02

I lost my mother when I was fifteen, the hardest time of my life. I was so shocked by this death so premature that I had not cried, what I did was to put all my sadness and anger in my behavior, a month after the death of my mother I made my father miserable, I still regret it today, I had stopped school, I went out every day, on weekends I was in nightclubs and on weekday evenings in bars, all the most upscale in Montreal after I had fun I worked for a year, I was so drunk from work that I quit and started my party life again for a year. It's been six years since my mother died, for three years I didn't speak to my father, I spoke to him when I turned eighteen and it's now been three years since I took over a normal relationship with my father.

I was a teenager filled with anger, I resented my father a lot, a lot, for me it was his fault that my mother died and I told him several times during the funeral, I don't care. I didn't realize how horribly mean I was, what I said only added to the pain he already had for losing his wife, if I could go back I would have supported him more and cried my mother .

My reconciliation with my father was done when I learned that he was hospitalized, the same day I learned that he had been in a car accident, I was once again broken, I put the blame on me and I cried, I was in trouble for three months, I was completely sad, I did not understand why these things were happening to me, it was a descent into hell.

One evening after his return from the hospital I had a big discussion with my father, I realized that I had so many things to tell him, so many things, so many tears, it was a while or I couldn't speak I was only crying it was like my words were flowing through my tears.

We managed to overcome all this and my father remains my father and this will never change!

We are all three seated at the table having dinner as planned

Me: Dad I got the job

Dad: congratulations my daughter, I knew you were going to have it

Daniel: and why?

Dad: because she's my daughter, let's see

Me: Dad! Be a bit modest!! In a fun tone

Dad: never when it comes to my children

Daniel: Pff!!

Dad: and when do you start?!

Me: Tomorrow morning, I'm so stressed

Dad: what company is it for??

Me: HUN and NAM

Dad: oh but it's a big company

Me: yes, I'm stressed

Dad: but no, everything will be fine, don't worry, you will succeed

Me: I'm only on probation

Dad: and they will keep you, be optimistic

Me: I hope so..

My first day at my job went well, except that I couldn't see my boss or his assistant, I was alone. I only communicated with my boss's assistant by email or phone.

The day was not stressful, I think because I was alone, no one behind me to stress me out.

I've been working for a week now and everything is going well I still haven't met my boss and his assistant and so much the better I have all the instructions by email or by phone I took my easy in my office and I really like it.

It's Friday I've decided that after work I'm going to have dinner outside, it's going to do me a lot of good because there are so many things to do in his office, it's bothering me so much I'm the last one to go out from my office on my floor.

I went to a quiet and remote little restaurant in the city, in this restaurant there are only lovers who do not want to be seen, some businessmen who like tranquility. I knew this restaurant during my crazy period and I immediately hung on I came there very often but after being reconciled with my father I stopped all outings, I focused more on my family life , finally life with my family so my father and my brother.

I was quietly sipping my glass of cocktail while waiting for my meal when a man, tall, dark, his muscles pierced his sweater, he was of mixed race complexion, bearded, well cut and short hair. ras eyes very dark to scare, a piercing gaze, when he lays his eyes on you, it's so destabilizing, I had this impression when he had his almond-shaped eyes on me. I don't know how long he stayed like that, staring at me, but it seemed like an eternity to me, before he told me

- Good evening

Me: ..

- Blowing, can I?! Pulling the chair to sit down

Me: you are already seated so.. looking at my phone

- your face looks familiar to me

I looked surprised

- don't look at me like that, if I tell you, but I can't figure out where..

Me : ..

- Have you and I slept together before?!

I've never had that one done to me in all my life, he pulls it out with such serenity, such confidence, staring straight into my eyes without any embarrassment, with this facial expression so I can't Decrypt

Me: are you normal?! Are your thoughts lucid?! Say I blink

- Totally!

Me: I don't think so, because I always remember the person I spend the night with! On those good evening to you!

- and your dish?!

Me: Pay it! Heading for the exit

I don't know what's wrong with this man and I don't care, I prefer to leave him and I'm going to continue my evening at home, I'm going to buy food in a fast food restaurant and I'll eat quietly in my room.

Before sleeping I often tend to watch videos of us as a family which is on my computer, of me mama, dad and Danie, we were such a happy family or at least maybe I didn't see it but our parents showed us that the good sides of our family, when I say our family, it's us, it's the four of us.

I love them so much these three people they counted so much in my life, they still count and today imagining my life without my father and my brother is like someone sticking a knife in my heart without me being able to die, they are all I have .

My father is an only child so he has no brothers and sisters, my mother has two sisters and a brother but they don't speak to us, I don't know why since we were children, I don't dwell too much on problems that aren't mine I'm on the optics that if you have problems with someone don't put the kid in it because the kid didn't do anything to you but hey we don't all have the same way of thinking today.

My maternal grandparents are dead, I only have my grandmother, my father's mother, how can I say that this woman is my best friend, she is there without being there, when I call her she answers she is so strong my grandmother that to think that one day she will be no more is like a distant dream.

I fell asleep with a heavy heart full of memories full of thoughts oh mother i hope you protect me from up there oh mother what do i wish you were there beside me oh mother why don't you didn't you teach me to live without you?