CHAPTER 6

Chapter 6

Who is the boss?

DANIELLE

The bell rings and my conviction is always stronger. Now, I go back home, I speak with Jackson and I convince him to change the school. Yes, I thought about it, and I don’t want to be here.

“Wait a moment, I must speak with the teacher.” Linda says.

I accept even if there is nothing to accept, considering that it is an order, as everything we did in this morning. I snort and I wait her in the corridor, where nobody is. I hope that she hurries up, so I can go back home as soon as possible. Maybe, after all, Linda is useful to me in some ways. But, what a damn friend I am if I use the people?

Tired of waiting her, I put the earphones and I select one Rihanna’s song, my favourite song: Russian Roulette. I close the eyes and I lean against my locker with the shoulder.

Baby, you are no good, not me, you implore me to do this to you, not me.

I open my eyes wide and I have to accept the idea that it was only a voice in my head. I am alone in this corridor. I close my eyes again, and I start to daydream.

A hand leans against my bottom, squeezing it lightly. It isn’t Linda, for sure. I suddenly open my eyes and I turn my head to see who dares to do this.

Oh shit.

Lucas.

I am frightened! I am very frightened. I can only imagine what he is thinking. He is amused and I see the pleasure to increase when that blue eyes meet mine frightened. I can’t look at him. It is like he chained me with the look.

He moves the free hand towards my face, and he caresses the jaw of the left side with the finger, till to reach the chin, that he takes between his fingers with gentleness. Slow, he moves my head to make me look forward.

With the left hand, he slowly goes up on my back, till the neck. I close my eyes and I try not to scream, but I’m doing this inside me. My heart is beating stronger and stronger. I am more and more breathless.

That hand grips my neck in a grip quite strong to cause me the shivers, and the anxiety doesn’t help me.

Baby, you are no good, not me, you implore me to do this to you, not me.

I close my eyes and I turn up my nose for another flash.

“Baby, you are pretty, too bad about a couple of pounds” he whispers while he touches the hips.

I don’t move, I remain still, motionless under his burning touch. He moves his greedy hand on my stomach, touching and groping every part, being careful not to neglect even a millimetre. I have trouble breathing.

He grips more and more my neck, and with the right hand he pulls me close, making me feel his erection. He leans the nose against my neck, and he inhales. “Nice smell, baby. Do you know that I immediately like you? From the moment you get off from that damned car. And, this is going to sound weird, but I want that you are mine and only mine” he murmurs with the lips brushing my neck. He smells it, he licks it, he kisses it, and he licks it again as if its taste is the sublimer thing of the world.

I have difficulty in breathing, he presses more and more in the vein of the neck. He perfectly knows how much pressure it is necessary to exert, without making me pass out.

I am passing out, but I think I heard a strong and deafening whistle. So strong that it is still booming in the empty corridor. Lucas stops, he moves away from me, he turns the head towards the corridor where the whistle comes from, but he doesn’t let me go, on the contrary, he grips more, tilting his fingers in order to stick the nails into my skin, even if softly.

My eyes turn backwards now, and my body is invaded by shivers of fear. I don’t see the end. Just after, he lets me go, slowly freeing the neck, I even feel the slow flow of the blood, which slowly starts again to run in my veins. He steps back, and he raises his hands in surrender, leaving me without the necessary support that I had. My legs give in and I fall down, on my knees, at his feet.

“Help me” I whisper too faintly. The sight is clouded, I turn towards Lucas, and I see him pale, but with a proud expression, of defiance. I don’t know the reason, he is the tough, he is the boss, why is he afraid?

I lean the hands against the ground in a vain attempt to support. I wring out and I open my eyes wide, trying to focus and to calm my crazy heart, and I see a boy with a cap at the end of the corridor.

He leans the back and the feet against the wall. I don’t understand who he is, because my sight is still clouded.

I rub my eyes, hoping that this thing can improve, and I look again at that boy.

He is Richard.

Baby, you are no good, not me, you implore me to do this to you, not me.

RICHARD

I leave the wall and I go to meet us. I catch them up with few but long steps, and with a pretended interest of the thing, and I place between them.

Danielle is on the ground, on her knees, without forces thanks to that damned grip. I look at the bastard in the eyes, giving him a hail of thunders that I couldn’t imagine feeling.

I am angry, I lift the hand and I move the index finger to say no, with a related click, like we do with the children. He is like that, of course. A child.

He squabbles, amused, and with this gesture, I push Lucas’s shoulder, and I turn him towards the exit. I was able to take him away from there, away from her. Once we get out, I push him so strongly that I am able to make him get back. I am very furious, I can smash the empty head that he has.

