CHAPTER 4

Chapter 4

The school

RICHARD

Like every night in this period, I’m at a party. I’m sitting on an armchair of the master of the house, admiring the scene of these boys whose are playing *beer-pong, when someone puts the arms on my neck, bringing near me and starting to kiss.

“I have a surprise for you.” she whispers.

“I’m not interested” I answer, harsh.

I’m too busy to bet against myself about who will be the first to give in of these guys.

“Do you know who is returned in the town?” she continues, rubbing her nose against my jaw in a vain attempt to tease me.

“Who?”

“The Brown brothers.”

My heart froze at those words, even if it is just cold. I put my hands on her arms and I pull her in front of me, sitting her on my legs. “It’s official, today Mark was at us. You know that Kevin is his best friend.”

My eyes are on her. Fixed, hard and constantly lifeless. “And the little Brown will attend our school. Can you imagine? It will be...”.

“Unreal. She can’t be in that school.”

“Yes, she does. Also her brothers attended that school, and like them, she could...”

“To enter in the clan? No way. We have enough people here, and we don’t need an insolent little girl which maybe is afraid of her shadow, or considering the position, she could require commanding.”

“They say that she is a tough girl. I didn’t know her, Mark don’t want. But now... Come on, my love” she puts again her arms on my neck, and she brings to my lips. “So you could revenge.” Her sweet and swollen lips are on mine, and they move with an exasperating rhythm. “You are not going to let her in, but Adam could do it. Just tell him that he must protect her, and he will believe it without problems.”

“It isn’t as you want, they must decide if they want to let her in. I have nothing of revenge to take with them. Unlike you.” I snap, my hand holds tight her neck and I take her away from my face.

“Stay with me, you must protect my honour.”

“Your honour?” I puff with a laugh, “Your honour doesn’t exist for a long time.”

“You are nobody.”

“Don’t forget, you were able to enter only because you are Kevin’s sister, and he is a big deal”.

“I’m with you, and I’m here also for this reason.” she adds.

“Believe me, it’s only because you are his sister that you are with me, nothing more.” I burst.

She smiles with indolence.

Of course, what did she believe? The feelings that I felt at the beginning, now they are absent to make way for the routine. Or saying it dirty, a sure fuck.

“And you, only because you get in bed the sister of an important person, which is me. On the contrary, you will be nobody.” My eyes go on her lips for the anger.

“Believe me, it’s always because you are his sister that you can jump on my dick.”

She challenges the force of my hand, reducing to zero the distances, dedicating to one of her hot kisses that I appreciate receiving. She straddles and she starts to move, slow, like when she wants something more. I like it, deep down, she is really capable to give pleasure.

I grip her bottom, making her take the right position to obtain some common benefit.

Damn clothes, if only…

Someone coughs, trying to attract our attention.

“What do you want?” she snaps as soon as she moves away.

I move aside and I seem Sem, which is up and stares us with the arms crossed.

“From you nothing, I want him.” he indicates me with his cocky way, as usual.

“Don’t you see that he is busy?”

“Must I say to your brother that you do on his armchair?” he threats her.

Inside me, I’m laughing so much. He is always able to make her angry, and it is really amusing. I smile while she is shooting me with her eyes.

“I’m sorry, baby.” I whisper to her, amused. Indolent, she lets me go.

“What’s the matter?” I ask once I reached my friend.

“Not here, let’s go somewhere.”

And so, we take his car, and we go to the Ken’s pub or, as he says, in a neutral place where the walls haven’t ears. Also if I doubt.

“What’s the matter?” I want to know once we sit at the table.

He dragged me away from that boring party, and from that situation became interesting.

The hot barmaid takes two usual Americans to us. And as usual, she winks biting her lips while she is giving me my glass. Only when Sem coughs, the girl looks away and leaves. Can’t help if girls find me irresistible?

“Did you hear that The Brown returned in the town.” he murmurs after taking a sip. Also him with that history.

“Yes.”

“The sister will attend our school.”

“Yes, but so what?”

“Well, I have a proposal for you.” he says.

“What kind of proposal?” I falsely smile.

“We must keep away the guys of the Clan from her, as far away as possible. We must keep her away from the clan. She will not know that we will be here to protect her, and she will not know that we are part of the Clan.” he approaches to the table, and he puts his elbows on it.

