10

I've been home alone for four days now with no news from Ken since he deserted the apartment after beating me.

I am recovering little by little from the blows, the traces on my blow are starting to go away, I apply an ointment that I had bought when we went to the shopping center, which helps me a lot moreover, to attenuate the pain and stop the red marks on my skin.

I would like life to move on and for everything to be erased as it goes. And long hearses, without drums or music, parade slowly through my soul, vanquished hope cries, and atrocious, despotic anguish, on my tilted skull plants its black flag.

The goods of the earth, far from fulfilling our wishes, only hollow the soul and increase the void. All paths are circular and they don't lead somewhere but within ourselves, because the fog of our fears is too thick, and the roads that seem to lead somewhere else are illusions.

Melancholy is a twilight. Suffering melts into a dark joy. Melancholy is the happiness of being sad.

In the evening I was reaching the end of my book when I heard the keys in the lock of the front door, I started to stress! He came back and he will hit me again, I squeezed the book with both hands, as if to convey all my stress to him.

I could see it since I was back to him, he went straight into the room, I sighed with relief, I'm relieved that he didn't come to me.

It's now been more than two hours since the devil's little brother came home, he hasn't come to see me, no approach thank God!

Tired, I wanted to go to sleep, but I was so hesitant. During the time that I was alone in the apartment I took the time to do a little tour of the apartment, I could see that there were two more bedrooms that could be locked, I suspect that there don't want me to sleep in a room other than his.

I went to the master bedroom, if that's what I can call him, he was sitting on the couch watching TV with a glass of whiskey in his hand.

I went to the bathroom, took a nice relaxing shower. I was stressing about sleeping in the same bed as this man who hurts me so much. Fatigue took over me, I lay down on the bed, he was not yet by my side. I was starting to fall into the arms of Morpheus when I felt a hand on my breasts

I opened my eyes automatically, he anticipated my gesture.

Ken: I just want to sleep Ella..

My heartbeat quickened, I think he felt it because he hugged me tightly and buried his face in the crook of my neck. What does he want from me?! I don't want to feel his hands on my body or his breathing, I want to smother her in her sleep. I couldn't sleep all night, I was so on my guard, I was afraid he might touch me.

I managed to fall asleep only in the early morning when he was getting ready to go to work, as soon as he left I managed to fall asleep without any difficulty.

When I woke up, lying by my side on the bed, a box of a new phone, I got up, I don't want his phone! He didn't have to damage my phone for any reason.

My days suck! I read books, that's all I do, I don't understand what this man wants to do to me.

A few hours later Dan came to the doorbell, giving me a message, I have to get ready because Ken is coming to pick me up in a few minutes.

An hour later, we are both in the car, without being accompanied by Dan, or are we going, I wouldn't say it, nobody speaks, there is a dead silence. I look at the road around me and I recognize the way to get home. He couldn't tell me that we were coming to see my father directly?! Already he has a mental problem, he also has a problem with communication, pathetic!

It's parked in front of our door

Ken: no blunder El..

Me: yes Ken! I know ! Cutting it

We both got out of the car, my father was waiting for us in front of the front door, my heart was beating at a thousand paces, my hands were sweaty, all I wanted was to shout "daddy save me of this demon! “But I was paralyzed, paralyzed, no sound could come out of my mouth.

Ken: hello mister COKER how are you!? Shaking his hand

Dad: thank you I'm fine Ken and you?!

Ken: shit..

Dad: and how is my daughter?!

They both turned around in front of me, I couldn't get a word out of my mouth, I was having an anxiety attack, my air was cut off, when I saw my grandmother in the home come to us, I threw up on my dad's shoes.

My grandmother immediately took me with her, we went to the bathroom, she cleaned me up, I let myself go, I had no strength.

Grandma: cava?!

Me: I'm just a little tired

Grandma: Are you pregnant?!

What me ?! Nope !! Why do you say his grandmother?! I say on the defensive

Grandmother: I don't know.. maybe that's why you got married so quickly

Me: no.. it's not for her. Getting up

Grandmother: and what is it for then?! I know you my daughter, you tell me everything and this man I have never heard of him

Me: I wasn't sure of my feelings yet, it's for her..

Grandmother: and now you're sure?!

Me: Grandma I'm tired, I just want to rest

Grandmother: What's wrong with you?! You are so hot. She laid on her hand on my forehead

Me, I do not know ..

