13. Childbearing hips, turn ons and stupid guys

I want to rewind the time, go back and tell my heart not to fall. But the truth is, I can not not fall for you. Even if I can rewind time and go back knowing it all, I am sure I will still fall for you. Over and over. - Alex.

~~~

(Alexandra)

"I can not still believe it. Is this a dream?" She was bouncing in her chair. They were in a restaurant, now.

After they had said good bye to Mathilda and After Alex had agreed to meet with her tomorrow to sign a contract --what is with her and contracts?-- Logan had decided they should celebrate her first job.

He had called his assistant Tom to say that he wouldn't be coming to work, today. The man had said something for which Logan had given his usual grunt as his response and here they were, sitting in a swanky restaurant. And he had ordered whatever she wanted to eat, that was all cakes. And ice creams.

"Do you want me to bash your head with this candle holder?" He asked.

"Why would you do that?" She shrunk her eyes at him as she searched his face. Sometimes he was such an enigma to her, and other times, she could read him like an open diary.

"To make sure it is not a dream?" He gave her a straight look. Didn't even smirk. How could he maintain that face? Wasn't he joking?

"Really? Anyone else would have asked whether I want a pinch. Not bash. Or kill. Why does your mind work like that? It is so bizarre."

"My mind is something special." He said as he took a sip of his water and gave her an arrogant smile.

"Yah, it is something else, alright." She said as she forked in a huge bite of her cake.

"Haven't you changed your mind, yet? Are you really going to eat all the cakes and ice creams and call it a lunch?" He grabbed her plate and she slapped his hands away.

"Why not?" She said with mouth half full. "And hands off my babies. You are not eating them."

"You are calling me bizarre?" He quirked his brows.

"I am." She said and looked up. Oh God. She looked away from the woman strolling inside, just as fast.

"Why are you looking like that? If you open your eyes any wider, your eyeballs would roll down." He commented as he surveyed the restaurant.

"Shit on a sweetcake. Logan, hide me. Please." She pleaded. If the woman saw her... No way.

"Hide you? Where? Can you jump inside my pocket and stay?"

"You idiot, this isn't the time to be funny. I need to hide. Wait. I know what to do. i I will just go under the table." She said as she slid down and crawled under the table and pulled the tablecloth further down to hide herself. Cutleries clinked down and she could hear Logan cursing under his breath.

God. She didn't want to get caught.

Aunt Beatrice would just talk her ears off and there would be no escape from it. She wasn't in the mood to answer all her questions.

Alex looked up and her cheeks heated when she realized she was very closer to Logan's, uhm, uhm, his thingy.

Look away. Look away.

But she didn't know why her eyes were not moving.

He shifted in his chair and then he was peeking through the tablecloth and she looked up and their heads bumped. He swore and rubbed his forehead as she tried to put some distance between them.

Too close to those eyes and Alex's brain was like a scrambled code that didn't make any sense. It took too much time to decode it back to the original form.

"What the hell are you doing, Alex? Come on up."

"Ssh, ssh, stop. You don't understand, I can't come."

"Why?"

"It's batty aunt Beatrice." She whispered.

"You have an aunt?"

"Not really. She just insists I call her that. And I can not talk to her. She will go on and on about how I should marry her grandson, because I have this great childbearing hips or something like that. And then she would ask about you and then my father and God, it would be a train wreck."

"You can tell no to marrying her grandson. You are marrying me." He said without a trace of amusement in his voice. In fact, he sounded angry.

"Waste of childbearing hips." She said without thinking and then bit her lips as her cheeks heated. His eyes went round as his mouth hung open. "I mean, it is not like I want to bear your child or-or something like that. I mean, that is just impossible. I mean-- it is not like you are impotent or anything, you are not, right?" Dear mouth, please close yourself. "Of course, you are not. What am I saying? I meant, we are not going to have intercourse and--" Intercourse? Oh, God, stuck me with lightning, already. Or thunder."I mean, we are just so, you know-- we have no chemistry and biology. Nothing." The hell? Why is she suddenly having a verbal diarrhea? "I just, I was just kidding you know. Kidding. Joking. Funny. Haha." She pushed a hand against her mouth as her cheeks heated in mortification.

That was what she was talking about? The scrambled brain!!! In action.

He gave her a bewildered look, shook his head as if he had just got down from a rollercoaster and pointed above with a finger. He almost looked pale, poor guy.

"I am going up." He said that in a gasp.

"You should. You should."

He nodded and then he was gone.

God. It must be from the lack of all the oxygen. There was no oxygen inside this table when he was here. It was like that with him. Mostly.

Childbearing? Impotent? Intercourse? Really? Alex, really? Her inner voice was very mean.

And then he was back down again and her breathing went crazy. She prayed she wouldn't just blurt out her love for him or any of her crazy thoughts.

"When will you be back?" He didn't look her in the eyes, she noticed. He must be scarred for life!

"Is she gone?" Now he looked at her and the gray eyes were a punch in her gut.

