03

**MYRNA NZAOU**

As if people had spread the word, the whole room turned to look at me. The preacher looked up at me and I did the same, our eyes locked. My body froze and I felt my legs give out. I found myself on the ground. I just had time to hear him shout into the microphone.

Ethan: Myrna??

And that was the black hole. When I emerge, the first face I see is that of Maman Jeanne because she is above me on the bed on which they put me. We are in one of the rooms that are often used to make deliverances.

Mama Jeanne: Mimi, is it better? You gave us one of those scares.

Me: (picking up from the little mattress I was lying on) Yes mam, don't worry about me.

Mama Jeanne: How did you faint like that?

Pastor Mike: Yes my daughter, how is it? You acted like you saw a ghost.

Me: Yes finally no, it's just that I thought I saw someone but it was only a

Voice: (from outside the room) She woke up?

It was the voice of the leader of the singers. This woman had surprised me once at home singing, I didn't even know she was listening, mum was sick and she had asked me to sing for her because she was convinced that if I did, she would heal. She knew it was the only way to hold me outside of the hours when I consented to do so. I had sung and the person in charge of the singers who came to the house to pray for mum had listened to me, according to her, she had been so struck that when she came back to see that it was me who was doing it, she couldn't come back. Since then, she almost persecuted me to make me join the group of singers, but as I said earlier, it was no, I had definitely closed the door of singing, I had already made the effort to to come back to church and resume prayer, you shouldn't have asked me more.

I recognized his voice and looked up at the door and there my eyes met his gaze again and again I froze. It's not possible, so it wasn't a dream? Was it him? He had certainly grown up, he was no longer the young boy of 17 that I had known 11 years earlier, he had grown more and gained muscle. His facial features were much more assertive to give him the character of a man rather than the teenager he was. Yet when we looked at him, we could perfectly recognize his face because it was exactly the same as his three children had taken. It couldn't be, it couldn't be him. How come ? We stood there looking at each other until he made the mistake of pronouncing my name.

Ethan: (staring at me and taking a step in my direction) Myrna.

The sound of his voice came to shake things up inside me and the surprise I felt turned to anger. I felt a lump go from my belly to my throat, making me tremble as it passed, my gaze darkened and my features hardened.

Me: Stay away from me and get out of here.

Ethan: Myrna I

Me: (Screaming) Get out of here, you dog, wizard, criminal, agent of the devil, demon.

The pastor and mom widened their eyes in surprise, no doubt overwhelmed by the situation.

Mama Jeanne: (stunned) Mimi, it's like

Me: (looking at him who had stopped but was still staring at me) I said get out of this killer room.

Pastor Mike: Girl what's wrong with you?

Ethan: I just want

I got out of bed to pick up the first thing that came to hand and it was a bottle of olive oil. I threw it at him with so much force that it went crashing against the wall behind him because he dodged.

Maman Jeanne: (Putting her hands over her shocked mouth) Holy Spirit.

Dad Mike was just as shocked as mom and stared at me with wide eyes and open mouth. Attracted by the noise this caused, some siblings entered the room to figure out what was going on. But that didn't stop me though, I grabbed another bottle and was planning on doing the move again when dad Mike grabbed me to stop me from doing it.

Pastor Mike: My daughter calm down.

Me: (struggling with him) Get off me, I'm going to kill that wizard today. This envoy of the devil.

Pastor Mike: (to the brothers) Come help me.

Dimitri: (a brother) She's possessed?

Me: Let me go.

Pastor Mike: (to Ethan) Man of God please get out of this room.

He looked at me for a moment before leaving. The pastor and the brothers began to pray for me to calm down because I was still very agitated. I was still struggling until I burst into tears and fell to my knees. They released me and all started looking at me. No one understood what was happening. It is true that for 3 years now that I have been attending this assembly, I have always been very strange but I have never acted in this way. There it was another level, I was really like someone who was possessed or under the influence of dark powers.

