chapter 4 - Perfect night time

What if he was a sports fanatic? Does he have a favorite football team? Do I memorize batting averages or soccer scores or something like that? He looks in good shape. Does Jim play tennis or golf or anything? Is he running? Could he jog with me someday? I wonder if he likes yoga.

I paced up and down the living room, my heart pounding, my brain in a state of extreme tension and near panic. I couldn't hold back my thoughts for more than half a second. I can feel the adrenaline running through my veins. Another wave of panic washed over me. What will I wear? Lloyd's can be anything from casual to almost formal. If I dress up and he wears a suit, I feel like a parasite. If I dress up and he's wearing jeans or shorts, he'll think I'm a snob and try to fool him again with that creepy element. Maybe I need to rummage through my closet and see what jumps out of me. I love color, but what if he has a favorite color like blue and I show up with red. Will that turn it off?

Why am I trying to impress this man? I had just met him, although Rita and Mindy both assured me that he was a rarity and that we would be perfect together. What does it mean? Do I even want to live with another man...or remarry? Wait! Why am I suddenly marrying us? We haven't even had a date yet. Is Saturday a date? He's not picking me up; I'm meeting him there; it's just a casual lunch. Right?

The weekdays passed with agonizing slowness. As each day passed, I worked myself into a frenzy of worry about my Saturday 'date'. I talk to Rita twice a week, and each time she calms me down. She even asked Mindy to call me twice to give me more details about Jim. The more I learn about him, the more I am amazed at who he is, what he has done with his life and how he has thought. How do I remember everything they told me, not only about Jim, but about my lunch day behavior?

I couldn't sleep Thursday night. Finally, I went to my living room at five o'clock in the morning and talked to myself out loud. In a stern voice, I didn't say to anyone, "Edie, you're almost sixty. You've had to deal with all kinds of demons, demons, bitches, and assholes in your life and career. Jim is a good man, and he wants to have a casual lunch with you. You just roll with it. Relax. Take control. ”

I sit by the pool in the backyard after sunrise to meditate, but my monkey brain is everywhere. tears streamed down her cheeks. I was very confused.

At lunch on Friday, an internal clock starts counting down to Saturday lunch twenty-four hours until the end of the regular lunch, where I will collapse and cry uncontrollably. I feel like I'm looking at the clock every five minutes. I had an appointment in the morning for a hairdo and in the afternoon for a manicure and pedicure. I went to Saks Fifth Avenue the day before and bought a new set of clothes to wear with designer jeans and a light floral shirt that looked mostly off-white except for the thin rainbow pattern. fragile and deaf; I think the jumpsuit makes me look feminine, suits my best roles, and avoids the favorite color problem that bothered me on Tuesday.

I also tried on every pair of shoes I had, trying to find the “right” pair to wear for our lunch. Should I wear three or four inch heels, or just sandals. The first is more formal, but makes me look younger and sexier. These are comfortable, practical, and showcase my new set of pedicures. In the end, I opted for sandals, which have a few diamond studs to decorate the straps. I easily have sixty pairs of shoes and have tried them all.

Saturday morning, I get up early again, get dressed, and get ready to go at nine o'clock. Lloyd's is just a ten-minute drive from my house. Why is the clock moving so slow? I continued to apply my makeup and tweaked my makeup, at one point removing everything and starting over to emphasize my most natural. It wasn't a photo session; We just had a normal lunch. I can't remember ever being so worried.

I sat in my car just outside my garage at 11:45, started the engine and checked to see if I had enough gas to get to the restaurant. I was full because I refueled the day before to be sure. I don't want to come early. I waited while it was on the radio. I wonder what kind of music Jim likes.

Five hours and twelve minutes, I drive to Lloyd's. I found a parking spot and as I crossed the yard, Jim pulled over to me. He said in a friendly tone: "It was a beautiful day, I found us a table outside. I hope everything goes well. We can come in if you think it's too cold or too sunny or whatever. He looks very interested.

I'm generating heat like the back of the sun, I'm so nervous. "Oh no. It's fine outside. Thank you for offering us a table. I'm sorry, I'm a few minutes late. I'm not really sorry.

“It doesn't matter. sitting across from me, all I wanted to do was look at him and soak in the details of this man. He gave away all the things I loved about Harry... and then, few. I was really captivated by Jim.

Oddly enough, we chatted for a few minutes about the Florida weather until a waitress brought us menus. I fret about our slow start to a meaningful conversation, but I feel comfortable having small discussions. I glanced at the clock and it said twelve twelve.

