Six

Adam blinks himself awake.

Once his eyes were open, he stared at the ceiling on top. It was a very familiar ceiling, one he has been looking at for years. He didn’t even need to look down or around to know that he was in his matrimonial home.

He slowly sits up, the duvet wrapped around his waist goes up a little with him as he does. He takes a look at the cream curtains and walls, he looks at the pictures on the wall. The huge one that was hanging right beside the flat screen tv. It was a picture of Adam, Jensen, Jhoni, George, Bella and Ian at the beach last year.

Jensen was wearing just his orange shorts, he was seated in the sand beside George and Bella and his head was thrown back, his eyes squinted closed as he laughed. On the flatbed beside them was Adam who was in a pair of light blue shorts and had a thin white short on, he was holding onto a sleeping Ian with Jhoni was on the other lounge chair beside him. Adam finds himself smiling because this had to be one of his many favourite pictures they’ve taken.

The door to the room was pushed open and Adam looked to the side. He watched silently as Jensen walked into the room. And that’s when everything came rushing forward. Him and the children at McDonalds, finding Jensen and his …what do you even call the blonde man? A manstress? A mistress? A fucking boytoy? A home ruiner?

“Adam, are you alright?”

Adam stared at his husband and asks himself. Was this my fault? Was it something I did? Whatever I did, is it something I can take back?

He looked away from his husband to the same picture. No, he decided, I didn’t do anything. I didn’t tell my husband to go out a cheat. I, myself, am not seeing any one. It brings a bitter taste to his mouth.

“Are you alright?”

Adam looks away from the picture to Jensen who was sitting on the long couch that was pressed against the wall. He’s not going to do anything until after he washes the bitter taste from his mouth. He gets out of bed, ignored Jensen’s calls and headed towards the bathroom. It takes him a couple of minutes to brush and rinse. He then splashed water over his face and then he looked at his reflection in the mirror.

He was still in the same clothes he had been wearing. How long was he out? What about the children? What about Sara? Fuck! The kids might have seen Jensen kiss someone else yesterday. Ugh!

A light bulb suddenly went off in his head and he remembered Jhoni had wanted to tell him something. Was this what his boy was about to say? It was definitely what Jhoni had been about to say. How long had he known?

Adam’s heart squeezes tight and he lets out a loud gasp.

He needed to leave. He didn’t want to be here and… hold on! Why should he have to leave? He hadn’t been the one lying, cheating and missing major milestones like Jhoni’s sixteenth mini birthday sundae bash!

The anger that had pooled in his stomach goes higher and Adam was a bit close to punching the mirror in front of him. All he could see was a weak ass man who couldn’t keep his marriage together!  He clenched his hands into fists and walked out of the bathroom. Jensen who had been sitting there, stood up immediately.

“Baby are you alright?”

Adam laughed. The sound that came out of his body was one Jensen nor Adam had heard before, it was ugly and dark and everything Adam was feeling. “Are fucking kidding me right now?”

“Adam…”

“You come home late, you come home with marks littering your back, you miss everything from Bella’s piano recital to George’s spelling bee competition to Jhoni’s birthday! I had told myself that I was seeing things, I told myself my husband would never cheat even when the evidences were staring me in the eye!”

“We can talk about this…”

Adam grabbed the first thing he could find and throws it towards Jensen’s head. The picture frame breaks and falls to the ground, narrowly missing Jensen’s head.

“Your son knew what you were doing!” Adam screamed, throwing a lamp right at Jensen who ducks and winced when it shatters against the wall. “How could you do that! Jhoni knew about this! We were your family! I was your husband!” Adam screamed!

“You are still my husband.”

“Do you really think I’d stay with you? Do you really think I’d subject my children to this?”

“They are my children too!” Jensen argued and wasn’t that just the icing on the already fucked cake.

“Oh, now they are your children too?!” Adam laughed. “Where were you when we had to rush Ian to the hospital when he mistakenly ate a bite of Jhoni’s peanut butter ice cream? Where the fuck were you when George kept asking for you in the middle of the night? Where the fuck were you when Bella got the flu and I was so fucking worried because I also had the flu too! There was no one to take care of us so Jhoni stepped up! Jhoni! Our sixteen year old son!”  Adam yelled.

“I didn’t know about that. About any of that and I’m so sorry.”

“Oh no no, Jenny boy. Sorry won’t fix this hoola baloo. It’s too late now to say sorry. I don’t even need it.” Adam marched towards the door and stalked out of the room. He take a couple of deep breaths and let them out before making his way down. He couldn’t find his kids. Where were his kids?!

“Adam where are you going?” Jensen shouts as he ran down the stairs.

“Looking for my kids and then we are gone!”

