CHAPTER 2

"Woah, you are extremely drenched ma'am," the bartender said and I froze. He sounded so much like Brian. I shook my head and sat on one of the bar stools close to the counter. I gave him a wry smile and studied him, he was extremely tall, and dark in complexion, just like Brian. He was also wearing a pair of glasses, I couldn't tell if they were medicated or not but they fitted him perfectly. He wore a shirt that read - "Bri's restaurant and bar". I assumed that it was the name of the homely building. He looked slightly older than me.

We are probably the same age.

I then scanned across the room in awe. I had been to this beach countless times and had never taken notice of this bar. It gave off a different and unique vibe as opposed to the ones I had been to. It was quite small but homely. I was glad to have found it at the right time.

I heard a snap of someone's fingers and realized that I was lost in thought.

"I'm sorry, what?" I asked.

"I asked if you wanted something hot, like coffee. It seems like you need it". The bartender said.

"Oh, cold water is fine" I replied and turned my head to keep staring at the place.

"I can tell that you like the place," He said as he handed me the glass of water.

"Oh yes, it is nice, it is well planned. I haven't noticed this bar before, is it new?" I was genuinely curious.

He nodded with a smile, "there was an old building here but it was renovated into this bar by 3 guys 2 years ago."

That explained why I didn't notice it earlier. I only came to the beach to drink my sorrows and go home.

"Well that is extremely impressive. They did a good job". I said as I gulped the water in one go.

"Yeah, I agree with you". He said, "Do you need anything else?" He asked taking the glass away and cleaning the counter. I looked at the shelves and admired the bottle of tequila staring at me. I had a horrible history with tequila, it never ended well for me. I either vomited or did something crazy due to its influence.

Don't Jenny, don't do it. You are already tipsy, you should just wait and go home when the rain subsides.

Did I listen to my subconscious?

Nope. I did not. I asked for that bottle and a shot glass. The next thing I knew, I had taken 10 shots and the entire room was woozy.

Shit - was the last word that I thought of before plopping my head on the counter.

"Hello, ma'am? Hello?"

I knew that voice, I could never forget it.

"Ma'am? We have closed, and the rain is gone, you should get going"

Brian?

I slowly rose my head and looked around. No one was there again, just me and whoever was tapping me.

Am I drunk?

Nope, I'm not.

I looked at the manly figure beside me and cupped his face with my hands, barely seeing. "Hey Brian, I've missed you so so much." I hugged him tightly.

"Ma'am, you're mistaking me for someone else. You have to go home, we have closed". The bartender repeated.

"Go home? No baby, wherever you go, I'll follow". I said. "I've missed you, life has been extremely difficult without you. I'm so glad you're back baby, even if it is going to be for a short while, I'm elated".

Then I looked up at him again. I could not open my eyes fully. "I've missed you Brian. Don't leave me again, please," I said with tears in my eyes and hugged him again. Then I got up abruptly, fell to the floor, and started laughing.

"I look pathetic don't I? Yeah, life has been hard and painful" I lay on the bare floor and sighed deeply "Extremely painful."

Those were my last words before I drifted off to sleep. The last words I kept hearing were, "Ma'am, you can't sleep here, you need to wake up".

Why does Brian keep calling me ma'am?

Am I dead?

***

A massive headache woke me up.

What did I do last night?

My head was banging, it was excruciating. I kept twisting and turning, looking for a better position to continue sleeping because I did not have the zeal to get up from bed that morning. It was Saturday so there was no work.

Sleep please return to me. I pleaded within myself.

I sighed. The sleep had departed from me and I suddenly felt so parched. I sat up on the bed, stretched, and let out a painful groan, then slowly opened my eyes and met two guys standing at the door staring at me. They looked like they were stifling a laugh.

Huh?

Who are these guys and what are they doing in my room?

I was so confused.

It felt as though my senses were slowly coming back to me. I suddenly heard someone snoring lightly beside me.

What the hell is going on?

What exactly is happening?

I turned to my side and met a guy sleeping peacefully. I let out a horrible scream and started banging the pillow on his face. He woke up in so much shock. I kept hitting the pillow on his face. When he was able to ascertain what was going on, he grabbed my pillow from my hands. I did not care, I started throwing different things I could see in the room at all the guys. Shoes, more pillows, pens, and other things I saw on the bedside table.

"What the hell is going on?! What are you guys doing in my room?!" I shouted.

"Excuse me?? What are you talking about?". The guy beside me asked. He was standing this time, he looked perplexed.

"Are you deaf? What are you doing in my house??". I asked with so much anger.

"Take a look around ma'am, does this look like your home?". One of 2 guys asked.

I gave him a hard look, "Excuse me?"

"He said to take a look around! Does this look like your place??" The confused guy reiterated and I obeyed him instantly.

What the hell is going on here?

Why is this place different?

Where the hell am I?

I quickly gasped "You kidnapped me?? Who sent you?!!!" I shouted as I shook in fear. They looked at themselves, extremely bewildered.

"Jason, she probably forgot that she followed you to your bed" The other of the 2 guys teased and they both giggled.

"Excuse me???" I said, I felt extremely insulted.

"Guys, stop that" Jason warned. Then he turned to me, "Listen, do you remember coming into a bar last night?"

