chapter 5

WEEKS had passed as sister Cray's plan happened. A few weeks have passed since then and during those days I did nothing but gradually distance myself from them.

I felt guilty. I think I will be able to carry this feeling because of what happened. I knew that what ate Cray had planned was out of line, yet I still did it for the sake of my sister's happiness.

If this happens, I don't know how I will feel, especially since I know that in the end the child that will live in my womb will not go to me.

Why sulking now, Zreinessa?

It's still my fault what happened. I have the choice to refuse about ate Cray's plan, but in the end, I tolerated it for her happiness in exchange.

I lost my thoughts when I felt like I was going to feel nauseous. I couldn't hold back and immediately ran towards the bedroom bathroom.

I vomited. I knelt down in front of the toilet bowl and held onto it tightly. I almost threw up all my flesh.

What happened to me?

Why did I vomit?

Even though I was confused, I washed and lathered before leaving the bathroom. Confused, I sat on the bed and thought about what happened.

I had a good breakfast earlier. I was in a good mood when I woke up this day. Why am I vomiting all of a sudden?

"It won't be long, I'm sure it will."

I stood up when I heard sister Cray's voice in my mind. My heart started to thump hard. In the weeks that passed Aunt Cray never tired of mentioning those words as if she was absolutely sure that what happened to Sir Tredore and I would pay off.

I sat down on the bed again. It also crossed my mind and I wished that it would not come to fruition. I became complacent in the weeks that passed, I thought nothing would come of it.

My tears suddenly pooled at the corner of my eyes. I gently caressed my stomach now that there was only the possibility of an angel.

"Are you there, baby?" I asked tearfully and continued rubbing my stomach. "If you're still there, I'm really sorry... I really don't know what to feel. I don't like the way I'm building you..."

The tears that I couldn't stop falling came to an end.

"I'm so sorry, baby." I took a breath. "Maybe I don't deserve you because of what happened. I want to be selfish, I want to spite you... Is that okay, baby?"

I wept even more at the thought that the young flesh of my stomach would never be mine if it existed at all.

I was detaching myself slowly and yet, an angel came. I don't think I can leave my son to them when the time comes. I just want it to be mine.

He is my son...

I am the mother...

I wiped away the tears and calmed myself down before heading to my bedroom door. I opened it and looked to see if anyone was around.

"Rosel," I called to a maid who was cleaning vases in the hallway.

He carefully put down the wipe he was holding before heading to me.

"Do you need anything, Madam?" he asked with his head down.

I looked around again before speaking.

"Are Sister Cray and Daddy here?" I will ask.

"It's gone, Madam. They went to The Neri from what I heard," he answered.

I nodded. "Is it okay if I give you an order?"

He quickly nodded his head. "Yes, Madam! No problem! What is it?" He still remained bowed.

I heaved a deep sigh. Fortunately, Rosel is here. I noticed that he is quiet and modest so I can trust him. I looked around again before speaking.

"Can you buy a pregnancy test kit?" I asked directly. I can't say for me but based on his reaction he might have an idea.

He raised his head and looked at me with wide eyes. He couldn't speak immediately because of the shock so I spoke again.

"And please, don't tell anyone about this. Can I trust you, Rosel?" I asked cautiously.

"Y-Yes! Yes, Madam!" You can count on it!" he said one after the other and bowed again.

I bought three pregnancy test kits from him to be sure. I also bought it for him to give to me after lunch because Daddy will surely arrive soon because it's about to have lunch.

I quietly returned to the room and did not realize that I fell asleep. I just woke up when someone woke me up.

"Zrei, you sleep so well! I've been awake with you for a few times!" said my sister who was sitting next to me laughing.

I yawned as I woke up from the bed. "Why are you here, sister?"

"It's lunch! That's it! More sleep!" he teased.

"I just stayed up late last night," I defended.

"Is that a trend for you?" he exclaimed. "Get up. Daddy is waiting downstairs."

I washed and mopped first before blowing my sister. I don't know but I get nervous when I'm with Ate. I feel like he will know that I am hiding something from him.

But I'm still not sure that there is substance, right?

I have nothing to fear until I have proof that there is.

I was quiet the whole lunch. Only sister Cray spoke at the table. Daddy is also quiet, I don't even know if he listens to what my sister is saying. Ate doesn't have any other story but about Tredore.

