy didn't knew about it.

“That night we’re both drunk. We didn't know what we are doing. I already told myself that night if something happened between us, I'll ccommit. But seeing you suffer right now, makes me feel guilty. Don’t worry I'll stop from now on,”

“Thanks Zaij, honestly I didn't like the idea of being a burden to anyone, lets just forget what happen before. And right now that they already confirmed about the wedding, maybe it's time to let go. I was just stupid, I believed all his flowery lies," I felt something unknown at my throat, and I started to cry hard. Damn it.

Zaijan wiped my tears, “Don’t waste your tears Yesha. A girl like you, deserved to cry at the day of her wedding. Not over a man."

I smiled at him; he is right. Zaijan is light. Maybe he’s a playboy but he see sides. He didn't judge, and didn't meddle. He's easy to be bond with, I'll be honest, the pain still in here, what I saw a while ago is an eye sore. And thanks to Zaijan, because he's here, I feel a little bit releived.

I already knew that we really can't, from the very beginning. It's just the fate who let's us meet. Way back when we're just a kid, I'm jealous of a dead person, and right now, at my ex-bestfriend. Who did nothing, but to meddle with all my wholesome memories.

“Thank you for taking me home,” I told Zaijan after he parked his car in front of Troy's house; he waved at me before leaving. I smiled.

I entered his house, and pack all my things. I texted Danica, that I'll be staying with her for a while. She didn't replied. But I still continue packing my things.

I'm all ready to leave.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” his voice thunder. I didn't even gave him a glance.

He approached me, and removed all my clothes at the luggage, I continue packing it, not minding all his pleasing, I feel so insulted and hurt.

“Troy what the hell!” my voice roared, it's broken, but angry.

“Lets talk about it Yesha! Please! Just don’t leave me!”

“Don’t leave you?! What do you want me to do?! Stay here while you're planning to your wedding! Troy. I know llov, sacrifices. But I am not a hero to do that for the rest of my life!" I said while packing everything on my closet.

He got pissed because of what I am doing so he held ny wrist, so I could stop.

“STOP IT,” he said again, baritone and serious. I bite my lower lip to hide the sobs but I cant. I can't.

“I just want to get our mansion back Troy. Why are you letting me suffer?" I sound so desperate. I saw how he is pained. I didn't say anything my sobs were enough proof so he'd stop doing this. I know I left him; that hurts him a lot. But giving back all the pain I caused him; via doing this won't make everything back on its usual shape.

I didn't expect his kisses, that's rough and I even taste my own tears between iit Because of his rough kisses, I taste blood coming from my lips. I am too pissed and insulted because of what he is doing. I just pushed him away and slapped him hard.

I saw how his faced turned red because of my slapped, his head on its left direction. Done by the force of my slap.

“What do you want!” I yelled, almost wanting to jump. I am frustrated and hurt; I don't wanna show him how weak I were. But I can't hide my pain anymore.

“I want you-“

I didn't let him finished his lies. I strip infront of him. I removed all my clothes, from my top down to my shoes. I saw how his transparent eyes look at every corner of my body.

“You want to taste me? Go on! Bed me, use me! Just returned the mansion at me! Come on! USE ME!”

He shook his head. “You don’t get what I mean-“

“I get it Troy. You want my body so bad. Come on. U-use me”

I saw how hurt he is, his eyes show how sad and pained he is. I can't believe it! Why he's still trying to hide all his lies, when I already unmask it since Day 1. He let me stay here, just so he could use my body! Nothing else!

“Ayesha,” his voice is too soft, I can't handle how gentle he is. He removed his coat, and put that to hide my parts.

“I don’t need your body. I need you. I want to be with you, not just to make-love with you. I'm not for physical only Yesha, I know your worth, I have ethics as well. Why don’t give me chance?” those eyes. He is trying to please me again.

“You’re always hurting me. You hurt me back then. You hurt me when you left me. You hurt me again tonight. Why I always got hurt when I'm with you?"

It's wrong to throw all the blame unto him. We both suffer, and it's not good to make him feel unwanted, like what I am doing. But I needed to do this; for myself too. I need to say anything.

“You don’t trust me enough,”

I don't know what to react. “You don’t trust me. Way back when we're still kid, and you still don't trust me right know. And I couldn't even do anything about that. Until now, you still don’t trust me”

Believe me Troy. I trusted you, but I don’t trust the girls who’s with you.

