Habit

Hello, the first chapter is up and let me remind you there will be a lot of flashbacks and mostly this will be more about gulf thoughts.

The way that I want him to be.

Enjoy and thank you for those who add, votes and comment na~

Stay safe everyone.

Stay at home.

❤❤❤❤❤

Gulf, who always think that there are a lot of places that he should see before he finishes his studies take on a crazy idea to book a trip 15 days winter grand tour where he will experience the famous scenic rail journeys through snowy landscapes and to top it all he will make a pit stop from London to Scotland first. Lunatic people might say, he enjoys the adrenaline and able to see another part of the world. That is his long life dream goals and now he finally has enough savings and time to do it.

“Are you sure about this?” Ash, his long life best friend trying his best to convince him that this is a bad idea.

“Yes, I will do this on my own this time. Thank you for sending me. I will see you in three weeks.” Gulf brush off his nagging and went straight inside, he has been waiting for a long time to do this and no one could stop him now. Not even his parents, he is a wild soul.

He starts off his journey from Thailand to London, this will be his first stops. Then he will take Caledonian Sleeper train from London, England to Edinburgh, Scotland before makes his way to enjoy Scottish spectacular scenery. Everything has been plan thoroughly on his travel plan books, called him a nerd but he likes to be prepared and ready, everything will turn out alright for him.

“Could you turn off the lights now? I am trying to sleep here.”

“Sorry, I get carried away.”

“It is alright, I understand, I just need the light off to sleep we have the whole night. You better get some rest.”

“I get it. Thank you.”

Strangers, giving his advice but somehow it makes him want to listen to him, he is not gay of course. He has a girlfriend who he dates in college and she is enough but she never makes gulf feel like this, but when he hears his breathing, the slow and steady rhythm and rise and fall and rise as it meant to rock him to sleep, gulf is not aware that he is leaning to his shoulder and fell asleep like that.

When he hears the pilot announcing their arrival in London Heathrow (LHR) airport, took him by surprise he has been leaning on him the whole night and he did not even budge. Gulf pulls himself back on to his on the seat and pretends to write on something. He never felt this embarrassed before but he makes him feel this way. Comfortable, secured and safe.

“Fuck, gulf he is just a stranger.” He said to himself.

“Good morning, sleep well?” He stretched out his arm, he must feel numbs.

“I’m sorry, for sleeping on your shoulder. It is a bad habit of mine.” Gulf apologises sincerely.

“No worries, you’re dead asleep and so am I. So… this is your first time in London?” He tries to make conversations and he can see that he is uncomfortable for that sudden approach.

“Sorry, I am Mew. Whats’s your name?”

“I’m Gulf, nice to meet you too.”

“Hi, Mew. It’s a pleasure to meet you as well. Yes, this is my first time.”

“Really, why did you come alone, are you on a backpacking trip?”

“Yes, completing my number 1 bucket list to see Swiss winter lakes and mountains scenery in winter.”

“Wow, that sounds like a long life plan.”

“Yes, I have been wanting to do this since I was a kid. I will not just go there, first Scotland, staying there for a few nights in crathes castle, then I will continue to… I’m sorry. You don’t want to know about this. It’s boring stuff.”

“No, keep talking we have another 1 hour to land.”

They continue to talk to each other, well mostly gulf will dominate the conversations. He couldn’t help it. It feels good to have someone to listen and do not judge you. Not even his girlfriend has been this attentive and caring, she always tells him that its a waste of money to go travel for a long time but not for gulf. He never agrees to that. They arrived shortly after that and bid farewell to each other, for somehow gulf feels sad. It feels like he is parting with his loved one. The feeling you can’t figure it out how to feel, why does mew make him feel like this. Refuse to let mew disturbed his feelings and his right state of mind, he rushes to take trains heading to London kings cross railway stations.

“Scotland, here I come.” Gulf looks determined again.

Mew who's being expected get inside the car but keep his eyes on the strangers who just pour his heart and passions about travelling. Something that he always takes for granted before considering he grow up here. He wants to make gulf become his.

"Lee, can you help me to check and provides me with the way to go to crathes castle by train. Preferably midnight train."

"But sir, that's in Scotland and it's way too cold to go there now."

