Chapter 8

Morning came and even though what happened was last night's memory, I couldn't help but smile at the fact that Miggy kissed me...that he admitted he might actually like me. I didn't want to get my hopes up but at least, there was something I can look forward to.

I woke up to the worst migraine ever. I wanted to get ready as soon as I could because I wanted to get this done and over with. The doctor can help me. That was all I could think of. I didn't want this to bother me anymore. Seeing a professional will help sort things out and give me the medicine or treatment...if there is even anything to treat. The moment I sat upright, I felt my stomach turn upside down. I ran to the bathroom and threw up. I must really have a bad case of stomach flu. I didn't feel so good. I cleaned up after myself and quickly took a bath and changed.

I looked at my watch to check the time. "Shit!" I exclaimed. I didn't realize that I had overslept...again!

I took some biscuits to eat along the way. I wasn't at all that hungry after vomiting my guts out this morning and if I had stayed any longer, I might be late for my appointment. Good thing the universe wasn't against me today. There was no traffic and everything seemed to have gone smoothly all the way to the doctor's clinic...everything except the fact that I forgot to call Stacey where I was.

"speaking of the devil," I pick up my phone and answered.

"hey! where are you? in case you forgot, we still have lots of things to do and so little time," Stacey scolded.

"I'm sorry. I forgot to call you. Remember when I was supposed to go pick up supplies yesterday but things happened? Well, I'm doing them today," I said, trying to sound assertive.

She was quiet. Just when I thought I had convinced her, I was stupid enough to stand so close to the doctor's secretary. "Doctor Moriss, Dr. Clyde is on the line. He says it's urgent. He says it's about your patient in room 301."

"Doctor Moriss? why are you there? what is going on?" she asks, panic apparent in her voice.

"Can you please calm down? Don't let Miggy hear you. Don't take this the wrong way. I'm just here for a consultation. I just wanted to know if the doctor can give the medication for the stomach flu."

"Stomach flu?"

"Yeah. I didn't really tell you but I have been vomiting for a week now. This could explain why I felt a sudden pain in my stomach yesterday. I just really want to get this checked. You very much know how worried I am about inheriting the family heirloom;" I continued, "Talk to you later, I'm next."

"Alright. Take care and tell me what the doctor's diagnosis is when you're done, Okay"

"I will."

"Ms. Dawn, the doctor's ready to see you now," the secretary called out my name.

I went inside and closed the door behind me.

"Well, Hello. It's been quite some time since we last saw each other. I'm expecting you've been taking care of yourself better than before."

"I did but I think I've been overworking myself again and I've been feeling under the weather lately."

"I see. Any allergies acting up? Had any fever or colds?"

"No. None of those. I did throw up last night and this morning...actually, it's been a week now. I got even more worried because yesterday, I felt so much pain in my stomach area and I noticed that I've been sleeping a lot lately that not even my alarm clock wakes me up."

"is that so? alright, I need you to change into that gown and wait for me on that bed."

I did as the doctor told me. There was a...certain anticipation running through my mind.

"Can you tell me when you last had your period?" the doctor asked while putting on gloves.

I started counting in my head. It's been over a month and I just realized that I'm late. "actually, I think I'm a week or two late. I completely lost track because I got a bit busy; although, yesterday, I found a small amount of blood on my underwear after I felt a sharp pain in my stomach but there was no blood on the napkin when I woke up."

"I see. Are you still following through with the medication I gave you?"

"Oh my god! No. I wasn't able to. I got caught up with work in the last few months."

"you do know that the medication was given to you for a purpose right?" I could feel the doctor's annoyance through her voice but I don't blame her. "Alright, we're going to do a transvaginal ultrasound on you this time to take a closer look. You might feel slight pain and it would be a bit cold. ready?"

I take a deep breath and nod. It felt really weird, to be honest. It was like she just placed a vibrator inside me...minus the vibration, of course, and the gel was like a lubricant...that's more on discomfort than a turn-on. I can't say that I'm quite nervous though. I was humming tunes in my head to get me to a happy place of some sort but it didn't budge. I've been seeing Doctor Moriss for a long time now. She's been helping me keep track of everything that's goin' on in my body. I had to make sure that I was healthy; after all, considering my family history, I can't be too careful. Back then, I had to come here at least once every two months to get checked and then once every two months turned to once in three months, and when Miggy left, I had to stop coming back because I couldn't have the time to spare.

