Chapter 3

I get to school, and since I don't exactly have a plethora of friends, I felt extremely uncomfortable. It's usually how I started and ended my day.

I could have friends if I wanted to I suppose, but I don't.

I like to just sit down outside in the grass and read or just stare into space. I loved it when it was quiet and it was just me. But I also hated being alone in my head. My head was a place you never wanted to be stuck inside of.

Sometimes when I stare off into space my mind wanders to how easy it used to be when I was little. I had my mom and dad still normal and sane. Always there to protect me. I thought I was lucky, I thought I had the perfect life and a happy couple for parents. But unfortunately I was way off...

Whenever I think about how it was, when times were easy, I end up crying.

I couldn't do that today. I couldn't read or be alone or stare off into space. It was raining, so I had to stay inside, pressed up against the lockers in the crowded hallway.

The kind of school I went to was conveniently a school which ranged from kindergarten all the way to twelfth grade. There was a variety of buildings separating the grades, but most times no one was ever where they were supposed to be until the bell rang— which resulted in the halls being filled with a variety of students I didn't recognize; it was also a good thing because it meant I could keep an eye out on Kaylee.

I only wanted to stand by my locker and be invisible until it was time to go to class, but the insane amount of sixth graders that felt entitled enough to be on our side of the school didn't seem to want to allow any harmony to exist. And since I knew the bell was about to ring, I simply stuck my unnecessary textbooks in my locker and adjusted my hoodie getting ready to walk to class.

All I had to do was walk fast and get there unnoticed. Something I did every day. The years of walking through these halls made it easier for me to memorize the floor structure which made it easier to keep my head down.

There was a dent before I had to turn right into the next hallway, then there was a dried piece of gum no janitor wanted to scoop up a couple steps after you turn and that's where my homeroom class was.

Today I didn't see the gum. I was looking around before I was forcefully knocked over— all the wind sucked out of me. It felt like I got a huge punch to the stomach.

How are my parents here?

My books go flying and my bookbag falls off me. My hoodie comes down and I lay on the floor in pain. I landed on my back, which I had a fresh beating on.

I soon realized that I bumped into someone. A girl, but not just any girl.

No. Jessica can't knock into some regular irrelevant girl who would have shaken it off and kept walking.

You know how some girls were just genetically blessed enough to have started developing in middle school so by high school their confidence was at an optimal, almost annoyingly high level? They felt the need to make a scene out of everything and draw attention to themselves. Of course, it wasn't just females, and of course every grade and school had that special bunch. Not populars, because honestly who could give a shit about popularity? But just people who had an incessant need to be seen and noticed.

Natalie Davis. Our school had many moving parts but it wasn't big, so everybody knew everybody. She was one girl who got hit by puberty like a truck, and not the bad parts of it of course— I suppose when you're beautiful it's your God given right to be an asshole and intimidate others. But that didn't make it any less annoying.

I wasn't very informed on the school's scandals, but I was pretty sure she was dating another cocky boy at our school, Jayden Gonzalez. Not just a pretty boy but also my neighbor, I'm sure his parents had called the police on my family once or twice.

They were both in my grade which made avoiding them hard. He was known as a major flirt, but people loved it because it made him funny and lighthearted. I've never been too fond of him, but who am I to talk I don't even know the guy. Lived a few feet away from him since the beginning of time and I don't think any conversation has gone past five minutes.

I try to distance myself from everyone especially the "well known" kids because I didn't need extra attention. Of course, with my luck I end up knocking one down, and she isn't one that's known for her sympathy.

"You bitch. Now I'm sure my hair is lopsided."

It wasn't. It was still in perfect long auburn curls down her back.

I turned on my side the pain being almost overwhelming to be surprised and a bit annoyed as I feel him grab my hand and pull me up.

I thought it was rude and sort of cheeky that he assumed I was fine with him just snatching my palm and yanking my arm. He probably did it to look or feel like a gentleman but if that was his angle, I would have appreciated it more if the hand was offered instead of forced.

