Chapter-20 She is your Angel

Kabeer looked at the room dreamily. He came upstairs to check the work in progress. He looked like a dream slowly taking shape in that room. He laid out a very beautiful design with his interior designer.

The wall between his room and the room beside had been demolished now to make the room more spacious. The big cupboard with a beautiful big size dressing mirror and dressing room. And now reserved a corner for her study and the main attraction, the big balcony with all glass walls and doors. But the color scheme for walls, furniture, and furnishings was still to decide. Some designs for furniture were still in the hold, because he wanted her to decide with him altogether. But one more thing was on hold, but the one which only Kabeer wanted to choose, but it was on hold coz at first, he wanted to check some best available options, and that thing was a mattress. Yes, he wanted to change his old mattress too, and replace it by a new, softest one, on which he was already fantasizing Muskaan beneath him wet, sweating, panting and desiring. His Muskaan was very soft, very tender and for him it should be the softest feel when he would make love to him.

"Make love.", This word came in his mind and broke the sensational chain of his thoughts. All of a sudden, he jerked and his all thoughts changed its direction. And he mumbled something like thinking," make love... Really... Does it mean that I love her.”? And he thought again that Just few days back he completely refused this idea of love making and now thinking only about this. He somehow knew that gradually he started to develop a close affection for her but was that love. weren't they still strangers? He still didn't know simple things about her, how could he even think of this. Or He was thinking of making love to her just because she was so beautiful and of course hot and he reserved all rights to think about her in this way.

" No, not only because she is beautiful or something, but she is caring and loving too. In Fact, she is special, very special to me. She always makes me feel special. She definitely loves him. Hasn't she given me the right to touch her, to hold her? Isn't this love? Yes, this is love. She loves me." His heart screamed in protest to all the weird thoughts his mind was giving. or might be only trying to make him believe in his own conclusions.

At one side, his heart was trying to sooth him, there other side his mind was continuously giving him scary jerks. It was more like a war between heart and mind, and when the heart said something to ease him, how could the mind be shut up. and once again his mind said,'' special, Yes, she is special. But does she know this? Have you ever done something to make her feel special? No Kabeer, you have done nothing to make her feel special. Just you allowed her to complete her studies, or submitted her fees and you think that you have done enough for her. Aren't these all her basic rights as your wife? Just because, in her past, even her simple and basic needs were like a luxury for her, and now after filling her basic needs you thought that you have done something special. You haven't put any effort into making her fall in love with you, then how can you think that she loves you? Yes, she has given you the rights to touch her or to hold her, but is this the matter of love or rights. She did this because she knew that you are her husband and as a husband, it is your right. "

"No.. No.. No.. This is not the right. She loves me. She likes me.", His heart again tried to protest but this time a weaker one.

He felt like his own mind was laughing hard on his weak protest, on his vulnerabilities. Once again, his mind said, ``little softer this time," think Kabeer. Even on your very first night, she didn't protest when you touched her, even after being scared and uncomfortable, which she confessed on the second day, isn't it mean that she only considered you as husband and giving you you’re his. Kabeer you have done nothing to win her heart, but she is doing everything. Every time you demanded something, she fulfilled it whether it's about wearing some special color or eating something specific. But you? Do you even know what her favorite color or food is? Just two days back, you were angry because you thought that she didn't consider you as hers. But have you ever made an effort to make her feel this belongingness? Think Kabeer, and you definitely got your answers."

Kabeer clutched his head with both hands, shutting both his mind and heart up and tried to find a solution. He has never been this confused in his whole life. At one side he was confused about her feelings and forgot her, he was not even understanding his own feelings. He was at the lowest of his life at that moment. The feeling of being a failure as a husband and fear of losing the grip over an important relationship of his life was slowly and subconsciously taking over his soul. And he did exactly what any other person would do in such a moment. Like a wise businessman, he laid out a perfect plan, with some calculated moves. But again, he was mistaken about one thing: '' LIFE AND LOVE, NO ONE CAN CONTROL EITHER OF THEM. BOTH HAVE THEIR OWN FLOW, TURNS AND TWISTS. AND NO ONE CAN EVER CALCULATE THE EXACT MOVES. "

**********************************

Kabeer entered the room with a firm determination and faith in his plan. His eyes fell on her, she was getting ready or in fact almost ready. Slowly he took some steps with full confidence. At one side she jerked seeing him suddenly, and though she didn't know exactly but definitely sensed that something had changed. His eyes were not glittered with mischiefs, his precious smile had faded and he didn't admire her lovingly even after she was all dolled up in a sari of his choice. For once she thought that she was not looking beautiful, or she did something wrong again. But for Kabeer, it was more than difficult. At one side he was going to execute the first part of his plan, that was to know about her feelings that she had really grown some feelings for him or just fulfilling her duties and giving him the rights of a husband. But on the other side his heart was screaming, crying and crashing down with every step, pleading him not to do whatever he was going to do. Somehow, he knew that it's going to be hell painful for both of them, but the need to know the answer was much more than anything. Soon he reached near her, actually very close that she froze at her place. Kabeer slowly lifted his hands and cupped her face and leaned down on her face, and Muskaan got astounded at his sudden move, and closed her eyes squeezed shut, her one hand fisted at the side of her sari and she clutched the back of the chair before dressing table with other hand.

God knows what was happening or about to happen. At one side Kabeer wanted her to stop him and the other side didn't want to stop either. "Please don't do this to her. You know her, she won't stop you. Kabeer, don't do this, she is your angel.", his heart tried for the last time.

"Angel'' he murmured, and again a soothing voice rang in his ears, " Kabeer, no matter what, but if you ever feel stuck between your heart and mind, always listen to your heart." And he jerked as if to wake up from a long sleep.

Looked at her deeply, her shivering eyelashes, quivering lips, closed eyes, clenched hands, everything screaming of her condition. "Shit.", he cursed himself. Slowly his hand slipped from her face and slid through her shoulders and arms and held her hands. and he said slowly but softly, "Muskaan, Sorry. I acted rashly. Are you okay?"

She just nodded a yes in reply and asked, "and you, are you okay? Are you in a bad mood or what?"

Kabeer replied smiling this time, "nothing like that. I was thinking something else and suddenly that… I am sorry. Well, can you do me favor? Please bring out my clothes, we are already late." He just wanted to feel her affinity with himself and made her realize a belongingness and her rights too.

Seeing him finally smile, she heaved a sigh of relief and nodded quickly.

After sometime, when he was entering the washroom again to change, she called him from behind and asked hesitant and blush, "listen, I need your help...."