Grandma: Are you sure you're not pregnant?!

Me no !! I insisted

Grandmother: which can be quite normal you are a married woman now

Me no ! And then it's not ready to happen! Alright let's go down!

I was irritated, it pissed me off so much that my grandmother could say that kind of thing, I know it's not mean what she says to me, just thinking about it makes me crazy, never, I say never in my life would I give a child to the devil's little brother! I would rather die than give her a child.

When we got to the living room my dad and Ken were sitting quietly chatting. I wonder what he said to my father so that he could talk to him easily, without worries

Dad: Are you feeling better?! Seeing me walk into the living room

Me: yes .. sitting next to him

Dad: don't you want to sit next to your husband?!

Me no ! I replied

They all looked at me in a different way

Me: I want to stay next to you. Catching up on my words

Dad: well .. I was able to speak with Ken a few days ago and he explained everything to me, he told me that the marriage story is not tabfault, after you learn your decision you is big, you will be twenty-one very soon, you are an adult. I was very angry because you did things behind my back, I thought you had resumed your bad habit that's why I got angry. I could see that Ken is a responsible man and he will take care otherwise you take your stuff and go home right away, my door will remain wide open for you. Ken, I'm still his father as I told you last time, he's my little girl at the slightest worry she comes home, I haven't abandoned him.

Grandmother: I just have a question for you. Addressing Ken. Do you love my little girl?!

Ken: yes

I so wanted to say you liar, he doesn't like me! He just wants to empty himself on me.

Dad: and you Ella?!

I do . Say I have against my heart

Dad: in this case I give you my blessing

Grandmother: me too, may God protect you in your union and above all I ask you to make it happy

Ken: I would

We stayed a good hour with my father and my grandmother, they were talking earlier with Ken, I couldn't speak, I just wanted to be in my father's arms, I had put my head on his torso.

Arriving at the apartment I went directly to take a shower, I still felt dirty. I was creaming my body when Ken came into the bathroom.

Me: My God!! Grabbing my towel to hide my nakedness

Ken: Are you hiding from me?!

Me: I just want to hydrate my skin quietly

Ken: I've seen you naked before

Me: yes, but I just want my privacy, is that too much to ask of you?!

Ken: let's move on! You are sick ?!

Me why ?!

Ken: you threw up earlier

Me: I don't think so

Ken: tomorrow my assistant will make an appointment with the doctor, du will go with Dan. He said before leaving

Me: you are suffocating me. I launched

Ken: What!? turning around

Me: I feel oppressed with you, suffocating is the reason why I vomited earlier, you control all my gestures at all times I feel like your thing!

He's pushing the door putting his hands in his pockets

Me: why do you make me live this kind of ordeal Ken?! You got me it's good! I'm your wife now I'm not leaving you already showed me how mentally ill you are so I can run away from you, I just want you to give me the chance to breathe, try to live a little , you already took everything around me, I belong to you now, I'm tired of fighting with you, I just want you to stop choking me .

Ken: ..

Me: you lock me up like I was a child or you put Dan in front of the door, everywhere I go he's with me, I've never lived like this

Ken: you have to get used to it now it's your life as my wife

Me: to be your prisoner?!

Ken: if that's what you think

Me: Yes that's what I think! Yes ! Adjusting my towel to my chest. It's despicable what you're doing to me. I turned on the tap to wash my hands.

Ken: Have you seen the phone I bought you?! Did he change the subject

Me: I don't want it! By your excessive anger you broke my phone now that you need to reach me at any time you buy me another? You can keep your phone!

Ken: it was to make you happy

Me: you will make me happy by freeing me! I turned off the water

Ken: how many times will I tell you that you are my wife! You won't leave Ella!

He walked up to me, grabbed me by the hips

Ken: you are my wife. He gave me a kiss on the spot. I can't concentrate like this

Me: stop!

Ken: I want my wife to feel your hands walking over my body. I want to kiss you, starting with your mouth, going down your neck

Without even being able to say a word he kissed me, like the last time, I didn't like it. How can I enjoy sleeping with my husband when I don't like him

We don't even use contraception, it's normal that grandma thinks I'm pregnant.

It is said that to make love to a sad woman is to restore her taste for happiness. I would like to say that this is completely false! I'm sad ! Very sad ! And sleeping with this man only makes it worse, etched my feelings, I'm much sadder when he puts his seed inside me.