Her hand was quickly waved in front of my face rather aggressively as she waited for me to respond to her complaint. My instinct was to grab it and snap it in half, but that would only draw even more unnecessary attention and I could already feel a small crowd forming.

"I guess I wasn't looking, I'm--" She scoffs interrupting me not wanting to hear my soft-spoken nervous voice. "Obviously." I immediately stop with my quiet apology and look up to give an unintentional glare. Or maybe it was more of an annoyed and confused stare.

Jayden immediately jumps in front of me catching my look knowing it would only piss Natalie off even more, but he was too late. She saw my glare.

"Ohh so you've caught an attitude. I'm really confused on why since I was the one basically tackled. Is there some problem with me that needs addressing?" I roll my eyes at her words. She had that kind of "fight girl" facade, and it was amusing how she tried to make it look like she was ready to throw hands when I knew snapping the five inch acrylics on her hands alone would have ended the whole ordeal in seconds. There was no way I was going to fight this girl over a small collision, so she could crane her neck and clap her hands as much she wanted.

I've seen through worse.

"Nat, it's not that big of a deal. Definitely not worth getting suspended over. She said she was sorry." I scoff.

Uh... I never said I was sorry.

They both turn back to look at me. He had wide eyes telling me to shut up because he was finally calming her down, but I guess I just wasn't in the mood to look weak or defenseless. I open my mouth wanting to speak but decide against it.

Not today Jess.

"Well spit it out stupid--" I interrupt her not in the mood for petty insults. It honestly wasn't anything I haven't already heard from my parents. "Nothing, never-mind. You enjoy your day." I begin to walk away with a glint of pride. I hadn't done much but at least I hadn't let her walk all over me which was still something.

"Um no, was it stated that it was okay to leave?" She speaks loudly making me stop raising my eyebrow with complete irritation. "Maybe it's been a while since I last checked, but last time I looked you don't own me. Shit, you don't even know me." I didn't speak very loud or disrespectfully because I didn't want a full-blown altercation. I did not need to end up in the principal's office because that meant an immediate call home and I wasn't going to endure extra punishment because of this five-minute scene that she has decided to draw out.

I was the quiet hidden girl, but I was already walked on enough at home. I was not going to take shit I didn't deserve from a girl who didn't know me and was just looking for entertainment. I had too much built up and suppressed anger to stay calm with someone who was attacking me for "ruining her hair."

Students around us started to make noise entertained by our arguing. She steps up to me and begins to lean in to whisper in my ear, I don't move fearing I would take it too far actually driving her to hit me.

"You think this is your moment. Wow, you're standing up to me, you're really doing something here right? —"

Already I can tell the little bit attention she's been getting these past few years was going to her head.

"—definitely not cliché at all. News flash, you're just going to go through high school barely noticed—"

Well if that's what's happening then my mission is being accomplished.

"—You'll get an average looking husband with a mediocre job that he hates that hardly pays, you guys will have sex, what? Maybe once a month? And neither of you will really enjoy it—"

It seems she's really thought this through. And I wasn't completely sure why it was bothering me so much.

"—You'll have a shit job you hate but can't quit because you know no other place wants you. Your house will be small and dirty, you'll have maybe two kids. One's bound to be retarded, maybe the other a school shooter? So yes—"

I should just stand here and ignore it, let her finish, then walk away. But that kind of unwarranted disrespect cannot go unchecked.

"—Grab these five minutes of fame honey. Cherish them. It's the only point in your life where you can say you were recognized."

My eyes go wide as she smirks, the students nearby start to make noise, because you have to give her props— that was pretty brutal. Jayden looks at me sympathetically wishing I would have kept my mouth shut. If I was at home, I would have taken the insults, walked away, and cried about it later hoping and praying it didn't come true. But I wasn't home, and this girl didn't strike fear into my heart. Her words were nothing compared to the ones thrown at me at home.

I chuckle to myself and everyone immediately silences surprised, she turns back in confusion obviously not expecting it. Jayden covers his smirk really hoping I wasn't going to make a fool out of myself. I wasn't.

"Honey--" I mock her and even before I could finish my sentence the kids around us started to rile themselves up.

