Four: Lean on Me

Lost

“This was crazy yo! We should def do it again sometime.” Tommie grins at me from the driver’s seat as she pulls up in front of my house and surprisingly, I don’t disagree. We’d hung out for the rest of the day, going from arcades, to bowling alleys to the actual fucking zoo. It was just a few minutes after five so I figured Grace wouldn’t give me crap. I’d just tell her I hung out with a friend after school.

“See? I can be well behaved.” She beamed like a puppy and I had to laugh. “Yeah. Yo ass is very well trained.” I smirk and she rolls her eyes.

“Do you want a treat for being such a good girl?” The moment the words leave my mouth I regret them. Tommie gives me a thoroughly amused look “A treat huh?” I can feel the heat returning to my face. Damn studs!

I look away from her and stare at the mostly empty street while I wait for my face to return to normal.

“Um. Thanks for today. I needed to chill out more than I realized.” To my relief, she went with the switch in conversation and I promised myself to avoid saying such potentially flirty things around her.

“I hear ya. If you give me your number now, we can even do it again sometime.” The glance she sent me was a tad nervous and low key sweet. Is there something in the water here or do gay people here just not know about the whole labels thing? Some part of me wants to refuse her because I know where she wants this to go and I’m not entirely sure I’m okay with it. Another part doesn’t care because we’d actually had a whole lotta fun today and despite not being my type she’s still kinda cute. After a moment, I sigh and hold my hand out for her phone. The huge grin she gives me is sickenly adorable and I’m almost annoyed with her because of it. I punch in my phone number thinking how some of my niggas back home would react to me getting picked up. Oh well.

“I still think you an asshole.” Tommie laughed.

“Of course I am. But see I can be YOUR asshole.” She winked. I shook my head.

“That was hella cheesy.” She shrugged and I opened the door. “I’ll call you.” She yells as I climb out of her jeep and close the door. She had some really nice wheels and I faintly wondered how she got em. Another question for another day.

I wave until she drives off and trudge up the steps to the front porch. My easy mood from this afternoon is darkening again and the moment I open the door, I can feel the restlessness creep in.

“Where the hell have you been?” Grace exploded springing from the couch and I jumped. She glared at me frozen in front of the door.

“Well?”

“Jesus. Why the hell would you scare me like that?” I rub a hand on my chest. “Where were you Chantari? Your school called. You skipped three classes and left the premises in the middle of the day.”

I sighed. “I had some shit with this dumb ass teacher who kicked me out of class. Unfairly.” I started to move past her and she blocked me.

“That’s it? You disappear for hours and that’s all you gotta say?”

“What else do you want me to say?”

“Um lets see. How bout where the hell you went? Why did you not call me and why are you only just getting back?” Her eyes narrowed and she examined my face a moment. “Did someone hit you?”

I cursed silently. Shit. I’d taken off my glasses sometime during my time out with Tommie.

“No one. I just ran into something okay? Look its not a big deal. Imma go tomorrow.” I start to walk past her again and she grabs my hand. “I’m still talking to you and saying its not a big deal is not acceptable. You can’t just skip school whenever and run around town with people you don’t know Tari.” I whipped my hand from her grasp and glared at her.

“And who’s gon’ stop me? You?” Grace opened her mouth and then closed it. She took a deep breath and her voice was small when she spoke this time. “Why wouldn’t you even call. I sent you like twenty texts. I was fucking worried about you.” My anger which has been simmering since I opened the door flared.

“Oh hell nah. You don’t get to do that now Grace. Why wouldn’t I call you? You mean the way you never fucking called me for fourteen fucking years? What’s your excuse for that huh?”

She stared at me.

“I thought so. You don’t fucking get to play the mom card Grace. Not now. You’re not my mother. It takes more than pushing a kid outta your vagina to be one so don’t give me that fucking bullshit of being worried about me after not giving a shit for most of my life. If you really were worried, you’d have sent those texts a fucking decade ago so get off my damn dick.”

I push past her ignoring the tears rolling down her cheeks and trying hard not to let mine fall, I rush up the stairs to lock myself in my room. I miss home all over again. Hell I even missed my deadbeat, junkie dad. I missed my friends and teachers that didn’t fucking swear at me.

I wanted to go out somewhere and just forget everything. Too bad I didn’t know anyone around here except for Tommie and Aisha. Tommie was probably just gonna piss me off more and Aisha… well, lets just say getting beat up can put you off hanging out with someone. I wish I could talk to someone, even if its just to distract me.

