Chapter 2

Chapter 2

CeeCee’s pov

I have been cooking for as long as I can remember. I grew up in a big Italian family. Food was everything to us. We used food to celebrate everything that happens in a person’s life. Maybe that’s why I am so big. I would taste everything I cooked, and we would have huge family dinners every night it seemed. Food was always there tempting me.

I am now the head chef at one of the many restaurants my family owns. I own a beautiful house, and everyone seems to love me. I should be happy right? Wrong! I have an amazing family that loves me and supports me with everything I do. They always tell me I am beautiful and how special I am. That one day some guy is going to realize that and sweep me off my feet.

I am very respected in my community. Everyone knows me and seems to really love me. No one ever says anything bad about me. So why am I so down on myself? I’m not even single either. I have an amazing boyfriend. He’s actually a male model. Shocking right? I still don’t get what he even sees in me or why he wants to be with me.

I love him so much. The problem is no one knows he is my boyfriend. He says he does this for my own good. He claims his fans can be cruel. I didn’t realize models even had fans. He then said the media would go after me. I don’t know how he knows all this, but he seemed legit when he said it. I want to believe him, but I just don’t know if I can.

Day after day I see him all over these skinny beautiful models that doesn’t even know that he’s in a serious relationship. I just know the real reason is because he is embarrassed by me. He claims he loves me, but I know it’s not true. If he did he wouldn’t hide me away. He is just having a little fun with me. I am nothing more then a quick little play thing for him. A little fetish he will soon grow tired of and get rid of. No this isn’t love.

If he really did love me and respect me he wouldn’t keep me hidden from the rest of the world. I don’t like feeling as if I am his dirty little secret. I mostly feel like I am doing something wrong. I don’t like sneaking around with the man that’s that supposed to be my boyfriend. I don’t like feeling this way. I can’t be with someone that makes me feel this way.

I want a man I can bring home to meet my family. Hell, I want a family some day in the near future and I can’t have that with a man that always wants to keep me in the shadows. Family is everything to me. Having such a sexy boyfriend be ashamed of you to the point that he refuses to tell anyone your even his girlfriend does make a person very insecure. I guess that’s why I am so down on myself all the time.

Maybe I should just leave him. If he truly loved me then he wouldn’t be doing this to me. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I just feel like this relationship is bringing me down. I cry more than I smile. I wish I had someone I could talk to about this, but no one knows what I am going through.

Here I am sitting at his apartment and not one picture of us together is in it. There isn’t anything of me in here. It looks like a bachelor pad. This is his home no one ever comes here yet he still doesn’t have anything here that would say he has a girlfriend. I don’t know why he even gave me a key.

I told him I was having second thoughts about us and wasn’t sure I could do this anymore. He then gave me a key to his place. I took it as a sign of how committed he was to me. A sign that things were going to change, but nothing has. It’s all still the same. I need to move on. Nothing with him will ever change.

I don’t want to look back years from now and realize I wasted so much of my life on a man that doesn’t give a crap about me. Changes needed to be done now while I am feeling brave or else I’ll never do anything about it.

I couldn’t call or text him because I just couldn’t hear his voice. If I did then I would chicken out. I just need to make a clean break. I think that would be for the best. I decided to sit down and make a pro’s and con’s list. I wanted to have a clear head about all of this. I needed to know I was doing the right thing.

I broke down and called my mom and told her everything. She listened to me as I cried and told me she knew something was going on with me. She didn’t make any judgements just listened. My mom was just amazing like that. We were really close I knew I could always count on her.

She told me I needed to follow my instincts. That deep down I knew what needed to be done. That no matter what I decided to do she would help me in any way I needed her too. Talking to her helped me so much. I was glad that someone finally knew everything I was going through.

I didn’t like keeping secrets or feel like I was lying to the people that mean the most to me. I thought about what I needed to do and finally came up with what needed to be done. It wasn’t easy but it’s what I had to do for myself.