"I will take care of myself. Tell my parents, I will be away on a trip and do not disturb me unless it is an emergency. I need to find someone."

"Understood sir."

***************************

It has been a few months, gulf goes right back to his part-time job at the coffee shop near his college. He needs to sustain his life, supporting himself without giving a hard time for his parents. They have done enough by sending him off to college, giving him the support to finish his studies and work in a good company or do whatever the hell he wants.

He thought of mew again, he will let him hear what he need to hear not what he want. His heart is aching again thinking about him, this feeling will not subside and eventually, this might eat him alive. He is falling to depressions and workaholic at the same time, this will not do him good.

Whether this is fate or god is testing him again. He saw a figure that he missed so badly and wish to see again walking towards him with someone holding his hand. Gulf fakes his smile and does what he does best, pretend like it is nothing.

“Hello, welcome what can I get you today?” He looks away from mew, avoiding his gaze. He might crumble anytime soon.

“What do you want babe… hmm, I’m on diet now so I don’t want anything fattening then I will just have decaf latte, no sugar stir twice and yeah, don’t even bother. I know you want to hit on me. Sorry, I am taken. Kha.” She wines about the option of every drink but still has the time to think gulf is into him.

“Whatever you want and stop an act petty, Mila,” Mew replied to her unbothered, gulf is an attractive man. He wants to wrap him up under his finger again with no clothes on. Mew is having a hard-on, his heart beating fast just like the first time he saw him helplessly looking for the right route right after their encounter sitting together heading to London, he made the right choice to choose a business class seat, he met him. He keeps on staring at him intensely.

After that, he asks for an excuse to go at the back of the alley. He needs to calm down and mew must have left with that bimbo, he looks the same but entitles at the same time, he must be rich. He made a right decision when he left him in Switzerland, Gulf opens his phone and looks over at their pictures, its true he has visited so many continents but this memory is not like others, maybe it will be in the way their thumb runs over your skin the way it does over their favourite book or maybe it will be in the way they say your name in a way that does not makes you cringe or scared and the only thing you can remember is how to forget. The love you were given before you felt it, keeps his love alive for mew.

“Hello, Gulf I’ve been looking for you.”

*******************************

FLASHBACK

“Sometimes when you experience a rare coincidence, you will feel like there are higher cosmic forces that will guide and gives you the courage to do things that you wish you will regret or not. In this case, I do not regret any of this. It is only one time things right? You must do this a lot.”

“What makes you said that? Do I look like one? Is that what you have in mind on me. Fuck boy?”

“No, that’s not what I meant. What happened here will stay here. Will remain here.”

“You know, for someone who likes to be fucked you are talking about the irony here or you’re just scared. Concerning if that’s what you want. I will give it to you. Goodbye stranger.”

“Why are you pissed off now? Isn’t this what you want, to fuck a stranger like me and pissed off. Forget about it when you found someone else?”

“Do you think I will forget about you?”

“I do not know, I understand if you will forget about me. We’re strangers.”

“Why the fuck you keep on going on this strangers word. I will tell you everything about me if you want. Then we will not be a stranger.”

“No, don’t. It is better to keep this thing away.”

“Why are you being so hard?”

“Because we will not see each other again after this and why bother getting attach?”

“I see, so will you let me fuck you again?”

Gulf couldn’t say no, he wanted him. This is the first time that he ever did something reckless like this and with a man. He wanted him, but he could not take this heartbreak again after what he has been through before. Being in relationships where you do not where you stand, it hurts like hell.

“When was the last time someone runs their fingers through the knots of your soul?”

“Never, only you, Gulf,” he replied before going to sleep

That is the exact reply that he wanted to hear from him but he knows that this won’t work, you learn to take a risk and bear the consequences. Which he has to do it, they fuck throughout that night on the train and he left him after that without any trace except his scent on the bed, catch his flight back to UK and touchdown in Thailand the day after that.

He regrets it, everything feels like dreams he fell in love when all he wanted to do is travel. His soul will be damned after this but that is not the point, it is easy to take off all of your clothes and have sex, we do that all the time but giving up your true self to someone. Letting them in your spirits, thoughts, fear, future, hopes, and dreams. That is being naked. Completely exposed to that person, that is what he has been doing during his entire trip, shows his vulnerable side.