Good, we will not have something to do with her, but we must protect her, and we must not hesitate in acting. What a strange situation.

“What makes you think...”

“Oh be sure, you will do it, Richard. Just take it as an order.” he smiles, interrupting me. Then, he sits well on the chair.

“As you know, my dear, I’m in a stalemate. I haven’t a leader to take orders or to report. I’m in the clan only because I bang Sarah. You said it yourself that...”

I try to deceive him. I don't want to do this.

“Shut up for once” I hate to be interrupted. Especially in the case of someone in the Clan which is nobody. I take the straws to my lips, like this doesn’t even affect me. On the contrary, his demands are irritating me. I calm down and I imitate him, assuming his same position.

“What makes you think I will not want to separate her from the pants? On second thought, she is the sister of...”

“Oh, come on, you will be so disgustingly greedy? Isn’t enough your position? Wasn’t enough to take away Sarah from Wood? To say nothing about the person which lets you in.” he sniggers.

I shake the head for refusal. I could do it. In the end, everybody has hidden purposes for everything.

“So, what do I get? I don’t want to keep up with an insolent little girl, if I can’t do what I want with her. But, if the juice is worth the squeeze, I could put aside that thought.”

He uproariously laughs, shocking me. In the end, he exclaims:

“Assuming that Kevin lets you do that. To my knowledge, he is protective with his sister, and he could cut your penis.”

“Assuming that he will know it.”

Sem, with his tenacity, cockiness and cold mind, he is known for his extraordinary tactics, he obliges me to keep up with a little girl that I don’t know and I have never seen before. She will show off, for sure. Him, with his false indifference for the Clan, he is revealing one of the most active and informed. He stretches forward, and staring me, he says “As I let you in, I can let you out without you know it. As I let you do what you wanted in the Clan, I have covered your ass countless times, I can fall the charges on you and I can have you thrown into prison, throwing away the key. As I have protected you, I can get you into trouble. Don’t underrate me, Richard, I could be pitiless if I want. Decide, or you are with me and everything will be fine, or prepare yourself for the war.”

DANIELLE

It’s morning and I have to go to the school to take the books and the hour. Alone. Mum, after leaving me there, must go to work.

The school is big, too big for my opinion, and as soon as I enter, that size disappears to create space for narrow and oppressive corridors, full of drawings, photos and medals. I must find the library, I go forward the corridor, and I put the earphones in my ears. I try not to think how much everything is strange. A school which offers to let me in, where the only way to do it is the selection through the admission test delivered in time, or to have a QI over the limit, or a bank account over the normality. Obviously, all things that I haven’t.

With conviction, I turn the corner and I collide with a boy which was running. Due to the knock, I fall down with the bottom, and the sheets in my hands scatter everywhere. He takes the hit in a different way. He managed to keep standing.

Even children know that they can’t run in the corridors, but where is he coming from? Why didn’t I hear him? Ah yes, the earphones. This idiot has the complexion of a light amber colour and black hair hidden with a cap which strategically covers the face. He is dressed with loose jeans and a black T-shirt almost tight-fitting. His eyes are dark brown, really wonderful. In other occasions, I could give him the finger, I believe, the old me would have done. Another flash hits my eyes, making me wring them out.

When I regain the sight, I look up towards him, and an inexplicable fear hits me. I quickly stand up, and I open my eyes wide. I am out of breath, and I am afraid, too afraid. Why?

RICHARD

I am late, thanks to the stratospheric night that I have had with Sarah. She and her mouth do wonders. My head pulsates like mad and I don’t understand very much. I must hurry up to go in the secretarial offices and after in the library. Stupid credits, but on the other hand, I can’t afford to laze around, considering that I want good marks, and I want to go out from this damn school. This is my last year in here.

However, I have been penalized when I stopped to peep at the photos in the notice board of that girl that I have been ordered to protect. I was there to stare at her for a few moments, trying to memorize every detail, every little detail of that chubby and sulky little face. I put a face to the name, at least. Also if after seeing her, I prefer much to kiss the ass of a macaque instead of dealing with her.

I turn the corner without particular troubles when a little girl rushes to me, obviously, she comes off worst.

She takes a little longer before to look up and fix her eyes on mine. A shiver goes down my back without knowing the reason. As her, I open wide my eyes almost terrified. But why? I shake my head and I organize the ideas. She suddenly stands up, frightened. I could say that she is trembling too.