Mama Jeanne: Please, give us a moment.

Pastor Mike: (to others) Let's go.

They all left one by one, leaving Mom and me alone in the room. I was still on my knees crying. Mom came to kneel beside me and touched my shoulder.

Mama Jeanne: How is Mimi?

Me: (holding on to her) Mom, don't let that man ever come near me again and I want to go home.

Mama Jeanne: (stroking my back to calm me down) It's okay my baby, it's okay. We're going home, but calm down now and wipe your tears.

I straightened up and ran.

Mama Jeanne: Wait for me there, I'm going to tell the others that we're going home. You understood ?

I nodded my head in affirmative and she got up to leave. I was alone for a few minutes before she came in again with the pastor.

Pastor Mike: Myrna are you sure you're okay?

I do. I just want to go home.

Pastor Mike: Okay. Tomorrow I will come to see you.

He talked to Mom again before letting us go. When I walked out of the room, people were looking at me like an alien or someone who had lost their minds. I didn't dwell on it. Coming out of the big building, I saw this demon standing there talking with another church pastor. He was back, Pastor Samuel said something to him and he turned to look at me, our eyes locked. I diverted mine and I left the main gate to go and wait for Mum on the road because she had approached them to greet them. As soon as she came back, I stopped the taxi and we went home. The journey was silent, I felt her gaze insisting on me from time to time, but she said nothing. We arrived at the neighborhood, I paid before getting off and hurrying home. She was trying somehow to keep up with me. When I got home, I went straight to my room where my 3 children were. I went to find them on the bed and hugged them tightly.

Kilian: (surprised) Mom, you're hurting us.

I loosened the grip slightly.

Me: I'm sorry.

Ethan: Did you cry mom?

Me no.

They all three pulled away to look me in the eyes. These children read me like an open book, whenever I try to hide things from them, they almost always guess.

Lilian: Mom doesn't lie, you cried.

Kilian: Did someone hurt you?

Me: (pause)

Ethan: Look how you're shaking.

I looked down and realized that I was indeed shaking. I am enormously upset. My whole being is completely troubled.

Them: (worried) Mom, what's going on with you?

Maman Jeanne: (standing in front of the door) Children, go to my room. I will speak with your mother.

Ethan: (looking at his grandmother) Mom is sick?

Maman Jeanne: No my chick, she is not sick. I just need to talk to him. Go pray for her, okay?

Them: (in chorus) Okay.

They each gave me a kiss on the cheek before leaving the room. My tears started flowing again.

Mama Jeanne: Look how you scare the Mimi children. Is it normal ? You act like you saw (eyes widening in surprise, I think she just realized what's going on) Is it him?

Me: (pause)

Maman Jeanne: (realizing the obvious) Of course it is, it's him. He looks like two drops of water to his children, in addition they have the same first names. I thought to myself that the man there reminded me of someone. As soon as I saw it, I immediately thought of the children but I said to myself that it was impossible, there was no way. But now I understand everything. I now understand your reaction earlier in church. But is that a reason to panic like that? Until you even scare children. Now I have to stop this, do you hear me? Look how you're shaking? Now you want to go out as a vampire my God?

I was still shaking and the tears kept flowing. After talking for a long time, she prayed for me so that I could be appeased. As all along I didn't speak, she told me to rest tonight and that tomorrow we will talk to her and me. She told me the kids were going to sleep with her tonight and left after giving me a kiss on the forehead. I sat on my bed and my tears started to flow harder and harder. Seeing this man again opened files in my memory that I had tried to bury inside me all these years. Sores that I thought were healed opened up and my heart squeezed again in my chest. The pain, shame, contempt, sadness, loneliness, rejection and guilt I had once felt resurfaced and as if someone had pressed the "play" button on a screen, I saw the film of my life parade before my eyes without my being able to stop it. I closed my eyes and my mind took me back to my past that I tried to forget, that is to say eleven years back...

