Chapter 5 - Mistakes and Feelings

As soon as we opened the door, I was struck with that sweet flowery scent.

It's so nostalgic, and smelled like childhood, and... And Addriane.

She lingered behind, as I took in the decoration of the living room.

It's so simple. Couch, table, tv, fireplace. And a lot of family pictures everywhere.

I ran my hand over one. Addriane, Charlotte, and what I guess were their parents. Everyone was smiling, and they looked genuinely happy.

My heart warmed and jumped in its cage at the sight of my little girl's bright smile. Her dad was carrying her on his shoulders, and she had her fingers in his hair.

It feels so good to know that at least she had family. Even if it was for a little while.

"What are you looking at?"

I spun around, and was greeted with a pair of big brown eyes and full pink lips too damn close to mine.

My mind was blank for a second. All I noticed is how even without my high heels on, she is still a good amount shorter than me.

I could just lean in a little, and...

But, thankfully, I stopped my train of thoughts before doing something very reckless that I'd regret.

"Umm, n-nothing. I mean, the photos. You know..."

I blushed even more from the stuttering. Darn it, why can't I not make a fool of myself in front of her for once?

She smiled and took one from the shelf. The one that I didn't even notice.

It was her and I when we were little.

I was carrying her bridal style, and she had her arms wrapped around my neck, and her lips pressed to my cheek.

Again, for the countless times today, my heart felt like it will beat out of my chest.

"God, these were the good times."

I nodded my head in agreement. I took another look, first at the picture, then at Addriane.

She changed so much. I didn't even recognize her the first time I saw her. Imagine my shock when I read her name.

My hand, like it had a mind of its own, shot up to caress her cheek. Her skin is so soft under my fingertips, and I swear, I could stay like this forever.

"You grew up so , so much."

Her lips curved into an adorable smile, and she placed her hand over mine.

"Well, so did you."

I can't believe that she still loves me. I let myself think that she wouldn't even remember me, nor love me for that matter. All this time, she thought of me as much as I thought about her.

God, how much I want to take her lips in mine right now... And the way that she is looking at me...

She licked her lips and took her bottom one between her teeth, and, I swear that I would have lost it if the ball of fur didn't ram in my legs.

"Scar!"

Addriane got on her knees, and hugged the white dog, and soon, I joined them on the carpet.

I absentmindedly petted Scar, while my mind wondered to what could have happened a moment ago.

I was really about to kiss her. Godness! I can't be so selfish. It doesn't matter what I want. If Addriane gets too involved in my life... I don't even want to think about what could happen to her. Especially if I break off the engagement and leave Parker for her. He'd have both me and her killed, and no one would find our bodies, or know what happened to us.

My God, I shouldn't have even offered to be friends. What did I think? Hell, I won't be able to keep up 'a friendship'. I'm not that strong, I know that I'll give in to her sooner or later. That's why it was better if I kept on pretending I don't know her.

But my thoughts melted away the moment I heard her laugh.

Scar was on top of her and he was licking her face while she fought to keep him off of her.

Warmth spread through me at the sight.

I can't possibly break her heart. I'd break my own by doing that. I love her too much, and it goddamned hurts that I can never be with her again.

"Scarlett!"

My attention shifted to her.

"You spaced out. I have been calling you for like a minute."

I offered her an apologetic smile and ruffled her hair a little.

"Sorry, I got lost in thinking. Let's order that pizza."

Addy reached for the phone and handed it to me. I was just about to ask her why did she give me the phone, but she got ahead of me.

"You order pizza. I'll go and make us hot chocolate."

She disappeared in the kitchen, and I dialed the number.

I had to wait for a minute or so before someone picked up.

"Hello, pizza delivery?"

"Hello, can you give me one with pepperoni and one hawaiian, please?"

I'm actually really proud of myself for remembering her favorite pizza even after eleven years. Well, I at least hope that hawaiian is still her favorite.

Just as I was telling the address to the delivery guy, Addriane reappeared with two mugs of hot chocolate with a whipped cream on top of it, and... Wait, are those marshmallows?

I put the phone down, and took one mug that she offered me. Yup, those are marshmallows. What are they doing in hot chocolate? I have no idea.

She must have noticed my odd looks because she laughed before giving me an explanation.

"Trust me, it goes great with the chocolate and the whipped cream. Especially after they melt. But, I recommend that you wait a bit before you drink it. It's still hot."

Ok, I seriously can't wait to try this. I left it on the glass table next to Addy's and sat down on the couch next to her.g

"You know, for a billionaire, this is a pretty normal house."

Seriously, I kind of expected to see one of those big, modern, cold houses, and this is the exact opposite. It's a small family home, and it's full of memories and warmth.

Addriane huffed at my question.

"Neither me and Charlotte, nor our parents were fans of those big flashy houses. And, money can't buy you happiness, so..."

If only someone told that to my foster parents a couple years ago, I wouldn't be in all of this mess right now.