"Well, it turns out your medication worked...a little too well, I presume," doctor Moriss finally said.

Can you really hear my heartbeat down...well...there? "What do you mean doc?"

"Take a look at it yourself. I guess congratulations is in order;" she continued, "you're seven weeks pregnant."

"Wh-what?" I said, panting.

"You hear that heartbeat? that's your baby's. She or he is quite strong too," she removes the transducer and hands me a tissue. "Please get dressed and I'll be waiting for you at my table."

I just nodded. I didn't really know what to say. I was still surprised and stunned by this revelation. I changed and sat down from across her.

"Since I'm not an ob-gyn, I'm not supposed to give you any kind of medication or any further consultation but I have some suggestions on doctors you can go to. I highly recommend these doctors;" she hands me a sheet of paper with a list of doctors' names and where they are located. "They're the best in their fields that I know of. I remember you mentioned to me that you felt pain in your stomach and had blood in your underwear. If the blood was only light, there should be nothing to worry you. It's called Implantation bleeding; it's when the fetus implants itself in the lining of the uterus. 1 out of 4 expecting mothers experience that. The pain you felt, however, is not normal. It only means that you need to cut some slack. Stress will just make things worse too. Now that you are pregnant, you should take care of yourself better than you ever did before or you will risk having a miscarriage."

I just sat there quietly. I didn't really know what to say or what to think at this point. This is not how I had planned things out. This should not have been how my life should go. Moreover, how am I supposed to tell the father considering that he is a flight risk right now? How is Miggy going to take the news?...how am I supposed to tell him?

Doctor Moriss may have noticed that I wasn't myself because she reached out for my hand and tried to soothe my pain, "Look, from how I see it, it seems like you're a bit troubled by what's happening and I'm not going to ask you for anything specific but I tell you that baby is going to mean more than your own life. It's going to be your world...your everything. It's not going to be easy but I'm sure you're gonna make it work."

"Thank you," I smiled. I took my things and went straight to my car. I didn't really know what else to do so I called Stacey.

"Hello, how was your doctor's appointment?"

"um...I need to talk to you...asap. It's important," I stuttered.

"Wait, what's going on?"She asked. I could hear the curiosity and concern in her voice.

"I'm gonna take the day off if that's okay with you? I just feel a little under weather right now. Can you meet me at my condo after work?"

"Sure, you can go home. Cassie, are you okay?"

"I'm-ah...I'm fine." I tried to sound assuring but I know that she's going to see right through that.

"Cassie, you're scaring me. What's going on?"

"Is that Cassie? Why is she not at work today? Can you tell her I need to talk to her about something concerning the plans for the event?" I overhear Miggy's voice over the phone.

"Oh my god! Please don't tell him I went to see a doctor," I immediately told Stacey.

"Yeah. It's her. She went out to get supplies." I overheard Stacey say to Miggy.

"Oh. She's been gone almost half the day. Are you sure it's okay for her to be too stressed out right now considering what happened yesterday?"

"I'm sure she's fine. Besides, we both know she's an over-worker and she won't listen especially now that we have lots to do and such a little time," she lies through her teeth. Man! can this woman lie.

"Alright, I suppose I'll just call her later then," I then hear a door shut and I knew Miggy left.

"He's gone. Cassie, I'm serious. what's going on?"

I was hesitating to tell her. This isn't exactly the kind of news that would make you jump in excitement considering the circumstances. "I'm...I'm pregnant," I finally confessed.

"You're what?" She snapped. Her voice coming to an octave

"Can you please keep it down! I'm already in enough trouble as it is and I don't want Miggy to find out... Well, not just yet."

"Miggy is the father?" Her voice was still going higher

"That's kind of the problem. I'm not exactly sure if it's him."

"Wh-who are you? How many guys did you sleep with?"

"Don't say that! It's not what you think!" I said, anger in my voice. I'm a bit annoyed at the fact that she's thinking I'm some sort of slut.

"Then what is it? Unless you conceived miraculously, how else can you explain that?"

