Chapter 4- Promise

Chapter 4

PROMISE

I told Danica about my flight, she's so excited about it. And she knew about Larck.

I'm not using any social media, but we're both updated to each other. We video call at Skype, and talk over the phone.

We didn't cut communication, even if we're miles away from each other.

Right now, I have Larck in my life, like a blessing— i'll always be thankful for having him. So in return— I'll grant his wishes. I am packing our clothes, while Larck is sleeping soundly.

I feel bad for him, he's the person I have in my dull and darkest days and nights of my life, he's more than a friend to me, he courted me for nine months, we never force love, but we slowly learned how to. He can help me through my studies before, and he's a shoulder to lean on. A saviour. That's what I remember about Larck.

So right now that he's sick, amd suffering. It's my time to give back the favor; i'll be with him too, i'll stay.

"Ayesha!" Danica embraced me; like she longed for me so damn much. She misses me, and I missed her too.

"How many years you've been gone? Damn girl! I miss you so bad. Are you still a virgin?" she joked. She's still the old Danica, being naughty won't really leave her.

My brows rose, "Yeah," I answered honestly. Larck is very loyal and he respect me. We kissed, but we never try to step further. He understand why I can't.

"The man you've been romantacizing, is " STILL" a virgin," and she even emphasize the word "still"

"I don't care," that's what the only thing I can say now; that was years ago. I'm still young, and weak. And what I have learned from it; is not everyone we like will likr us back, not everyone we want, will want us back.

Physical appearance doesn't matter, for her. And I am not the girl who can changed his perspective. I'm way far from his dream girl.

We told Danica we should visit a Doctor before going home. Larck is fragile; even if he can still walk, I have noticed his deep breathing. Maybe he's tired because of our flight.

"I told you, we should visit Dr. Troy," she giggled. I glared at her; she should stop saying nonsense before I punched her.

"Dani," I said in my low tone, I stare at Larck and he just smiled; damn Danica she should shut her mouth from uttering shits.

"Hi, Larck." Danica greeted him.

"Hi," Larck respond politely.

"Hon, we'll going to visit your Doctor first, okay?" I told him while wiping his sweat at his neck, he nodded.

Danica offered to accompanied us to the hospital. She's telling a lot of stories; but I'm too preoccupied, seeing all the building and small details, it changed a lot. There's no really permanent.

We got into the hospital at 10 PM. A quick check up is enough; Larck is on his hospital bed, resting.

"Ma'am," Nurse called me, she gave me the lab results and told me I should talk with her Doctor.

"Doctor Marquez, asked you to talked with him about your boyfriend's operation, Ma'am," she smiled at me and accompanied me to the Physician's office.

"Doc. The patient's guardian is here," Nurse knocked on the door with that smile, she didn't wait for a response, she opened the door and ask me to get it, she politely told me to sit, so I did.

The Doctor is busy looking at the City Lights. He's standing confidently near the window.

"Doc, what's your opinion about Larck's condition?"

He faced me, my heart skipped a beat. He's a the Doctor? I should ask myself, if I am seeing the man I have loved, or act cool as if he didn't matter.

His body built doubled. On his white laboratory coat, looks good on him. It's screaming power and respect.

"Troy," my voice in its lower tone, his two deep set of eyes are all on me. He matured!

He didn't even greeted me! He just sat on his swivel chair and check all the results on his hands.

"So Ma'am. Are you going to risk for this? I mean, it's not one hundred percent sure, that he'd be fine after the operation, it's risky-"

"You're only a Doctor. You're not a God. You don't have any right to say that!"

"Yes. I am JUST a Doctor Ayesha. But I'm telling you, if we push this, the patient will die."

"YOU'RE A DOCTOR! DO WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR HIM AND- AND IF YOU CAN'T-" I sobs.. "You're useless!"

Because of being emotional, I speak irrationally. I am not thinking well, I am just into Larck's safety. I saw how hurt Troy is because of my words.

"Save my fiancee," I begged. If I need to kneel, I'll do.. I want him to save Larck!

He didn't utter anything.

"SAVE HIM!"

"You're already at the America, Yesha. You stayed there for years, why you're asking me to save your boyfriend, why me!?"

"TROY! Swipe our personal issues here!"

I didn't know where he's coming!

