CHAPTER I

CHAPTER I

A bad dream again. . . Shit! My heart was beating fast as I get up my bed. I checked the time and it's just past eleven in the evening. It had been three years since Jake died. I never thought of it to happen. We were so happy and I feel so contented that time. I wasn't asking for more.

However, I lost him. He died. He left me and he will never go back. I put my hand in my chest where I can feel how fast my heart beats were. How will I sleep now?

I walked towards my room's door and opened it to go to the kitchen to drink some water. My throat feels really dry. But as I drink the water, I feel like it's not enough. That's why instead of drinking water again, I open my fridge to get a can of beer. To calm my nerves and to help me sleep.

I took a sip on my beer. But I think it just got worst. I feel so fucking alone. It was so quiet in my condo unit. I've been living alone since Jake died. He was always here to make me happy and love me. He was always here to remind me how special and important I was.

And because I was feeling lonely again, I finished drinking the canned beer and fixed my self. I will just go to club. At least there, there would gonna be a lot of people. Maybe I won't feel alone. After dressing up, I brought my car key and pouch then rode the elevator to go to the parking lot.

In just thirty minutes, I'm already inside the high-end club being surrounded by the blinding lights and drunk people. As I walked going to the VIP area, which was located on the second floor, I grabbed a drink from the waiter that passed by me. I smelled the strong liquor before drinking it straight.

When I arrived at the second floor, I saw some familiar faces. They just greeted me but I didn't stop by to talk to them. I just gave them a smile. A smile that I wish genuine. Since Jake died, I already forgot to smile genuinely. It's just so difficult to do it. I feel like thousands of knives are in my heart every single time.

I saw Osmond, Jake's best friend, and Dustin, Jake's cousin sitting in a couch. I sat on the other couch without saying a word. I seems like they were here hours before I got here.

"How are you, Steph? It has been a while since you were here," Dustin said as he took a sip on his liquor.

I shrugged my shoulders, "A just had a bad dream and I can't sleep. I miss Jake." There are beers on their table that's why I took one and immediately drank it. I badly need this right now.

"Why don't you try to find someone else? There are a lot of guys here. Don't get stuck in your past, that's not good."

"Just tell that to Osmond who can't still get over his ex. I can live my life without a man. I don't need one. Also, my heart is already owned by someone," I rolled my eyes.

"And he's dead," Osmond suddenly spoke. "My girlfriend isn't. She just went abroad. We didn't broke up, I just let her follow her deams."

"If she followed her dreams abroad, that's means you're not part of her dreams," I frankly said. I saw how he clenched his hold on his glass.

"Stop it you two. I know you're both broken but don't fight. Let's just drink this night with these hard liquors in front of us," Dustin interrupted. I glared at him.

I drank. A lot. I don't know what time was it when I felt really dizzy. Everything was turning around. I tried walking going to the toilet here in the club but it was really hard. However, someone helped me. I didn't know if who was it but I'm glad that he helped me.

I vomited everything in the toilet bowl, while the man was caressing my back. After I threw up, it made me a little bit better. I looked at the man who was currently holding a bottled water.

"Drink this," he huskily said. He's somehow familiar.

His dark eyes that made him look serious and intimidating, his thick eyebrows, his pointed nose, his red lips, and his almost perfectly curved jaw.

"Thank you, Avin." It's Avin. Even though I'm still dizzy I know he's the one who's in front of me.

I drank the water but my eyes didn't took off his handsome face.

I could still remember how I turned him down when I he courted me back in college. I declined him because he always made me feel intimidated. His dark eyes intimidate me. Reason why I hate looking at those.

"Why are you here?" I asked. "Leave me alone. I'm fine now."

"You don't look fine. You look really drunk and wasted. Come on, I will drive you home. You might get to an accident if you'll drive."

I sarcastically gave him a smile. "That's better. I'd rather die than live in this hell life. I'm so tired on pretending to be okay. I just wanna be with Jake. If only you were able to save him."

"I didn't killed him. His body gave up but if you'll blame me his death, then maybe I wasn't really a good doctor."

"Stop pestering me." I pushed him hard but he was so strong that he didn't even flinched. "Get out of my way, Avinnel."

He only shook his head. Then his eyes stared at me with some emotions that I can't name. "I don't want to. I wanna stay here because I will drive you home. You're drunk."

"You don't really wanna get out?" He shook his head again. "Be with me tonight. Help me ease the pain." Then I kissed him to which he responded.

I didn't know what was going on my mind that I said that. Maybe the alcoholic drinks helped me to have the courage. Because if I'm sane right now, I don't know if I will do the same.