“Next day is my birthday,” 

I know. I know that Troy.

His voice brokes.

He breathe heavily, I kept my straight face, I didn't bother to show him, how shocked I am.

“Just stay with me until tomorrow. I begged you,” his voice still so broken; tears attempted to fall from my own eyes, as well.

“You’ll have your mansion, if you stay with me tomorrow,” he is so serious about it, I know how he's true to his words.

I love him, but I'm blinded of the pain he caused. I nodded at him, he only want that, I'll give him that.

"Okay," I muttered and a sad smile flashed on his face before turning his back and left me there , naked and broken.

“You’re selfish,” Dani said very disappointed of me. I know I'm being harsh last night. I make him feel bad last night. I acted so merciless. Cruel, and ruthless.

I don't wanna feel the same feeling again, the same pain. The same ache.

“I need the mansion back,”

“You didn't need the mansion Yesha, what you need to save is your pride."

I didn't say anything. What will I need to say?

“I’m not a VIRGIN anymore. I’m not pure. I don't like the idea of it," pathetic reason Ayesha! You know Troy doesn't care about that.

“I don’t think that’s important. Love isnt about pussy who’s tighten. Its about the feelings, the heart is the only involved not the clitoris of yours or the dick shit of him!” she rolled her eyes, I am aware of that too, Troy didn't care about histories, I am just the one who kept bringing it back. The fact already on there, I just can't admit that.

I wanted to be with him. That's the real shit.

But how? If he’s getting married any sooner.

“You don’t trust me enough," I heard it again, I heard his voice and the pain on it, again. I don’t trust him enough? Ain't you call that trust? The love I gave, ain't that considered as trust?

“Did Troy told you how much he loves you?”

I look at Dani before drinking my vodka. Bottoms up.

“Yeah. He told me,”

“So , you're playing dumb and numb now Ayesha, not responding over i love yous? And also not showing him love? You know what Ayesha, you really are ill,” she rolled her eyes once more. “You know what I love you is not a question, but it's painful if you didn't received an answer,” she said before drinking her beer.

I breathe heavily.

Few of them thinks that this is easy, I just need to follow my heart and it's all done. But sometimes, things won't work according to our plans, even if we planned about it, we think about it multiple times. Sometimes it also fails. There's no easy situation, and a quick decision making. But if you look further on it; it's not the decision and situation that makes it heavier; it's us. We just need to put effort, if we badly want it. We'll shower effort. We'll give our all.

And my effort right now; leading to its end. I needed to put period on it on his birthday. For our betterment. For our good.

“Dani, if you were in my shoe. What are you going to do?” I asked before going out her car, I asked her to bring me here at our mansion, I just want to visit the mansion.

“I'm going to treat him well. Love him and be with him. You waited for this, for damn long. Admit it or not, Ayesha I knew what you were thinking. Now take care," she said, that makes me smile. I waved at her after going out of her car.

I look at our mansion. I borne and grew here. This is my home. I don't want anyone getting this house from me.

My Mom rang; and it's my mother.

“My,” I greeted

“You'll get the mansion tomorrow right? Finally, we're going home Yesha,"

I should be happy because we'll be completed again. But why my feelings felt heavier. Why I felt bad.

“Really My? Whoa. I want to see you both,”

“We wanted to see you too, my beautiful daughter. By the way, how did you get it back?"

What will I tell them? I used someone? What!?

“Bad signal My. I’ll call you later,” I didn't know what to say that's why I dropped the call. I should be happy, alright. They'll be with me! I needed to be happy!

I entered the house, and saw our family picture. Daddy is smiling widely, beside my Mom who look so serious. That's my teenage days; I am smiling widely at the picture, looking so innocent and pure.

“I didn't removed it,cause I know you'll be happy, if you sees that," I wanted to get shocked because Troy is here, but I'm more shocked because of his reason.

“You were so young in there Yesha. 16 or 17?”

“16 I guess,” I said, I didn't know why I can still speak like these, even I know how heavy my feeling right now.

“I miss the old days,"

Tumango ako, I wanted to speak but I don't know what to say. But who else would start a convey? Him? That's impossible, he's not even giving me a smile.