Her horrible chestnut hair are pulled back in a disorderly ponytail, she is slim, perhaps too much for her age, and she has two incredible big eyes. She looks breathtaking. Enough to make my mother’s eyes turn pale. Unfortunately, they clash with her look.

“But what..." I mutter only for the surprise of the shiver that she has created "watch out, stupid cubbie.” I immediately snap and I pull her away, all without thinking. She draws back, frightened, good. “Watch where you’re going, the next time will not go well for you.” I continue, pointing the finger against her. Damn, all kinds of trouble! I am already late, all I needed was her, hindering me. She doesn’t answer because she is trembling in a pathetic way, so much that it seems unreal.

I don’t want to dwell on this, it’s not me, and I will not start with her. “Be sure to stay away from me the next time or you will get in trouble.” I straighten my clothes and I go, knocking against her shoulder. I remain straight, but her, oh her, due to the knock, she rotates half a turn towards me. She almost doesn’t fall down. How much am I proud of me? Good, that beyotch was afraid by me before that I will apply to do it. It was very easy.

“Steady on. He is only an arrogant bully, as usual.” she murmurs, huffing.

How dare to talk me like that, and even behind me? She doesn’t know who’s she is dealing with. Maybe she thinks that I didn’t hear. I have an insane desire to stop and go back to ask her, or rather, to order her to repeat the words that she said, to take her for that damn and scrawny arms, to bang her against the wall and making eat her words.

Oh, if I want it, but strangely, I decide to forget her. It’s not worth it, in the end.

Also if I’m really late, I stop to look at her while she picks her things up, awkward. She’s really funny. Could she be any more clumsy? Nah, I don’t think. I try to memorize her features to remember her properly, if I will see her again at the beginning of the lessons. She looks for something familiar, something just seen before, something just known. Deep down, she is moving me to pity.

She is making her way towards me and this thing makes beat my heart widely. But why? I look in the different direction, searching a hiding place. The first available door is open. I enter in a rush in the janitor’s storeroom and I lean against the door. Why am I smiling? But what have I done? Why did I hide? From here, at last.

DANIELLE

Good, my first meeting/collision with a possible student/bully or an operator for the different activities went definitely wrong. How many of them will I have? Maybe other three hundred? Three hundred teenagers like this, and I will die within the first day. I really hope that everybody will not be so peevish. I get my things and I go to search the library, hoping that everything will finish soon.

The walls of these corridors are monochromatic and oppressive. Full of little guys’ drawings which haven’t anything in common, except for their age. Photos of the different activities, of the various teams and classes. One of these attracts my attention. I look at it and I put my finger on the glass, as to caress the person depicted. A photo of my brothers’ diploma with the backers of the school, and between them, there is a girl well padded, which is sulking and the arms crossed.

Her long hairs cover her face, making her almost unrecognisable. Now that I think about it, it’s the same one that Mark has on his desk. But, his photo is torn. He has torn the part where Jackson was, and apparently, also the little girl and another man.

But, who is she? Who are they?

The words on the side say: “The backer John. J. Brown with his sons, Jackson and Mark, graduated from this school, and the daughter Danielle.” John J. Brown? His sons? Is he my father? Was I that? Am I the one there?

A flash dazzles me, and I see a car in front of me, which has the windscreen broken. Some people are running towards me, and they scream some incomprehensible words, except for one, which is slowly approaching. On his face, there is a proud look. A boy stops me, and he removes something from my hands. I-m not able to see the object, but when the boy throws it to the ground, I immediately understand what it is. The jack of the auto with the broken windscreen.

I suddenly move the hand away from the glass and I place it on the mouth. I frown at the thought of remembering nothing and also that Jay didn't tell me something about this photo. I look away and I draw back.

A laugh makes me jump, and for the fear, I look around me, searching for a hiding place, finding the library behind me. I take a deep breath and I enter, pretending it never happens.

No one of the ten guys in file notice nothing.

“Hey, cubbie, can I go, right?” the raspy voice of the earlier boy makes me shudder. I suddenly turn and my eyes look at him. Another flash and a vision comes, and there is a boy which is chasing another boy. Oh my God, what is going on? I look at him, frowning while I am groping, and he smiles, triumphant. “Oh, thank you, you are very kind. There wasn’t need to let me go. Thanks again.” he says, making fun of me and overcoming me in the queue.