*FLASH BACK, ELEVEN YEARS EARLIER.*

I was on my knees, one hand holding the microphone and the other raised skyward, tears streaming from my closed eyes. I was singing a worship song to my God and I could feel his presence was strong in the room. I could not concretely say what is currently happening around me, because I myself felt that I was disconnected from reality. I no longer heard, neither the sound of the instruments of the musicians who accompanied me, nor the voices of the choirs, even less that of Pastor Cédric who spoke at the very beginning of my song, nor the voice of the people who each prayed to his place. No, I definitely didn't hear anything anymore. I was once again gone. All I knew was that I kept singing over and over until I felt the Spirit prompting me to stop so I did. It took me a few more minutes before I caught the sound of the piano that Brother Samuel was playing behind me.

That was always the way things were when I was the leader in church services.

Little by little the pressure had gone down and Pastor Cédric had made a prayer to which we all said "Amen!" before starting to teach...

Sara: You there when you really sing, it looks like you're in heaven with the angels huh.

Me: (laughing) You have problems Sara.

Sara: Ah but I'm telling the truth, ask whoever you want and we'll tell you. Besides, do you think that why is it always you who is programmed to officiate during Sunday services? It's because as soon as you pick up the mic, something happens. You understand that even the pagan who goes outside drunk in his wine, stops first to listen to you, then he comes to give his life to Jesus. You think it's a small matter?

Me: Ah, don't exaggerate oh.

Sara: I'm not exaggerating. We all are cantors here and we all sing well, but for you, it's another level, mom. You are the future international cantors.

Me: (laughing) Amen oh. We'll be together.

Sara: You with whom? We others there we sing just because we follow the movement, for you there it is a ministry and we all know it. I don't know why people are jealous and often want to compare themselves to you, they hurt themselves for nothing. When you're called you're called and it shows.

Andrea: (coming to meet us) The meeting of the singers is about to begin. The manager said to go back to the room already.

We got up and went in at the same time as all the other singers. We were about two hundred singers, men / women, young / old. With the musicians, we reached approximately 230 people. Yes we were quite numerous, but it also had to be said that our church was a fairly large church with 5,000 members. So it was somewhat justified.

The respo had opened the moments with prayer before announcing the agenda which mainly focused on positive or negative remarks in relation to our service during the times. She pointed out strengths and weaknesses, urged us to do better next time, she also listened to what everyone had to say before praying for the end and setting us free.

Sara: (cleaning the chairs) Are you going with Pastor Grégoire (my father) or with us?

Me: (wiping my turn) With you. Mom and Dad are going to be home late today. There is the meeting with all the ministers and heads of departments today.

Sara: Ah yes it's true and next week there will be AG (general assembly)

I do.

Sarah: Okay.

Me: Well let's do it quickly if we want to have the hope of finishing before 6 p.m.

Sara: If you were singing, we would have already had the strength to finish all this.

Me: (laughing) You have problems. You yourself are a cantor no, you have to sing.

Sara: You know it's not the same thing.

Me: (smiling) You have too much crap S.

Sara: Mimi sings no, we're going to have the strength. I'm going to do the backing vocals.

Me: No oh.

Sara: (glowing at me) Come on Mimi, sing a song just for your beloved sister.

Me: (capitulating) It's because it's you. What do I sing?

Sara: (thinking) Sing "God watches over his word and he will do"

Me: You said one song, now that's two.

Sara: You mix the two to make one

Me: Hmm, okay. (clearing my throat) Um, Um.

(singing) God watches over his word

In due time he will accomplish it

God watches over his word

In due time he will accomplish it (*3)

All his promises to you

(snapping her fingers four times to give her the top and we did this part together.

Us: God watches over his word

In due time he will accomplish it

God watches over his word

In his time he accomplish it at (*3)

All his promises to you

Me: (all alone, chaining) ohohohoh God is able to do

everything he says

He will do.