"Really?! Fine. Then don't force me to mend him. You want to save him, what about me?"

I was so shock. I don't wanna argue with him anymore, I'll lost consciousness if we continue this. And we should stop talking about this, it's been years! Well if he really doesn't want it. Then...

"You're not the only one Surgeon here Troy," and leave him sitting on his seat with that shocked expression.

I peeked on Larck's room, seeing him like that— eaten by his illness, weak and suffering. It makes me asked myself. What I have done in my past life — to suffer like this? Why everyone I loved is leaving me?

"Yesha,"

I'm not expecting for his presence, I wiped my tears and stare at him.

"Do you love him?" he asked.

I stare at him, I shouldn't answer, he knew it already.

"A'right. I get it," he said, and looked away.

Few lies we are used to do. Is not a lie, but a saviour.

"YOU don't have to decide for myself!" that's what he told me after telling him my plans. I know he doesn't like the idea. But he need to understand me too, I want to prolong his life. I aimed to be with him.

"And my Doctor already tell us, we don't need such, Ayesha! I'm fine when I'm with you," he held my hands, my eyes watered. Is it wrong to do whatever to save him? I don't want him to leave, he's all i have.

"Larck. Just let me do my duties as your girl, I wanted to do this." I look so stress in front of him. I wanted to be brave in front of him. But when will I get all the strength?

"I want you to continue your life, even if I die. Yesha, you don't have to do everything for this,"

I wanted to cry because of his lines.

"So what do you want me to do? To enjoy my life, while you're here, suffering? Larck, I can't do that!"

He smiled at me, I don't know where he get his positivity, when he's already in pain.

"I just want you to be happy Yesh"

"I CAN! Just please- let me do this? Okay," I caressed his cheeks, he nodded slowly. Approving on what I really want.

"Yes. If that's makes you happy," he said closing his eyes.

He was a hero to me, I'm broken and in pain when he came. God knows how I need a friend that time so he gave me Larck. But why God wanna take my angel away from me. I know I am not good at decisions, I am difficult and I messed up. But did I deserved this? Are my devotion isn't enough?

I asked for help. I talk to the priest once, and he told me to believe God. I believed God, at this moment. I should put God in between of our relationship. Because that's what we really need.

"You're leaving?" Larck asked while he's drinking his milk at the counter. Looking at him right, he looks so healthy, or he's just too good at pretending. I wanted him to be okay as soon as possible.

"Yeah. I wanted to bring you, though I can't just took you there, you may get infections. Mom have foundation, and she can't come. So she asked me to be there, since it's just nearby. Are you good here?"

"Yeah I'm good, behave there," he said and reached for my face to kissed my forehead.

"By the way, you're cousin will be here later," I reminded him, yes, I don't like the idea of him roaming around here alone.

He nodded. "If that's what my lady wants," he said kissing my cheeks. He was so sweet, he's still the old Larck I have met, I can't ask for more.

*

"Hi besh," it's Danica.

"Gonna go, at after party?" she asked while I'm walking at the car park.

"You know what, it's a big opportunity, an exposure. You wanted a budget for Larck's quick recovery right, it'll be a big help?"

"You know what Danica, I won't forced Larck if he doesn't like to got in a operation," I told her while sitting at the Driver's seat, I start the engine, this car been used for years, technically, it's have a slight problem on its machine.

"But did you have enough budget for his painkillers? Try to consider that too Yesha," she said, I heard few laughs and talks.

"It's staring already?"

"Yeah. Hurry," she said, I dropped the call and focus on my driving. Danica is right, I'll rot into jail if I'd drown myself into dept because of Larck's meds and painkillers. I should consider her idea.

As usual I am late, I saw how the kids enjoyed the party. They're already eating. The ambiance sent joy. I really missed to see such simple things.

"Ayesha!" Danica waved at me, I approached them and sit at their table.

"GOD Yesh! There's a lot of hot and good looking Doctors here," she's smiling for ear to ear.

"STUPID! Of course they'll be a LOT of Doctors, didn't you know that these kids are cancer patients?"

"I know bitch! But I didn't even thought about it." She giggled again. This friend of mine; is really into boys who's in uniform.

Yes this foundation are consists of a cancer patients. And seeing this kids laughed, feed them. That sents ecstatic to us, as their sponsor.