I felt my stomach turning every time she talked about Tredore. I just stopped myself from making an act that would make my sister suspicious. I know he is very anxious but I can't bring myself to let him know that there is a possibility that I am pregnant.

I silently sighed. I never thought that I would face this kind of situation. All my life I've been living quietly in this mansion and then because of a favor everything will change.

I should brace myself tighter because I know that this is gonna be a life-changing situation. A situation that cannot be simply turned away and run away from. I should face it for the sake of the child inside me— if there's any.

When they left again, Daddy, I called Rosel. She entered my room with a small paper bag on her hand. He quickly went in front of me and bowed slightly.

"M-Madam, this is what you are buying." The nervousness was evident in his voice.

Even I'm nervous about what I'm going to do. I know that this is the only way to know if I already carry an angel inside me. I can't be careless.

Even though my heart was beating so fast, I quietly took the paper bag from Rosel's hand.

"Don't leave yet, Rosel. Can you?" I asked gently.

I just want to have someone to lean on as soon as I know the results. I don't think if I can bear whatever the result is if it's just me. I don't even have an experience regarding this situation.

"Okay, Madam. I'm just outside your bathroom," he answered politely.

I quietly went to the bedroom bathroom. Since I don't know how to use it, I first read the instructions on its container.

I heaved a deep sigh before doing the test as what the instructions said. I barely breathed while doing the test. I didn't even realize that I had used three pregnancy test kits.

I sighed deeply again. I don't check the result right away because I want to check them all at once. I slowly opened my eyes and fell upon three pregnancy test kits that all had two red stripes.

I gasped as my hand landed on my lips. Tears started to roll down on my cheeks. I don't know how to feel while looking at pregnancy test kits.

I'm pregnant...

I'm gonna be a mother...

I cried and stroked my stomach. I still can't believe this. It's like just a while ago I was wishing that my womb was empty but now that my two eyes saw the red lines, I can't explain the overflowing emotions I am feeling right now.

"Baby... Mommy's here... Mommy will take care of you, okay? I'll be strong for you..." I cried while looking at my stomach and gently caressing it.

"Ma'am?" I calmed myself when I heard Rosel's voice outside the bathroom.

I wiped away the tears but it was just useless because they kept on rolling down my cheeks. I just let it go and left the bathroom.

Rosel immediately attended to me when he saw me. "Madam! Are you all right? What happened? Why are you crying?"

I cried and shook my head. "I'm pregnant..."

He stopped for a moment and his eyes widened as he stared at me.

"I'm pregnant, Rosel. I'm gonna be a mother..." I added.

"C-Congratulations, Madam!" he greeted after recovering from the shock and hugged me.

I cried even more when he hugged me so I clung to him tightly. I just hope that I can share this moment with my Dad, but I'm scared to face his reaction.

I asked Rosel again to keep my pregnancy a secret. I said that I will also tell them the truth when the situation is no longer chaotic. But when will that happen?

I just agreed when Rosel forced me to help take care of myself. She even talked about her experiences when she was pregnant with her firstborn who is now three years old.

Because of that a decision was made. I decided not to tell Sister Cray that I was pregnant.

After I heard Rosel's story, I realized that I should face whatever consequences I might face as a mother.

Being a mother is not easy but if it is for the good of your child, you will do everything just to improve their condition.

"How are you, my dear brother?" I was surprised to hear Ate Cray's voice from behind me.

"Sister! Don't be surprised!" I am interested in him.

She laughed as she sat on my bed. "How are you? Do you feel anything strange?"

My heart started pounding fast because of her question. I calmed myself down before bravely answering him.

"Still nothing, Ate. Maybe it won't bear fruit right away the first time?" I asked innocently.

"You think so?" She heaved a deep sigh. "It's been weeks."

I sat beside him. "I will tell you immediately if I feel something strange in my body."

"I really hope that it would work. I can't accept the fact that I can't bear a child," he said sadly. I don't know but I didn't even feel sorry for him. "I can't handle Tredore leaving me when he finds out I can't give him a child."

I don't know if it's because of my pregnancy, but I'm starting to get irritated every time he would utter Tredore's name. I don't want to hear that from his mouth.

"Don't worry. You'll have it soon," I uttered as I managed to give her a smile.

You won't have my baby...

This angel would be mine.