One

The day is just as bright as any usual day. Just like any other Lagos afternoon everyone is busy with his or her daily activities.

Lawisa arrived at Zarah's school gate, she rushed out of her car and walk to her daughter's classroom. Being late to pick Zarah up is what she hated the most, but what can she do with the traffic jam everywhere even on the streets.

"Good afternoon teacher Elsa." The teacher gave her one of her big smile as usual.

" Good afternoon, Mrs Lawisa!"

"I am sorry for being late again."

Lawisa apologized.

"No, it's okay, your little girl is fun to be with. She is such a lovely girl." The teacher said while smiling and looking at Zarah's face who immediately grimaced seeing her mom.

"Assalamu alaikum, sweetheart!" Lawisa greeted the little girl, who seem to be looking so gloomy already, she is one of the three pupils that remain in the class. She was earlier talking with her teacher, but seeing her mother approaching from the window. Zarah went back to her desk and calmly sat there ready to throw tantrums.

"love, I know you are sad that I came late, but at least answer my salam".

"Wa alaiki salam." She greeted back sharply directing her attention somewhere.

"Why aren't you smiling though, my love. Mommy brought you something from MieBie bakery, your favorite pastry." And that's when She sees a grin forming on her daughter's face. But Zarah being Zarah want her mom to beg some more so she squeezed her face childishly pulling both her lips out.

"Well, since my little girl is not going to talk to me. I saw some kids in the other class, I will just go and share the pastries to them." Lawisa faking a sad face and was about to leave when Zarah called.

"Mommy, don't leave me, pwease. I miss you already." Says Zarah who is about to cry.

"Okay love, but don't cry, I am never going to leave, okay."

"I am your only daughter, so they're not going eat my pastry. Right mommy?"

"Yes princess." She reassured the little girl who is now smiling hugging her. Lawisa wanted to lift her up but she was tired to do so.

They were all exhausted when they arrived home, the mother and daughter freshen up and get ready for lunch. Introvert is the one word that describes Lawisa to the outside world but with Zarah everything is different, she is the jovial mother and everything Zarah needs. Cooking for Zarah always bring joy to her and she enjoy it. The feeling that someone needs her keep her moving ahead.

"Come on, princess. Lunch is ready." Lawisa called out to Zarah as she arranged the food on their four chairs dinning table.

"I am coming, mommy." Zarah run out of her room in her pink short and white floral vest grinning ear to ear.

"Pasta and meatball!" She exclaimed in excitement at the sight of her favorite meal, "thank you, mommy, you the best." Zarah said with a wide smile and then kissed her mom on both cheeks. She sat down on the chair she was standing on earlier to match her mother's height.

Lawisa smiles at her daughter as she takes her second bite. She wonder why it's so pleasant to watch Zarah eat, and that satisfaction on Zarah's face is worth all the sweat. Lawisa can give everything to see it stay permanently. What a beautiful gift Allah has given her. She thought to herself.

"Mommy, why aren't you eating? Don't you like the food, did you only cooked it because i wanted it?"

Lawisa only smile and start eating from her own platter.

After lunch Zarah will always sit and watch her mother as she washes the dishes, and arrange back into the cabinet. And that's when Zarah get to tell her mother how her day was at school. And today wasn't an exception either.

"Mommy, Hanna's milk is almost finish."

"Well, your cat really need to start dieting." Said Lawisa in serious tone, but Zarah burst into a fit of laughter.

"Cats doesn't go on diet, mumma. Beside you also said that she is our family member, so needs to eat as much as she wants to."

"Clever humm, i thought my girl is silly enough to believe that cats does go on diet like human does."

"I am a big girl now, i can even sleep in my room."

"Of course you are, we will be going for shopping tomorrow. And we will also start preparing for your 6th birthday." Hearing that Zarah start jumping on the kitchen counter where she was sitting earlier. But then she sat down quietly as if she was told to do so. Lawisa knew there is something coming.

"Zarah, what's wrong?, we are going to celebrate your 6th birthday, even though you are already behaving like an eight year old." Lawisa said stroking Zarah's braided hair

"Is my daddy coming for my birthday?" That question hit lawisa hard, she knew questions like that are bond to keep coming up. "I have been praying so that he can attend my 6th birthday, is he coming."

"No love, why did you ask me that all of the sudden?"

"Zainab, she celebrate all her birthdays with her mom and dad, My daddy doesn't love me, right mommy?"

"Who said that, of course your dad loves you, he just doesn't know where are, and he also doesn't know about you, and it's not a bad thing, but if he knows he will adore you and you will be his princess. But don't ask me why he don't know, okay." Zarah nods yes, and Lawisa couldn't help but felt a slight of guilt.

"You said it's a game, right mommy?" Lawisa nodd as she dried another plate with a small kitchen towel and placed it in the cabinet. "And if we find my dad first we will be out of the game, right?" Lawisa nodded again.

"My dad is not that smart to find us, i think." Zarah mumbles to herself.

"And my baby girl, you are not zainab, you are Zarah, the star, the one next to the moon. You should only listen to what mommy said. We don't need your daddy as of now, we are fine and happy, yeah?" Zarah nods yes again.

"Mumma, did my daddy hurt you?" Lawisa just smile and brush it away, before she start asking the colour of her father's tooth. But she knows Zarah will ask again.

With her cuddling partner sleeping on their king size bed in the bedroom which they practical share, because Zarah always sleeps beside her mom. Even when she claim to be a big girl and try to sleep in her roo. One way or the other Zarah always end up in the same bed as Lawisa the next morning. Now Lawisa is left all alone in the small living room to think in the lonely night at least to her.

She knew she can't escape her daughter's questions forever. She is still bothered by how she can explain everything to Zarah in the near future.

"Am I being fair to Zarah? she really do need a father, but her father doesn't even know about her existence. Beside he won't even believe she his is child. And I am not ready to see my daughter being rejected by her own father and my family. I know they have forgotten about me, why will they remember someone as worthless as they believed I am. I can't make my child go through what I experienced, never. But I pray for them every blessed day, they are a part of me that I can erase." She mumbles to herself almost close to tears, the thought of her family always bring tears to her eyes. Which she never shows in front of her daughter, because to Zarah her mom is the strongest person in the world and her idol. She stare at the photo of a beautiful old lady in her hands and smiled at the photo.

"Hajiya, I don't know if i have forgiven them or if they have forgiven me, but i know it still hurts somewhere in my heart. How can i explain to them who my daughter is. My child is oblivious to the harsh reality of this life. I know you are older than how you were before, but i just hope you can remember me in a good way. I miss you alot, I also learnt to live without you all. What is of my life? if I hurt you all so much. You must be so disappointed in me like your son, right grandma?" After few minute of caressing the photo in a complete silent. She drops her grandmother's photo and carry another one of a young lady.

"Fatima, my dear friend, I miss you. " Saying that tears assemble down her cheeks and wiped it with the back of her palm.

"May your soul continue to rest in peace, Amin. If dead people can see those alive, I know you can see me and my daughter. And I am also fulfilling my promise as you can see, i am living a good life."

Lawisa talk to those photos as if they can answer her back. It had been a long time since she has talk to them. But it's her occasional thing to do at night when her daughter is asleep. She knew with Zarah growing up, they will be many questions to answers, especially from a girl who never miss a chance to ease her curiosity. Lawisa put the two photo back in a kit and close it with the small gold key she use as her necklace and always carry along with her.

She went back to her room and place the kit where it belong. Then lay down beside her daughter and reciting ayatul kursi for both of them, before she finally fell into a deep slumber. After all it had been a long day.