12.Crushes, dreams and first loves

"You are like an itch in my heart, that I can not scratch away. My hands don't go that deep." - Logan

(Alexandra)

It was Leo shine. His hair was like a halo over his head and he talked like he was singing. And he...

He is holding my hand. He is shaking my hand. Ooh. God

And Logan was glaring at them. Oh, he looks so hot when he gets angry. Oh so handsome. And hot. And sexy. Did she mention hot?

Why was he always looking so effortlessly hot? Why, oh why? Her feeble heart couldn't take so much of that. It was already on the brink of going insane.

She wanted to push that frown off his lips. His lips. Oh, yes. Those lips.

She could still taste his kiss, him, smell his after shave and Cologne, smell his essence, and it made her feel dizzy. It was all so vivid, like it was happening right here and now.

Who was this blonde guy in front of her?

Alex shook her head to disperse the thoughts of Logan. He was like a bad habit. An addiction. If there was something like LA --Logan Anonymous-- she would probably be the first member. But she was so sure she wouldn't be the only member.

"No? But you look like... " Leo was saying something. She blinked. Okay. That just didn't happen. She didn't just go away to la-la land, when this gorgeous man was holding her hand, did she?

Oh, you did, alright!

Stella, her best friend -- who was now in Canada, with her new husband-- would kill her, if she ever heard that Alex was woolgathering while she was in the presence of the glorious Leo Shine. Leo Shine had been both their favorite singer when they were in college. Celebrity crush.

Alex and Stella had been one of his ardent fans and they went to his concerts whenever they could and squealed as they saw him, along with all the other girls. Yes, she was a squealer back then.

And here he was, in the flesh, handsome than before. So why was she fantasizing about Logan when she could very well dream about Leo Shine?

"Hah. You are charming, eh? I have always liked your songs. I am Alexandra. My best friend and I, we are your number one fans." Alex said with a smile as he gave her hand one last squeeze.

"Let her hand go already." Logan grunted under his breath.

She looked up at him with a frown. "What?" He gave her a mock fainting pose.

Ahh! Very funny.

"Oh, ignore the grizzly bear, Alex. This is probably his hibernating season and he can't help himself. I mean, he just can't be human, you know, when he don't have to be." Leo rolled his eyes and gave a mock shudder.

"Oh, that makes sense." She said with a cheeky smile and winked at Logan and Logan shook his head with an exasperated sigh.

"Brat." Logan muttered. His voice was raspy. It made her breathing go a little haywire. Everything about him should come with danger signal. ⚠ Do not touch or look or hear.

"Badger." She stuck her tongue out and he gave her an indulgent smile.

"Oh, I like you, already. Anyone who can stand up to Logan is someone worth having."

Was there a double entendre in there? Alex stared at Leo with question in her eyes. He just gave her a wink.

"You are not having her." Logan snapped at Leo as he stood behind her, as if protecting her or something. She turned to look back at him and she couldn't help but feel all the blood rushing to her cheeks.

He looked like he would bite Leo's head off if he came any closer to her. His eyes were hostile as he looked at Leo. Possessive.

She wanted to lean a little back against Logan and test him. She would have, but there were too many spectators.

A nerve in his forehead throbbed and his jaw was rigid as he stared.

What would he do if she leaned in and kissed on his stubble. Just below the stubborn press of his lips. Just above the line in his chin.

Naughty girl. Naughty thoughts.

To stop herself from giving into the temptation of hot and grumpy Logan, she turned back to Leo shine and took a step away from Logan

"You really like trouble, don't you?" She smiled at him.

"Yeah. And he also likes being a complete moron." Logan said with a scoff.

"You are very testy today." Leo shook his head. "But ignore him. And You my dear, you are hired."

"You can not hire her. This is not your house. This is your mother's house." The woman who was standing there with them with an iPad in her hand said for the first time. Her brows were wrinkled as she shook her head at him. Leo just smirked.

"Details, details, darling Trish. You know I am not so fond of them." He waved her off.

Trish glared down at her shapely nails before she pounded on her iPad, muttering something to herself.

She was a tall woman and her suit was sharp and it looked like it was tailored just for her. Her ponytail was straight and there wasn't a hair out of place. Her eyeliner was drawn with a best hand and the peach lipstick was applied very lightly to suit her chocolate brown skin. She looked regal and sharp. Her dark brown eyes looked wary and alert. But whenever she looked at Leo, Alex could see it. Regret? Yearning? Sadness? Anger? It was a mix of everything.

It made Alex curious. She was naturally a curious being. It had killed her many times over. Just not that literally.

"Oh, we know. You just blindly barge into situations like the fool you are."