"What you said might come true. Maybe I do have the worst luck ever. But what will happen to you, will only happen because you've done it so yourself. You think the fact that you got boobs early makes you better than anyone in this place? When you get to college, you'll realize that you're one in a million because everyone is going to hit puberty. Everyone is going to clean up nice and become the best versions of themselves but you're just going to be stuck."

Nobody was as shocked by my words as me. I had never spoken and had attention on me for so long. People hanging on to my ever word was different, it was nice actually being listened to.

"The people here that worship you now are gonna grow up and realize you're just a person who doesn't know how to shut up. I'm okay if no one notices me, as long as I don't end up like you." I sniffle and shrug then cover my mouth realizing what I just said. I didn't mean to be that rude.

Everyone loses it jumping up and down, pushing each other, and just making a scene in general. She froze in shock taken completely off guard as was I. I didn't know I had that kind of confidence inside of me. Maybe it was just built up anger that I wanted to take out on my parents but couldn't because they would kill me. I guess I shouldn't have let it out all at once, but now it was too late.

I see Jayden out of the corner of my eye with wide eyes trying to contain his laughter. I saw her get a teary eye and I immediately felt bad. I didn't mean to ruin her day or self-esteem, what I said was probably entirely true but I still shouldn't have said it. It's her life and she's allowed to live it however she likes.

"I'm sorry." I immediately apologize feeling bad, and the instigators tried to keep me from feeling sympathetic for my little monologue but I couldn't help it. What if she had personal problems? I would obviously understand where she was coming from.

I'm abused and my tactic is to stay hidden and distance myself. If she had bad stuff going on in her life, this could be her way of dealing with it. Bullying other people and lashing her remorse out.

She stared at me for a minute, well more like glared before the bell rung. I didn't move just watching her cautiously.

I felt a hand grab my arm and I jumped, "Jessica just go to class. I'll deal with her."

"How do you know my name?" I mumble not turning to look at him making sure she was alright. Even though she was the girl I was supposed to hate, I didn't. I didn't know her well enough to hate her. And either way, nobody deserves to cry, for any reason. Especially in school.

"Uh..it's on your binder." He hands me the binder that was on the floor. A couple of people snickered. He smiled.

You're kind of an ass.

I ignored it and walked away. I had so much adrenaline pumping, I honestly didn't know I could be that outspoken.

I looked up at the clock in the hallway and soon realized I was late.

When I got to class, I sneakily tiptoed to the back of the room and sat.

I let out a sigh of relief when I saw I was just in time. She was still calling out names and she hadn't gotten to me. Finally she yelled "Jessica Cortez?" I raise my hand enthusiastically. "Here!" And then I put it down letting out a shaky breath.

I was relived that I didn't get caught, and just as I was relaxing I see Jayden sneak to a seat next to me. He smirked at me.

I turned away from him and rolled my eyes.

Since when is he in this class? Wouldn't I have noticed that and the fact that he's sitting next to me?

"Jayden Gonzalez?" He leans back in his chair. "Here." He then ran his hand through his hair and looked at me.

"Hey, I'm sorry about Natalie. She's not really used to being shown up." I try to ignore him. Everything was so much easier when absolutely nobody noticed me. I had a bad feeling that that was going to change.

"She's fine now. Don't really think she's pissed at you anymore." I growl at the fact that he was still trying to make small talk.

I don't know you like that.

Half the school now knew me, as if that isn't bad enough, now if people hear that the famous Jayden Gonzalez is trying to be my friend I would never be left alone again.

"And you know--" I groan loudly and turn to him quickly. "Shut up." I whisper shout so the teacher doesn't hear me and call out my name. I didn't need anymore recognition today.

Me lashing out at him only made him smirk, "Finally. I was wondering when you would say something."

I just looked at him and rolled my eyes then I crossed my arms.

What a dick.

I looked to the front of the classroom with my arms crossed. I believe everything happens for a reason. What could possibly be the reason for me getting in a fight with the most well-known girl in this building?

