Chapter 4. Ruined (Part 2)

~15/07/2013, 5.00 p.m., IVAN HENDRIK~

What the fuck was that?! Why did I suddenly got out of hand and provoked him like that? I must be going insane! He’s an important witness to this case and I had just probably made him become incorporative with us. I must be crazy!

But his eyes, his hair, his face… they’re just getting on my nerve. I just feel very upset and angry at the same time at him. I had no idea why. Just like back at high school. I just can’t see him. I always wanted to harass him. His eyes, I feel like shutting them down so they no longer look into mine. His hair, I just want to pull it so hard and slam his head to the wall. His face, I just want to throw punches at it over and over again. It’s just crazy! High school was long gone. I was not that person anymore. But why? Why is it with Jeremy, I just can’t control these sadistic desires? He’s driving me nuts!

I stare at him now through the glass from the other part of the interrogation room where from inside of the interrogation room itself, they will only see a mirror in its’ place. I sigh to myself. I’m hopeless. Carl joins me in the small room a while later. “Ivan, what is wrong with you?” He asked. “What was all that?”

“That was…” I started trying to explain but the words got choked up in my throat. What’s there to explain, really? I’m blank… “I don’t know,” I said.

“Well, you better start behaving yourself because you, and you alone, will ensure of his safety,” Carl reminded me.

“What are you talking about?” I asked in confusion.

“I will put him under your care. Effective immediately,” Carl stated. What the fuck? Jeremy? Under my care? No way in hell!

“What? No way, Carl. You can’t do this. You see, I can’t stand him! H- He’s gay!” I wanted to give a strong excuse but I blurted out the lamest and stupidest excuse instead.

Carl makes a face like he didn’t give a damn and only shoots a look back at me in disbelief. “Grow up, Ivan. What’s gay got to do with anything? You sounded like a 12-year-old. Now go do your job,” he instructed.

By saying that Jeremy is under my care, it only means one thing. Jeremy is being placed under our special witness protection program and I’ll be his escort. With important witnesses such as Jeremy, an officer will also be joining the program and go undercover. I’ll soon have a new identity along with Jeremy and it’s just suck. We don’t get along. At all. Carl is intentionally doing this to punish me for my behavior. It’s way too obvious. “Can you find someone else, Carl? You see how he and I are doing. It’s not great. I can’t guarantee you of his safety. Jesus, I might be the one who killed him in the end,” I pleaded, trying to buy my way out.

Carl only sighs at me in reply. “I hate to say this but Ivan, you’re the only one who I can trust for such position. And if you manage to keep him safe until we have him identify our suspects, I’m making you chief,” he said.

“What?” I asked. This is a bit surprising to me despite of me being uninterested in the position at all.

“I’m retiring… and I’d like you to have my position,” he added. No way. Is he serious? “And he is in grave danger, Ivan. He might not have any positive ID for the Master’s face. But he can ID his voice, his height, and hair color. That’s good enough for us. But TDE didn’t know that. As far as they’re concern, he is a liability to them. They will hunt him down and kill him. You, out of all people, should know that. You must protect him,” he said.

I sigh back at him, holding the both side of my waist with my hands. He’s right… Jeremy is in danger. Despite of our bad history in high school, I’ll still have to do my job. I just have to put up with him. I just have to try… I must put up with him. It’s my job after all, damn it.

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~15.07.2013, 9.00 p.m., JEREMY JEFFERSON~

Trip to Venice and those romantic nights I had dreamed of with my boyfriend… Ruined.

The so-called promising career path at Sonic Cooler… Ruined.

A normal life… Not possible.

Keeping contacts with my family, friends, and Brandon… No way in hell!

The fuck! My life is ruined. I cursed to myself for even going to the Vertigo this morning… And now I’m stuck in a long car ride in this dead of the night with Ivan Hendrik, the school’s ever famous jerk of the century! They’re moving me… with this jerk… to Canada for the special witness protection program all the way from Washington D.C. by car! And this jerk is driving. How screw up is all this? Fuck. Great. Ugh!

“So what’s your name again?” He asked me out of a sudden, breaking the silence. Is he trying to be funny?

“Jeremy, you idiot,” I answered nonchalantly.