She stood up to stretch a bit, and took her phone in her hands.

"Hey, Addy, give me your phone, I want to play some music."

She handed me the phone, and I went through her playlist, and, believe me, there is every kind of music there.

"Seriously Addriane? Taylor Swift, Drake, Katy Perry, Justin Bieber? I never expected you to go for that kind of music."

From the corner of my eye, I saw her roll her eyes at me, and I couldn't help but release a laugh.

"I don't really listen to all of that, it's just for the sake of school. You know, you can't be 'popular' if you don't listen to all of that crap. I mean, of course, there are some good songs of that kind, but mostly it's just some garbage. You know, the real music is that which stays forever, not that which has a huge success on the market now, and then, after a couple months everyone forgets about it."

I watched her with a smile on my face, and she blushed and hid her face behind her hair. God, she is so cute. And smart. And perfect.

"Scarlett, why are you starring at me like that?"

My hand moved the hair from her face, and she finally stopped hiding.

"It's nothing, I was just thinking that you are too smart for your age."

She blushed again, and I returned my attention to the music. And, finally, I found what I was looking for, and played Paradise city.

The doorbell rang, I guess that it was our pizza, and Addriane literally jumped to take it. I once again found her enthusiasm funny.

When she returned, two big boxes of pizza were in her hands.

She put them on the table and opened them.

"Hey, how did you know which one was my favorite?"

I chuckled at her.

"I remember it, silly."

"I can't believe that you remember something so small..."

My fingers got lost in her hair, as I put my hand on her shoulder. It's so soft and silky.

"I remember everything that you ever said or did. And, you don't need to tell me how big of a creep I am. I know it myself."

This time, she is the one who chuckled. If I could only stay forever this carefree, and with her.

I'm not sure what exactly I did, but, my hand somehow grazed the part of her neck just bellow her ear, and....

And, she moaned.

Oh. My. God.

Addriane looked petrified. As if she didn't believe what she just did.

God, that was sexy.

And, so, my self control went to hell.

I gripped the collar of her shirt, pulled her flush against me, and slammed our lips together.

Her lips were soft against mine, and all like a child's. Just like I remember.

No! No, this is wrong. This is so fucking wrong. But, since I've already fucked up, a minute longer won't hurt anyone.

Our lips moved in perfect sync, like they are meant to be together. I think that they are, that we are meant to be together, but, it just can't be like that.

Addy's arms went around my neck, and she pulled me even closer to her.

I can't keep doing this to her. I can't keep giving her false hope, when nothing could ever come out of this.

And, finally, as much as it hurt me, I had to pull away from her.

Her cheeks were flushed, lips pink and swollen from kissing, and those big beautiful doe eyes looking at me.

The sensation that I feel right now can't be described with words. It's worse than any agony in the world. Partly because her lips are not on mine, where they belong, and partly because of the words that I'm about to say. I'm about to break both of our hearts.

She reached for me again, but I just pushed her hands away, and moved away from her on the couch.

Hurt was evident in her eyes, and in the moment, I wanted nothing more than to take her in my arms, and to whisper how everything's gonna be ok, and how we will find a way to be together. But, I can't.

"S-Scarlett?"

I gulped before saying the words.

"I'm sorry Addriane. I don't know what just happened, but it can never, ever happen again. You have to understand that I have a fiance. And, like I told you, we could never be together again. Please, if we are going to keep a friendship, accept that, or I will have to go back to ignoring you."

Tears stung in the back of my eyes when I saw hers spilling down her cheeks. That is the second time that I made her cry already, and it took everything in me not to embrace her, and comfort her.

She wiped her tears away, and those big teary doe eyes were looking at me again.

"Then, why did you do that, Scarlett? Why did you kiss me? Why do you keep doing and saying things and make me hope for something that obviously won't happen?"

Because I love you.

"Addriane, I'll apologize again for giving you any false hope, and, if that is how things are, maybe we should really be nothing more but two strangers."

I stood up, ready to leave, and her eyes now filled with sheer panic.

"No, no, please, I'm sorry, it doesn't matter, just please don't go. I understand, and I promise, we won't ever again do anything like that, but please, please, please don't go, don't shut me out."

Oh, Addy... My babygirl. My whole world. If I ever meet God, I'll give him a good punch in the face for doing this to us.

"Fine."

We sat back down, and, I caught sight of her hands shaking, and she was crying again. I could see it even though her face was hidden in her hair. I could literally feel it.

I walked to the movie shelf, and picked out Addy's favourite movie, 'The goodfather' first part.

When she heard the film music, she snapped her head at me, and smiled, despite tears still running down her cheeks.

We sat together in awkward silence through the whole movie, and when it was about to end, I noticed that she fell asleep, sitting like that.

I lied her down on the couch, and put a blanket over her.

God, she is beautiful even when she is sleeping. I pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead, and tucked her in.

"Sleep well, Addy. I love you babygirl."

I whispered to her, praying to God that she couldn't hear me, and made my way out of the door.