"So Jessica who are you? What--" I look at him with wide eyes and an open mouth. No one could possibly be this stupid.

Leave. Me. Alone.

Dejame tranquila.

Do you need it in French?

"What part of "shut up" did you not get? I'm pretty sure I said it in English." This only makes his smirk and I notice a gleam in his eyes.

Was this boy flirting?!

"Are you implying you know another language?" I scoff crossing my arms again turning to the front deciding that I would stop entertaining his small brain. I was pretty sure Natalie was his girlfriend, who knows, I could be wrong. It wasn't like I had a front row seat in the school's gossip. A third of the people here didn't know I existed till today.

But if that was his girlfriend, no wonder she's insecure. He's a major flirt.

"So Jessica, why are you so quiet?" I turn to him abruptly twitching my eye frustrated and bitter. I wasn't in the mood. "Don't you have a girlfriend? Go bother her." He looked at me confused squishing his eyebrows together. "Who's my girlfriend?" I narrow my eyes reading his face to see if he was lying. "Ew, are you talking about Natalie? She's my cousin."

I turn back to the front hiding my face with my hair so I could think.

Cousin? Was I really that oblivious?

I could hear him laughing to himself and I turn towards him with a glare not saying anything. "Girlfriend. You're funny Cortez, nice sense of humor. Real cute."

Cute? What? Was I reading into things?

When I was sure he wasn't looking anymore I let out a small scoff which only made him laugh louder.

"So Cortez do you wanna hangout?" I turn and he had a smirk played out on his lips. There was no way this was happening. I was NOT going to go through a bad boy player phase. That's like asking for hurt, what's the point?

"Not interested, thanks for the offer." He playfully frowns but when I looked into his eyes I only saw a challenge.

If he was looking for something special, it wasn't me. If he was looking for entertainment, I wasn't the one. If he was looking for a game, I wasn't it.

"What if it wasn't an offer Cortez?"

I roll my eyes taking my journal out to copy what the teacher began to write; I saw him just leisurely lean back in his seat with his arms across his chest.

"If it wasn't an offer then what is it? Say "demand" and you risk losing a limb." I half mumble.

He chuckles balancing a pencil on his finger using it for everything except actually taking notes.

"Hmm, what about a suggestion?" I furrow my brows still not turning to look at him. "Then I can still deny your suggestion." He sighs dropping the pencil purposely. "Yeah Jess but seems more rude to turn down a suggestion than an offer."

What was with him and the nicknames? He just officially met me today.

"I'm pretty sure that's not how it works." I really wanted to ignore him but I knew that if I did he would only keep trying to get my attention resulting in the teacher hearing us and getting annoyed. Once again, prying eyes was the last thing I wanted, along with getting reprimanded.

"Well you meet me after school, I buy you a late lunch, and we can look it up to make sure. You know, we wouldn't want to get our facts wrong." My eyes go wide and I couldn't keep myself from choking on a laugh at how smooth he was. I was surprised at how my heart jumped at his words.

Did I just say "jump"? What? I didn't know my heart could jump with anything other than fear.

I stopped myself, I couldn't think a boy like him was cute. Falling for that kind of guy was emotional suicide. I couldn't think, be around, or even breathe the same air as a jerk like him.

It's an automatic broken heart and it's not like I don't get enough of that at home. My life was a whole mess and I wasn't dragging anyone into my world of crazy. I don't need anymore hurting.

Plus, crushes aren't my thing. Liking boys isn't my thing. The cliché, emo, have no friends, hates life act is my thing. Not falling for guys. I wasn't even sure if I could be friends with someone like him. These kinds of boys were too smooth, too curious.

This kid hardly knew me and the first question he asked was about me and my personal life. I couldn't risk exposing myself. I was already so close to the finish line. Only a few more years and I was free. I was not letting a guy jeopardize that.

Either way I didn't know his intentions, he was probably talking to me to get a good laugh. I shouldn't be stressing or thinking so ahead about something that wasn't even that complicated.

No Jessica you won't stress. You will shut the hell up and focus on passing this grade, getting to senior year, then moving out. And that is when you can think about boys.