"Doctor Marquez of Marquez Hospital and Medical School." I quickly look at where the voices came; they're two girls talking about him, I look their line of vision and saw Troy. There's something on his smile. Or I'm just thinking too much?

"One of the greatest Surgeon here in the Philippines." an old man praised him. Well, I guess he really is.

"Doc you usually cured of?" bitch, ain't that obvious? Of course he cured "humans". He ain't a vet!

"Before, I'm a heart surgeon. Right now I'm focusing at cancer patients. Since there's a lot of patients who needs help," he said, he met my eyes and I looked away. Tsk. He don't have to look at me.

Our last talk ain't good. We argued, I wanna tell him my sincerest apology, but there's a part of me saying that I don't need to do that.

He started to walk, and go in front, he smiled with the kids and asked them few questions, he's smiling widely and even play with them. Its so cute to see a man playing with kids.

"You know what if you didn't leave, and gone for five years. Maybe you two have a babies already, look how charming he is with a kid," Danica teased me. I didn't contradict her thoughts, but the pain he caused me, is a blessing in disguise, maybe if I didn't leave him, I won't met Larck, I won't be successful. Sometimes it's okay to leave your comfort zone for a better outcome.

The program started again, I saw a lady approached him, he eyed her and smiled. He's still playing his games. A playboy is always a playboy. It's his nature already, but my head is spinning because of that scenario. Eye sore.

"Ayesha!" Sister Lyn embraced me. Luckily she came.

"Sister," I hugged her back.

She's happy updating about the improvement if this foundation, she praised me nonstop. And that makes me a feel overwhelmed.

"This kids deserve to enjoy to world, God makes." I smiled at sister Lyn. She nodded and give me a brown envelope.

"Three kids are invited to that event to sing, I wanted you to be there Yesha, will that be okay?"

I nodded. "Ofcourse. I'm always free." I answered her, she smiled amd nodded, I wander around again and look back at where the Playboy were. Though he's not there anymore, and so the girl he's talking with.

"Finding me?" that voice!

I quickly look at him, the ghost on my face is very evident. That's for sure.

"No. No. Why would I?" I asked, acting like I am not startled when I really am.

"Maybe to ask for my help again. Hows your fiancee?"

"He's fine,"

"Good," he said, walks nearer on me seat. His built look a safezone, but no! He's dangerous! Very dangerous!

"I miss kissing you." he whispered, it sents shiver down my spine. How could he say that!

I wander my eyes around, he's being so impulsive, doesn't he know how to feel a lil bit shyness? Thank God, Sister Lyn is already taking a walk to greet few of the sponsors.

"I don't," I stood up, and walked away from him.

Bullshit

He should stop doing nonsense, ain't he respect me? Or he really don't? I can heard his calm footsteps behind me. I'm now at the hall way, I am alone; no I'm really not, the playboy is following me.

"I miss kissing you" he said after gripping on my wrist.

"Are you flirting me?" that was an insult. I hope he'd taste that.

He laughed and that make me so pissed. He act so weird. I don't know what he's up to, and why he is doing this. But one this is clear for me; I missed that laugh. Oh shit, Ayesha why you're thinking about it.

"Nope. Its called being honest" he winked at me and turned his back and walk away; okay he is just playing around like the usual. But I know my face is in red. How could he! I just wanna slap him these words "there's never an us!"

WAIT! Ayesha, there's no really "romantic" relationship running on the both of you, because you're just his "base-buddy". That's a clarification, Ayesha. Alright?

I returned to the event hall after resting my face, I washed it and apply few makes up. I stayed for few minutes at the restroom. Our interaction, is way... too... out of control.

"Are you fine my friend" after returning, Danica greeted me with those playful smile.

"Zaijan Esquivales. Seems you've been changing girls more often, like you're changing a shirt," I look at my friend, glaring at her, and smiled sly at Zaijan.

"Hi Miss Dela Torre. How's Spain?"

"You knew each other?" Danica look so shock because of how I convey with Zaij.

"Yup. Who wouldn't know him, the notorious playboy here," I smirked.

"Ooopps! Don't judge me. There's also a playboy here," he said pointing on something on my back, the power of his presence; I can smell his manly scent from here.

