Chapter 8. Conflicting (Part 2)

~17.07.2013, 2.35 p.m., IVAN HENDRIK~

Our lips met. This is the second time. But this feels different. This kiss is deeper and more savagely done. I’m protruding my tongue into his mouth. He welcomes it. I’m exploring his mouth with my tongue. He moans a little. I’m playing his tongue with my own. It lasted for mere seconds but the pleasure it sends to my body surprises me. I can even feel my own dick hardened. From just a kiss! With a man! Someone I supposedly hate all my life.

I wanted more. But sadly now, he seems to have awakened from the sudden ecstasy as his eyes are looking into mine in surprise. Michael left the kitchen. I can sense his jealousy and that just feels good. Jeremy then pushes me away, breaking our passionate kiss. He seems to still be in a state of shock. I guess he too got lost in the kiss just now. Does he also want more? He didn’t say anything to me but just keeps covering his mouth with his palm as if he could not believe what had just happened.

I didn’t say anything as well. I don’t know why but I seriously wish we didn’t stop. Fuck. I’ve never felt this way over a kiss before. Jeremy is different… No. This is dangerous. I’m surrounded too much by gay guys that I’m turning gay, is it? But will it feel good? Will sex with a man feel good? Fuck no. let’s not think about that. I left the kitchen without saying anything. And it pains my heart to do it because I feel like I’m being such a jerk. What the hell? Why am I even feeling this way?

~Ivan can come off as a stubborn, ignorant fool, but that’s what we only see on the outside. On the inside, he is pure. He is made of glass. He is fragile~

Those words are playing at the back of my mind over and over again. Yes. I overheard their conversation. So what? It just weird… Why? Why does it feel like Jeremy knows me better than I know myself?

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The four of us eat togetehr and still manage to keep a casual conversation and Jeremy is getting better at pretending. Good gracious! A while later, Michael and Alan left. I feel conflicted. I’m glad that our acting is over but at the same time, I am also disappointed. What does that mean?

I look at Jeremy as I was lost in confusion and notices that there’s an angry look on his face now. “What was that for?” Jeremy asked. There’s a tiny harsh tone in his voice. But oh well, I should not be bothered by him.

Is this about the kiss? “What? Me kissing you? That was nothing,” I said cold-heartedly. It was not nothing to me. But what was it to me, then?

Jeremy snorts at me. “No. I mean about you lying to Michael,” he indicated.

It angers me to hear him questioning me on this. In fact, I even hate that the name Michael is uttered from that lips of his. What’s wrong with that, Jeremy? You care too much for that fool, is it? “Well, a few minutes of lie could never be compared to a few years of being lied to, isn’t it?” I said, getting bitter. What the hell? Am I jealous now?

Jeremy scoffs at me in disbelief. “God, Ivan, have you met you?” He asked. It sounded so cynical that it kind of offend me.

“What is that supposed to mean?” I asked, ready for a fight.

“I mean, who wouldn’t lie to you? Look at the way you treated me back at high school, it only made sense that he would lie to you. I would too if I were him,” Jeremy said, backing Michael up. And that just infuriates me even more.

“That was ‘you’. You’re not Michael. Michael was my best friend,” I said as-a-matter-of-factly.

“So what now? Are you going to tell me that you’re going to accept him as gay if he were ever to tell you the truth?” He asked. I didn’t answer him. The answer is obvious anyway. Of course, I’ll accept him as who he is! He was my best friend! I just shrug my shoulder and slouch down on the couch. He looks at me skeptically as if he can read my mind. “No way in hell. You hated gays. You kept calling me ‘faggots’ back in those days,” Jeremy said, sensing my answer that I will accept Michael for being gay.

Now I know that I used to call him ‘faggot’ and made fun of him but he didn’t have to remind me of those awful immature days, really. “I don’t hate gays. I have nothing against gays,” I said, defending myself.

“Then why the hell did you bully me like crazy back then?” Jeremy asked.