“And where are you gonna go? You don’t have-“

Adam turned around and slapped Jensen on his cheek. He slapped him so hard, Jensen’s head tilts to the side. Adam hadn’t noticed it but he had been crying. His eyes were a bit red, so was his nose and the tips of his ears, the tears were sliding down his face with such an intensity.

“Don’t you ever say that again! Don’t you even think about it again!”

“Look, I am really sorry.”

There were standing in the sitting room now, the large wedding portrait of Jensen and Adam silently looming over and mocking Adam. It felt like it had happened so long ago.

“Do you love him?”

“Who?”

Adam’s hand reached out and he slapped Jensen again. In the same spot and on the same cheek. “I need you to tell me the truth. Do you love him? How long has this been going on?”

“Seven months and I don’t love him.”

“So what you’re trying to tell me is, you don’t love the man that made you ruin your marriage?” Adam snaps. He pushed his hands through his hair and lets out a shaky laugh. He made his way to their wedding portrait and glared at it.

“Do you remember how in love we were then? We were so happy but I don’t know what I did.” Adam said. “What did I do?” Adam asked as he turned around. Jensen was standing there, still and Jensen, his cheek bright red.

“You didn’t do anything, Adam. It was all my fault. I took you for g-“

“What do you want to tell the kids? Because I’d rather jump off a bridge than let them stay with a man who doesn’t want them!”

“I do want them! I love them as much as I love you!”

“You really don’t! If you did, you would have been here for them! For me. I needed you here so much these last months!”

“You can’t tell me what I feel, Adam. You can’t.”

“But I do. I’ve been here in this big fucking house,” Adam waves his hands around. “for months while you were gallivanting around with your blonde bimbo. Why didn’t you just divorce me?! WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME! MY HEART FEELS SO EMPTY AND I’M FEELING PAIN EVERYWHERE AND DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT YOU SAID TO ME IN YOUR VOWS?!” Adam grabbed the portrait and throws it onto the ground and watched it scatter onto the ground.

“I know what I said!”

“Then say it! I want to hear the lies again!”

“I told you…”

“Louder…” Adam sings. “Let the lies sink into the very sham that is our home and marriage.

“I TOLD YOU THAT I WOULD PROTECT YOUR HEART AND TREAT IT JUST LIKE IT WAS MINE, CAREFULLY, PROTECTIVE AND FULL OF LOVE. I TOLD YOU I WILL HOLD ONTO YOU, LOVE YOU AND TREAT YOU RIGHT. I TOLD YOU, YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY NUMBER ONE, YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY LOVE.”

“I can't even look at you right now." Adam cried. "I want to you leave.”

“You can’t leave me, Adam! Our marriage isn’t a sham!”

“Then why the seven months of cheating? In fact, I don’t want to know. All I want to know is, where are my kids?”

“I dropped them off at school.”

“Jhoni too?”

“No, he’s upstairs in his room.”

Adam grows cold at that. He really hoped to whatever deity listening to their argument that his first child hadn’t heard everything. He really hoped Adam had slipped on his headset. However, Adam realizes that Jhoni would not have slipped on his headset because he’d want to listen to find out if Adam had gotten hurt one way or another.

Jhoni’s words, ‘The moment he hits you, we are gone. Promise me, dad.’

Yeah, Jhoni was definitely listening to their argument.

Fuck!

“Jensen, I need you to leave!”

“I am not going anywhere.”

Adam looks at the staircase. He needed to get upstairs to make sure Jhoni was alright.

“You had no problem leaving before, so please get the fuck out!”

“When do you want me to be back?”

“Just make yourself scarce for now. If I need anything, I’ll send my lawyer to yours.”

 Adam walked away from Jensen, his hands reaching up to wipe his tears away. He goes up the stairs, taking it one at a time because he was feeling a bit too weak. All of Jensen’s words were swirling in his head and he just didn’t know what to do any more. When he gets to the front of Jhoni’s room, he hesitates a bit.

He knocks and pushed open the door. He looked around the room and frowned.  He was about to leave the room when he hears sniffles coming from the direction of the closet. He places his hand over his mouth as he made his way towards the bathroom. He prays that he’s not going to see what he’s suspecting he’ll see.

His heart shatters to the floor when he sees Jhoni curled in on himself in the bathtub. Adam doesn’t hesitate to get into the bathtub and pulled his son towards him. Jhoni pressed his head into Adam’s neck and cried, his body shaking. Soon, Adam finds himself crying, the hands he had around Jhoni were shaking and how could he do this to his son?

Adam pressed his face into Jhoni’s hair as he cried, his hands tightening around Jhoni’s body as he he repeated the same words over and over again.

It’s going to be alright. We are going to be alright.

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