"I don't know who she is."

"Oh, she is the one with that crazy feathered hat."

"Oh, she went inside the private section."

Alex sighed. "God. Just seeing her makes me crazy."

"Yeah, I can see that. And Alex, about your long monologue, we should just forget it ever happened, after you come back up."

She sighed, relieved.

"Yes. Yes." She rubbed her flaming cheeks and he chuckled.

"But for your information, I am not impotent. And we do have some chemistry and biology." He grinned, looking so self-satisfied. And smug.

"You said we are forgetting about that."

"Above the table. But you are still down."

"Oh, you think you are cute?"

"I know I am cute. And I know you think that, too." He gave her a cocky smile.

Insolent jerk!

There were times she just couldn't fall in love with him, over every little thing he did. But those weren't always the only feeling and the only times.

And yes, there were times she just wanted to take something really heavy and drop it in his head. Like this one.

"You pompous little--"

"Above the table, now. "

Coward.

He was gone before she could call out tin his cowardice.

"Coming?" He called and she tried to stand, but her legs were full of pins and needles and it twitched and her back hit the floor with a thump. That hurts. She almost screamed, but stopped when she realized where her cheek was resting. Oh shit.

He jerked and she slid further up his thigh. She rubbed her cheek and wondered if he could feel her heated cheek through his pants.

"Sorry. I-I, my legs were asleep. And I-I am stuck."

"It is okay. Just- umm, just don't move." He sounded pained. "I said don't move."

"I have to get back up, you know." She grumbled. "Or do you want me to stay here forever?"

He said something under his breath. She couldn't hear what it was, though. Then he asked, "is your legs alright now? Can you stand properly without falling on me again? In some other inappropriate places?"

She gritted her teeth.

"Don't be a jerk. It is not like I want to place my cheek in your thigh. This is an accident."

"Yeah, it seems like you are very prone to accident, isn't it?Are you getting up anytime soon?"

"Wait. I am testing my legs."

"You are testing my patience."

"Why do you keep complaining? Just shut up, already. It is not like I have some contagious disease or anything, Logan."

"Ok. Take your damn time. Take however longer you need." He bit the word out like it was a disgusting, moldy cheese or something he didn't want to eat. "You can even stay right there, tonight."

"You are way pricklier today. Is it Leo Shine?"

"Are you really talking about him when you are still in my lap?"

"Seems like it." She said and poked a finger to her legs. "It feels alright."

"Thank God for little blessings."

"Just shut up."

She stood up and her legs were still groaning, but this time she was ready and held on to the table legs. When she was back in her chair, she noticed their waiter was giving her a perplexed look. She gave him a comforting smile, which made him more twitchy. His eyes widened as he avoided her face.

"The floor here is very good. I am just looking what kind of tile is that? Do you know anything about that?"

"No ma'am. Sorry ma'am."

"It is alright." She waved him off with a smile. "Not a problem. I am almost sure this is marbonite."

"Okay ma'am. Do you need anything else?"

"Oh, the walls, now, are they real wood or papered?"

He looked like he wanted to run away from her.

"No. Thanks." Logan said as he threw her a look. What now? "Just the bill."

"You have had too much sugar today."

"Why?"

"He asked about food. Food. That is his job, you know. Not what you need to know about the history, geography and everything else of this hotel."

"Ah. Oh, yeah."

"Yeah." He said as he lightly knocked on her forehead with his knuckles. "You are running high on sugar and adrenaline, I think."

She gave him a sheepish smile before she took another bite of her coffee cake. God. It was delicious. She couldn't stop.

"So who is the grandson? Is that the guy who came in with the feathered hat lady?"

"What? Johan is here? " She looked around.

"They went inside, remember and that is why you came outside." He said. "Looks like aunt Beatrice's request is not so far-fetched, huh? You look very eager to meet this Johan fellow."

"Actually, he is the one who introduced me to aunt Beatrice. He is the grandson I was telling you about and I called her grandmother when we first met, but she insisted I call her aunt. Nice lady, but still..."

"So you and Johan?"

She shrugged. "We dated for a month tops." He was the third guy and the last guy she had dated before she decided it was all a big waste of her time. And theirs.

She now knew why it was all such a waste of time.

Because the right one was the one sitting in front of her right now and no one else would have worked out. For her. No one could have.

He was the one. He had always been the one, even before she met him. That was why no other guy could ever made a dent in her heart or break her walls.

Logan, with just a touch of his fingers, had burnt down her walls and made a monster sized dent in her heart.

Sadly, he wasn't going to work out, either. They weren't going to work out. This was temporary. There was no maybe about their end. It was very definitive.

Our relationship has an expiry date. God. Why am I still so stupidly falling?

But love comes when it comes. No one can do anything about that. She couldn't.

So she sighed and just prayed that she was strong enough to take the heartbreak when it came.

She prayed that she wouldn't burn along with her walls, when it happened.