He will fulfill all his promises

Towards you

Keep your faith in God

He won't leave you

He will do. (clapping in my hands) He is able

Us: God is able to do

everything he says

He will do.

He will fulfill all his promises

Towards you

Keep your faith in God

He won't leave you

He will do..

This was how we sang, danced and wiped all the seats that were in the temple without seeing the time passed. The worship hall was built like an amphitheater, the further away you went from the platform, the higher you climbed and the seats were foldable. We had wiped everything down, picked up the trash and swept the halls until mum Odette (Sara's mother) came to tell us that the driver was already outside and waiting for us. She had also told Sara not to forget to pick up her brother and sister when she left because she would be returning much later because of the meeting. As we had already finished, we left the church. I was going to spend my afternoon with them.

My name was Myrna Precious NZAOU I was 15 years old, I was in first class S in a private high school there. I was the only child of my two parents Grégoire and Rosalie NZAOU. My parents hadn't had other children, not by choice but because they weren't capable of having any. Before me, it was complicated according to what they had told me. At the beginning of their marriage, the first five years, there was nothing. After consulting, they learned that dad had a weird disease whose name I hadn't remembered, which caused his sperm production to be low and in small numbers. After doing treatments that had lasted almost two years, mum had caught her first delay but the pregnancy had passed after the second month. It had been hard for them but they had continued to persevere and believe in God. After 6 miscarriages and 15 years of marriage, I was born. They had called me "Precious" because I was precious to them for everything they had gone through to have me and "Myrna" to honor the woman of God who had prayed for mom and had predicts my coming and my future. She told them that praise and adoration would be on my lips all day long as well as ever since I learned to speak, that was all I did. Singing for God was an integral part of my life, I would even say it was my whole life. It was even said that I sang while sleeping (smile) see a little depth of things. Anyway, after me, my mother had had two more miscarriages and they had decided not to try to have any more, they gave thanks to God for me and we lived all three. My father was a researcher in the Ministry of Foreign Affairs and one of the pastors of our church. My mother worked in the civil service department as an assistant recruiting director, at the church she was a Sunday school teacher and assistant women's leader. They were both on the church board.

My best friend Sara Obone KUE, 16 years old and in the same class as me, was the daughter of Saturnin and Odette KUE, respectively financial analyst and deacon and cashier in a bank, responsible for intercession at the church. She also had a little brother and a little sister whom I also took as my own. Besides, they both called me "Yaya" or "ya" like they did with their big sister. We were both cantors and were almost always cuddled together, whether at church, at school or in our respective homes, we were even called "the twins", because by dint of hanging out together, we looked alike Ultimately…

Karl: ya Sara, I'm already hungry, there's not even anything to eat.

Sara: Karl I'm tired too oh, we're all coming back from church. Who's going to put the pot on the fire at the time with all the work we've done there?

Alice: So we're going to wait for mum?

Sarah: Oh. You have to see yourself.

Me: You're not serious oh. (searching my bag to get out 500 f) First go buy even the pancakes in the meantime, I'll prepare.

Karl: (taking) Thank you ya Mimi, you're the best. Ya Sara could even let us starve like that without reacting.

Sara: Leave already in front of me otherwise I'll get the money there. Besides, with the 100f of change, you take me a small butter chocolate galette there while waiting for Mimi to finish preparing.

Alice: Ah, so you were hungry too but were you there?

Sara: I'm going to slap you well, you'll see.

Me: (laughing) You're not ashamed anymore.

Sara: From whom?

Karl: (in front of the central door) Shame is for humans, she's an alien.

She pretended to get up to go to them and they both ran out of the house. I started laughing on my way to the kitchen.

Me: Come show me what I'm cooking ma'am.

Sara: Mimi you like to tire me too much I swear. Can't you just rummage through the freezer and whip up the first thing you can get your hands on?

Me: (opening the freezer) I remind you that I wasn't here yesterday, so I don't know what you ate, I don't feel like preparing the same thing actually. Plus where you're sulking, then you'll be the first to jump on it when it's over.