"I am not a fool. You are just so-so..."

"Can't find the words from your extensive vocab? Now we want to know who wrote all your songs. Is that really you?"

"Of course you, numbhead. You know it is me." Leo threw his hands back, looking flushed. "Why can't you just let that go?"

"Yeah? We will see. Next time you have a girlfriend, you call me. I will kiss her and we will call it even."

"What is happening here?" Alex looked at the two women standing with her.

"That is just their routine. Ignore it." Mathilda waved her hands. "Hello guys, whenever you both decide to stop being so childish, and grow up, we are ready here. We have work to do. And come on, get over it already. It had been what, five years? And Leo, you had been a scoundrel, and you know that. Maybe it is about time you apologized."

Mathilda Shine looked at her son with that no-nonsense look of hers that Alex often admired in her movies.

This was a woman who knew what she was talking about. She was so sure of herself, but not so full of herself. The slight difference made Alex feel a whole lot of respect for the woman.

Alex wanted to be like her one day. To have that strength and kindness. To have a backbone that is straight, but not callous. To know what she wanted and how she wanted it. To never doubt herself or her ambition and to always stand up for what she valued.

Alex had to be just exactly that to win her dad's business, his passion back from the wolves. Now that Logan knew about her real identity, maybe she would open up about herself and her dad. She had to. She was sure he wouldn't just let that go.

Yes, it still hurt to think about how the men her father had believed with his business and dream backstabbed her, but she had to grow a thick skin and thicker spine. Soon.

The court battle was going to be nasty and brutal and she had to stay strong and unflinching to face that, to face them before the judges. It was looming ahead of her, a dark shadow, and she couldn't afford to be a weakling.

"But I did. I did ask sorry. He is just so arrogant, mommy, you know." Leo almost whined.

"Are you really complaining now, to your mommy, you cheating ass?" There was no whining for Logan. His voice was pure male.

"I really don't know she came with you. I wouldn't have done that if I had known. She was throwing herself at me, you know."

"Yeah, they can't help it, can they?" The voice that said was sarcastic. It wasn't Logan. It was Trish. "Now, if you are done with your shenanigans here, Samir has called me for the tenth time already. You know. To talk about your tour. Are you coming now or going to waste more of your time and mine? You are just so impossible sometimes. I am just tired of--"

"Whoa, Trish, what did I do?" Leo looked offended.

"Wait. Who are you again?" Logan looked at her with interest in his eyes and now Alex was the one gritting her teeth.

"I am Trish Patel, I am the one managing this one man circus. You are Logan Forte. I know a lot about you and respect you for what you have done in such short amount of time." Her voice was all cool, but so sincere.

"Hmm, you must be one amazing woman to manage him all by yourself. And I suppose you didn't hear of me from this moron." Logan gave her a faint smile.

"No. I read business journals and magazines, you know. They are kind of my guilty pleasure." When she said that, his lips pulled up in a smile. This one not so faint. This was the dimpled one.

This was supposed to be only for her. He could not just go around bestowing that special, magical, hypnotic smile to strangers.

Alex glared at him, but he was looking at Trish with something close to admiration.

"Wow. How did you get roped into working for this glittering moron?"

"Hey. I am not a moron. Glittering, okay, but not at all a moron." Leo protested with an affronted look on his face.

But the two ignored him. Mathilda was already sitting in her recliner with her eyes closed and as Alex looked at her, she shook her head subtly. "It may take some more time. Wanna sit and relax?"

Alex sat down with a huff.

"My mom is Mathilda's PA and when I was done with MBA, I was doing HR management, and mom said I should come and work for him. The salary is obnoxious. So I said yes. Realized the client is more obnoxious." Trish laughed and Logan chuckled.

Ok, she is all cool and exotic and whatever, but how can he flirt with her in front of me?

"And now you are wiping his name from the muddy gossips. Maybe that was why there were no news of him having any affair with another man's woman." Logan shrugged.

"You didn't even like her that much." Leo looked miffed as he said that.

"Not the point." Logan said.

"Five years and they are still going on about it?" Alex whispered and Mathilda shook her head.

"Five years later and they will still be talking about that."

Trisha's phone rang. She looked at Leo with a pointed glare and he pouted. "Yes, yes, I am coming. But you were the one flirting with him." He sounded indignant. Then he turned to Alex.

Alex stood up. "Nice to have met you. Hope you will be around." She gave him her hands to shake, instead he took it and kissed it with flourish. Then he bowed to her.

"Salut, mademoiselle." He said before he kissed his mom in his cheeks, sent a flying kiss to Logan and strolled away. "See you soon."