~~~

(Logan)

"We dated for a month tops." She said with a shrug and looked down at her cake, her eyes going round in appreciation. Was this the time to eat?

And?

He was so damn curious. He knew they still had to talk about her, about Rob Steele, but he couldn't help himself.

"So what happened?"

"Mr. Gossip." She snickered as she cut another piece of her cake as if she had all the time in the world."It didn't work out. We parted amicably. That is all." But as she said the last thing, her eyes flicked away from him.

"Is that it?" He gave her a penetrating glare.

"Ok, maybe not. A week later, he said he wanted to get back together. I said no."

She said no. His frown fell as he felt a smile tugging his lips up.

"Okay, now that we have had some peace and quiet, why don't you tell me about what happened? Steele?"

"Hadn't you guessed, already? Rich girl, weak spine, easy to cheat. That is me."

"You are not weak. And I think you agreed to this for that, huh?" He pointed between them and she nodded.

It made him feel like a scoundrel. Yes, he had thought about the contract, time and again, but knowing she was signing it for getting back her home, and her dad's hard work, it just felt so tactless and inappropriate.

Had he known...

You would still have roped her in to your plans. You would still have made her sign the documents.

The voice was right and it made him guilty all the more. Like he was an opportunist, pointing knife straight at her heart and... conning her into doing something she didn't want.

But she did agree to that.

She did.

It is not like I really threatened her with a gun or anything.

Yes. It wasn't his fault that she had lost her home to flesh-eating vultures.

Their world was made of so many just like them. Alex wouldn't stand a chance against them. They were all trained in the game of manipulation and corruption and exploiting another.

Some people just didn't have any scrupules or moral compass. They just wanted to make money and what if it made some other girl walk the streets, she had never known how to walk alone? None of their business.

"I did. Our textiles and garment factory and everything else was my dad's passion. He started it for my mom, you know, she was a designer. When my mom died, my dad was still in debt. But suddenly it changed and... "

"Your mom name starts in G?"

GS textiles and Garments Ltd. That case Rob Steele's.

"Georgia Steele Textiles and Garments Ltd. GS." She chuckled. "My dad loved my mom so much, you know, it is a kind of love that is so beyond... Uhm, and-" There was something in her eyes. Longing? Accusation? Sadness?

Was she accusing him for lowering her chance of finding a love like that? Something in him frothed and wanted to pour. He kept it in.

"And when dad died, I failed him. I just came out of college and I was all pampered and sheltered. My dad kept me faraway from his life. Yes, he would bring me to some parties, but he never wanted me inside his world, not fully." She closed her eyes. "He would say to me, 'baby girl, your world should be full of glitter and unicorns. My world, it also have people who have horns, two horns. They are not unicorns.' But if he showed me how his world worked, I could have anticipated this all. I could have fought my way through their deception. But here I was, sitting in front of a man who gave me a contract to pretend to be his fake wife to get my company back. I wonder what my dad would say, now? He must have thought that he would be here forever to defend and shield from people with two horns. The devils."

"It is not my fault that your father didn't teach you how this world worked." The anger was untoward, but he didn't know why. "I didn't force you to sign the contract."

"You didn't?" She gave him a look that was so filled with mock innocence and the guilt and self-reproach in him... The contrition. He couldn't take it all. He couldn't take that his head and heart was taking her side. In this inner battle.

"You could have said no. But you wanted the money. You needed it. So don't put it all in my head. You are not exactly a nun here." He regretted saying that the moment the words were out. He wanted to take it all back, but he sat there, his eyes fixed on her.