“Wrong,” he indicated, ignoring me totally for calling him an idiot. What’s wrong with him? That is my name anyway. Oh, then it suddenly occurred to me that he must’ve meant my new identity name!

I stare down at the cards in my hands. They’re supposed to be my new driver’s license and ID. “Jayson Scott,” I said. It’s amazing how they can just change our identity in minutes just like that. I almost feel excited like I’m Jason Bourne for a while back there until reality hits me that my life is, well, ruined, actually. This is nothing to be excited about.

“Good. And I am Ivan Scott, your big brother. Keep that in mind. Your life before you were over. This is your new life, your new name, your new self. Adapt. Leave the past behind,” he instructed me.

I don’t know what to say or what to think. I suppose it’s easier said than done. All I know that, this is hell for me. I bet it is hell for this jerk as well since he’s stuck with me. I know how much he hates me. And I know just how much I hate him too. He made my high school’s life a torment.

“So, when was it that we last met?” He suddenly asked. Is he trying to be friendly this time? Oh fuck. He can fuck off at that!

“When you stuffed me into my locker,” I lied.

“Did I? I’d never stuffed you into one,” he said, defending himself.

“You did,” I said, rolling my eyes in displeasure.

“But I thought the last time I did that was in fourth grade,” he said.

I laugh sarcastically a little. “Wow… you remember,” I indicated.

“Of course. You were so tiny, you’d fit into a luggage,” He said, mocking me, I think. Or maybe he’s trying to be funny for real. But it’s not funny at all to me. I roll my eyes at him again and look out the window, refusing to have any more conversation with him. What’s the point anyway? Why in hell would I want to talk about my horrible past experience with him? It might be great for him. But for me, it was a series of unending nightmares that I’d like to forget. He notices me being quiet and he just chooses to infuriate me even more. “The last time we met was in graduation,” he said. I look over at him. I don’t quite remember. I just remember how happy I was to escape school’s life. I don’t remember seeing him. “I saw you and Michael kissing in a hidden corner behind the stage,” he said.

“What?!” I was shocked to hear this. “You saw that?” I asked. Fuck. No one’s supposed to know! Hell, I don’t even remember all that until he told me! I laugh a little. He only smiles to himself at my reaction. “So, what did you say or do to Michael after witnessing that?” I asked curiously.

“Nothing,” he said. I was surprised at his answer. Why didn’t he? He hates homosexuals like me, right? He should be aware by then that Michael is obviously homosexual too. “I pretended like I didn’t know anything,” he said. Michael was Ivan’s best friend back at school. He was one of my bullies too until he confessed one day and we went out in secret at the time and during graduation, I only kissed him as a sign of farewell since I no longer wanted to continue with the relationship. “Did you have sex with him?” He asked.

I smile. Well, the kiss wasn’t enough for Michael, of course. We did end up going to his house and had sex. That was our first time and our last. He wanted to see me again afterwards but I rejected him. I only had sex with him because I needed to taste it. I just needed to lose my virginity. But it wasn’t that great with him anyway. I’m a free man after that. I felt like I’m a success. I had no idea why. I felt no shame. I felt like I was in control. I smirk at Ivan. “We did,” I answered. “Lost my virginity in the process,” I added.

“What?! You were a virgin before him?!” He asked.

“Yeah…” I confessed.

“Why him? You could’ve chosen someone else instead,” he asked. Where is he getting at with this question? Is he speaking for my concern or for Michael’s?

“With who then? You?” I asked. Ivan gives a look at me like he’s saying ‘no way in hell’. I laugh at him. “It doesn’t matter,” I said. “Why does it matter?” I asked. “I’d even slept with you if it were you who confessed to me,” I added.

He laughs and then quickly shakes his head. “I would not be fucking with you, sorry,” he said. “I’m straight as a flag pole,” he indicated. He then suddenly seems to be lost in thinking for a while. “So, he confessed to you?” He asked. I only give him a slight nod. Ivan got quiet afterwards. What is he thinking about? Is he feeling regret for making his best friend lie to him and pretended to be someone else in front of him? Good thing. He should be regretting for being such a jerk back then. No one is perfect. Nothing is real. You only believe what you wanted to believe. Isn’t it such a shame to have hypocrites around you for simply being who you are? I pity you, Ivan.

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