"Cortez, what are you thinking so hard about?" I soon realized I was making faces as I was thinking.

I felt my face get hot and I quickly covered it up. "Class work. You should be doing the same." I knew he wasn't convinced because I could hear him trying to hide his snicker and cover up his smirk.

Great. You just fed his ego.

I had to stop. Nothing could manifest from this. I can't be his friend or have anything to do with him at all, it would only lead to my demise. My "live without anyone noticing me" trick was working so far and that's what I needed to stick too. I would just have to avoid him.

********

While Jessica was having the most interesting day a school, Kaylee was having one too. Even though Kaylee was young she had a "boyfriend." The adults in her life called it a close relationship or a great friendship because they didn't believe someone her age should be in a relationship.

Middle school boyfriends are weird. It's actually kind of uncomfortable. What can kids ranging from eleven to fourteen really do? Or should do?

Kaylee and her boyfriend hug, and hold hands, sit together at lunch and that's about it since they had a pretty decent age difference. Kaylee was starting middle school while the boy she was in this relationship with was at his end.

It probably would have been easier if she got in a relationship with a sixth or seventh grader, or if she didn't get into a relationship at all but she didn't pay it much mind. They were flirty and she liked him, regardless of the fact that the whole ordeal was weird at times.

He stands by his locker every morning. Kaylee meets with her friends, greets him, they hang out, talk, then go to class. They're not that couple in the middle of the hallways eating each other's faces off.

He was usually busy with his stupid dirty minded friends. She hated his friends. It was dumb middle school drama. She knew she couldn't dictate his friends because it was his choice on who he hung out with, and she wouldn't want anyone telling her who she could and could not hang out and blah blah blah.

Kaylee rolls her eyes seeing him with his two most annoying friends but approaches him anyway. Her boyfriend was Anthony Miller, coincidentally he was Jayden's protégé. He's like a little brother for Jayden and they shared the same "player" personality. He started as his mentor with baseball.

While Jayden had a player persona and attitude, if he were ever to get into a relationship he would never be unfaithful. That was something no one could guarantee with Anthony, but he was younger and more immature, and not expected to be like Jayden in every way.

"Hey Ant." She calls him approaching him quickly knowing she had to get to class soon. She got a few immature catcalls but ignored them.

As soon as she greeted him, his face blankly went through a range of emotions. He seemed annoyed by the sixth grader and somewhat enraged by her interruptions, then a flash of sympathy filled his face as the energy of what his friends and him were discussing loomed in the air, lingering in their faces, and soon it felt like he was just downright embarrassed to be standing there. She wasn't sure if it was by her or by the situation.

He was in the middle of laughing about a joke and it was her presence that made the atmosphere change, and it was never as dramatic as it was today. The vibe felt off.

She questioned whether she did something to upset him. Then her mind jumped as she mentally accused him of doing something. She lastly asked if she was still even something with him. People in relationships don't usually look at each other like he just did in the moment.

There's usually a certain joy upon seeing each other.

He started rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly as she waited for him to begin explaining with her arms crossed over her chest confirming that something was wrong.

What. Did. He. Do.

"Hey.. Kaylee, umm.. Well I've been hearing from a lot of people that you're acting kind of, you know— slutty with my friends and making them uncomfortable. The word is just that you're with a lot of other guys outside of school so... I'm breaking up with you."

He lets out an awkward laugh.

Everything he said was complete crap, Kaylee wouldn't even think of doing that. It didn't even make sense for someone her age to be "slutty" though still possible. Despite the situation his friends laughed and cheered on his shitty breakup while her mind was racing.

Was he serious? Did he seriously pull the slut card?

There was a mix of developing feelings she couldn't sort out. Furious rumors like that were being spread if they were even being spread. Hurt that he would even believe that of her. And shocked that he would break up with her publicly based only off those rumors, no evidence, without talking to her.

So she did the only thing she felt she could do. Getting angry at this point would make her look desperate and walking away would make it look like it was true. Saying that she wanted to break up as well would clearly look like a lie so she decided all she could do was try to make him feel like a jerk.