“Troy-“

“The documents are all ready, Attorney will give it to you tomorrow."

I think I'll sank because of his words; I'm really leaving; we'll be separated. I am finally leaving.

“Okay,” I cant speak properly. I can put my feelings into words.

“Lets go. It's already dark, I’ll tell Marta to clean the whole mansion.” he said leaving me here.

“Troy, I love you,” that's a whisper, and no way in hell he could here that.

It's already morning, and I woke up without Troy, he just wants my presence here. That’s all.

I stood up, thinking what will I cook. But after making my way to the kitchen, I saw Troy preparing breakfast for us.

“H-happy birthday Troy Lawrence,”

He jumped a bit, because of my greetings. He faced me and smiled. Before I wanted that bad, I wanna see how he grin. Right now, he's giving it for free. My cheeks heated, after reminiscing something. Damn!

“How old are you again?"

“I’m 24 today. A year older than you.”

He knew everything about me. While I didn't even know every little bit about him. What does he likes, and such. If I'm a bad observer, maybe I won't really knew few things about him.

“Oh. That’s great,” I said, he just nodded and continue what he is doing.

Come on Ayesha! Spill what you badly wanna told him! Go on!

“Troy I just wanted to-“

“Can you please pass the chicken legs, it's on the table,"

FUCK IT!

“Ahh. Right”

I just do what he wants me to do, time quickly passed and I noticed that we're already done from eating, and I didn't even tell him what I really wanna tell him!

I'm looking outside, the breeze embrace me. It's already 3 in the afternoon. And later on Attorney will be here.

I felt a warm hug from behind.

“Thanks for staying Ayesha.” He said, being oblivious.

“It's your birthday, of course I'll stay,” I sound cool. He nodded and I let him embrace me like that; I like how he warmth my body, but nothing last long. We heard the doorbell, even if I want to stay these long, we needed to let go.

It's Attorney; with all the docus on his hand. Smiling widely on us.

“Good afternoon Mr. Marquez. Here in my hands are the docus," Troy accepted what the Attorney handling him, they talk a bit about some few important things; not implying about the documents inside. I am busy looking at the brown envelope at the table. This will be an end.

What inside that, is the reason why I'll leave.

“Thank you so much Attorney,” Troy said before closing the door.

I breathe, and Troy approached me.

“That's the documents needed. You may go,” he said, that makes my heart sank. He's already pushing me away.

“You’re free. You may go,”

I nodded, I get the envelope and walk towards our room, I get all my stuff, my clothes that I packed. Everything, I am expecting to see Troy at the common area, but he's not there. I'm shedding tears while walking, I am expecting to see Troy here at common area, but he's not here.

This is what I want right? Away from him? He’s too much. He’s dangerous. He’s forbidden. Loving him is evil. Loving him is painful. Loving him is…undefine.

I'll just keep on my mind how lucky I am cause he didn't touch my body, and he returned the properties my family owned. I'll just keep in mind that he'll be happy, cause Zia loves him so much. He’ll be happy. I know.

The gate opened, and I asked our maids we fired to work for us again. I'm going to stay here. Even Larck's house he returned it. Troy gave everything back.

"Thank you Ma'am for giving us chance to work here again, thanks to the buyer, he gave it back to you. My son will continue his studies again,” It's Nanny Rosie. I was so happy to help. This what I needed to remember, the benefit it gave.

“Ma’am, you're not with the handsome buyer, I thought you two will get married," it's Genica, the youngest maid my Mom hired. I'm way older than her, but she's not a minor.

“Nope. He have a fiancee, and it's not me,” I just said.

I am now thinking about him again.I left the house without assuring him I still love him, I can't all those words and just left. Actions isnt fine without words. God gave us mouth and tongue to tell what we actually felt; but in my case. I just can't.

I go to ny room and opened the envelope, I didn't check it before I left Troy's house.

I got shocked after I saw the docu.

“The land and mansion owner : Ayesha Joyce Dela Torre” I still don't have a signature on, it's named after me. Not to my parents, or even Troy.

“Dated : November 23 2019,” it was named afted me; the day he bought it.

“Damn Troy! Damn Troy!” I can't stop my eyes from crying. Damn it! How could he do this!

Even the house I stayed with Larck is now named after me. Damn it!