Chapter 1: The tragedy

Haze's POV

My mom did it again.. I remember, when she was this fun, loving mom, who always tried to do the right thing at least. Now, she's only like that sometimes when Dave is not around. I've never known, who my dad is. But when this guy named Dave moved in, everything changed… He has lived with us for 10 years now. I have major panic and anxiety attacks, but he thinks that the pills are bad for me… I can’t cal—

"Haze," I hear Ella's voice behind the door. I close my diary fast and hide it under my pillow. If anyone would know, that the New Rockbowl badass writes a diary, then I wouldn't be that anymore.

"Yeah, Ella, come in," I sniffle, trying to hold my tears back.

She comes in and looks at me, "Everything okay?" she asks.

She's the perfect example of the 'perfect girl next door'. She only wears pastel colors and wears her hair in a tight ponytail. And then here's me. Her 15-year-old younger sister, who wears only black, a leather jacket, and my hair is always open and a little messy.

"I'm fine," I say and try to wipe all my tears away.

She sighs and walks to me, "Where did you put your pills?" she asks, "To get more attention?" she continues.

Here's the thing... She may LOOK like the perfect girl next door, but she's a bitch inside. She's the head cheerleader with Alexa Lawrence and they're total bitches. I'm not. I'm just a girl, trying to look tough so that no-one could say something or hurt me again in any way.

"You know very clearly that I'm not the one hiding them. I pay my OWN money, to get the new ones every week, cause Dave doesn't support them and lets you hide them," I say.

She chuckles meanly, "Yeah right," she says and gets up. She walks out of my room, knowing, that I'm capable of starting insulting her.

I look outside the window. Dave's car is not here. That means that mom's home and he is not. I jump up from the bed and basically run downstairs.

"Mom?" I cry, going into the living room. She looks at me and sighs.

"Haze," she says worriedly, stands up and pulls me into his embrace.

I cry into her shirt, "Baby, what's wrong?" she asks, fondling my hair and then kissing it.

"Can you borrow me something?" I cry.

"Sure. What do you need?" she asks.

"A razor," I cry. They've taken all of them away from me after I tried to kill myself.

She sighs and raises my head up, "For what?" she asks.

I just look into her eyes. She kisses my forehead.

"Honey, I can't lose you too," she says with tears.

I shake my head, "I have to go to school in 3 days... Everyone hates me. I don't have anyone. Please," I cry.

She sighs and shakes her head, "Dave says that it's because of your outfits and," she starts.

I push her away from me, "You're unbelievable mom," I cry and run back upstairs into my room.

I know that I don't have any sharp objects. They've taken everything. But I can still look. I've tried to do it with paper before, but that doesn't make you bleed almost at all.

"Haze, I need to talk to you," I hear my mom's voice on the door.

"Well, I don't want to talk to you," I cry, still looking for something sharp.

I feel her arms around me and she turns me around. I sigh and look into her eyes. She sits me down on the bed and I climb in the middle of t and cross my legs. She sits in front of me, her legs not on my bed.

"I know that you don't like him," she starts.

"I don't like HIM? HE is the one, who doesn't want for my anxiety to get better," I cry, still not able to calm down, "HE is the one, who is making you this other person around him. HE is the guy who changed you. HE is the one who is telling you that I'm not good enough. And HE is the reason that I wanna kill myself," I cry, afraid that I told too much.

She sighs, "Haze. He is your dad," she starts.

"No, he is," I start, but get interrupted. she puts her hands on my shoulders.

"Haze I'm telling you. He is your biological father," she says.

I look at her with widened eyes, "What?" I sniffle.

She sighs, "There were always two possibilities... Either him. Or a gang leader from Rockbowl, my best friend for life," she says.

I chuckle, my eyebrows raised, "I don't know that guy from Rockbowl, and I'm already wishing that he was my dad, not Dave," I say and wipe my tears away.

She sighs and hands me one tub with my pills. I look at her with widened eyes and then back at my pills.

"YOU took them?" I cry.

"No baby, I would never do that," she says and kisses my hair, as I'm in her arms now. I smile a little. Dave is always home, I never see this kind of mom. I always see the cold one.

"Wait one second," I say, get up from my bed and walk into my bathroom. I swallow one pill with water and already feel calmer than before.

