Disappointment

I threw my cigarette on the ground, stomp on it, and made my way inside the school once the bell rang, signaling everyone to get to class. Everyone was running and pushing just to get to class, while I just walked casually, in no rush to get to class. No matter how early I am for class, I always get into trouble. Not only did the students have a problem with me but the teachers too.

Just because I was a little bit different.

I found my seat and sat down, watching the other students entering the classroom, just like me not in the mood for class.

“Welcome back everyone, to a new a semester.” Our English teacher, Mary greeted us. I am sure no one was thrilled to back. Classes came and gone. Every teacher seemed over the moon to be back, I can’t say that we shared the same feeling.

I got home and noticed Jonah was still at practice. I kicked off my shoes and entered the kitchen to make me something to eat when I noticed Meredith was sitting talking to my Aunt Maggie.

“Aunt Maggie?” I asked surprised. She turned in her seat to look at me, it felt like someone pierced a dagger through my heart. My mother’s laughter rang through my ears as I saw her smile. Aunt Maggie was my mother’s younger sister. They shared a lot of resemblance to each other. Every time I see her, I see my mother.

“Oh, Sasha. You got so big.” She said getting up from her chair, walked over to me, and overwhelmed me in a hug. I closed my eyes trying to hold the tears, I haven’t been hugged in five years.

“If you are emphasizing that I got too fat.” She started laughing, pulling away and placed her hands on my shoulders. “You are far from being fat.” She said smiling at me. “But this is new.” She said pulling a string of my hair that was blue and then she noticed the earrings as well. “Please tell me you don’t have a tattoo on your ass.” I just shrugged.

“What are you doing here?” I asked looking at Meredith and then at her. I haven’t seen Aunt Maggie since mom’s funeral.

“Your dad called, Sasha.” She said steering me out of the kitchen towards the living room. “He is worried about you.”

“Well, that’s a first,” I muttered, crossing my arms across my chest.

“He asked me if I can let you work at my Pub and Grill.” I looked at her wide eyes. “What?”

“He thinks it is a way for you to stay out of trouble.” He wants to put a mother figure in my life because obviously getting engaged to Meredith didn’t work. “And I am the only person who seems to know what you are going through.” I looked at her and saw the emotions in her eyes.

Aunt Maggie cried just as hard as me at the funeral. A piece of her was also buried. I think she stayed away because of trying to bury the pain. If she only knew how I was hurting, just looking at her. Of how memories replaying in my mind.

“Please, Sasha. Just take this and stop fighting against it.” She begged, placing her hand against my cheek. “It will give us a time to hang out, do you remember how much fun we used to have together?” She asked.

“Yeah, I do.” I try not to remember the past.

“Please, do it for your mom’s sake. I’m sure your mother wants to see you make something from your life and not just throw it away.”

“Fine.” I grumbled turning away from her, forcing the tears back.

“Okay, well. Your shift starts tomorrow, right after school. You just have to fill me in when your hockey practice ends so I can know when you will be arriving.”

“I quit hockey,” I said turning back around to look at her. She looked shocked for a moment.

“Everything I loved, I gave up.”

“Oh, Sasha.” She said taking me into her arms, just holding me there. “It’s worse than I feared.”

She had no idea how bad it was.

She left a few minutes later, Meredith made sure to avoid me at all costs as she murmured that she is going to pick up Jonah from practice. I was driving myself insane waiting for my father to get home and the four walls of my room made me feel so damn lonely. I went down to go watch TV when the front door, revealing my father.

“Oh, you are home.” He said sounding surprised.

“Yeah.” I answered, crossing my arms and planting my feet apart.

“So, you are shipping me off to Aunt Maggie.” My father just looked at me bored as he removed his suit jacket. “What else was I supposed to do?” He asked.

“I don’t know maybe actually trying to be a father.” He looked at me with a sharp look. “What have I been trying lately?”

“Trying to be a husband for a woman, who is trying to act like she is my mother.”

“At least Meredith is trying.”

“Who told you that I want another mother?” I asked lifting my hands. “Who told you that I don’t want my mother back? I don’t want another woman in my life.”

“We can’t always get what we want, now can we?”

“Did you even love mom?” My father looked taken back. “Of course, I loved her. I still love her!”

“Then why did you shove her out of your life?” My father just looked at me, not saying a word.

“You moved on, forgetting about me. I wish you would open your eyes for once and see the real me but all you do is painting this picture in your head that I am throwing away my life.” I just walked back up the stairs, not in the mood for TV. I locked my bedroom door, grabbed my bag, and opened the window, and climbed out.

I pulled my hoody over my head once I reached the ground and made my way down the street towards the only place that hasn’t changed.