I nodded, "Yes, it was raining heavily"

"Good, I was the bartender that attended to you. You came into the bar and got drunk in tequila. You were unable to go home due to your condition so I helped you into this room. I wanted to leave but you did not want me to. You forced me to lie beside you. I waited for you to sleep so I would leave but apparently, I dozed off in the process and woke up to you banging my head with my pillow"

Shit.

"That can't be true," I said, trying to conceal my shame as I got up from the bed.

Tequila had done it again. I found myself in a stranger's bed.

"Well, maybe you should work on your drinking problem" Jason muttered.

"Excuse me?" I said, looking at him.

"I am a bartender, I know alcoholics, I know when they try to hide it too, and you ma'am, are an alcoholic. You downed 10 shots of tequila without taking breaks in my very eyes. Work on your drinking problem so you don't find yourself in this situation and blame people wrongly. All I did was try to help. I would have left you outside the bar if I knew this was the appreciation I was going to get " He said staring at me with disdain.

I looked at him, hiding my humiliation. I looked at the other guys, I couldn't depict what they thought of me from their eyes but I knew they felt insulted. I wanted to apologize, but I stopped myself from doing so.

Suddenly, it felt like I was in Brian's place all over again as I stood there, all eyes on me. I felt my eyes welling up, I quickly picked up my shoes and walked out without saying a word.

"Your things are on the counter!" The one that sounded like Brian shouted. I felt the tears pouring down my cheeks as I grabbed my keys and my phone and ran towards my car.

***

I banged on the steering wheel, screaming for my life.

What is wrong with you?

Has it gotten to this level??

What is wrong with you Jenny?????

I sighed as I recalled what he said in my head, you are an alcoholic.

Yes, that was what made me sane. I was alone, with no one around me which was my fault, and that drove me crazy all the time.

I had no one to turn to except alcohol.

I knew how pathetic my story was but it is what it is.

I sighed again and turned on the car's engine when I received a call. I was shocked when I saw the caller ID.

Mum.

I had mixed feelings. Mixed feelings because I didn't usually expect her calls and also because I was so happy she had the right timing. My mum was working in the States so returning was always a very difficult thing to do. She started working abroad a few years back but never returned. I got used to it though; she tried so hard to be there for me virtually but it was different from being there in person.

She was supposed to return for my wedding but due to obvious reasons, she did not come. She did not return when he died, neither did she attend the burial but she always called.

Regardless of her absence, she always tried to be there for me, which I appreciated.

"Hey mummy" I tried so hard to sound excited but I failed.

"Christ, you look a mess! What have you been doing Jen?? Are you okay??" She sounded so concerned.

I should have checked myself before picking up. I thought to myself as I looked in the rearview mirror. My hair was all over the place, my face looked ashy, and I could see tear stains. I did look like a mess.

"I'm fine mum, I had too much fun last night that's why"

You can lie better than this Jennifer.

"You had too much fun with who? Anna?"

I froze, and the seat suddenly felt uncomfortable. I didn't tell her about all that happened after Brian's death, she didn't need to know all that.

"No mum, a few friends at work." I replied, clearing my throat.

She gave me a suspicious look, "Are you hiding something from me, baby?"

"No mum, I'm okay," I said, forcing a smile.

"I understand what you're going through my love, I went through the same after losing your dad. It is going to be fine, okay?"

I nodded, clearing my throat and forcing back the tears that were slowly coming.

"I miss you so much mummy" I meant it, she was the only one I had and I needed her beside me.

"I miss you too my baby. I'll be there soon okay?"

Oh please.

"You keep saying this, you've been saying this for 7 years," I said angrily.

"I mean it, sweetheart"

"No, you don't, if you did, you would be here, right now "

"I understand how you feel, I do," She said calmly then looked over her phone. "Sweetheart, I'll call you some other time okay? Take it easy. Love you, bye"

And the call ended.

I threw my phone on the passenger's seat angrily.

I could not stop thinking of what went down at that bar a few moments ago. I felt so humiliated and mortified. Although I couldn't recall how I found myself on that bed, I recalled downing almost the entire bottle of that tequila, but that was it. I started feeling so bad because I didn't thank them for what they did, I didn't thank them for hosting me at least.

I sighed.

Should I go back in?

No no, I've taken too much embarrassment for a day and it isn't even 10 am.

10 am.

I picked up my phone and checked my messages.

I remembered receiving a message from British Airways last night. I opened the message and it read -

We humbly invite you, a family/friend of the deceased for a meeting in remembrance of the lives lost 2 years ago

We are infinitely sorry for all the lives lost

Kindly indicate if you will be able to make it.

"These people are unfortunate, they keep adding salt to the injury with these meetings they do every year to commemorate the lives lost that day. It is ridiculous" I said because I was extremely annoyed.

"What is there to talk about? What exactly? ". I continued," This will not bring any of them back so what is the point?"

I looked at my phone again, it was stated that the meeting was going to be at noon.

I had never been to any of the meetings since they began, and I did not see the point of them. Anna attended the first one with her mum which was held after the tragic accident. She mentioned how emotional and uncomfortable it was. Everyone was sobbing and that wasn't a good sight. The only thing good about these meetings was the "packages" given to everyone that attended.

Although I didn't see the significance of attending the meetings, I still felt guilty for not attending. So I responded to the text message, indicating that I was going to be there.

Going for that dinner was a disaster, so this should be a good chance to amend my bad deeds. I thought to myself. I started driving home, dreading seeing Brian's family, especially Anna at that meeting.