“What do you think you’re doing? Stop to ruin the thing every time. I can’t repair all.” I say to him, while I am pushing him.

“What do you care? You aren’t better than me. What’s about? Do you want her all to yourself? I remember you that you have Sarah.” he says with his sneer.

He is so disgusting. Disgust for his behaviour. After all, I’m always here to protect him. And then I don’t accept how he stalks Danielle. He must not even approach to her.

“Don’t ever get your hands on her. She is my sister’s friend, fuck! If she tells her everything, you can’t imagine what kind of mess we will run into.” I boom, trying to convince him that this is the reason. He must stay away.

How can he think that I like one friend of my sister? How can he think that I could be interested in a minger like her. And then I am with Sarah, which is a million times too good for that girl, and I must not be interested in Danielle. I am not interested in her.

“Well, if she will tell everything to her, we perfectly know what to do, right?” he says with a lot of arrogance “we could repeat that raid that we did one year ago”.

To his answer, I understand nothing no more for the anger. I grab him by the collar of his damned shirt.

“Do not you dare to do it. If you only try to think something like this, I swear, I will kill you.” I threaten him.

With the anger in my body, I leave. I want to enter in the school in order to see if she feels good, but Linda is near her now.

DANIELLE

I stand up with effort, and I need to go to the toilet. I must calm down before to go out from here.

“You are here, Danielle, I thought that you left.” Linda pops out from the classroom. “What do you think if you go to my house, and we do our homework? I saw that you are bad with the math. Do you know who is a genius? He has an obsession for the complicated things and for the puzzles. Our Richard, I can ask if he gives you some private lessons” she continues. Damn, her and her ideas. How can she think this? Did she attend a course?

“Well, yes, it could be done, but I don’t know if and when I can. I must still put in order my bedroom, and other commitments. In any case, thanks for the lift of this morning, maybe it would be better, yes… if I don’t take too advantage of this situation, and I go home on foot” I get rid of her, trying not to be rude.

The appearances are often deceptive. They seemed the perfect family, but maybe only the parents are like that, and he isn’t perfect and not even her, for sure.

“Come on, don’t be silly, you will spend an eternity to go home on foot. About the math, I will ask him, also because it is for the next week. But you arrived with me, and you will leave with me.” she says with a sly smile.

Nobody has never called me silly. But it seems that she can afford all. She takes my arm and we go out.

In front of the school, there is the black SUV of the father, which is awaiting us, sit on the driver’s side. He is again at the phone. Probably, he is calling again his son or is he talking about work? I get in the back and Linda goes around.

“No, let me have them immediately. Are there? Okay. Yes, yes, and the case sheet that I asked you? Are they in the dossier? Yes, is there written the name of the previous doctor? Okay, yes, let me have also that. Okay, send me everything by email with the full and detailed list, if you can. After this, don’t forget to cancel”

How much Doctor Breenly is professional when he talks about work. Rigid look as he must immediately beat someone, that’s where that boy gets it. “Pay no attention, it was a call… uh...a very important business call.” he sniggers, looking at us from the rear-view mirror. He fixes his eyes on mine and when I notice it, he immediately looks away. This time, he is strangely embarrassed. Like a child caught with the hand in the cookie jar.

Someone is missing, as usual. Richard ‘IamTooCoolAndICanDoWhatIWant’ Breenly.

I snort, irritated, and the door opens and Richard gets into the car, he gives a piece of paper to his father, which discreetly put it in the pocket, and he settles on the seat.

“Is everything okay?” he asks him.

“So much for letting it go.” Richard says, tilting his head.

RICHARD

Entering in the auto, I give to my father a paper where there are the data. I don’t know why he wants them, but working in the library, I have access to a lot of information about the students. Well, not really with my pass but…, it doesn’t matter.

“You could have asked to mum first.” I murmur, because I don’t want her to hear. She could give him above and beyond, maybe also a series of good reasons about not to do what he is doing.

“She doesn’t know and you will say nothing to her.” he answers to me, scowling at me.

“Do you know that it is cause for blackmail?”

“Oh, believe me, I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” he says. “Do you remember the panel beater?”

What is this man thinking about? Sometimes, he is terrible, but I can’t think about that now. I smile and I nod. “How is the first day of school?” Andreas asks, looking the girls from the rear-view mirror.

“Good, dad” Linda exclaims. That’s nothing new, everything is always fine for her. She is always able to socialize with everybody, and she can be the friend of everybody. Including the girl near her and the loser case of the human bush that she pretends to be her boyfriend. She has a quite calm and arrogant character, she really speaks her mind. The opposite of me, but I become like this.

“And you?” he asks again, taking a look in the street, and one in the rear-view mirror, searching Danielle’s look.