To tell the truth, he overcomes everybody, and he goes behind the counter of the library. He gets a plaid shirt from the hook, cowboy style, with the cuffs until over the elbows, with the writing staff on the back, and from the drawer he takes a sort of pass with a string to hang it on the neck.

He grasps the portable scanner, and he passes the bar code, as if he is clocking in. I don’t understand any more. I look him while he is taking the sheets of the first boy with an expression enough cocky. Does he work in the library? Is he the person in charge for the books? Oh shit. And if he sees where I live and if he follows me? I’m afraid, my breath speeds up and I want to leave. I turn back to control how far I am from the door, but I see that is my turn.

RICHARD

Oh, now it is her turn. So I can see who she is, I can know her name without asking it to her. This thing strangely nags me since we collided right before. This thing is too amazing.

“Well, well, well. Cubbie, we see again.” I say to her, laughing with my usual ‘smart’ smile. One way or another. “Could you give me the list, so I register that you have taken the books and I can deliver them to you?” I continue, holding out my hand to her to have the sheets. I bow my head and I continue to look the screen of my mobile to answer to another message from Sarah. She doesn’t leave me alone for a second, it is not enough for her. I’m not enough for her. Maybe it’s faster if I call her. It’s crazy to keep track of her messages.

I dial the number and I take the phone to my ear. I don’t give a flying fig if there is the girl here, I perfectly know the procedures for the registration enough to dream them.

While Sarah speaks about the dress that she will wear tonight for the party, filling my head with gossips which are not at all interesting about the love life of her friend Trisha, the girl puts the sheets on the counter, in a tidy way. The first sheets will be for me, and I should return the rest to her. She completely ignores my outstretched hand. None have ever done anything like that.

I don’t say a word. I only smile, I am amused by her behaviour of a frightened little girl, but at the same time, I am also irritated. It isn't possible to be afraid of everything.

I take the sheets, giving a sharp blow on the counter and I retract the hand in an outburst, making her jump.

After I start to key her data on the computer which strangely gives me some affinities, just only inserting the student code. I didn’t know that this absurd and old server of the school can include also this. I continue to ogle her, and she feels uncomfortable.

Code: 25642

Name: Danielle Dream Brown

Address: COVERED BY PRIVACY

There isn’t the address, but there is a red writing which indicates to click on the box ‘recommendations’.

Well, she has friends in high places. A point in my favour when I will make fun of her. I click on the box only because I am curious.

Recommendations: John J. Brown – Founder of the Brown Group (major backer of the school).

That’s why the surname isn’t unknown to me. She is the daughter of one backer of the school. A damned billionaire which can do everything with his money, except for buying new Mac for the school that he finances.

Also her profile gives me some affinities.

Sarah continues to speak, and I continue to nod in a disinterested way. I have in front of me the daughter of the owner of the Brown empire, which is estimated £ 200 million of fixed funds, not mention all shares and companies. Not bad, I would say.

Affinities with 4 students:

John J. Brown – ex student

Mark Brown and Jackson Brown – ex students

Scott Rolss – ex student (required and obtained the move to Oxford for family reasons)

I look up and I stare at her, incredulous.

Jackson and Mark's sister. That Jackson and that Mark. I haven’t connected the surname, the school is full of Brown.

She can’t be her. She isn't the girl in the photo. I look up and I stare at her. She is looking down in total submissiveness.

“Fuck” I whisper. Only now, I think to the talk that last night I had with… Well, with Sem.

How am I supposed to do? Another problem to control. I suddendly look behind her, because there is something. I abandon the mobile on the table, and I allow that Sarah continues to speak alone. The photo behind the girl immortalizes what I hear is your father. I can’t believe it. They are identical.

I look at her, frowning. I stare at her, frowning, trying to understand, to suppose I don’t know what. It can’t be, she isn’t the same girl of the photo in the notice board.

My mind is working in an unreal way, really. I must think what to do and how to do it.

My hands are sweating, and I’m not able to think clearly if Sarah continues to speak about her girl things in the background. What the hell do I care?