The small smile in her crinkled lips melted as she pressed her lips together. She looked at him like she had never seen him before. The distance in her posture, the hurt in her eyes... Shit, why are you doing this? Why are you always spoiling this for yourself?

He had really started this to know more information and maybe even help her if she wanted his help. But the moment this started, it was all going downhill. The wrong course.

He didn't plan this. Sometimes the anger in him got the better of him. And it was so wrong of him, so tactless to take it out on her. But the knowledge that she wanted true love... That was just so hard. For him.

He couldn't be that, could he? And a year later, she would go on to find a man who could give her everything. And it was like a brand of hot iron on his skin.

After a year, when this was over, she would not be his friend anymore.

Oh, that is what we are all sad about?

"Yes. I am not a nun, and yes with all the kissing and touching going around, I should just very well sleep with you and call myself an exclusive, glorious hooker for a year. But whatever."

The way she said that, like it disgusted her when he kissed and touched her-- he swore under his breath.

"It is not like I need to hire a hooker and pay her an exorbitant sum to have intercourse." He snapped and she gasped. Her eyes were round as her cheeks flushed. Her eyes, hot and full of fire, clashed against him.

Shit. His tongue is his first enemy.

Was it so morally wrong that he find it so sexy? That he found her so unbelievably sexy? That he was so turned on right now, just by looking at her flushed face?

"Oh. What did I expect? You are a smug, vain little coward, who can't even take a no from a woman like a man, without losing it. Your puny little ego can't take that, can it?"

She just didn't go there. The nerve!

This now, it wasn't a turn on. He wasn't a masochist.

His hand curled around the glass of sparkling water in his hand and he saw red. He glared at her and she glared right back at him. She wasn't backing down. What did he expect? He knew her.

How did it all escalate from their normally easy squabble to this monstrous and ugly battle?

"If I haven't come in, you would have rotted in that motel." He knew she wouldn't have, but anger made him spiteful.

You must take some anger management classes. It was his inner voice. The damn thing was goading him, as if the imp in front of him wasn't enough. He already had his hands full with her.

"Oh, yeah? You think you saved me? Well, here is some news for you. I saved you, right back, Buddy. Saved your puny ego. Remember how you were all so pale when that Collins fellow came in? You were a mess. I saved you from that humiliation."

"Yeah, for a homeless vagrant, you sure had some fine ego. Then and now."

"You-you arrogant jerk. No wonder you have to pay to get married. No woman in her right mind would agree to marry you for free."

"You didn't just go there."

"I went there, alright."

"You are an ungrateful--"

She cut him off with a wave of her hand, looking all so regal. Like she was his Queen and he was her Royal Slave.

"If that is all, I think I have some works to do. You can pay my share of the bill from my payment. Wait, did you even start the bank account as you had promised? I didn't remember signing any bank documents."

"I am not going to trick you out of your money. Not everyone is out to get you. Have some trust." He snapped.

"Yeah? Look at this cute pot, calling kettle black and all that shit." She put her fork and spoon down next to each other, to signal she was finished, grabbed her bag at the side and stood up. "So are you going to stay here or come? I don't have a car." She looked down at him, her eyes stubborn.

And then she smiled. That beautiful smile that could melt down his anger, no matter what.

So she was going to forgive him? He should probably forgive her, too. It was stupid, fighting with her. He just didn't like it, like the feeling of loss and turmoil inside his gut. It felt like someone was knotting and unknotting his insides with fast fingers. It was too unsettling and disturbing.

He couldn't bear another two days of silent treatment.

"Thank Go--" He started, but stopped when he realized with a start that she was turning away from him and waving at someone. It was the lean guy who came in with batty aunt Beatrice.

Looks like that sinfully luscious smile is not for you.

I don't need it. He griped as he took a sip of his cold water. It didn't cool him down. Where was the damn waiter?

As if he was spurred on by Logan's mind voice, he appeared and cleared the table.

"Check please."

"Yes sir." He walked away and Logan took another gulp of water when he saw the man leaning in and kissing, kissing her on her cheeks.

The hell with manners and courtesy.

She didn't have any of it.

He stood up from the table and walked to where they were standing.

The man... Who the hell did he think he was. He couldn't just go around kissing women in front of their men. Just so impolite.

It is not like he is kissing her inappropriately. It is just a kiss in the cheek. His mind dissed him.

Whatever. A kiss is a kiss.

"Lex, darling, you didn't introduce me to your friend here." He said with a sickly sweet smile as he leaned in pressed a quick kiss against her gaping mouth.