Five: Miserable Mondays

It was Monday and the last place I wanted to be right now was at Wyatt’s Automobils trying not to beat my latest customer over the head with his walking stick. I glared at the back of Mr. Santiani’s head as he walked off, his weathered, leathery hand snug around his date’s far too small waist. He was an eighty something year old Italian American business mogul and apparently had a taste for barely legal black chicks on the side. This was the fifth bitch he was buying a car for since I started working here two years ago. It was no wonder Mrs. Santiani had that heart attack a few months ago.

You tell these women niggas will be the death of them and they don’t listen. Thinking of niggas is enough to drag my mind back to that ridiculous scene on Friday night and I’m pissed off all over again. Two days had past and I still couldn’t believe the audacity of that bitch. There I was, tryna have an innocent conversation with her and she was eye fucking me the entire time. Ugh. That’s what I got for being friendly.

I trail after Mr. Santini and Thot 005 who couldn’t decide what the hell they wanted with an impressive ass scowl on my fac. Diamond (isn’t that just the thottiest name you ever heard?) is lucky I’m distracted otherwise I would have smacked her up the head for all her asinine questions.

The part that keeps blowing my mind about Friday is how she had the guts to act all offended and shit. SHE hit on ME. Shouldn’t I be the one mad? How a nigga gon’ be minding they own business and some she Hulk tryna come get with you? I shook my head; shit was crazy.

I half slide my phone out of my pocket and covertly text Cleo about picking up some Mexican after her shift today. I haven’t really seen her since we left the club and I low key miss her ass. She doesn’t reply right away so I stuff it back down my jeans ignoring all my other messages. Chantel ass texted me a couple of times but I hadn’t answered and I wasn’t going to. I was fucking mad at her too. Luring me to the club so her homeboi could hit on me and shit. I’m pretty sure she knows I don’t fuck with studs that way at all so why she thought she could pull this shit off was beyond me. Diamond settles on a pink Maseratti coupe (how original) and I finally wave them outta the store with a fake ‘thanks for shopping’ smile on my face. One perk about Mr. Santiani was the nice bonus his expensive ass purchases always got me. I could probably upgrade my TV with that one. Finally get that Samsung 4k HD set in fifty two nice, clean inches. Mmm.

My phone vibrates in my pocket in a way that lets me know I have a phone call. I can’t get it in the middle of the store because Denny, my asshole of a store manager, finds any activity not directly related to the garage ‘disgusting’ and he’s standing right there at the entrance talking to a new couple that just arrived. I figure I’d wait it out and call the person later. The moment the vibration ended however, it begun again. What the hell was wrong with this person? Didn’t they have a job?

I start to head to the bathroom when Denny calls for me.

“Shawne? I’d like you to meet Sarah and Matt. They’re looking for a spacious, eco-friendly,affordable family-sized four wheeler. I was just telling them how you’re the best person for the job!”

He gestured the the young just-got-out-of-college-and-starting-a-life-together couple and turned to the man. “Shawne is a top agent in our highly trained, very diverse sales crew. She’s very sensitive to the needs of all our customers.”

All three of them looked at me and smiled crackerly. I blinked. Were they expecting me to say something wise and technical? I just showed the cars and answered relevant (or dumb) questions about them. My phone buzzed again in my pants and it was loud enough that my face flamed. “Um…” I tried to ignore it, I really did but my thigh was getting numb and all the buzzing started to sound like it was from a vibrator instead of my dumb ass phone. Denny’s smile turned from customer serving to that brittle ‘You better get your shit together right now or you catching hands’. I used to think only black mama’s smiled like that until I started working for him.

“Uh… excuse me for a minute. Family… emergency.”

I muttered and fled the scene while Denny tried to assure Matt and whats her face that his ‘top employees’ didn’t walk around with a party in their pants.

I rush into the women’s restroom and whip out my phone answering it without looking at the contact.

“What the fuck?!” I say in tandem with the voice at the other end of the phone. I scowl. How this mudafucker gon’ call my phone like that then cuss at me?

“I’m glad you decided to pick up bitch. I was bout to come over there and whoop the lightskin off yo dumb ass.” My scowl deepened. Of course it was gonna be Chantel.

“You got some damn nerve talking to me like that after the stunt you just pulled. You tryna get me fired or some shit?”

“Answer my damn texts then! I wouldn’t be blowing up yo phone in the middle of the fucking day if you did!” She fumed.