"I'm not even pissed that you're breaking up with me I'm just disappointed that you would even consider thinking that low of me." And she let a single tear drop for emphasis.

Good job Kaylee, be extra theatrical.

Then she turned and walked away thinking she had the worst luck, really wishing her life wasn't so horrible.

*******

My life is in turmoil. Not just because of the abuse.

We'll come back to that.

Jayden asked if we could be friends and "advance" from there, he was really pushing it with his whole smooth stupid bread-stick hoe persona. What does that even mean?! Do I look like I speak Chinese? I specifically said NO PEOPLE, no relationships. I promise you this guy does not know how to take a hint.

Let's say by some miracle I actually want to be his friend. I would never actually be able to hang out with him before or after school. I only have one class with him and maybe lunch. Unless I was feeling especially strong after school and wanted to risk a double beating. But why would I do that, for some guy?

If I'm being honest, having a friend wouldn't be that bad. FOR ME. But for him it would be horrendous. A bloody massacre.

Jessica. Breathe. You didn't have a lot to eat. You lose blood every day. It is not good for you to be pacing and thinking so hard.

He's coming. Shit.

I start biting my nails. "Hey." He greets me with a half wave keeping one hand calmly in his jean pocket. He towered a bit above me and it was surprising that the height difference didn't intimidate me.

I just stand there awkwardly and I smile back trying to plan my escape.

Why am I even acknowledging him? I should act as if he doesn't exist. If I close my eyes he won't be here anymore. He'll disappear. This is just a nightmare. That's a simple explanation.

"Wanna hangout after school?"

Wanna hang out after school? WANNA HANG OUT AFTER SCHOOL? Do you want to die?!

I consider it. It's his choice. I can't dictate his life. But is it really fair if he doesn't really know the consequences of talking to me?

No. I shouldn't do it.

Though it would be kind of nice to just relax and talk to someone. How long has it been since I've actually done that with anyone besides my sister? I don't think I've held a normal conversation since I was seven. And I don't feel that bad today, it's only Cut Arm Thursday, and if I don't stay for too long it won't be too painful. No more than usual. Nobody would get hurt, right?

----

After school I see him jogging towards me and for some reason I have a feeling that I should end whatever this is and run.

What do I mean "for some reason"? All reasons in the world are telling me I should end this.

Though, to be completely honest, it's probably not healthy for me to be this anti-social. Is it?

No, but it's also not healthy to feel guilty all the time knowing if my parents found out it would end horribly.

I internally roll my eyes.

My conscience could be such an ass sometimes.

As soon as he gets to me he has this grin plastered on his face,"So..what do we do now?" And I took that question into very deep consideration.

What do I do now? Do I run? Stay? It really could turn into a life or death situation.

While I was thinking I heard an extremely annoying foot tapping sound.

I snap my head in his direction and narrow my eyes.

"DO YOU MIND."

Sounds like this, annoyed me. It couldn't be too loud or I'll start panicking. It's just something about me.

That's why I like the silence so much. Quiet is much better.

He responds to me just as annoyed, "I don't mind you finally making a decision." And I couldn't help but laugh at his words, and while I laughed, he smiled and uncrossed his arms that I didn't realize he crossed.

We started walking together, he put his arm around me and I shake it off rolling my eyes. I was certain it was just because he was a playful flirt, but I didn't like the way it made me felt. It was a feeling I didn't recognize. He tried again, but I knew no matter how hard he tried I would still have my mind and heart set on just being friends.

You shouldn't even be friends with him you dumb bi—

I block my conscience out. I knew what I was doing and I knew it was stupid but I didn't care.

When we finally stopped walking we had arrived at a park. The park has swings, a slide, and a small hill. It was open and light and refreshing. So different from my life.

We climbed to the top of a hill and sat. "So what do your parents do?" I cringe but sit down next to him.

"Um..they're sculptors."

Yeah, they sculpt ugly scars into my body and horrible memories into my brain.

He then bombarded me with follow up questions, "Alright, what's your favorite color?"

