Chapter 13: I am a ‘nobody’, so are they to me

Jeremy had arrived at the restaurant,

I anxiously looked at my watch. Where is Rachel? Everyone is here and dinner is about to start.

Is she still angry with me? Perhaps something have happened to her on the way here? Gosh! Negative thoughts were filling my mind now!

I couldn’t wait anymore, thus I went out of the restaurant to give her a call. Just as I was about to click her number, I was surprised to see Rachel standing at the side-walk.

She was looking intensely at something. Why was she standing there? What was she looking at?

I became curious and turned to the direction that Rachel was looking. A group of people were talking outside the restaurant next door. Rachel look dazed and gloomy.

Why was she looking at them? They looked like a family of five, parents and three children. Two teenage boys and a young girl who should be the eldest, maybe around nineteen or twenty years old.

Hey, wait a minute, the girl kind of resembling Rachel. Could this family be Rachel’s relatives?

I walked up to her and asked, “Rachel, are you okay? Why aren’t you coming in?”

Startled by Jeremy’s voice, I turned to him and replied, “Yes, I am coming now.”

Then, I walked briskly towards Jeremy’s direction.

At the team dinner,

Everyone was enjoying the food and chatting except Rachel. She was trying her best to show that she enjoyed the night, but I knew too well that she wasn’t.

When dinner was over, I tried to talk to her about giving her a lift home, but she seemed to be preoccupied in her conversation with John and Shirley.

Yet, I knew that she was avoiding me.

Then and when I was busy talking to other colleagues and without my realisation, she hailed a taxi.

I only knew about it when she was about to get into the taxi, she called out to everyone, “Goodnight and goodbye everybody”.

It was too late to stop her from getting into the taxi. I was disappointed with her. It was unnecessary for her to avoid me to that extent. I felt hurt.

Disappointed, I started my car and I decided to follow the taxi to be certain of her safety.

I believe she was definitely angry with me still even though she said that she has forgotten about my silly action.

I continued to follow the taxi to Ville Residence. As she was getting off the taxi, I quickly parked my car at the road side and chased after her. “Rachel, please wait.” I called out.

Rachel was stunned to hear the familiar voice,

I turned around to see a man running while puffing for air.

What was wrong with this man? Annoyed, I scowled, “What do you want, Jeremy?”

“Rachel, please, please calm down. Before you go back to your room, please spear me some moment to talk.” Jeremy pleaded.

This man! Annoying! Alright, it won’t kill me with ten minutes of my time.

“Okay, ten minutes. I am tired, I planned to rest earlier,” my reply was harsh.

But then, I felt bad for snapping at him. I have been disrespectful towards my boss.

Rachel led Jeremy to the garden of Ville Residence and sat on a bench.

Jeremy wanted to be certain that Rachel was no longer angry with him,

“Rachel, are you really okay with me? Do you hate me?

“Huh? Hate you?” I chuckled as I replied him.

Why on earth would I hate him? What or who gave him the idea?

Perhaps, just perhaps my behaviour at the dinner tonight implied such thoughts in him.

I gazed at him and continued, “Why would I hate you? Because of your good intention to find a new place for me to stay? Jeremy, I told you that I have forgiven you. You need not mentioned about the matter anymore. Why was it bothering you now?”

I was curious as I felt that it was odd for him to be bothered with a ‘nobody’ like her.

“So, you are fine with me?” Jeremy asked enthusiastically.

I nodded and smiled to ease his doubt.

“Good!” Jeremy smiled and continued,

“You were unhappy at the dinner, and you avoided me. I was disappointed and angry with myself.” he explained further.

Oh gosh! Silly! I avoided you so that those gossipers would not continue to boil you and me in their “Bowl of Gossip”.

I laughed and explained, “I was avoiding you because I need to halt the activities of the ‘office paparazzi’. Apparently, you didn’t understand my action?”

Jeremy gazed at Rachel with an “Oh”,

That was her reason! Suddenly, I felt my face burning from embarrassment.

I scolded myself for being silly.

Then, both of us become silent for a moment. I noticed that Rachel seemed to be back to her deep thoughts again.

What was bothering her?

Hey! Was it about the group of people that she was looking at near the restaurant earlier on? Should I ask her?

Suddenly, Rachel looked at me as if she wanted to tell me something but she swallowed it back.

I sensed her reluctance, therefore I took the initiative.

“Rachel, are you trying to tell me something? If you are comfortable with me, why not?”

Rachel gazed upon Jeremy,

Am I comfortable with him? My heart was telling me to spill it out to him. This urge had in fact, been going on in my heart for quite sometime.

Yes, I really wanted to tell him my pain. I felt stuffy, as if I couldn’t find my breath anymore. I needed to talk it out, it’s killing me.

I took a deep breath and grabbed the courage to speak, “You saw me looking at a family outside the restaurant before I went in for our group dinner, right?”

“Indeed.” Jeremy replied while observing Rachel’s facial expression.