I stretch the hand towards the mobile, and I switch it off, becoming unreachable, and I put the mobile on the pocket. In the meantime, she is always looking down, staring a point on the counter.

“Aren’t you hot with this long-sleeved shirt?” I ask, trying to tone down the embarrassment, and trying to avoid that she could note something.

What kind of question have I thought?

I must remedy and not to make worse.

Well, maybe in addition to a possible baby bump, she hides something else under that sweatshirt. For Christ’s sake, I want to bang my head against the wall.

I must ask some help to Sem.

DANIELLE

“The books, p-please.” I stammer, exasperated with the few strengths that I still have, I try not to look at him. Everything is more interesting. Everything must be more interesting. Even my untied shoe.

He whispers, and he keys again the data on the computer, and he runs to take the books. I look up when he isn’t here. I breathe better when he isn’t here.

“You have chosen good courses, we are together in some of them. We will keep each other company.” he says with his usual fun.

He isn’t bad, he isn’t able to be like that, he is pretending to be bad for some strange reasons.

“Here you go, Mrs Danielle Dream Brown. Your books. For the registration for the summer courses, you must go to the secretarial offices. But I think that you are late. You must register about a month ago instead to have a good time.” he says, giving me the sheets and smiling. He is too enigmatic. He is able to mask his real feelings.

As answer, I nod and I take the books. I hold them thigh as if they are more precious of the diamonds.

He leans against the counter with the elbows, and he continues to have that stupid smile. Why does he stare at me? Why does he approach? I retreat for the fear, and I jump when I collide with a chair, suddenly turning. I look up and I see a photo where there is John. I can’t breathe.

“Bye cubbie. We will see at the lessons start.” he whispers, sneering.

Did you see? He feels sorry for you.

I escape from the room and I quicken my pace towards I don’t know where. I’m not ready to go to school. I’m not ready to return to school. I’m not ready, I turn over and over in my mind.

Where is the bathroom? I must lock up in the bathroom and calm down. I must isolate and regain control of my anxiety. The pressure is too high and I’m not able to support it. I’m not breathing. I’m not able to stand. I feel dizzy. I wander around the corridor, holding onto the wall with difficulty.

The hand crawls on the wall in a vain attempt to support my excessive weight.

When I find it, I enter quickly, I throw the books to the ground and I remove the rucksack. I feel dizzy, the anxiety makes itself felt. I quickly close the door behind me, and I lean on it with the back. I slither on the floor, tired out, without strengths, without the energy that I had.

Dan, calm down, calm down and calm down. I whisper quickly.

Too much. Another flash appears, and an image enters into my mind. A boy, with black eyes and hairs, approaches to me, and he caresses my chin with his hand, smiling, malicious. I suddenly open the eyes.

You will never get rid of me, the little voice murmurs in my head.

Let me go, please.

I tilt my head forward and I take in my hands. It is since I left the hospital that these strange flashes follow my days. I don’t understand if it is a memory, a premonition or only my mind gives me some warnings.

I’m afraid and I understand absolutely nothing. Nobody can help me. Nobody understands me. I raise my head and I look around. I’m exhausted, but I’m not able to react. I’m exhausted and I’m not able to cry. I tilt my head back, banging it against the door.

What is happening to me?

I put all book on the rucksack, and with difficulty, I go out from the bathroom.

I support myself with the hand along the wall, disregarding what it is hanged up on it. If some drawings will fall, it will be not my problem, it will only mean that it must not stay there. Staring into the space, I turn the corner and I coincidentally look up. My eyes see that boy which peacefully leans against the jamb of the door.

God, I know that you are upset with me for everything, but no, not this, please.

I pretend not to see him. A very difficult thing.

RICHARD

Finally, I finish and I’m near the exit while I’m waiting my father. Outside is going to rain hard, and I will not walk until home, for sure. He can move his ass, considering that he does fuck all, all day long.

At a certain point, I see something moving. I look up, and I see there the girl not moving. I look the other way and I continue to read Sarah’s angry messages.

Damn, she is always on her mobile.

She puts her hands into her pockets, and I believe that she is turning up the volume of the music. She breathes deeply and she looks down. She pretends not to see me, again. She folds her arms, and she shrivels as if she would become small as much as possible. My mind makes a question at every her step, my heart beats stronger and stronger at every her step. When she is in front of me, and I am confused.

Fuck.