"Hi Doc," Danica waves at Troy using her fingers.

"Hi" he's so playful. Why does his voice sounds like that?

"Danica. I think I need to go," I told her.

"Sure girl,"

"I'll take you home?" it's Troy being so polite. Uh-huh.

"No thanks. I have a car," and I show him my keys.

He nodded, I can see how sad his expression is. Zaijan laughed so hard, teasing Troy, probably. I go straight, and left all of them.

I am walking on the hallway when...

"Yesh,"

I glanced at his hands on my arms, after what I did, he let go of it.

"Why?" I asked.

"I reffer you to my friend"

My brows meets because of his sentence, I know what he's pin pointing. But I still want him to spit it.

"Huh?"

"I mean your fiancee," he said, he's now being serious. His deep dark eyes bore into me, seems like he's really want to talk about it huh? Two girls giggled while waving their hands at Troy's.

We remained silent 'til the two ladies were gone.

"What?" I'm quite shock. He reffer us to his friend for what?!

"You already knew, that my Major ain't about Leukemia patients,"

"You just told them a while ago, you're mastering the cancer patient!" my voice seems so frustrated.

"Why Troy, are you afraid? You feared the fact, that you'd might won't genuinely do your job because of our history. Why don't you disregard that, and just focus of professionalism?"

"I can't! That's why I am referring you to my friend! Ayesha, I might kill your man," I saw how he is greedy at this point, I can taste the bitterness on my throat. I can feel hatred.

"This isnt about personal feelings Doc. My boyfriend needs a treatment,"

He then cut me, by raising his hands, he breathe deeply, he's mad.

"And I need you too! How about me?" I'm not expecting all of these. If he's lying— if he pity me, fuck... I don't fucking need that.

"Troy. I have a boyfriend-"

"I know! THATS WHY I'LL RECOMMEND YOU TO MY FRIEND! I hate to admit this, but bullshit Yesha! I'm hurting like shit! You care for him, and you're disregarding my feelings!" I saw how annoyed he is because of it, "You want me to mend him, and that will surely hurt me. Imagine, I'm prolonging his life so you two would continue your fairytales?!"

I wanted to turned my back on him. Because of what he is saying.

"Yesh, there's a lot of questions running on my mind. Why you fucking leave me that night? Why you didn't let me explained? Why you chose to leave me behind?"

And now, I can feel all his pain. That was the most darkest part of my life— I didn't know it hurted him too. He didn't gave me assurance, what he's expecting me to do? Adjust?

"We cant undo everything Troy. I hurted you, you hurted me, it's been years, let's just forget about it," this will be the most... mature.... opinion I'd give.

"Yes! The scenes were done, but the pain isnt," he said seriously, I looked awat, I can't see him this near. I cant!

"Troy-"

"I'm not thee father of Mia's baby, it's another guy. They called me Virgin Playboy, and that's the fact. I'm proud of it Yesh. I didn't even try to touch a girl, I want you be my first, why? Because before, you seems my last," the bitterness coated his last words.

"But...you werent...you left." he added.

I can feel the pins on my chest, I am hurting. Hearing all his reasons— all the answers I wanted to know.

"I LEFT BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT WE NEED!"

"Bullshit! All i need is you!"

I couldn't protest, or even utter a word. I didn't know what to say. I'm speechless, I wanna cry out loud right now, why he's making all of these so fucking hard for me?

"Bullshit Yesh! I still love you! Bullshit!"

*

"HERE," he gave me the san mig in can, he already opened it, he sat beside me, and that makes me move a bit. I don't wanna sit near him; indeed.

He noticed, what I did so he just inhaled the air, and harshly exhaled it. He open his can and drink it, I saw how his adams apple move.

I just want to distract myself; staring at him won't help me. I can see the stars; it looks like reachable, but it's really not.

"Why we're here at the roof top?" I asked, he's still staring at the stars, it's stunning, especially with the mysterious moon behind them.

"I just want to relax myself," he said, sipping on his drink; I nodded and do the same, we're way controlled right now, not unlike few hours ago. We're yelling at each other.

"I remembered those days, we're together," he reminisces, honestly I am still uncomfortable because of out distance right now; I don't know what to react, but the way my heart protest, it's simply saying this stupid heart STILL belonged to him.