"Okay, it's not exactly like that. Can we talk about this later? That's kind of the reason why I asked if you can come to my condo after work...so we can talk in private."

"Fine! I'll be there. I'll bring the wine...no...no-no...food...I meant I'll bring the food;" she continued, "go home and rest...wait, eat first then rest."

I smiled. I knew she'd say that. She knows me all too well. In some sense, I was glad she reminded me. After hearing that revelation, hunger is the least bit of my problem and I am hours past breakfast with only the biscuit from this morning in my stomach.

"Cass, you do know that as much as I want you to have your own family, I'm not nearly as ecstatic with this news, she added.

I paused, "that makes two of us." I thanked her and ended the call.

After I ate, I went straight home. I wanted to rest my head. I wasn't really in the condition to do anything else. Don't get me wrong. I've been wanting to become a mother for so long...but I'm not really as thrilled as I should be. I mean, think about it, if it's not some other guy, then that would mean that Miggy is the father of this baby and I don't think that being a father is the last thing he's thinking of being obliged to. He can't even get his stinking feelings straight. I guess I'm more afraid of him finding out about the baby and fleeing than telling him the truth. It's not every woman's dream to become a single mother...well, at least it's not mine. Plus, the plan was always to be married first, save up and be married...then have babies but somehow, fate had other plans for me.

Evening came and by this time, Stacey was on her way here to my home. I hear the bell ring and opened it to see her standing outside with a bag full of take-out dinner.

"You do know that even though I'm pregnant that doesn't mean that I'm into the idea of gluttony."

She carries them to the table and starts unpacking, "well, now that you're pregnant, things are gonna work quite differently. There are certain foods that you would like and would not like to eat. Believed me...I've been there."

"but this is too much! What if I don't like most of the stuff that you bought...or what if I like them all... This is like a month-long supply for me," I giggled. I'm not really mad at her. She just cares too much.

"Well, whatever food you don't like, I can just bring them home with me. And whatever you like we can just stock them in your fridge and to avoid rotten food, you can heat them up in the morning and bring them to work tomorrow. I'm good either way."

"So, find anything you like?" She added.

I peeped through all the containers, "oh...that lasagna looks really nice and then cheesecake for dessert."

"Lasagna and cheesecake it is," she set them down on the table.

She takes out what she likes too and places the others on the counter to clear the table. While she did all that, I had started eating.

"Oh, my god! Slow down! You're gonna choke" she jokingly scolded.

I giggled, "sorry! It's just so good."

"I'm glad you liked it. I ordered that from Alesandro's because I know you like their lasagna's over there. I even requested to add a little bit more sauce."

I swallowed, "thank you." I plastered the widest smile on my face.

I wasn't really that hungry but the smell was just so irresistible. The way they make it at Alessandro's is just so exquisitely done. The balance amongst the variety of cheese they used is just spot on. Unlike other restaurants I've been in, they are very generous with the meat so in every bite, you can taste them. The pasta was cooked just to perfection. So who wouldn't like it? Right?

Stacey starts eating too. We both enjoy each of our meals and just as I'm enjoying my meal, Stacey couldn't stand to stay quiet.

"I don't mean to put my nose where it doesn't belong but I believe you have something to say," she says, emphasizing almost every word. It's annoying when she does that; it means one thing, she's obsessing. She has that habit of consistently thinking about things...issues that she can't let go of until she's satisfied with an outcome or answer. "I'm sorry but I just had to ask. The suspense was killing me all day," she added.

"Remember when I haven't had much sleep to prepare for Mr. Lee's daughter's event? After we had packed up, I went to the club with Miggy and his friends. I got a bad headache and Miggy being so drunk gave me his antihistamine instead of a pain killer...a very strong drug never the less. It knocked me out real good. The next thing I know I woke up naked in a hotel room."

"And Miggy was there too?" She assumed.

"No, but Miggy came here and apologized and admitted not only for giving me the wrong medicine but also for leaving me alone in the hotel."

I could see Stacey's confusion so evidently on her face. "So if Miggy admitted to that then why are you having doubts?"

"Because Miggy was too drunk to even stand on his own two feet...let alone drive or walk on his own for that matter. For all I know, I'm sure he had some help, or at least we both had."