“What else did you notice?” I continued asking Jeremy.

Jeremy was quick to answer,

“A family of five. Parents, two teenage sons and a young adult daughter; and… and…”

I wasn’t sure whether I should comment further.

“And what?” Rachel gazed at me, anticipating an answer.

“The eldest child looked like she is around nineteen or twenty years old. She does have some resemblance to you. Are they related to you? If they are related, why didn’t you greet them when you saw them?”

There, there! Out went my curiosity, I blamed myself for being blunt.

Why couldn’t I hold my curiosity first?! Silly me, did I spoil Rachel’s mood again?

Rachel nodded,

“You are a good observer, Jeremy. Yes, they are related to me. They are my siblings, biological siblings. Of course, the eldest child has some resemblance to me because their parents are my parents.” I spilled everything out to Jeremy.

Jeremy was shocked!

Then, why didn’t Rachel greet them? Many thoughts were running through my mind. I couldn’t hold back my thoughts anymore, it came right out of my mouth!

“Why didn’t you greet them? And, wait a minute, you told me that you were raised by your granny. Why didn’t you stay with them?”

I was curious, what happened to her and her family.

I smiled at Jeremy and explained,

“My father is a rich businessman’s only son. His family has long resided in Kuala Lumpur. He met my mother when she was working in his uncle’s company. They fell in love almost immediately according to what granny knew from my mother. His father later learned about their relationship and was against it.”

I heaved a sigh and continued with my story, “Because my mother came from a poor family, and she was only educated at secondary school level. My father insisted to marry my mother, no matter what happened. His father gave him a condition of which my father would only be allowed to marry my mother after two years, in order for him to complete his degree and to take over the company.”

Rachel paused to take a deep breath before continuing,

“Another condition was that my mother was to maintain her purity until the wedding night. In short, she had to be pure in order to be qualified as his daughter-in-law. Otherwise, his father will not accept my mother into his family, and my father will never inherit the properties and company. But, it was too late because at the moment this condition was given to my mother, she was eighteen weeks pregnant with me.”

Rachel’s eyes welled-up, and choked as she spoke, “My father knew about it, and my parents wanted to abort me. However, the doctor advised them to drop the idea as it was too dangerous for my mother, as I, the foetus was almost five months old.”

Rachel sighed, “My mother had quit her job earlier on when she found that she was four weeks pregnant in order to hide the pregnancy. She had no choice but to carry me to term, and the best place to hide was back home. My mother went home alone and waited for me to be born. As soon as I was born and discharged from the hospital, she took me to my granny, gave her RM1,000 and left immediately. She told granny that she was going somewhere else in our hometown to rest during the confinement period, and my granny was to take care of me as she was unable to do so.” Rachel halted as tears began to roll down her cheeks.

“Granny said that was the last time she saw my mother. The last time she held me was from the hospital to Granny’s house. She never visited me and I have never seen her since that fateful day. My father, I never met him at all. They never gave me a name!”

My goodness, it was so painful to talk about it. I clenched my fist to my chest, trying to calm myself down.

I felt Rachel’s pain. I walked over to Rachel and put my hand on her shoulder to support her. Poor Rachel. I wanted to hug her but I was worried that she might think otherwise.

As soon as I felt Jeremy’s hand on my shoulder, I sensed an energy.

Not once did I told anyone about my background, not even to John and Shirley because I have always believe that nobody would want to know anything about me.

I guessed that this kind of energy is called ‘moral support’. I sensed his understanding and warmth, something that I never experienced before.

“I am fine, Jeremy. I am sorry for crying. I have never told anyone about this. Granny told me that my mother was her only child and there no other relatives. Even when my granny passed away, I had no idea how to contact her. Pathetic, isn’t it? Disowning their own child in order to be accepted into my father’s family, and my father was worried that he couldn’t inherit his father’s properties as well as company.”

I couldn’t control my tears, “I did not exist at all for them. I was an unwanted child.” I sobbed uncontrollably.

Jeremy patted my back to calm me down,

“It was the first time I saw them today. During my five years in Kuala Lumpur, I did search for them. It was quite easy as my father’s company was quite famous. I knew my mother’s name but not my father’s. However, after some searching, I found them. They had three other children, my true blood siblings but I believe they don’t even know that they have an elder sister. I didn’t take the chance to contact them, as it was deem unnecessary. I just wanted to avoid them as I am a ‘nobody’, so were they to me.” I sighed as I smiled to Jeremy.

Jeremy listened intently,

No wonder Rachel did not want anyone to help her as she has had always fend for herself.

I have my full respect for her. Awesome and amazing lady!

After sobbing, I turned to look at Jeremy,

“Thank you for listening. I feel better now.” I spoke after I wiped my tears off.

I didn’t understand where on earth did I get the courage to tell him my pain? Why? Trust? Perhaps, I began to trust him now.

