Nine

Bilal rose out of the elevator and bumps into Lawisa at the office reception. He gazed at her and took few step forward to leave. But she stopped him, he had been avoiding her ever since she talk to him about getting married. Now she don't wonder why Aunty Laila sent her to talk to him, because he is behaving like a jerk and avoiding everyone. Lawisa knew she is a little bit attached to Bilal, or maybe not a little, and that's what she hated being attach to people.

Even though she don't admit it to herself, she knew Bilal is one of the few people who genuinely care for her and Zarah. And she hates the fact that he is avoiding her for no good reason. She also knew that she is not the best person to be around with and she has a problem with people around her, but Bilal have always handle her well. He is the only person she can talks to as a friend and have a good time with. She saw his vision going blurry into the parking lodge as she stood their lost in her thoughts. She don't know how or why, but she ran after him. And forget that she was going back to her office to get her car key that she left behind.

"Bilal, are mad at me?" She asked immediately after reaching his car. But he didn't respond to her, he was already sitting on the driver's seat ready to close the door, but she holds it. He came out of the car and stand in front of her. He try reading her through her eyes and yet nothing. "She so damn close off." He muttered to himself, he don't know if she heard him but he got a cold glare from her.

"No, I am not mad at you, angel face. I am just avoiding you, don't you see that?" Well that hurts Lawisa's pride, he said it to her face that he was avoiding her.

"Why are you avoiding me though? i didn't do anything wrong to you, didn't i?" She asked calmly again.

"That's the problem with you, you don't know what you do to people, because you're so self centered misanthropic kind of being. And you have problem with people minding their business just like you always does." She look at him shocked at what he thinks of her and hurt at what he said as it hits her nerves.

"I am not a self centered person neither am i misanthropic, Bilal. I thought you understood me."

"I wanted to understand you, but you are like a stone, it is always about you, and i have this stupid feelings for you. That turned me into a fool in front of you, doing everything to woo you, to impress you." He confessed holding his fists and his heart trying to jump out of his chest, he have been holding that inside for six years now. And Lawisa was speechless.

"But we are friends for such a long time." She manage to say,

and he half smile at her.

"Friends, i think you never had friends in your life before, because two people make friendship, not one. I was the only one trying. Meanwhile, you just talk when you want to and when you don't, you just shut the door at me." Lawisa opened her mouth to say something, but she couldn't find the right word.

"I need to get you out of my head, even if that means avoiding you. A cold person like you could only drown people with them. That's why you don't have anyone in your life, you're so miserable, you are so lonely, and you still believe you are perfect, Lawisa." She sadly smiled at how at low everyone thought of her even Bilal, whom she begun to feel safe with. And accepted as a friend.

"Yeah, I am so miserable all thanks to judgemental people like you, like my whole family. You have no right to judge me, Bilal. You have no right whatsoever. You and everyone have no idea what i been through to be the person i am right now. That's why i stay as far away from people as i could, because no matter how genuine they show up, they fucking judge you at anytime. I thought i was alone too, but after i had Zarah everything changed and for the better.

And that's perfect for me. I was crushed before, and there is nothing left for you to shattered, if that's what you're curious about. You can hate me all you want, Bilal. It won't change who i am. I learnt to live like this for my own good. It's just sad that you all think so low of me, and i lose yet another person in my life. Avoiding each other will be better, and find yourself someone very opposite of me, okay. Because you deserve better."

He open his mouth to say something but she left him and went back to her office to get her keys. She came and find him where she left. She wonder why he is still standing there with his mouth open like sculpture. Even though she wasn't happy that Bilal thought so low of her. She was happy of how strong she have became over the fast years, else she could have break down in front of him, and that would have given him the upper hand. She wanted to think that it's just another person. But she can't forget how much he and his mother had helped her when she needed it the most.

They play a very big role in Zarah's life and she will forever be grateful to them for the rest of her life. And beside all Bilal is a very nice guy, maybe he was just upset, about the stupid feelings he said he had for her. She just hope she is not the reason he didn't want to get married all this while, she assumed he can't possibly fell for her it was just a phase for him. She believed it best they avoided each other. She remembered when Bilal used to took her to Zarah's checks up when she doesn't even have a car, and public transport was and still one of her nightmares.

She look at her wristwatch and realised she was extremely late to pick Zarah from school. She overtakes a car which she nearly crush its front bumper, the car was supposed to have fast first to take the U turn which Lawisa was coming from. But she thinks who ever was the driving the car was taking forever to move. And she couldn't wait any longer, she mentally apologized to the driver and thank God that she didn't hits the car, which looks so beautiful and expensive. And paying for that could have cost her a fortune from her savings. She saw the car following her and confirmed her suspicion. That the driver doesn't have any important things to do, else why was he or she following her since she didn't touch the fine car. But she knew she have lost the car for her own good.

Khalid is driving to no where in particular, when this car overtakes his out of no where, it could have crashed his fine car, but that wasn't the case. And that wasn't he reason why he is following the car right now. The driver's face which stopped him from driving earlier, he wasn't just overtaken. No the face he saw driving the car was what overtook his entire being. He thinks his eyes won't have betrayed him that much, that was not just a glimpse of her, or maybe he just wants to believe that he saw a real Lawisa, not her illusion. He didn't want to believe that his mind is playing tricks on him again, he saw her as clear as the day. And the next thing he do was to follow her, but the car was running faster. He was only able to get the plate number before the car completely disappeared.