My thoughts are confused. Maybe the easier thing is to tell her that I am her neighbour, and that she can trust in me. Yes, well, who doesn’t trust in the neighbours? Everybody does. I will do it, I did it.

So, while she walks past me, I impulsively snap towards her, and I search for her eyes, to have a visual contact. I place between her and the door. She is still looking down and away. Her wonderful blue eyes are like… empty?

I check her face, searching for emotions, but nothing. She doesn’t even react.

I lean my back against the crash bar, trying to say some words, but I’m not able to do it. Her sad eyes are able to undermine me.

With a movement of the pelvis, I open the door, letting her pass. Before stepping towards the exit, she closes the eyes, and she whispers again. When she opens her eyes again, she makes some steps, but I stop her, holding her arm, stupid impulse.

No, I must absolutely say this to her. I don’t want that she leaves without knowing. She closes the eyes, and she scowls, trying to hold the tears.

I continue to stare at her, but I’m not amused, not in a mocking way, on the contrary, I can say that I am worried and irritated by her being, so frightened by me even before to do something at her.

She makes me doubt even my actions and my poor memory. Maybe, she knows me, and I did something at her in the past. But I don’t remember anything about this. Neither her, nor her face, and certainly not her body, too slim for her age. I bring the hand near her face only to pull the cable of the earphones. I give a faint smile in hope of giving her comfort.

She doesn’t move, she is motionless, as everything is frightening her, she is terrified, and I am still disturbing her. What a shit I am. My breath is slow, quiet, on the contrary, her breath is faint, almost imperceptible. I take her chin between the fingers to lift her face, I demand her look, I want her attention.

More I lift her face, and more she looks down.

Damn, little girl, look at me and stop to play this stupid game. Why are you doing this? I know that you aren't searching the challenge, but I don’t want. I want that you look at me.

“Look at me, please.” I sweetly whisper, but her, she doesn’t. What is happening to this girl? Why is she so terrified by me before I do something to her?

She suddenly shuts her eyes real tight, and she turns up her nose. “No, don’t do this, I want only.” I continue, worried.

“L-let me go, p-please” she whispers, really low. I hear her by pure chance, “I c-can’t m-manage a-also t-this… a-again. P-please.”

I’m astonished, and I let her go.

Again?

Then it is as I expected, is she frightened by me because I have done something to her in the past? I’m not in the habit of frightening the girls. I don’t remember her.

“Do you know me? Did I do something to you?”

She doesn’t answer. With all the strength that she has, she moves my hand, and she runs outside, careless of the rain. I don’t understand her attitude. I don’t understand why she reacts in this way, of the blue. But above all, I don’t understand why I’m so interested.

I made fun of her before, and now, I want to apologize at any cost? What a problem I have? Is it because she is Jackson and Mark’s sister? Is it because she is my neighbour, and I was ordered to protect her, staying in the dark? I turn back, searching for her, and instead to find her, I see my father’s car, and he is looking at me, menacing. As usual.

DANIELLE

Thanks goodness he lets me go, and I can’t go home. I don’t care if it is raining.

Everybody is at home. Jay is in the sitting room, he is playing with the console, Mark is studying, and mum is cooking a sort of cordon bleu with French fries.

“Have you taken the books? I will not take you at school again to take them, if you have forgotten some.” my mother says almost screaming and very bothered.

“Did you have a chance to know the new neighbours’ son? Yesterday, when I met him, he said that he would be at school. He is very nice and I think that we will be good friends” Jackson says without looking away from the TV.

“But stop. Let her alone with your attempts to find a person which could remotely make her happy. You don't see that she wants to self-destroy, she doesn’t know what the happiness is.” Mark answers.

I ignore him, but as soon as my foot touches the first step, I hear Mark’s unmistakable laugh. “Come on, sulky girl. Get to self-destroy in the four walls of your new bedroom.”

Oh, how he is lovely, like a brother.

I climb another step, and I hear the noise of a slap. Quite strong. “Ouch! But, are you stupid?”

“Shit, stop to treating her like this.” Jackson says through his teeth.

My hero. Well, the classic routine. I can put my hands into the fire that this will happen every single day.

Considering that it is late for the registration for the summer courses, Jackson and I decided to visit our cousin Scott and with our uncles in Oxford and to stay there for the entire summer.