Jeremy answered,

“Rachel, I am sorry for what you have been through. You are somebody, you are and will be better than them. Yeah, just let them be with their own lives. Since you have been doing fine without them, you need not contact them. If you need any help, you can always look for me.”

I hold Rachel’s hand to give her support and assurance.

“Thank you, I appreciate it.” Rachel reply softly.

Then, I glanced at the time on my phone and noticed that ten minutes have long passed. I smiled to Jeremy and said,

“I really need to retire now, I’m quite tired but I do feel relief after spilling everything out to you. However, please never reveal to anyone else. I trust that you will keep it your secret.”

Jeremy nodded and said,

“No problem. My mouth is zipped. I am happy to hear that you are feeling better now. Don’t let it bother you. Rest well tonight.”

I promised Rachel to keep it a secret, at the same time encouraged her to have a good night rest.

Then Rachel replied, “Thank you Jeremy for being my listener. Yeah, I will rest well tonight.”

As we both stood up from the bench and walked to the entrance of the apartment, I spoke,

“By the way, can we meet again tomorrow? I have planned a hiking trip at Kiara Hill, want to join me? Just you and me only.”

I remembered that Rachel told me that hiking was one of her hobbies.

“I believe you love hiking, don’t you? It is good for our health. Don’t worry, no office paparazzi will join us,” I continued to persuade Rachel.

Hiking! Rachel gave a quick thought,

“Alright, I never had the chance to hike in Kuala Lumpur. Why not?” I reply abruptly.

What the heck! I might as well breathe fresh air and to relax after those crazy working hours for the past six weeks.

“Great, I will fetch you at 7:00am. We will have breakfast at the foothill, and then we will begin with our hike.” I happily replied as we walked to the lift. I then, pressed the ‘up’ lift button automatically as it had became a routine.

Ding! The lift door opened. I walked in with Rachel. Before Rachel could comment anything, I spoke “I would walk you to your unit as usual, don’t argue.”

We continued to chat until we reached her unit. A brief goodnight and goodbye at the main door, and then, I walked back to the lift.

She has opened up to me, signifying that she has begun to trust me now. I am happy and I think I am in love.

Rachel locked and bolted her bedroom door before she sat down on her bed.

My feelings were a mixture of sadness and joy. I was sad because of my past and about my so-called “family”, yet I was joyful at the same time.

Why was I joyful and happy? I smiled as I thought of Jeremy’s concern, his worry, his protection, his listening ear, and so forth.

Out of sudden, I started to compare Jeremy with Geoff.

Geoff never gave me a sense of warmth and understanding. Why? Besides, I never got to trust Geoff wholeheartedly over our course of courtship.

He never gave me the sense of reliability and trustworthiness. Jeremy seemed to have lots of things in common with me, some sort of having the same key and tune.

I scratch my head as confusion filled my mind on my mixed feelings.

Moments later, I walked to the washroom to wash-up for the night as Ashley was not back yet.

I hastily finished off in the washroom, and hurried back to my room before I bumped into Ashley and her boyfriend.

Soon, I switched-off the light and tried to sleep. I tossed and turned in bed, yet I was not sleepy.

Was I being bothered again by my biological family that I saw before the team dinner? No, I didn’t think so because I didn’t feel sad.

Rather, I felt excited. I began to ask myself, ‘What was the excitement about?’

Oh dear! Was I excited about the hike tomorrow? Perhaps, it was because I have longed for hiking since I left my hometown five years ago.

Perhaps, I kept on reasoning with myself about my excitement. Nothing else!

I reminded myself over and over again. Jeremy is my boss and my friend. I believe we might become close friend, nothing else.

Rachel, don’t ever overthink. He could only accept you as a friend, nothing more than that.

There is a vast difference between the two of you. Rachel, you are nothing as compared to him. I repeated these words until I fell asleep.

Jeremy at his apartment in Premium Hearth,

As soon I entered my apartment, I opened up the doors of my two guestrooms. One room is bigger than the other.

The window in the bigger room is facing a hill. This view is the same from the master bedroom which is my room.

I smiled as I have decided to decorate this guestroom for Rachel. I knew that she needed lots of convincing and persuasion to let her move into this guestroom.

Patience, Jeremy!

I walked to my own bedroom and took a quick shower.

Later, I sat in front of my laptop and started to sketch a simple decoration draft on a sheet of A4 paper.

I remembered everything she told me especially about her favourite colours, flowers, designs, nature, etc. I integrated these characteristics of her favourite things into the decoration including the type of bed, bed sheets, pillow case, bolster case, curtains, wardrobe, and many more.

By the time I was done with my draft, it was midnight.

My goodness! It is time to sleep, I have a hiking date with Rachel tomorrow.

Quickly, I set my alarm for 6:00am, switched off the lights and sleep.

However, fifteen minutes had gone but I couldn’t close my eyes. I kept on tossing and turning in bed, though I was tired but I felt happy.

Yes, I am happy because I think I am in love with Rachel.