“Bitch if I wanted to talk to you, I would have replied yo damn texts! It not like I ain’t see em!”

“Well too bad. I got some shit to say to you and yo ass is gon’ listen.”

“You got some shit to say to me? BITCH! I GOT SHIT TO TELL YOU!” I half yelled, half growled. There was thumping on my wall from the other stall. “Keep it down will you?”

I whack the stall in response and the bitch curses. “Mind yo damn business.” I ignore her mutters and turn back to my phone. “I can’t believe you would set me up like that Chantel!”

“Nigga what the fuck is you going on about? How’d I set you up?”

“Inviting me to that stupid party so your dumb ass friend could make some lame ass moves on me!”

She went quiet and I smirked in satisfaction. “You thought I wasn’t gon’ figure out your role in all of this? Asking me to come to the club and shit.”

“Shawne. I invited over a hundred mudafucking people there. It’s a club. I was one of the promoters.”

“Really? So you absolutely did not know that Dom or whatever the fuck they call that nigga, would make a move on me?”

Chantel made a frustrated sound. “Jesus fucking Christ. So she told me she liked you! Big fucking deal! I told her you didn’t swing that way and invited you like I did half the people there! That’s what you’re mad about?”

“No! I’m mad that you sold me out to yo friend despite knowing how I feel about that!”

“About what Shawne? Lesbians liking women?” I hated the sarcasm in her voice like I was being childish. Dammit! I knew how I felt about this and I wasn’t gonna let anyone tell me different.

“You know what? Fuck you Chantel! Tell yo nasty ass friend to stay the hell away from me! If I wanted a nigga I’d find a damn man!”

There was silence for a moment and I started to think we’d disconnected before her voice came again, low and filled with quiet rage.

“You know what? You’re right. It’s my own damn fault. I’m sorry my friend dared have a crush on you and try to show it by talking and buying you drinks. I’m sure Dom’s sorry too. I know you’re not into studs but I didn’t know you’d be this much of a dick about it. Don’t worry. Dom won’t bother you anymore and from now on, neither will I.”

With that, she hung up. I held the phone away from my ear and stared at it in disbelief. Then, my anger set it. Who the fucking hell did that bitch think she was? So I didn’t want her friend’s dick in me? I didn’t fuck niggas in any form and that definitely included niggas with vagina. Who the fuck was she to tell me what I could and couldn’t be mad at? I don’t care if they’re her friend or not. If a nigga ever pull that shit with me, I clear em straight up. “Fuck you bitch.” I growl at my phone and stuff it back in my pants before storming out of my stall. A middle aged woman glares at me from the mirror of the sink as I leave and I figure she’s the stall thumper from the way she’s still grumbling under her breath.

“Can’t even be bothered to wash her hands. Dirty little thing.”

I catch and whip around. “You real bad at minding yo damn business ain’t you Karen? One more comment about me and I’ll stick my dirty little fingers in yo fucking mouth!”

I left her staring after me in shock and stormed out of the bathroom almost running smack into Denny. He glowered at me.

“My office! Now!” I groaned.

Five hours later, I stalked out of my work place, cursing Denny and everyone in it that made my life far more difficult. At least for the next fifteen hours I was free and I fully planned on making the best of it. I usually took the bus home. Was it ironic that I convinced people to buy cars I myself did not use? Welcome to capitalism 101.

A glance at my phone shows that although I have a number of texts, Cleo hasn’t replied me yet. She’d probably been working but usually she managed to shoot off a response to me quickly enough. The silence was a little unnerving and I try to remind myself that it doesn’t mean she’s dead in a ditch somewhere. Since she officially became a member of the Atlanta Police Department, long silences from her usually didn’t sit well with me. Dammit, she could at least call to let me know she was okay if she was gonna be MIA. I hit the call button on her contact and after it rings twice, call and Uber instead. After I have him stop at the Chipotle outlet nearby, we head over to Cleo’s building. She was usually off early on Monday’s, the lucky bitch, so I actually had a chance of catching her at home. Which made it doubly weird that I still hadn’t been able to reach her. I knock once I reach Apartment 12B, bag of goodies in hand.

The door opens and there she is, in boxer shorts and a tank top and definitely not dead. My annoyance rises. “Boy why the fuck would you not answer the phone. I been tryna reach yo ass all day! You would not believe what Chantel just fucking did!”