Hell. I don’t know. I guess I just felt like hurting him whenever I saw him. “Because you’re you. I don’t hate gays. I hate you,” I said. Does that make any sense? I don’t know. That could be the only explanation though.

Jeremy looks at me like I had thrown up all over the floor. He furrows his eyebrows trying to make sense of what I had said. “Why the fuck would you hate me? I never did anything wrong to you.”

“Gee. Damned if I know. You’re just an eyesore. Every time I see you, I just wanna crush you. I just… I just don’t like you,” I said. That sounded really harsh but seriously, that might be the truth. I just don’t know why I felt that way though.

Jeremy seems confused but then he seems to have given up on further asking me. “You know what? Screw you!” He said to me and left the living room. I just shrug my shoulders again. What is wrong with me? Why do I feel so good when I hurt people? Especially when it’s Jeremy. It’s just different with him. Fuck it! I need a distraction. I then turn on my i-pad and hell yeah, level 102 Candy Crush Saga! Here we go!

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~18.07.2013, 3.30 a.m., CODE NAME: FRAGILE~

They might have not figured it out yet, but The Dead End (TDE)’s assassins go by code names. Here in the abandoned warehouse, Codename Master is meeting up with his underling, Codename Fragile. This is one of their favorite missions so far. Sadly, this is Fragile’s mission. He could not finish off with the politician the other day due to some unplanned disturbance and the decoy had to take his place and kill the politician instead.

This time, however, he will make sure that there will be no room for failure. Two more targets to get over with. And then he will commit suicide.

“It appears that you have found your targets, Fragile,” Master said.

“I have, Master. I’ll be quick to finish them off,” Fragile informed with an evil smile pursed on his lips.

“Quickly, is it?” Master asked, making sure that Fragile is certain of his very decision.

“Yes. You have a problem with that, Master?” Fragile asked, sensing Master’s uncertainty.

Master shakes his head and looks down to the ground. “Nope. Take your time. It’ll be such a waste to lose someone as capable as you so soon anyway,” he said.

“Are you not ready to let me go?” Fragile asked, playing with Master’s feelings. He loves to do this. He loves to play with people emotion just to see how far will it go until they break.

“I’m always ready to let go. When you joined TDE, I’ve already let you go. I knew in the end, you’ll put the bullet through your brain anyway. You almost did that when I first met you,” Master said, reminding Fragile how he had invited him to joined TDE when he found him trying to commit suicide many years ago.

“Yes. You gave me a reason to live, Master. And for that, I thank you.” Fragile said. Sweet memories…, he thought. “So, obviously, you did not ask me to meet you here just for chit-chat, isn’t it? What’s new?” He asked.

“Oh, I would want you to meet with a partner, Codename: Angel. She will help you to carry out your mission,” Master informed.

“I don’t see why I would need help, Master,” Fragile said arrogantly. He has a reason to be arrogant anyway. He is one of the best that TDE have ever had.

“Of course you don’t see it,” Master said, refusing to answer why… Fragile only smirks. He also doesn’t bother to know why anyway. “She will get there the next day. I hope everything will set in motion by the time she got there?”

“It will…,” Fragile assured Master. “Very well, Master. It’s up to you,” Fragile said. A partner is a partner for all that he cares. He’s still going to do things his way. He is about to leave when Master grabs his shoulder, preventing him from leaving.

“Hold on,” Master said. He then moves closer to Fragile’s side and kisses him softly on his lips. Fragile returns the kiss like it was nothing to him and when the kiss ended, he did not say a word. He just smiles insinuatingly at Master. “This is what I’ll miss most of you,” Master said with a suggestive smile on his face.

Fragile smirks. “So, Master, are you sure you had let me go?” Fragile asked, playing with Master’s sanity. He is making Master questions his own principle. But that was a good question anyway… because deep in Master’s heart, he knew he had been captivated by Fragile’s conflicting personality. He is beautifully broken… and dangerous… That what makes everything so exciting to him. And yes, he’s not ready to let him go. Not just yet…

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