She doesn’t really care. She is thinking, staring at me. I can see her with the corner of my eye. Her look burns more than the fire, while she scrutinizes me.

I believe that dad has seen that she is staring at me. He coughs in order to attract her attention.

“Mah, not too bad.” she bursts out “I had some problems, biiiiig problems” she quietly admits, using a lot of O.

To her answer, I slightly turn the head, giving her a stink eye. She will not blurt out everything, I hope. Because if she does it, in that case… I hold my breath. Damn, her eyes. They are delighting me by the minute. Dad is looking at her, worried. She turns toward me with the eyes closed in a split.

What does he want from me?

“Which means you had some problems? You didn’t say it to me.” Linda asks, interrupting her, and as if she has read our minds. “Did that dickhead bother you again?” And with that question, my heart stops.

“Well, I wasn’t able to open the locker, I didn’t find the secretarial offices and the bathroom. The lessons were very boring, the teachers told about things that I just know. And I have broken a nail. If these are not problems… Or rather, the nail is a drama, not a problem.” she says, opening her eyes wide, and showing the broken nail to everybody.

And my heart starts again to beat in a regular manner. I calm down, knowing that she is on my side. She lied to cover Lucas and me. I misjudged her. I believed that she wouldn’t have any scruples about getting me into trouble. But instead, I must change my mind. Thank you, eccentric little girl.

DANIELLE

One up on me, dear Richard ‘IamTooCool’ Breenly. He calmed down, and he composes himself, sitting properly. Even if he is so tough, he is always beautiful, maybe this is the reason why every girl is attracted by him. Who knows how many girls he has.

Today, in the school, every girl turns to look at him Every girl goes after him, every girl wants him. I don’t blame them. He is wonderful.

But, is it absurd? I am saying that I like that tough of Linda’s brother. At this point, I agree with Mark when he says that I only want to self-destruct. I immediately look away, and I look at my untied shoes.

“Listen, Ciciad, you are a genius in math and other matters, could you give some private lessons to Dan which is terrible?” Linda insists, interrupting the silence and giving to him some repeated taps on the shoulder in order to receive his answer.

Terrible? I’m sorry if I don’t remember the last months of my life, and with them, I don’t remember some things about the school.

“But, I don’t need, I will handle it, I will spend more time to understand, I will recover the credits this summer, but I will do it alone, come on.” I interrupt her frenetic beat the finger on the arm of her brother.

Poor boy, he doesn’t answer, and he shows patience for what he is ‘suffering’. Is it the habit? Is he used to the torture?

Once home, I thank and I say goodbye to Linda and her father, Richard just got into the house. I feel bad, but I don’t pay any attention. Maybe he has some commitments, and now he must do his homework. If he doesn’t want to be my friend, there aren’t problems, I will understand. I take the mobile from the rucksack, I put the earphones on it, which magically tangles, and I turn on the player with my favourite songs. I peacefully cross the road, and finally, I am at home, safe. Safe from that maniac of Lucas and from Richard ‘IAmTooCool’ Breenly.

Zombie, the Cranberries’ song, resounds, blaring. It perfectly reflects how I feel in this moment, it is the right rhythm. Coming back home, I turn down the music, so I could hear what every resident says to me.

“Hey, baby, how was school? Did you make friends? Are you hungry? The sandwiches are ready, if you want.” Jackson says with enthusiasm, while he jumps up and down. He is happy for my return to the school, but I’m not.

I shake my head, and tired, I go in my bedroom in order to study and do my homework. On the stairs, I turn up the music, it is audible all around me. I jump on the bed, and I try to cry for the nervous and the disgust, thinking and thinking again to what happened. But nothing.

The tears don’t want to go down. I don’t know the reason, but I am not able to do it. What have I? A sign in the back with the inscription ‘tough for me, I am here so you can make fun of me, it is easy with me, I don’t cry, so I don’t suffer.’ After all, I’m not made of steel, I have the feelings.

I hold tight the eiderdown, and I pull it over my head, trying to obtain a bubble, where nothing and nobody can enter, and I try to stop the little voice with the music. The eiderdown suddenly moves. But what the heck…

“Jay, what are you doing?” I stammer after I saw him at the foot of the bed with the duvet in his hand that he removes.

“W-what is happening to you, honey, I h-have never seen you like this, except for that time...” he whispers, stopping. He quickly understands everything. He suddenly approaches to me, and with excessive violence, he takes my left arm, and he pulls down the sleeve in order to uncover the skin.

“What are you doing? You are hurting me, and you are frightening me.” I murmur. He checks also the other arm, holding me tight by the wrist.