Sara: (coming to meet me in the kitchen) Why can't I jump on it? Yesterday we ate the tarot sheets. Even make the contribution.

Me: Alright.

I had taken out a sachet that I had placed in a small basin. I had put the water to heat to be able to clean it and in the meantime I was already taking out the spices that I was going to use.

Sara: (sitting on one of the chairs in the kitchen) The girl called Jessica there frankly I don't even understand what she does in the cantor group.

Me: Hmm.

Sara: No, Mimi, it's not primarily the case that you shouldn't criticize others behind their backs. Tell the truth, what does she sing?

Me: I have nothing to say about her oh.

Sara: Look even yesterday at the rehearsal, how she made the whole choir detonate, unable to find the note on which the others were singing and it is still her who comes to say today that she did not appreciate your way leader because it was too flat. That's only the real vampire.

Me: S leave it there, it's not important.

Sara: Isn't it important that she spends all her time smearing your name at church and even at school? Andrea told me that she told them that you lie about playing saints in church while at school you go out with several boys.

Me: Did the girls there believe?

Sarah: Of course not. Everyone knows you.

Me: So? What's the point ? She just has to say what she wants as long as I know it's not true, I can't even get mad about it. The day she sees that she's wasting her time, she'll get tired and stop talking about me. We are not going to lower ourselves to the same level as her, we have better things to do.

Sara: (sighing) Alright. Tomorrow there will be an evangelization, right?

I do.

Sara: What level?

Me: Seniors.

Sara: Hmm. I will only accompany you oh. I'm not going to talk there, the guys in terminale there have too much lack of respect, especially terminale C.

Me: (smiling) You just have to say that it's the tigers that bother you.

Sara: You, they don't bother you?

Me no.

Sara: Then you have to tell me your secret because I can't talk in front of them.

Me: Hmm.

The Tigers band was a band of 5 boys who were in terminal C. They had been consecrated the most handsome and charismatic boys of all high school. They were handsome, they were elegant, they were clean, they were athletic, they were smart and full of themselves. It was the most popular band and everyone wanted to be friends with them. The boys admired them and the girls practically threw themselves at their feet without them lifting their little fingers just for the pleasure of saying that they had gone out with them. They were sort of the law in high school. For my part, I did not feel impressed by their ride because I found them so empty and spiritually light that all their antics left me unmoved. It also had to be said that we didn't see each other in high school, we just crossed paths. They knew that we (my small group of 3 girls and 4 boys) were Christians and that we often went to the classrooms from time to time to share the gospel and often pray for people. There was some kind of unspoken agreement between them and us that they could piss off everyone but us. Yet the other members of the group were afraid of them and I didn't know why.

Me: I will speak in TC and you will do it together in the other 3 classes.

Sarah: It works.

Me: Okay.

Sara: But I even heard that Ethan (the leader of the gang) is already dating Jessica.

Me: (glaring at her) Hmm.

Sara: (raising her hands) Alright, I get it, I'm not going to talk about people anymore.

Me: Good.

Looking at the two of us, it looked like I was the taller one, but I wasn't. I was just much more reserved and did not let myself be distracted by the movements of the crowd or the waves on the surface of the waters, I was more in the depths which meant that everything that was not to raise me in an area that I thought was important, I didn't dwell on it. Sara on the other hand, she often paid attention to gossip and "we say" and was much more outgoing than me, in many ways, but hey, we both balanced each other out. She was very often the one who reminded me that we lived in the land of men and that we had to think a little about enjoying our youth with the little outings and walks between us, that we didn't always have to be strict. I was the one who pulled her into studies and heaven because it was not only necessary to have fun, it was not only necessary to prepare her future on the professional level but also her eternity, for after our death. It was the balance and we managed that very well.

The children had brought her cake, she had forced me to take part and ate the other. We talked until the pots cooked. We were about to sit down to eat when her parents came into the house.

Maman Odette: What smells good like that? Good evening.

