Liers

CHAPTER 12 | Liers |

I hated love 'cause love ruined me, love ruined my family. They say love is powerful but it's not to me. If love is powerful then why it would die?

Love brings forever daw, how? If love is not forever?

I loathed my father so much for what he did, the happy family I wanted had suddenly fallen to the ground. I felt that day my whole life was ruined.

My father has a mistress, knowing that seems to have exhausted my whole system.

The same day, I hated people who says everything is okay even if it's not. I hated Kuya Mike and my mother for saying that everything is okay even if it's not! I'm sure they knew about my father's mistress but they never told me! They say everything is okay? But what is it? Why is it like this?

My father is a respected lawyer, he's outstanding on his field and I can't believe that he did this to our family. He ruined me, he ruined our family!

I feel like I’m the most stupid in the family because I’m the ignorant, I’m the naive. Yes I was a grade six student at that time but I have a mind! I'm affected!

If only Kuya Mike and Mommy had said that everything wasn't all right, I would have done something somehow, I would have done something for them all! The more I felt that I was useless to the family, the more I felt the more I felt like my parents had made me feel!

If only Kuya Mike had told me that he wasn't okay at school I would have done something! I can help him with his assignments even if I don't know anything there so he doesn't fall. I hope I helped at least a little with his projects.

If only Mommy had said that Daddy and I weren't okay, I would have done something to comfort the mother. But there is none!

I hope they said everything wasn’t okay so I did something!

I hate people who are very great and pretending, they will say they are all okay even if they are not. When I feel like that I’m useless because I don’t know what’s really going on.

I hated this feeling, I feel like I'm useless, I feel like whatever I do I'm not enough. I always feel like I’m missing things.

I hate it when people tell me lies, it's preventing me for doing something to save them. Prevention is better than cure, I believe.

The feeling of atleast you tried no matter if the things failed is better than you've done nothing and you can't do anything anymore but to regret and repent.

I thought, it hurts the most when your parents don't see your worth and you can. I thought it was painful to be compared to others, I thought it was painful that your Father probably had another woman. But being left behind is even more painful. It hurts even more to not be chosen.

Si, Daddy he chose his fixture over us. Likewise, Mommy chose the new man over us. I don't know what we're missing, Brother Mike but they both left us. We are like their things that they just left because they have no value.

"I will provide for the two of you, don't worry." I was angry when my father said that. Are we just like that with him? Just responsibility and nothing else?

Even if I don't want to accept the money he gives us, we can't do anything. Kuya Mike and I are both still studying and we haven’t been able to work properly yet. It hurts inside but we continue to accept Daddy's money now. I just promised myself that after I studied I would give him back everything he gave me. I hate him anymore, I hate him!

The family I thought would stay until the end was suddenly destroyed in an instant. I was biased in those days but I tried to study and finish elementary school. When I was young the emotional bait I experienced was severe.

At the same time, Chloe and Kuya Mike broke up. It only slapped me even more that love is not real, that love is powerful.

Kuya Mike was two years out of school and backed out because of what happened to our family. It was only then that I understood why he suddenly changed, he was rebelling against Daddy then.

I will never forget I knelt in front of, Brother Mike and begged him to go back to school. Education is our only hope and it will not steal from us. When he misses it I don’t want him to regret it.

"I'm sorry Elaisle, please stand up." I was shaking and crying as I knelt in front of, Brother Mike. He always gets drunk every night, I feel sorry for Kuya Mike.

"Please Kuya, let's fix our lives. Daddy and Mommy are gone. I only have you so please get organized. Let's fix our lives." My voice was full of pleading, Kuya was the only one I had during those times so I did everything so that I wouldn't lose him either.

"Elaisle, please stand up." Kuya knelt down in front of me and hugged me crying. "Forgive me, Brother Elaisle."

"Brother, can't you drink? You're the only one I have, don't get lost like them Mommy. I don't want to lose you." I beg him.

"Forgive me Elaisle, forgive Kuya. I should be pretending to be older than you at these times but I put myself first. Forgive me, Kuya."

I just shook and cried and cried.

Brother Mike promised me that he would be a big brother, that he would not back down and that he would go back to school. That's why when I entered grade 7, we were in the same class.

I promised myself that I would be brave, experience taught me to be brave in this life. I went through a lot of pain as a child. I don't believe in love or happy ever after because I know that's not true.

I promised I wouldn’t be fooled by love because that was the reason why my family was ruined.

When I met my friends, I also promised myself that I would protect them and do everything I could to help them. I want them to see that I am always there.

I hate the feeling like I'm useless. I hate to remember how my father used to let me feel that feeling.