III

Cathy P.O.V.

"I don't like" was my strong answer to desi.

We are here at a fast food chain near their condo. I picked her up from work and the two of us just decided to have dinner outside since there was no one in their unit yet.

She also said that she was too lazy to cook dinner. She often cooks because her sister jossie also doesn't have time to cook because she is also a workaholic, anne and frenzy cook their own food because anne does not eat red meat, only fish and chicken meat, she is pescatarian and she influenced frenzy also.

That's why something changed for her when I first saw her after I came back from singapore. Her physique firmed a little that I could not even admit to myself, she was even more sexy now.

"cathy, please, you control your work schedule since you are the manager of your company." desi's pleading with me.

She invited me to live in their condo, because we have a project near their condo, but I do not go there often, my Dad assigned me a project that is almost a town away from our house..

"why don't you just stay in our place and at least we can move there properly" I said while biting the friend chicken I was holding.

"hmmm .. is that your reason why you don't want to stay at the condo because frenzy is there?" desi's staring question to me.

I looked into her eyes, trace the slight jealousy in her stares. I looked out of that fast food chain, many jeeps are in front of each other, scrambling for passengers that waiting on the side of the road while others are walking, there are groups talking happily while walking, some are alone.

I turned my gaze back to desi who was now bent over eating her spaghetti.

"did you still love her?" desi's gentle question, her head was still bent over, in the tone of her voice I knew she was holding back her crying.

i grab her hand that is on top of our table, i gently squeeze it and I caress it slightly.

"desi, its been two years now, do you still think that I still love her?" I said calmly to the person in front of me.

"Do you still love her?" desi asked again and this time, she lifted up her head and looked at me again. teary eyes that waiting for my answer.

"hmm... hmm" I shook my head and gave her a gentle smile. hoping that she will be satisfied with my answer.

"Are you sure Cathy?" desi asked and her face lightened slightly, I saw a small smile on her lips, and that was enough to reduce my anxiety.

"yes ma'am" I said and I pressed my index finger to her nose.

"So you will stay in the condo starting tomorrow?" desi's puppy eyes tenderness.

"desiii...."

"please, please, please bee!" desi's insistence on me.

"Why are you so persistent?"I asked to her.

"and why are you so cute?" desi asked me back while smiling

your condo is too far from our site desi" I said

"you are so far away from me cathy" desi said while pouting at me.

"okay okay, I will tell Dad to make me full time to the site near you so I can just stay to your condo but once the project is over, I will come back to our house, is that okay with you" I said to desi.

"yes!, my bee is really smart, I love you so much.. hihihi" desi said with a smile and continued eating her spaghetti.

I just shook my head and resumed my meal. I looked again outside our restaurant, there were only a few people waiting for a ride, as well as those walking on the chaotic streets of that city.

i thought to myself, when I came home to the Philippines I thought I would be quiet, I thought I would bury the past in oblivion, I thought I could easily face what me and desi had.

but it is also difficult... it is still difficult,.. yes I accept the outcome of my decision more than two years ago and I know that I am happy with the outcome..

Are you really happy or are you just trying to be happy because you can't bring back yesterday?. the amount that has changed, the amount that time has forgotten, the amount that does not want to go back in time.

I looked at desi who was eating happily. I love the woman in front of me now. she did nothing during the two years we were together but to love me.

yes, there are things that we do not agree on and we fought sometimes, but we also fix it immediately. I am also used to that we were together always... and now here in the Philippines, she is with me but I will also be with the person from yesterday.

can I trust my own feelings?

When I saw frenzy and anne in the elevator last week, I could not understand how I was feeling at those times..

I want to punch anne because I feel like I am the only one who has the right to claim those lips.

But I prefer to immerse myself in the mud because I already feel.... that... frenzy deserved that love that I did not gave to her before and here she is, happy and contented in the presence of anne.

I was left in front of the elevator crushing my personality. What I saw in those moments slapped my face.

But I know that frenzy is happy with anne and I will not plan to make trouble with the two of them.

And when I entered their unit, it was as if I had volunteered myself in a war without armour, without weapon, and without shield.

How can I avoid being in the condo without socializing with Anne and Frenzy?

How can I stop feeling jealous of Anne..

Jealousy?!.. I have no right to be jealous because I did not have the right to love frenzy from the beginning.. Because I hurt her once..

"let's go?" said desi

I stopped at my worries and thoughts..I'll leave it to God... I agreed with desi to live there not to ruin another relationship,

I agreed because of desi.. For desi.. For the two of us..

"ahm, desi I will move-in to your condo around next week ah, I will just out things in proper at the site where I will move out, then I'll talk to my dad about this matter" I said.

We are going to desi condo, I will just drop by her there and I will also go home to our house,.

It took a lot of clarification from my parents since my Dad retired, and I knew I was what he expected so much from our business.

"Do you want me to help you to talk to Dad?" desi asked.

desi is okay with my family, even at first, they prefer frenzy for me, eventually they also accepted desi. desi did nothing but good to my family. they all supports me even though we are still in singapore.

but the only thing is,.. until now desi's family still doesn't know what we have. that we are more than friends. desi is afraid of her family.. she is afraid that they might not understand her and reject her.

I do not force her to immediately admit to her family what she really is, I also do not force her to admit to her family that we have a relationship. this is okay too. Only a few of our acquaintances know, almost all of my friends when I was in college did not even know my gender preference.