I fish out my note from my book bag and open it to the picture I’d drawn today. She was really pretty, in an androgynous sort of way and for what felt like the hundredth time today, I wondered about the mysterious stud with the green eyes. What's her name? Where she live? What she do? Basically, who the hell is she. I doubt she’s a student at my school. It’s not that she looks old per say, looking at her she could be anything from nineteen to twenty five. There’s just a certain confidence to her being, a wryness to the quirk of her lips, an awareness in her eyes that speaks of a life far outside highschool.

College? I didn’t see it for her but then I didn’t know her at all did I? I flung the book away in frustration. The one person I did want to talk to for reasons beyond me, I didn’t even know how to get a hold of. Aisha would know who she was yet unfortunately, I wasn’t supposed to be talking to her cause of her Queen Kong girlfriend. I scowled.

This was so fucking stupid. I couldn’t even hang out with a girl without getting beat by gang bangers. Just another way my life now sucked. I moped for a couple of minutes before I begun to get pissed off. Was I really gonna let that gorilla bitch tell me who I could and couldn’t talk to? I stare at my ceiling in contemplation. Fuck it. Aisha was the only one I could ask about skater stud and I’d be damned if I let her girl scare me. Tracey or whatever could go fuck herself.

I picked up my phone and fish out Aisha’s contact then shoot her a text.

Me: Hey Aisha? It’s Tari.

She texted me back a couple of minutes later.

Aisha: Hi… Are u ok?

Me: Yeah. You busy?

Aisha: Nah. Just got back frm school. Sup?

Me: Can we talk?

It takes her longer to answer and for a moment I wonder if I’m not setting myself up texting her. I wasn’t coming on to her was I? I just wanted a lil information on that green eyed stud and I figured she’d have it. My inner voice reminds me that Tracey might not care for the distinction. I tell it to shut the fuck up.

Aisha: Yea…

Me: Why you say yea like that?

There’s another moment, shorter this time, before she replies.

Aisha: Tbh I ain’t think u’d talk to me again. I’m sorry.

This time, I’m the one who takes a minute to reply.

Me: It’s not your fault. But you ain’t tell me you got a girl though. I wouldn’t have come up on you like that if I knew.

I mean, I probably would have anyways but not if I’d known the bitch was a fucking gang banger!

Aisha: That’s the thing! I dnt!

Me: What you mean?

Another pause and I switch to my IG while I wait for her to text back. After liking a few pictures, the notification pops up.

Aisha: Can u come over so I can explain? Dnt wanna text it.

I hesitate. It’s not like it would be unpleasant to be alone in a room with her at this time of the night. It’s the fact that my chest still ached when I moved too fast from the beating I already took over her. And that was cause I walked through a part holding her hand in broad day light. If her giant ‘not-girlfriend’ caught me in her room I was probably gonna have a gun pulled up on me. Dying over a bitch I haven’t even fucked. How ghetto is that? Finally I type back a ‘sure’ and get off my bed to change out of my clothes. I decide to take a quick shower last minute. I planned on just talking until I knew what to do about Tracey Montello but a nigga never knew when we was gon’ hit it.

I put on some loose shorts and a large cotton shirt then pile up my dreads. As I wrap the locs around themselves, I have a flashback of the skater-stud smoothly toppling them with one flick of her fingers and freeze. God she was so damn… slick. Even I wasn’t that suave with flirting. Despite my discomfort at her attention, I was obviously sort of intrigued by it. Was this how other girl’s felt when I hit on them? So… confused?

I glance at my phone before it enters my pocket and frowned.

Aisha: Um, hey can u come thru the back? Dnt knock. Just text me when u there.

Well that was strange but I answer with an okay and make my way over there. I use my window because no way do I want to hear Grace’s hot take on my little excursion tonight. Plus if she knew I was hanging out with Aisha then she may figure out who banged my eye up. Not that she’d seem to care much. She’d let it go easy enough when I claimed I hit something. Ugh.

Except for a handful of flickering streetlights, it was dark outside and I seem to be the only mudafucker on the damn street. I’m hella weirded out by how quiet it is but I try not to act like the token black guy in a horror movie.

I went to the back door and took out my phone to text her I was here when I hear a whisper.

“Psst. Hey.”

My head snapped around and I frowned when I didn’t see anybody immediately.

“Tari. Up here”

I glanced up to see her head poking outta the window.

“Uh...Hey. Wassup? Is this a bad time?”

I ask even though she did tell me to come over because why else isn't she getting the door? Was I gon'stand out here?

“No. But um... I live with my brother and he’s... well I just don't think he should see you...” I feel uneasy a bit uneasy at that admission and for a moment, I consider turning around and going back home. If she was gon' sneak me inside it wasn't worth it right?

“Can you climb up? Please?” I let out a low groan. It wouldn't be that hard, I was planning on climbing back up to my own bedroom but damn if it wasn't annoying to have to do that twice. I sighed. “Sure. Why not.”