I didn't know why he wanted to know so much about me, especially the little irrelevant things like my favorite color.

I also didn't fully understand why he was making such an effort to get to know me now when we've probably gone to school together for at least a few years.

I thought about it. I could say black to scare him off, but it was a bright day and oddly my mood was light.

"Blue." He half smiles. I narrow my eyes at him confused pursing my lips. "Why the grin?" He shrugs. "That's my favorite color too. Guess we're more alike than we thought." I roll my eyes scoffing.

"It's a color and it's also a basic color. I could find ten other boys in this school with their favorite color being blue."

He narrows his eyes with a noticeable pout, it was kind of cute, but I didn't want to think like that at all, so I pushed the thought out of my head. "Buzzkill." I smile being a smart-ass.

"What's your favorite food?" Another irrelevant follow up question that I took my time answering.

I don't get fed much at home so I would have to go based on the cafeteria food they give us.

"Pizza. But not when it has too much sauce." He nods understandingly, the conversation was calming and not at all what I thought it would be. He was cocky but not as bad as I had previously assumed.

"What about you?"

The pain in my back and sides hadn't faded but I was mastering the art of ignoring it.

"Do chips count?" I shrug with a half smile. I enjoyed the sun on my face and the breeze in my hair. I almost forgot about my troubles.

"I guess if it's edible it counts as food."

He nods then thinks. I feel the soft grass from the hill we were sitting on, from up here we could see the whole park. The hill wasn't that tall but it still felt like I was flying.

"Takis, they've become my new favorite chip. Taken over my world." I roll my eyes at him once again for no particular reason. He was just worthy of it.

"Movie?" I shrug. "Don't have one." He seemed surprised.

"Song?"

"I don't really...listen to music."

I could sense his frustration as he tried to figure me out.

"Most girls are always like--" He starts with a squeaky, high pitched voice as an attempt to mimic the female race. "—Music is my literal life, without music I would like die."

I narrow my eyes at him trying to suppress my laugh that was forcing its way out. I could see why people liked him, he was charming and like-able. You couldn't not like him.

"Girls do not talk like that." I cross my arms and he only laughs at my sour expression.

"Yes they do." He argues crossing his arms to add emphasis, "Sexist jerk." He scoffs. "Malfunction girl." I scoff with fake hurt not minding the insult as he shook his head and snickers. I shrug agreeing with a small hidden smile. I couldn't believe he was actually getting me to smile.

"What's your favorite movie or song?" I return the question laying softly on my back so I could look up at the slowly moving clouds.

He acts like he's thinking for a long time. I sigh, breathing out dramatically as I wait for him to answer.

"I mean there's just so many." I face palm suddenly remembering why I was fine with going so long without human interactions. They required a lot of patience.

"Okay moving on." He laughs at my theatrics. I hated to admit that I was actually enjoying myself, it meant I would want to do it again even if it was dangerous. Though I didn't know how far my parents would take it if they ever found me disobeying them.

"So if you don't listen to music or watch movies, what do you do for fun?" I bite my lip keeping my eyes fixated on the gliding clouds. "I don't have much time for fun." I could see him leaning in with curiosity. "What is it that's so time consuming?"

I turn to my head to look at him, my hands resting gently on my stomach and we made eye contact. It felt weird holding direct eye contact but it wasn't necessarily uncomfortable. There was no denying he was handsome, maybe even more than that, but this would never happen.

"Just— family stuff."

I think he sensed I didn't want to be pressed on the issue so he moved on.

"Favorite moment."

A moment? I didn't have many that weren't infused with hatred.

"Don't have one... I just have really shitty recall."

I wanted to get everything out of my system but that kind of slip up was out of the question.

I sit up and hug my knees close to my chest.

"What's your favorite moment?" He takes a minute and as soon as I see his boyish grin I knew I was in for another cocky remark. "The moment I met you."

I scoff covering my face laying back gently as I breathed out in exasperation.

"WOW that was cheesy."

I silently hoped he didn't seriously mean that, he was in for a major let down.