I sigh with a little smile, looking into the mirror at my makeup, that looks like shit after crying.

I walk back into my room and open my drawer. I take away the fake bottom and put my pills there, cause Dave doesn't know that place.

Mom smiles a little and I climb back on her lap, into her arms. She chuckles sadly and kisses my forehead, holding me tightly against her as I'm shaking and still crying a little.

"I love you, baby. I'm sorry, that you've had to get through all this shit alone. I'm sorry," she cries.

"It's okay," I sigh, my face hidden in her shoulder, "I love you too," I say.

"About school.." she says and I sigh, "Maybe you can at least try and find some friends," she sighs.

"Mom.." I sigh, "They all think, that I'm a bitch. They think that I fuck a different guy every night. And no, it's not because of my clothing. It's because I'm different from them.. And the other girls don't like girls, who stand up for themselves," I say. She smiles sadly.

"Why can't I join the Scarlet Tears, mom?" I ask now.

Her eyes widen, "No. No Scarlet Tears," she says, "They're all on Rockbowl anyways," she says.

I sigh, "I wish we lived at Rockbowl," I say. She looks shocked.

"Kim, I'm home!" I hear Dave's voice.

I sigh and look at her. She wipes her tears away rapidly, "No matter what I say when he's here. I love you more than anything in the world. You need to know that," she says.

I nod a little and she kisses my hair. I climb off her lap and she runs out of my room. I sigh and look at the time.

It's 11 PM. Can as well go to sleep. I'm tired as hell anyways. I walk to my window, to close it. It's the ending of August, and it's like 17° outside. That sucks. I hate sleeping with a closed window. It makes me feel claustrophobic, though I have a big window.

I close it with a sigh and then climb under the sheets. I'm already wearing my pajamas.

I think that I fall asleep instantly.

*Time pass. 3:03 AM.*

I hear people shouting. I'm used to mom and Dave fighting. So I just turn on my stomach and cover my ears with one of the pillows.

"Get them out of the house!" I hear someone saying. His voice sounds like he's shouting, but I'm not sure.

I groan and sit up on my bed, eyes still closed. Something stinks as hell. I open my eyes and see the door, the carpet, and a wall on fire.

I let out a scream, as I see that it's spreading so fast and even my bed is on fire. I freeze on the place for some reason.

The air makes my eyes water and I wanna close them, but I also know, that if I do that, I'm gonna die.

I jump up from my bed, getting some burns, which make me cry so hard, and run to the window.

I open it and see, that the ladder is on fire too, "FUCK HELP ME!" I scream. I look at my room, making sure if it's still not possible to go from the door. But my whole room is on fire now.

I squeak in pain as I feel the fire on the back of my shirt. I see people under my window now, but I'm not on the first floor.

I'm sobbing so hard. Here's no way I'll get out of this house. No way. If I jump, I'll die, it's the sidewalk under here. I see the firefighters trying to stop the fire from spreading. They probably think that we're all already dead.

"Haze," one man says under my window. I look at him with all these tears and the scared face, "Jump," he says.

"No way, I don't even know you!" I cry/scream at him.

"Haze, that's the only way out!" he shouts. I don't know, why, but he looks scared. How does he even know my name? Though his voice does sound familiar.

I look back at my room and then outside the house, down. I'm afraid of the heights. Plus I wanna die anyways.

Even the grass is on fire now and all people are running further away, but he is staying.

"Haze. I know who you are. And I'll explain everything. Just, please. Jump," he says with tears now.

Everything's getting dizzy. I can’t breathe well anymore.

"Baby, I'll catch you. I promise!" he shouts. It reminds me of something. The sentence. I've heard it before. With the same voice.

I press my eyes together and push myself out of the window. I'm waiting for a hard falling and strong pain everywhere, but instead, I feel the warmth and everything is moving.

I open my tired eyes and the man kisses my forehead and puts his leather jacket around me, running towards the ambulance I guess.

I wanna thank him, but instead, my eyes get heavy and I think I faint, cause I can't hear, see, or smell anything. The only thing, that I feel, is that he kisses my forehead again and starts fondling my hair while holding my body close to him. I have no idea who he is, how he knows me, or why he is doing that, but I like him.

Kinda reminds me of someone, who I've never seen... My dad...