Cleo shrugs but says nothing. I start to move past her so I can get inside with our dinner and game but she doesn’t budge. I pause with a frown. What the hell is going on?

“You gon’ let me in or do I need to fill an application first?”

“I dunno Shawne. I kinda wanna be alone right now.” Oh. My annoyance turned to worry. “Hey. You okay? Did something happen at work?”

“Nah. I’m good.” I stand there awkwardly for a moment. I’m not sure what to do now. She’s never not let me in her house before and I’d pissed her off more times than I can count during the length of our relationship. She didn’t even seem all that angry now.

“Um… did I do something?” She shrugged. “Not to me but knowing you there’s probably a kicked puppy crying somewhere.” On any other day, I woulda laughed at that but coupled with the way she was acting, it felt more like a dig than a joke. I decided I was just gonna leave until whatever crawled up her asshole came back down.

“Alright. I got you some food though so you might as well have it.”

She shrugged again. “Nah. I’m good.” And just like that, my worry disappeared in a flash on anger. The fuck was all the attitude for?

“What the hell is your problem man?” She gave me a blank face. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Fuck that! You’ve been acting strange since yesterday and I swear to God if you don’t tell me why right now, I’m gon’ smack them nappy lil curls off that big ass head of yours!”

“What happened at the club the other night?” She said so suddenly that I blinked.

“What? What does that have to do with anything?” She doesn’t reply and I let out an irritated sigh. “I told you. That nigga tried to fucking get with me and Chantel set it up! That’s the only reason they invited us in the first place!”

Cleo shook her head. “Jesus. You can’t even hear yourself can you?”

I frowned “Cleo if you wanna say something then say it but I’m getting sick and tired of everyone talking to me like I’m stupid. I don’t like studs. I’ve always made that perfectly clear.”

“So why didn’t you just clear Dom up?”

“That’s what I did!”

“No. You acted like an asshole and completely embarrassed her in front of everyone because you thought she liked you? Did she even say that with her own mouth? Or did your dumb ass just assume that after she didn’t see the big deal with two butches making out?”

I open my mouth and then close it when nothing immediately comes to mind. Okay. So she hadn’t exactly said she liked me but it had been implied and I didn’t like it.

“I thought so. But you know what? Even if she did hint at it, why the hell couldn’t you just say no thank you? Why you have to go off on her like that? You’ve been scowling and pissing at everybody for two fucking days because a stud flirted with you and you wonder why I don’t wanna be around you?” I gaped. “Cleo… what the… that’s not wh─”

“Tell me then? Why? What is it about a stud liking you that is so fucking disgusting? I mean we are all lesbians here aren’t we?”

I shrugged uncomfortable with the direction the conversation was taking. My best friend isn’t on my side for once and I… don’t exactly know what to do with that.

“I mean I guess. But there’s nothing wrong with me not wanting to fuck a stud.” I crossed my hands over my chest and glared at her, daring her to disagree. To my surprise she just sighed. “Of course not. What’s wrong is you acting like she’s committed some great atrocity by even thinking it.”

She gave me a sad smile. “Seeing you act this way makes me glad I never told you when I had a crush on you.” My jaw dropped. “Yeah. I was stupid enough to fucking like you Shawna Avery Parks. I knew you’d never fuck with me like that so I settled for being friends. Now I’m not so sure if I wanna be friends with someone’s who would’ve called me disgusting for liking them.”

“I… Cleo… I would never… I wouldn’t do that to you!”

“Why not? I’m a stud ain’t I? And god forbid we like each other!”

“It’s not like that! Come on man I wouldn’t do that to you! You didn’t see the way she was looking at me.” Thinking of it made me shiver “It was weird man. There’s something off with that nigga.”

Cleo gave me a look. “Right. Whatever.” She starts to close her door on me and I put out a hand to stop her. “Cleo! Wait! Alright! Maybe I overreacted a lil bit! I just don’t like it okay? But come on man. I don’t think you’re gross or whatever.”

She glared at me. “Gee. Thanks.”

I winced. What the hell was happening here? I’d just wanted to eat pizza, smoke a blunt and play Red Dead Redemption with my best friend. Not this!

“Cleo… I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”

She shook her head. “I’m over my own feelings so I’m good. I’m just… disappointed as hell. Besides, I don’t think not the one you should be apologizing to.”

And just like that, she closed the door in my face, the soft click amplified by the empty hallway she left me alone in.