At four o'clock Jim suggested we go for a walk on the beach. We talked non-stop for four hours and were the only customers left at Lloyds inside and out until the dinner crowds started to arrive. I feel extremely comfortable with this man. We have a lot in common, but there are huge areas in each other's lives that we find it interesting to explore with each other. There were also surprises, for example, we both went to the same two or three rock concerts, and we had the same dentist.

Where did the four hours go? We ate. We find ourselves very attractive. Jim admitted to feeling threatened by my beauty, my Miss Iowa award, and my modeling career. After talking about the pros and cons of this aspect of my life, he understood that his professional image was a bit one-sided. We also talked about the curse of being born beautiful: how I was at home for some proms because no one dared ask me out, or how I was attacked everywhere I even went. up to now, and I usually try to hide how to avoid some negative aspects.

I talked about how his career at NASA threatened me. He describes the job and how he managed to progress, and it all seemed like a normal progression from being interested in science in high school, to becoming a reasonably intelligent man with engineering degree, and then landed a government job with NASA upon graduation. He acted like he was nothing special, and that helped me accept him for who he is. We talked a lot about God and how we are spiritual but not religious. We both passed the God of Vengeance in the sky wearing a large white robe with a gold 'G' on the pocket and admitting only a select few into the heaven in the clouds, towards something something closer to Nature or Cosmic Energy, where we all are. connected as spiritual beings with human existence.

My house is on the way to the beach. Jim followed me there when I got home and waited outside while I ran inside and quickly changed into a swimsuit and a light hoodie. Somehow by the time I went out with Jim, he had taken off his pants and put on cargo shorts. He smiled and explained that he had changed in the car. He must have planned it in advance.

We walked about three miles or more along the beach at a slow pace. As soon as we got ashore, Jim held out his hand to me and I took it. The only time we didn't hold hands after that was when one of us saw an interesting seashell or a sand dollar in the waves or on the water's edge.

Our connection is electrical. From the moment our hands touched, I could almost feel electrical energy flowing back and forth between us. I can tell that Jim also feels pleased about our connection with the way he continues to smile at me and push me to talk more about the subject we discussed. He was very worried; I had a hard time not letting it get into my head.

We went back to his car and brushed the sand off our feet. Jim let me sit in the passenger seat, put my feet outside the car, and he dried and massaged each foot. It's so sexy and it makes me feel so special. I'm really glad I got a pedicure.

Then highlights of the day so far. Jim leaned against the car I was in and kissed me. I was ready and eager for his affection. I see it coming. I look into his eyes and smile as he leans forward, my eyes close and our lips meet, and everything in the world stops. I didn't want the kiss to end, but he did. It doesn't matter because another one is coming right after that one. I was in this scene. I put my arm around Jim's neck to let him know that I wanted him close and that I didn't want him to stop.

We kissed a few times, then he left. He sighed heavily, clearly wishing he would stop. He runs his fingers over my face, makes sure I'm in my seat, then closes the door.

As he climbed onto the driver's side of the vehicle, he asked, "Are you still hungry?"

I nod, but show how casually dressed we are. "I should change."

Jim shakes his head negatively, showing that I don't need to change what he thinks. He drove for five minutes to a place on the bay that looked like a diving site called Beach Shack. The building couldn't seem to withstand a moderate wind, and around were several cars as well as six large black motorcycles. I was suddenly worried about where we were going. That place is a bar for cyclists.

* * * * *

Last week my date with Edie was really painful. I wanted to work again, because at least I could have lost myself in my job. Retired doesn't offer that option. I was constantly thinking about the date and all the ways I could fix it.

I arrived half an hour early at Lloyd's. I bought us an outdoor table near the flower garden. I also used the bathroom twice before her arrival. I don't remember how much I worried even when we launched a new rocket into space that cost hundreds of millions of dollars to build and it was my budget from my taxes.

We talked about everything after we started. She was fun and went out of her way to make me feel at ease. I try to do the same, even acknowledging how her modeling career has influenced my thinking about her. We drank a lot of coffee after lunch, and around four o'clock I wondered if we should finish our lunch, except I didn't want to leave her side. We overcame what turned out to be each other's anxieties about dating each other. Between his brilliant career and mine in the aerospace industry, it turned out that we were both threatened by each other. We talked about those feelings and put them aside.

I suggested going for a walk on the beach, and Edie took the opportunity to have us together. She even said, "Oh, I don't want our date to end." Those words alone made me feel great.