She grinned.

"Stop grinning like a fool."

"Yeah? Why should I?" She asked as she walked with Mathilda. He grasped her hand to stop her. "Stay." He said to her.

"We will be right there." He said to Mathilda before he turned to her. "What is that about? The giggling? The flirting?"

"Oh, so you are the only one who can flirt?" She spat it at him as she pulled her hand away from his grip.

"What? What are you babbling about?"

"Oh, don't think I didn't notice how you looked at her. Alright, she is hot. Yes. But you shouldn't--"

"What? Alexandra Steele, are you jealous?" He looked so pleased with himself. Stupid ass. "And Steele... We are talking about that, soon."

"What? I am not jealous. Keep dreaming. But remember the contract? If I can't flirt with Leo, you can't with his assistant."

"She is not his assist-"

She cut him off. "Not the point." She said before she walked off.

She could hear him heaving a sigh before he followed her.

And then Mathilda opened the door and Alex forgot everything except this.

The house was marvelous.

Grand spiral staircase ran along the house, its handrails made of red wood. The floor was granite. The wall was painted a pale peach with watermarked designs of a leafy plant and flowers and it was gilded with wooden edges. The ceiling was carved, swirling vines running along with little flowers.

The fireplace was big, and made of red bricks and stones.

"This is striking. God." Alex sighed as she leaned her head against her palms and watched.

Her stomach was a mess.

She didn't know if she could do justice to this magnificent piece. It wasn't just building. It was practically a poetry.

She looked at Logan and he had that look in his eyes he gets whenever he feels elated. Excited. The architect in him must be salivating, looking at this.

"This looks even more amazing than in the photographs." He said to Mathilda.

"Yes. That is why I have to have it." Mathilda touched the wall like she could hear it whisper stories.

If she strained a little, Alex could hear it, too. The stories in the walls, could see the laughing children sliding down the banisters. She could see the muddy prints on the granites as they come back from the outside, could feel the warmth of the fire lit in the fireplace.

"I don't think--"

Logan pressed a finger to her lips. "Don't think. Just feel." He said and she closed her eyes. His finger was still on her lips. She could feel the house around her, just as much she could feel his heat.

A grunge brown couch with a table made of salvaged wood. A chandelier with crystal drops. Wooden frames and miniature statues.

This place deserved Royal treatment. Modernist and minimalist designs wouldn't work here. It needed elegance and extravagance. And it also needed to be home.

Table crowding with chairs made of teak. Table legs carved. Recliners. Lounges. Kashmir rugs. Dream catchers. African tribal arts.

So many idea popped inside her eyes. She could see it. A montage of pictures and videos of how it would be.

The vines twirling around the banister. The pots of bonsais along the railing. The mirrors with silver frames. Pablo Picasso's period pieces. Grunge art.

"Tell me now." Logan said after what felt like hours. She opened her eyes with a smile.

And she told them. Her face was expressive, her hands were moving around and two pairs of eyes watched her with interest and absolute wonder. They looked enraptured.

"I now know why Logan told me that I needed you. No one would have worked out." Mathilda said. "Melissa Meyer wouldn't have worked out."

"Melissa?"

"Ms. Hot." Logan said with a smile.

"You wanted her?" Alex asked Mathilda.

"I did. But Logan called me and said I had to meet you first. He was adamant about that. I couldn't say no, but I agreed to meet you only for him. Now I am glad I agreed."

"Thanks." She whispered to him as she blinked to stop her tears.

Her heart stopped. Then it started. She looked at Logan, and God, how could he do all this for her and not expect her to fall for him.

If this was just a contract, if he was just another arrogant, boorish, smug, hot as sin, handsome man, she could have persisted. She could have saved herself from falling for him.

But this was Logan. This was not just another man.

Arrogant and kind.

Smug and sensitive.

Hot as sin, but also beautiful.

And she fell. She fell and fell, until she couldn't breathe, until she couldn't swim against the pull of him. She was drowning, but she didn't fight it.

He was everything she had never wanted. But here he was, handsome and haughty and generous and giving and after seeing him, after looking at him and his weird, bipolar, enigmatic heart, how could she want anyone else? How could she?

Oh Logan, why did you do all this for me?

And so she fell and this time she couldn't give any excuses or stop herself from taking that fall. It would hurt, of course, but she would face it when it came to that.

Everything was still the same. The contract. The one year end.