I stepped into the flowerbed below her window and grimaced when I heard mud squish underneath. Oh fuck me.

I was beginning to regret coming here already. Grumbling under my breath, I grabbed onto the first support I could find and started to pull myself up. It took me all of two minutes but I was climbing into her room and standing next to her. It was pretty much the same size as mine only with far more pink and pictures than I'd ever have.

“Ew. Take your those off.” Aisha says and I look down to my muddy slippers. I dutifully slide them off and clean my feet with the rag she hands me.

There's a desk and a chair where she obviously does her schoolwork but she gestures to the bed before dumping on it herself. Remembering the feel of Tracey's fist on my gut, I sit with a little space between us.

There's an awkward silence that hangs on for several moments. Aisha is fiddling with her hands leaving me not knowing what to do with myself. After five minutes of nothing, I decide I've had enough. Fuck this. I wasn't risking my life and limb just so she could sit here studying her hands. I climbed a window for fuck's sake.

“Look. If you don't wanna talk I can just—”

“No! Wait! Of course I wanna talk I just... I don't know where to start from I guess?”

She sniffled. “I’m sorry. I don't usually be crying like this.”

I sigh. “It's okay. I just had a long day okay? And I got school tomorrow.”

“Oh. Okay. Yeah. I'll make it fast then.”

I settled back down on the bed and there was another pause but it thankfully wasn't as long as the first one.

“So Tracey and I were a thing since my sophomore year at your High school. Um... She was in a gang when she started dating but it wasn't this... Bad. God. I swear I've broken up with her like five times but she never fucking listens! I'm so damn tired and scared all the time! I can't go out or make friends or do much of anything and I hate it!” She manages in between sobs and I find myself rubbing circles on her back for comfort. Shit how did I get here?

“I’m sorry. Everyone in the neighborhood pretty much stays away from me cause of Trace and I guess I was just excited to see someone who didn't. I swear I didn't mean to get you hurt. She's... ”

She trailed off and looked at me for the first time since I came here.

“She's never done this to anyone because of me before.”

Something she says tugs at me. “Because of... So you mean you've seen her do this to others?”

Aisha pales “I...” Her eyes cut away from mine. “She's a Viking okay? That's... It's the way it is there. I just didn't think she'd get this... I'm sorry. I understand if you don't want anything to do with me after this.”

And then she broke into the most heart wrenching sobs right there in my arms. I held her, not really knowing what else to do. It took a while for her to calm down. I just kept stroking her hair and rubbing her back and telling her it was all okay. For the third time, I wonder what the hell I'm doing here anyways.

Aisha's sobs finally die down and only the occasional shudder wracks her body. She pulls away from me a moment later and wipes her eyes with the back of her hand.

“Jesus H. Christ. You must think I'm a fucking baby.” She gave a half laugh- half cry. “I’m really not. Seriously. ” She glances at me but can't seem to hold my gaze for longer than a few seconds.

“I believe you. And you know what? It's okay. You seem like you've been holding that in for a while.”

She sighed. “Boy you have no idea.” she suddenly looks up at me. “Can I ask you a question?”

I nod. “Why'd you text me? I didn't...”

She blushed. “I didn't think you'd speak to me again.”

I suddenly remember green eyed stud and my dawning obsession with her but it'll be insensitive as hell to bring that up now.

She stares at me obviously expecting an answer and since I have a feeling the truth will probably make her feel worse, I lie.

“I just... Wanted to see how you were doing. And you know. Let you know that I don't blame you for what Tracey did.”

Her eyes widen. “You don't? Really?”

Well, even if I did before I definitely didn't now. Not after she'd practically cried in my lap.

“If it makes you feel better though, I don't mind being your friend. Although, maybe not in public where mudafuckers can report back to your ex? I'm really attached to my working body parts.”

That draws a smile out of her and then a giggle and before I know it, she's laughing again. I smile back.

“So we good?”

I nod. “We good.”

She flew at me, wrapping her arms around me and pulling me into a tight hug. I'm all for giving comfort and shit but the first thing I notice like that is 'holy shit she isn't wearing a bra'. I can feel her nipples poking from the tank top she was wearing and I'm definitely feeling that. She pulls away slowly and then gives me a shy smile.

“Okay.”

“Okay but now I gotta go before Grace finds my bed empty and calls a search party. ” I rolled my eyes and she laughed again. “Don't complain. At least she cares about you. I haven't seen my momma in years.”

My smile is sardonic but I say nothing else, heading for the window instead.

“Oh... Um... Tari? ”

I turn with a raised brow and she's staring at her hands once more.

“Thanks.”