Alice: It's the contributions.

Us: Good evening.

Papa Saturnin: Good evening.

Maman Odette: It was Mimi who prepared again, huh?

Children: (in chorus) Yes.

Mom Odette: I knew. Sara can't prepare and then it smells good like that.

Sara: So you mean I don't prepare well.

Maman Odette: You don't cook like Mimi. (to me) Mimi, you have to teach your sister oh, I'm already tired of talking a lot about hard rice and salty sauces here.

We laughed together. They had gone to leave their belongings in the bedroom and had joined us at the table. After the prayer for the meal, we had eaten in a good mood.

Mom Odette: Are you leaving already?

Me: Yes mom, it's almost 7 p.m. already.

Maman Odette: All right, the driver will drop you off. Wait I will pray for your departure.

Me: Alright.

She prayed to commend me to God's grace and let me go. I said goodbye to everyone and went home..

Me: Mom? I'm back.

Mom: in the kitchen.

I headed for the kitchen and hugged her from behind. I began to smell his scent. I really liked doing that, I didn't know why but I always did it because it put me in a good mood right away.

Mom: (smiling) Mimi, you're not a baby anymore, so you'll have to stop doing that.

Me: (pouting in a little girl's voice) I'm still your baby and I'm still going to keep doing this until I'm 120.

Mom: (laughing) When you're 120, how old will I be? Do you think I'll live that long?

I do. You will live to be at least 150 years old.

Mom: (laughing) You have real problems. I'll live to be 150 to look like what?

Me: The Holy Spirit will rejuvenate you, you will look like a young woman in your twenties.

This time, she burst out laughing, dragging me with her in her laughter. Papa had come to find us in our joy.

Dad: Precious (as he called me), are you home? What amuses you so much?

I had let go of my mother and left hugging my father. He had closed his arms around me to deepen the embrace. As with my mother, I also began to smell her scent.

Dad: (smiling) You, don't you stop your baby things there?

Mom: (smiling) Ah. Tell that to your old daughter who thinks she's still a baby.

Me: (in my dad's arms) I'm daddy's baby, right daddy?

Dad: Of course, you are and will remain my baby at any age.

Me: (looking at my mother with a big smile) There you go. I am her baby.

Dad: (kissing me on the top of my head) my godsend and my greatest pride.

I tightened my grip on him. When he said stuff like that, I felt even more loved and special. I loved my parents very much and I knew they loved me back. Since I was very small, they had made sure that I lacked nothing, both materially and emotionally. They had always given me everything. We weren't rolling on gold but we lacked nothing. We lived in a house with 4 bedrooms, 5 showers and toilets, a kitchen, a dining room, a living room, a pantry, an office, two terraces, a large courtyard, a garage and a studio for the caretaker outside. interior of a portal in the Mebiame city (district).

We lived well above the middle class. On the emotional level, being their only child and taking into account the conditions of my coming to earth, I would say that I had been over loved. On this point, I could not have complained of a lack of affection on the part of anyone. They loved me, in words and in deeds. And above all, they had ensured that I had a personal relationship with the Lord and from a very young age, they had striven to transmit Christian values to me and spoke to me about the importance of having a relationship personal relationship with God and they told me it was the most important relationship I could and should have in my life. If I lost everything, I had to make sure that I didn't lose this relationship because it was too important and at the age of 5, I was born again and had a personal encounter with God. As I said earlier, I lacked nothing.

Dad and I had gone to help mom in the preparation in joy and good humor. They had commended me for my service to the church and encouraged me to deepen my intimacy with the Lord and I would see that more and more, my impact on people would grow. We continued to talk about everything and nothing until bedtime. Being Sunday today and I had class very early the next day, I had not taken long to go to bed after family prayer times. I had quickly sent a message to Sara to give her the program for the next day before wishing her a good night. I had still made a small prayer all alone, read a biblical verse before falling asleep. Tomorrow would be a long day...