He believed that It was a sign from Allah, he don't want to be disappointed for the zillion time. So he called someone on the phone who he is sure find the car and gave him the plate number.

"Sir, they are many people that travelled through Lagos roads, it might be possible that the owner of the car was just travelling to another state."

"Damn it, will you just do your job? The plate number is of Lagos and that wasn't a road for people travelling to another state, do i need to give more explanation?"

"No, i am sorry sir, my people will look around. It will take few days though."

"Do what you must, but i want result, a solid one, get that car track down, get the address and everything. Every small detail."

"Ok sir, we will do our best." And khalid hang up, believing in what he saw today, he find a reason to stay in Lagos. He had to see the owner of that car. He pray to Amighty Allah to let what he saw be true.

Zarah had this beautiful smile when she spot Bilal's car outside their apartment. "Momma, uncle Bilal has come to visit." She said unbuckling her seat belt. She is now standing at the back in between the driver's and the passenger's seat.

"Yeah, but i told you not to stand their when am driving, you are already so tall and it's not safe."

"But we are already at home, mommy." Zarah informed her pouting when they are already out of the car.

"Even though."

"I am sorry, momma. I won't do it again"

"Is okay, love."

"Superman!" Zarah exclaimed and Bilal picked her up from the ground and put her his left shoulder. And they continue talking between them.

Lawisa look at Bilal and gasped, the only reason why she didn't want to come back home early, which was the reason why she and Zarah had their lunch in a restaurant before coming home. Was because deep down she knew the decent Bilal whom she knew will come by, and there he is still waiting even after three hours. And now seeing how close he is to Zarah, make her realize that he had become part of their lives without her even realizing it. Zarah knows him all her life, and it will be hard to separate the two, but she must do what she must.

"Mommy took me out for lunch, that's why you have waited for so long." He smiled at the cute girl he is holding, and he knew it was stupid of him to said Lawisa was alone, when she have this bundle of joy with her. He loves Zarah so much eversince she was a baby, and also she is the big reason he tolerates Lawisa, even though he loves her as well.

"I also brought lunch, what will happened then?" Zarah giggles and says.

"We will do what momma doesn't want us doing." She whispered something into Bilal's ear and they burst into fit of laughter which was contiguous but Lawisa just brush it off.

"Hey baby, get down and let your Uncle's arms rest, okay." And Bilal put Zarah down looking at her mother who was glaring at him with her always respect yourself kind of look.

"Thank you for the lunch, Bilal. But we have already eaten."

"Mommy, he brought me chicken curry and brought you towan shinkafa and okra soup, from arewa network, our favorites." Zarah voiced out so excited. While Lawisa opens the door and tell Zarah to get inside the house. She did so after collecting her package from Bilal. Lawisa was about to go inside when she heard Bilal talking.

"I am sorry, it was stupid of me to say all those mean things to you. It was even more stupid to show up here with food, i was feeling guilty, i was a jerk earlier. I was mad at myself for not trying hard enough. I am not a judgemental person, i wasn't thinking straight." She look at him, a normal human will be affected by this, but she isn't, given how sincere and pitiful Bilal was looking.

"Bilal, if you have feelings for me, it will be good if we avoid each other. I think i gave you some false hope somehow to drag you with." She told him not meeting his gaze.

"I love you, Lawisa." Well that wasn't expected, she look up at him. He is the third guy that said that to her, the last two was her worst nightmare. He shouldn't love her, that will cause another destruction. She said to herself.

"You shouldn't do that, i can't love you back. Don't you see. I respect you more as a friend."

"I already knew that, Lawisa. That you can't love me back. I wanted to do it anyways, since the first day i met you at the hospital. I couldn't think about any woman but you. Even after knowing that you had a daughter and you don't even want to talk to anyone. Even then, you have already become a part of me. What could i do I love you and Zarah so much, i can't avoid you." The tension around them was so thick that it can be cut with a scissors. "I was actually happy today, do you know why?" Bilal asked and she nods no.

"I used to think that you don't care whether i talk to you or not, but you realising i was avoiding you, really matters to me. Mama sent you to talk to me about getting married, to make me understand that you have no feelings for me. But i told her i knew that already. I thought avoiding you would make me think straight, but it isn't helping. Please don't lose faith in friendship too, i don't know what happened to you. But i believe you are trying to make things better. I beg your forgiveness, i don't want to lose your friendship and lose being Zarah's favorite uncle. I never judged you before, it was just my ways of pushing you away." He said looking into her eyes and didn't miss the moisture in them. He knew she doesn't want to appear weak in front of anyone.

"I am sorry too, am sorry that we met in this circumstances. I didn't take what you said to heart, i know it wasn't your fault but the stupid feelings you mentioned." She jokes to sooth the tension and he half smiled. After a moment of silence she added.

"Please Bilal, let it go. Don't let it grow beyond this, i know those kind of feelings just happened. You are too nice, and i am incapable of treasuring your heart. I am only capable of being a mom to Zarah, that's all. And a little friendship won't hurt."

"I will let it go for The Allah's sake, for your sake." She smiled at him feeling relief like she have dropped the load her chest was carrying.

"What happened to you, what did they do to you, why you, Lawisa?" He asked before he could stop his mouth.

"I will tell you one of this days." And that caught off him by surprise. He expected a blank expression or cold glares, but he got a beautiful and understanding smile.