"I'm sorry, but you need to forget everything we have, before," my words are firm, just so my expression.

"I am aware of the changes, Yesh, I already saw these coming, but I didn't do anything to stop this; uncontrollable. I know we won't go back to the day we were before," he said, nodding. I can slightly feel the ache here in my chest.

"But why dont you try me again" I didn't expect what he just added, I look at him, I'm out of words. "Why don't you go back in my arms again,be with me again?"

"And please don't remind me that you already have a boyfriend, it hurts."

Okay. I don't know if he is drunk with that one can san mig. Or he is being playful?

My trust issues honestly knocking on my head right now. Literally telling me to stop all my fantasies. Because it's all done.

"Doctor Troy Marquez. Ain't you understand that too?" I look at him, his expression ; still screaming of frustration and gloom.

"Yes, it's hard to accept that you are with him," he's not looking at me when he say those lines, he just sip on his drink again; and throw the can after. I looked away; the way I smell the night air, it sent chills, I wanted to distract myself; for this is not good.

"Troy, I don't wanna hurt anyone, If you excuse me, I'll leave," I tried to stand but before I could do that, he gripped on my wrist and pull me, I don't have any strength to even fight from his strong arms; the moment he pulled me, it makes me sat on his lap, the way he embraced my waist, I can already feel my tears. I'll cry.... for sure.

"I dont want to let you go. I swear to God, i do everything to forget you. But you're like a tattoo to my heart and mind; no ink could ever removed it. This is how you affect me Ayesha Joyce Dela Torre," his hug got tightened, I felt his chin on my shoulder, I know he longed me for almost six years. But we can't just forget, that what we have before is already buried in our past.

"Please be mine again," he begged, I know I'll be weak if I'd stay here any longer, so before it could happen. I pushed his arms away from me, it's easy to leave without traces; I have done that for years— but I won't do that anymore. I don't wanna hide; but I wanna distance myself.

"Y-you...... We cant," I turned my back on him and leave him there, my tears are already owning my face. I don't know it could hurt like this again.

I can feel few eyes staring at my dramatic run, but I don't have time to wipe all my tears; I need to get out here, before I could see myself running back at him.

"Sorry Troy. I love you. But we can't," I whispered, that's the first and last "truth" I've been hiding to myself.

My phone rang because of a call. I tried to calm myself before answering his call.

"Yesh"

"Larck? Why, is there any problem, are you good?"

"Go home," I got goosebumps, that makes me cry even more. I've been so unfair to him for this passed six years. I'm so fucking unfair.... I drove my car, and drive faster. I don't care about the rules anymore.

Even there's a lot of things bothering me, I still managed to smile at the guy sitting at the sofa.

"Larck," I go near him and hugged him

"Hows your party my pretty fiancee?"

"Its fine,"

He hugged me way tighter.

"I don't wanna be a burden to you Yesh,"

Because of his tone; I faced him and cupped his cheeks.

"You're not a burden! Don't say that?!"

"I know you're tired, I know."

"No. Why would you-"

"Yesh. You don't have to marry me," he looked away. My tears suddenly dripped. I don't know what to say.

"I dont want to be a burden. You're going to baby sit an old guy, how can you enjoy your life if you're busy taking care of me?" He's being selfless again.

"You're all i have,"

"No Yesha. I know there's a lot of people who can love you more than I can,"

I disagree. "Larck please,"

He smiled at me. "I love you, thats why im letting you go. I want you to be happy. I wanted to be a nice boyfriend to you, I wanted to make you happy, thats why im doing this,"

I am shaking my head while he's just smiling.

"Larck,"

"Yesh. I only have few days left. I want you to be happy,"

"I want to be with you Larck," my safe zone, indeed.

"I love that too. But we can't just simply say that, okay? Promised me if I'd die. You need to continue your life. Follow your heart, follow that, you don't need to be afraid, you don't need to cage yourself at your past Yesha,"

"LARCK!" I started crying loud, he embraced me, letting me sit on his lap, hugging my body, embracing like it'll be the last hug he could award.

"Please Yesh. Live you life at its fullest. Dont rely on me. Please,"

"Yes Larck, " I assured him, because that's what I can do.

"Promise me,"

"P-promise"