"What? No it's not." It was clear he was only joking and I mentally sighed with relief. He wasn't allowed to get attached to me in any way.

"It definitely was. I never want to hear those words come out of anyone's mouth ever again." He was thoroughly amused and expressed it with a roar of laugher and shaking of the head that was unfamiliar to me.

I hadn't talked to another person this freely in a long time and I sort of felt like an alien.

His laugh set off my laugh and we kind of laughed together till it hurt. It undoubtedly hurt me more than him but I wasn't going to admit that. His laugh was contagious and when the noise faded back down I felt a burning sensation in my abdomen.

I looked at him seriously narrowing my eyes delicately. I wanted to know if there was more to this boy with the "player" personality or if this was it. Some people are what they seem.

"No really what's your favorite moment?"

He thought about it scratching the back of his head. Maybe he had never been asked a serious question like that before. I had a strong feeling that all of his friends were caught up in playing the game of high school, like Natalie, and they had forgotten how to be real people.

"I guess it has to be when my little sister Camila was born." I smile satisfied that I was proven correct. There was another side of him, he just felt he wasn't allowed to show it. "See, that was cute." He rolls his eyes smirking.

Then it hit me.

I wanted a friend. I wasn't allowed to have a friend because a friend meant joy, and joy meant my parents weren't doing their jobs right. But what if I wasn't delighted with this friendship? Then I wouldn't be breaking the unspoken "No happiness" rule right?

Okay listen cause I'm probably sounding pretty crazy right now.

What if I wasn't the only one gaining something from this friendship? He has a sister. I have a sister. Assuming they are close in age, they could probably hit it off as friends.

If Kaylee starts to enjoy this girl as a friend, I wouldn't be asking, "Hey can I go see a friend?" Because the answer would most definitely be a huge no. I would be saying, "Hey, I'm walking Kaylee over so she can go hang out with her friend."

GENIUS.

I know it sounds selfish, the thought of me using my sister for my entertainment, but technically it wasn't just me who would win in this situation. She was a social person and one more girl in her friend group could only help her out, right?

He interrupted my train of thought. "Do you do that every time you think about me?"

Yeah never mind. I give up on him.

I simply looked at him and glared. "Don't flatter yourself. It's embarrassing." He chuckled pulling his phone out to check the time. It was a good thing this boy had an unshatterable ego.

"... Jayden, how old is your sister?" He shrugs still looking down at his phone. "Sixth grade, I think." I roll my eyes.

Boys.

Wait- was that sexist?

"Why?" He asks nonchalantly still looking down at his phone, it didn't bother me that I wasn't getting his full attention because for some reason I was actually anxious about mentioning my plan.

I obviously wouldn't tell him the reason for my plan but as long as he was on board I was in the clear.

"Because my sister is around her age and--" If I said that I wanted them to be friends I could get two reactions from him. He would either answer cockily and think that I just want to spend more time with him, or he could get curious and start asking questions.

Even though the confidence would be irritating, I preferred that over him questioning my intentions. I wasn't sure why I was going to such great lengths for this kid. I didn't know him, I could be friends with literally anyone else in the school. I didn't have an answer for myself, and I would probably never have one.

I could go back to sitting in the back of the class with my hoodie up and a book in my hand but I've made it pretty far. I'm having an actual conversation with a human and I'm enjoying it. I can't retreat in my shell.

"--my sister is kind of a loner. Maybe we should rally them up." He looked up with a half smile agreeing. "Sure. But I hope your sister is talkative because mine is shy as hell." I laugh lightly relieved. Guess he has more than two modes.

"Hey, what time is it?" He puts his phone away and raises an eyebrow thinking up the answer trying to remember without pulling his phone out again. "Uhh it's four, almost five." My eyes go wide. Usually Kaylee stays after school to hang out with her friends and I wait for her, but by this time we were always halfway home.

"Shit." I jump up grabbing my bookbag hurting my arm in the process but ignoring it knowing I would be feeling a lot more pain if I didn't hurry up.

Jayden begins to question me but I pull my hair up into a ponytail, stressed, and start to speed walk down the hill.