I'm just thankful for my family that they accept me, they accept us, and what they know, there is no need to spread it to people with narrow brains and judgmental eyes.

"no need, i can handle this" I said to her.

"Oh, you took so late?" desi's sister jossie opened the door for us as soon as we entered the main door.

"traffic jammed" desi said and went straight to the living room and sat on the sofa. I followed her and noticed that anne and frenzy were also in the living room, watching tv.

"Have you eaten yet?" jossie asked us, busy doing computation of something at the dining table.

"yep" is desi's answer.

"Come here cathy" desi said to me. she tapped the sofa with her hand saying I was sitting next to her.

"hi cathy!" anne greeted me as I sat next to desi.

"Hello" I just replied to anne.

I saw frenzy look at me but she didn't even greet me, she just glanced at me for a moment and turned her attention back to the television.

"Hey, you four, go to sleep, you might get late waking up tomorrow if you continue watching tv late at night." jossie told us as she approached our place.

"I'll go ahead of you all, I'll be early tomorrow.. Good night!" she said, she did not wait for us to respond to her and left immediately to say goodbye.

"okay!!" desi just shouted but was watching tv.

"so cathy, what's your plan now that you are here in the Philippines?" anne asked me with a smile.

"hey, isn't it rude to ask that?" frenzy's softly stop anne to asked me.

They were sitting on the other sofa, the sofa was for one person only but they tried to put two of them there while desi and I were on the long sofa.

"what?.. Im just asking?" anne said calmly while she is holding at frenzy's waist and move away a little bit when frenzy make a motion.

She looked at me for a moment as if embarrassed then slapped anne slightly.

"tsk..she said don't touch me there!" frenzy's rebuke again

"sorry!" the restrained laughter said anne and raised both hands in the air as if she's giving up.

I was just watching them both when anne looked at me, as if waiting for my answer to her question.

"ah what.. Back to where it is, managing our Construction Company" was my answer.

I glanced at frenzy, she was just bowed her head writing to her planner.

"wow, you have a business, desi didn't mention anything to me" she said with a smile.

"You're not asking about her" desi said now lying on my thigh.

"Hey frenzy why didn't you mention to me that cathy is rich!" anne's poke frenzy after she asker her.

"I don't need to tell you that anne anymore," said frenzy who was still writing.

I wonder what this woman is up to.

And when she said "no need" was that how she really forgot and buried me in her past and even such things about me she did not mention to anne?

I felt pain in my heart at the thought that frenzy had really moved on with me.

"what is that?" desi suddenly asked frenzy.

"anne and I have an itinerary, next week we will go to bintan indonesia to celebrate her birthday" was the happy response of frenzy to desi.

"Oh yes, that's I remember, very timing that cathy will move here, we can all celebrate your birthday anne!" was also excited desi said that and she even got up from lying on my thigh, and sat down properly,.

"Let's plan now for next week!" desi'ssaid to frenzy and anne.

frenzy looked at me but she immediately withdrew and turned her attention to anne.

"hmm... would you like to have a celebration here?" frenzy's gentle question to anne.

and in that voice,.. there was a flip in my heart that I felt. flip as if causing difficulty of my breathing. her tenderness to anne brings a dagger to my heart. why is that?, why am I still affected by frenzy, the fact that I love desi.

"we can celebrate here, even if it's just a simple party, I don't like a big celebration,.. and let's welcome cathy here at home" anne just said with a smile.

I saw frenzy's smile widen at what anne said and she held anne's hand. she nodded.

"That's right, I'm going to cook at least three dishes,that's enough for all of us!" desi said happily.

I was just looking at the three. happily planning what they will do for next week. and if I used to be part of her plan in her life, now I feel like I'm the one interfering, I feel like I'm just anextra in their life... in her life.

"Are you okay cathy?" desi's soft question to me she turned her head on me.

I just nodded at her and smiled.

"Maybe you're tired cathy, take a rest, you two" anne said to me

how could you be so perfect anne? .. my brain asked .. in fact you should not be talking to me now, you should be angry with me because I am the cause of frenzy's failure. - a lot of questions in my brain about anne but only until then.. only then, only questions that doesn't need for an answer.

"Cathy?" anne called me again.

I have been looking at her for a few seconds, maybe she read my brain's questions in my eyes.

"huyy maybe I'll melt,.. frenzy check that maybe I don't have legs anymore?" smiling anne said to frenzy and the four of us looked at the floor at anne's side almost at the same time.

and the three of them laughed at the same time.

"cathy is alrady zoning out desi, she seems so sleepy and tired!" said anne.

I'm waiting for frenzy to talk about me or at least talk to me at least one sentence.

but I was disappointed, she didn't really speak, yes she joined with laughter and jokes and a few glances but talking to me?... she does not even bother at all.

"Come on Anne, let's just go inside, I'm sleepy too.. bye guys!" frenzy said goodbye and immediately stood up carrying the notebook she had been writing about and took one of anne's hands, she pulled it to cause anne to stand up.

"All right, cathy and desi, we're going inside,.. goodnight!" anne also said goodbye.

desi said goodbye to the two as i followed them looking at anne and frenzy.

"look here frenzy.... look here, at least one.. at least for a moment" my mind whispered.. but even before they disappeared from my sight desi was already hooking me up. I turned to her..

"hmm?" I said to desi as if asking

"nothing.. i love you!" she said softly to me with a smile.

'loveyoutoo' I said quickly and I glanced at the frenzy they walked in... the two are gone...