He pulls me near him with a sharp tug, succeeding in getting me out of the bed, he takes the hem of the T-shirt, and he raises it to almost undress me. “You are frightening me”

He stops, realizing his excessive impetuousness. He stares at me, and he becomes sad, he puts back the t-shirt, ensuring to cover me properly.

Devastated, he sits on the edge of the unmade bed. I look at him, lost, trying to understand what he searched for, but nothing, he doesn’t allow me to look at his face. I stretch out the hand towards his face, trying to turn him. He moves aside.

“What is there, Jay? You entered into my bedroom without knocking, you frightened me, tearing up the duvet, you checked me from head to toe, worst of a search. What is there?” I ask while I sit near him. I sweetly take his hand. He doesn't say anything.

“I-I knocked, knocked and knocked, but-but you didn’t answer. I broke down the door. I-I was panic-stricken, I-I believed that… then I see you there and I...” he whispers so slowly.

“What did you expect, Jay? Did you think that I did it again? Did you think that the first day of school was enough to be face-to-face with those disgusting and unlucky toughs to do it again? You don’t know me very well, of course, dear big brother, I changed and, some two-bit toughs will not of course be to...” he suddenly puts his hand to shut my mouth.

“To? To take the decision to redo what you have done to your body with that damn razor blade? To take the decision to cut yourself, hoping that the offences could flow back as the blood did? To take the decision to take a damned bath, while the blood flowed from your arms, and it coloured the water of red? To suicide so wretchedly? There, in the bathroom? To take the decision, because you decided, that I must find you in that damned bath, senseless? To live through this again?” Jackson blurts out without a pause, gripping more thigh my face.

It is the first time that he speaks to me in this way after that event. I cancelled everything.

A flash dazzles my sight, and it makes me close my eyes. I clearly see the scene which was unknown to me until now. I see myself in the bath, with the cuts on the arms. The water around me is red. Why? I turn and I see a boy from behind, which goes out from the bathroom. He locks the door behind him, leaving me there.

Baby, you are no good, not me, you implore me to do this to you, not me.

I open my eyes wide, and I look at him, astonished.

“No, it will not happen again, no. The colonel and Scott did wonders, with their idea of the military camp. I changed.” I say to him, knowing that there is something that I don’t remember inside me, that I don’t understand.

“Military camp?”. Damned, I had to shut up, the colonel recommended me because nobody could understand it. Now, I don’t know how to pass his third degree and the accusations towards him for my empty period. “For me, it is enough that you know that Evan doesn’t exist. You invented. You named the little voice inside your stupid head.” he says in a bothered way, beating the finger on my forehead. An enormous weight flings on my chest, after hearing that name. I can’t breathe. Evan? Who is he or what is Evan really?

“Evan?” I whisper, trying not to be heard. I close my eyes and I turn up my nose, considering that a sharp pain strikes my head. It is fast. It came, it went.

“I feel guilty”

“No, Jay”.

“Do you promise? Do you promise that you will try not to hurt yourself, in a voluntary way, at least? Do you promise that everything is okay inside you? It will kill me, I care about my bug too much” he says while he puts his arm on my shoulders, and he embraces me.

“I promise you. Inside me, everything is okay now. Thank you to be always near me.” I whisper on his chest, and I crouch more on his brotherly embrace. He rubs his big hand on my back, heating this part.

“Now come on, do your homework.” I nod and he lets me go. I smile to him while he is going out from my bedroom, and I become serious again when he turns the corner. I lied to him, he isn’t ready to know that I saw the door of that bathroom was locked from the outside. It will kill him.

RICHARD

I have to stop being late. I have to stop going to these stupid parties where only the others have fun. I leave the door ajar and I slip inside. I walk without making a sound. Maybe everybody is sleeping.

“Oh, you deign to come back” Andreas frightens me. I start, hearing his voice, only because I am a little distracted. He doesn’t scare me.

He is sitting on the second step of that enormous stairs. He is prolonged forward and his elbows lean against the knees. The hands are joined.

“Just be glad I come back” I answer.

“What keeps you from not doing it? You can move wherever you are every night.” he continues.

I look away from him, only because I don’t want to continue to quarrel. I want to take a shower and to sleep. I need it.

“I’m pondering the same.” I go past him. I go in my bedroom at a resolute pace.

“Richard!” Linda’s voice pierces the tympanum, but it doesn’t stop me. Why is she still awake? “Dan needs some private lessons. Will you give them to her, right?”

Damn, the protection isn’t enough, she also wants some private lessons now. The next step? Will she move in our home, invading it with her marked desire to live?

“As long as you stop to break my balls.” And I slam the door of my bedroom. I want to be alone. I want to sleep, and I want… I want