03

Thursday, November 10, 2016

Today is Thursday. And who says Thursday, says dance class with Cass. In other words, it's the moment of the week that I wait with inordinate impatience because I know that I'm going to spend two hours clearing my head and letting my mind and my limbs take possession of my body. I never express as many feelings and emotions as when I dance and even if no one understands them, it doesn't matter, the important thing is that I can express them.

Today, the teacher wants us to dance to Chandelier de Sia. Cliche! I stifle a sigh and turn my gaze to Cass, who smirks. She knows my resentment towards this music and this singer that we hear everywhere, all the time. I don't like to do like everyone else, think like everyone else and listen to the same thing as everyone else. The teacher asks us to improvise a contemporary dance while letting ourselves be lulled by the music. Re-shot!

When the music starts and I close my eyes, I let myself be gently sucked into the dark and tortured side of the lyrics, so that quickly, I hear neither the teacher advising me nor Cass talking to me. No, I'm no longer with them in this room, I slowly fly away deep inside me and let my distress express itself. I think of the coldness with which mother has always bestowed upon me, of the ignorance and disinterest that I have always aroused in my father, and I let myself go.

My frustrations are expressed through my hands and my arms, my sadness guides my legs and my head undergoes the assaults of my anger. It's as if I rediscovered this music, as if I finally understood the meaning these words have for me and my story. When the sound volume decreases, I come to myself and open my eyes, stunned by all the emotions I have felt. I isolate myself slightly because it takes me a few minutes to recover and then I join Cass who immediately takes my hand in hers and squeezes it hard. With her, I don't need to explain or justify myself. I have the right to feel and express whatever I want.

Cassiopée is the most open and respectful person I know. She never judges me and always tries to pull me up while respecting my flaws. I think I will be forever grateful to her for being my friend! We met in high school, when our English teacher placed us next door and despite all our differences, we have never let go since that day.

Even when I went to live in Wales for a year to study. Even when Cass moved 6 months over 450 km from here to do an internship. And even when she decided to go around the world with her boyfriend, buying only a one-way ticket. But she ended up coming back and we found ourselves like the first day. And yet, no one would have bet on our friendship.

Cassiopée is exuberant, extroverted, sassy, ​​a party girl and does not care about the weight of social conventions. She swears and uses a rather... colloquial vocabulary while my strict upbringing has locked me into a stuffy style. I am often defined as someone stuck, borderline bourgeois and some will say without hesitation that I am a lesson giver. But Cass always tells them that I am generous, upright, honest, funny, invested and passionate about everything I do. My best friend is my most effective lawyer! To be completely honest, I have to admit that I'm really relaxed and myself only in his presence. It is only with her that I allow myself to let myself go and she has told me more than once proudly that she likes to be the one who really knows me.

Our characters are certainly poles apart, but our physique is all the more so. Her long light, almost blond hair surrounds an elongated face sublimated by brown eyes shining with a sparkle of mischief while my mane of dark brown curly hair brings a luscious touch to my thin face and my emerald green eyes. Me who despairs of never having reached 1m60, Cass proudly displays at least 7 centimeters more! While she parades more or less proudly with a slender body and little shape, my luscious shapes and my marked size differentiate me even more from her. In short, she is my Ying, I am her Yang and our balance is not possible without each other.

At the end of our dance class, Cass and I head towards her apartment which she occupies with Maxime, her boyfriend for more than 4 years now. Every Thursday, after our weekly lesson, we eat together, once at my place, once at their place. This week, we are going to my best friend's house and my stomach is already rumbling! Maxime always prepares a good meal for us, which the three of us taste. I say "taste" because Maxime is a real cordon bleu. Seriously, I've never eaten dishes as good as his and I could sell my soul to enjoy his famous lemon chicken again.

-In your opinion, what good did Maxime prepare for us? I ask my best friend

-I think he told me about Thai noodles or something he brought back from our trip. You remember, he had taken cooking lessons there and... damn it was good!

- So speed up, I'm hungry! I answer him laughing. Seriously, do you know how lucky you are to have your Maxime?

- It is rather him who is lucky to have me! Look at this dream body, she said turning around, look at this goddess ass! And then, to top it all off, I'm funny, smart and witty...

- And unfailing modesty!

Cass finding nothing to answer me, she sticks her tongue out at me in the most childish way possible. After a few minutes of walking, we arrive at the foot of his building and when the elevator opens its doors to the second floor, my stomach growls with impatience as I smell the exquisite smell that escapes from the small apartment to my right. As I enter, I say a "hello!" to Maxime who doesn't answer me as usual, I walk towards him to plant a kiss on his cheek while he smiles at me as usual, I get rid of my jacket as usual then I go busy setting the table for the 3 of us as usual. Cass, meanwhile, follows Max like her shadow while telling him in detail about her day. His speech rate is impressive! Like every night, her boyfriend silences her with a delicate kiss. I sigh silently looking at them. These two are perfect together and they complement each other divinely well. I want them so much...

As we sit down to eat, Cass throws at me:

- You will never guess who I met yesterday at the station?

- Uuuuuh... I don't know at all! A clue ?

-You know him very well, he has an amazing ass, a courage close to nothing and an over-developed cowardice, she answers me.

-Damien... I let go, rolling my eyes.

I dated Damien for 3 years before he broke up with me in a rather... quirky way. Not wishing, I quote, "to hurt me", he simply changed his phone number and played dead for a month and a half. Living a hundred kilometers away for his studies, I could not move to have explanations. To top it off, this all happened in December, the month of my birthday, Christmas and New Year's Eve. So I spent the end-of-year holidays answering indiscreet questions from my relatives, pretending that everything was fine and finding excuses for him to justify his absence and my sadness. Pathetic. He ended up answering one of my many calls in early January and we broke up.

-Yeah ! He asked me about you, no but what an asshole this one is!!, loose Cassiopée

- Who cares about him, continues Maxime, he is no better than your other exes and frankly, you are much better off without them.

He is absolutely right of course. Nevertheless, I feel a pinch in my heart thinking of my past relationships because I admit that I have only come across cowardly men allergic to commitment. Damien also won the palme d'or with his incessant "no plans, we don't know if we'll stay together". I assure you that after three years of relationship, this sentence is slightly... irritating or even downright vexing!

I've never had the chance to know the simple happiness of daily life shared with love as experienced by the two accomplices in front of me. Of course, at first all my relationships seemed idyllic to me and I was really happy with what I was experiencing, but quickly I realized that certain words, attitudes or certain gestures displeased me. And of course, I was like an ostrich until these relationships exploded.