"Right. Of course. With that being said, how can we gain the phone numbers of Miggy's friends? to you know...know the truth."

"That won't be necessary. I already know who it is. Fortunately, there's only one."

"Who is it and how did you know that?"

"I called the hotel a while ago. Luckily enough, they still have the files to help me and they were able to give me the name of the person who checked us in and guess who it is;" I cleared my throat, "David...as in my ex David."

"Oh dear lord! It just got even more fucked up than it already is."

"Tell me about it," I agreed.

"Are you planning on talking to him?"

"I do. We're meeting up tomorrow for lunch."

"Okay but why don't you want me to tell Miggy about this...well, now that he could very much not be the father, I think he'd be a bit thrilled don't you think?"

"Well, we're kind of in a good place right now and I don't want to mess it up...not now."

"That's true though. You know, I can't imagine what his reaction would be if for instance he really is the father. I mean, considering his sexual preference and the fact that he thinks of you as a mere friend...I don't think that would be the most fantastic news to hear."

"Actually, that's not technically true."

"What do you mean?" She asked, her voice getting higher as she reached the end.

"Miggy admitted to me that he likes me," I stand up and went to the fridge to get something to drink.

"Wh-what? Seriously? And you never bothered to tell me?" She smacks her hand onto the wooden table so hard that I thought she was gonna break it with her bare hands.

"It just happened...literally. He just admitted it last night and well, I was really going to tell you that but certain things happened," I waved my hand over my stomach. "Besides, it's not really that per se. He thinks he's developing feelings for me-he thinks he likes me."

"Well, then let's tell him. Why wait? Don't you think he deserves to know?" Stacey calmly suggests.

I look at her in anger. What the hell is she thinking? Is she crazy or something? "Don't you think I know that? Don't you think that I'm not dying to tell him? He's not only the possible father but he is also my best friend, Stacey."

"I'm sorry, okay? It's just that pregnancy is something you can't hide forever and we don't have forever to wait for him to make a choice."

I sighed. She's right and it does make perfect sense but I just don't think now would be the best time to tell him. "I know but I don't want him to choose just because he has to and definitely not because he is obliged to. I want him to make that choice because it's the truth. Besides, the last time I made a pass at Miggy he fled...without a word, without a trace...without so much as a goodbye, and now that I know that there could be something more than just friendship between us...if he's gonna know about the baby before he even figures out his real feelings for me, I'm afraid he's gonna leave...and this time for good," I said, voice panicky.

Wow! I can't believe I said all that. It was like I was a ticking time bomb exploding amidst everything. "I'm scared, Stacey...no-actually, scared is an understatement...I'm dead terrified. I don't know if I'm ready to become a mother. I mean, ever since the baby's conception, I was already a screw-up. How am I supposed to live by a mother's standards?"

"Oh, my god! Screw those standards! We're people...we make mistakes every day. Heck, we have unlimited chances to make mistakes for as long as we live. Just yesterday, I bumped Tyler's head onto the car door because I wasn't holding him right but I don't care if people think I'm a bad mom for doing that. Hell, even my son knows I didn't mean to do that because he laughed it off. Mistakes are supposed to guide us not make us. People who define others by their mistakes aren't people and most likely, those kinds of people are those who have made mistakes but don't want to admit it."

This is why she's the very first person I told about my situation. She understands me. She makes me feel important and that I'm allowed to make mistakes. Stacey is my pillar. She makes me feel strong even at my weakest. She's not just my friend...she's family; sometimes, she's more of a family to me than my own. She accepts me for who I am and she supports me; not every time and in every decision but at least, when I tell her things no matter how silly or cruel or no matter how difficult I may be, she never looks at me differently. She never treats me differently. She never makes me feel like I'm a screw-up. When she tells me the truth, it hurts but she guides me instead of judging me. When she's being overly frank, she makes me feel like I have unlimited chances for a do-over and she doesn't force things on me; instead, she makes me see things the way they should and she helps me learn from it on my own. Even though we just met in college, it feels like we've been friends for all my life...sometimes, I feel like we've been friends in our past lives. She's a Godsend and considering what I'm going through right now, I don't think I'd last a day without her in my life. I feel as if my life would end if she disappears from it.