But she was in love and she didn't care.

~~~

(Logan)

Her eyes were so soft as she looked at him. Her voice was a gasp, a soft touch of velvet against his skin as she said thank you.

She was looking at him as if he was from a distant planet. As if he was the only one she could see right now. And he likes it too much, he liked being at the receiving end of that look.

"You deserve it." He said and she blinked. Her green eyes with golden stardust in them, they looked shiny. Glimmering.

"So tell me more." Mathilda said breaking their look. Alex cleared her throat before she straightened.

"Let us take a walk, shall we?" She asked and Mathilda nodded, looking enthusiastic.

"This isn't just a house. This is one of those statement pieces. Artistic and gloomy. Poetry and peace. Mathilda, it fits you." She said as she looked around. He couldn't take his eyes off her. She was just so beautiful and when she talked like this, he loved her mind a little bit more.

"But this should not just be a statement of your power. This should be a statement of your kindness, your heart, too. And so we are going to mix it up. Hallways, bold and daring. Study rooms and bedrooms with a touch of strength and whimsy. This should be a home, a place you can relax, and also be a place you can host your extravagant parties."

"I love the way your mind works." Mathilda said and Logan was bursting with pride. He couldn't contain his smile when she looked up at him. Her answering smile was just as explosive.

He loved the way her mind worked, too. He loved the way she worked. She walked. She talked. She smiled. She kissed.

Ok, si. We get it. A voice said with a chuckle. He pressed a hand to his heart, before following the two women.

They looked so different, but same.

The way they stood with confidence. The way they talked with self assured knowledge. The way they walked like they owned the place. The innate strength and inner beauty reflecting in their face.

Queen. One wrinkled beauty.

Princess. One young beauty.

They were both majestic. Both women. Powerful, and poised, and still kind and funny.

He could see her now, Alexandra Steele, Rob Steele's daughter, walking with her steps unfaltering.

She wasn't new to this world. She was born in it. But it was not a wonder he had not seen her before.

He knew Rob had a daughter. He also knew he kept her away from the wolves and the vultures. And seemed like Rob Steele was right, because the wolves and vultures had gotten their claws into this innocent woman, finally.

He wanted to know more of her story, it was like an urgent itch to know that, to know how she ended up in that motel, but it had to wait.

She was living her dream here and he could not interfere.

She was talking with her hands, her eyes, her heart as she said what went where and why. She also had a recorder in her hands to record the notes. Very effective, his Lex.

Her eyes were overbright and her smile was simply breathtaking.

"Whoa. You have a vivid imagination and also words to go along with it. I can almost feel it, the rug under my feet, the smell of crushed lavender potpourri, the fresh leaves. You will go a long way." Mathilda said.

Mathilda was never the one who gave away useless praises. She was straightforward.

So when she said that to Alex, Logan's heart filled and overflowed with happiness. It was a feeling he had felt for very few.

It was the feeling he had when her sister first handed Camille to him and not to anyone else. It was like the feeling when Brian won the science competition they had worked together. It was like the feeling when Andy had bruised his knees while playing, but stood back up to play again, even though he was hurt.

God.

She was becoming more and more his family and he didn't know what to do about that.

It scared him.

~~~

(Alexandra)

Mathilda wanted her. Only her.

"I know you will want to work on more projects, but you have to first finish my home, Alex. I can pay you whatever."

Payment was nothing. The satisfaction of working here was what she needed. And the experience. If Mathilda asked her to work for free, she probably would.

No first timer would get this lucky. It was all Logan.

"Sure, it is not like I have projects queued up."

"But it will come when they hear that you are working for me. Not to sound arrogant or anything, but it is the truth."

"I know. I promise I will finish this before I accept anything else. Okay?"

"That is good. So I will ask my lawyer to draft a contract."

"Oh, Logan is very good at drafting them, aren't you." She asked with a flippant smile.

Alex's mouth twitched as she watched Logan jerking up. She wanted to laugh so hard.

"Uhm, uh..." He stuttered and gave her a peeved look.

"Really? I thought you are an architect. Are you a lawyer too?"

"He is totally overachieving, but I don't think he is a lawyer. He is just very good at making contracts. Party A, party B, I mean, he is good." Alex looked at him with a smirk.

"You-you, you little--"

"Little what?" She asked and gave him a smile. He looked back at her, his gray eyes full of pride and joy. For her.

Her heart hammered.

His eyes were so soft, so bewitching. Why was he looking at her like that?

Like... Like...

"Guys, if you are done staring at each other, can we go? I have an appointment and it looks like you two also need some privacy. Can I go? You can lock the house." Mathilda said with a smile.

"What are you talking ab-"

"We don't need privacy." Alex protested, coming back from the trance.

"Sure, sure, whatever you say. So if you two were just acting before, you guys should get an Oscar for that." She waved a hand as they both flushed a very ugly shade of red.