chapter 3 - Damn

I thought for a moment, 'I would be very sweet and very understanding of his needs, both for conversation and silence. I will be attentive but not bossy. I'll be fine, but unobtrusive. I will be James Bond. Oh my gosh, I'm still talking bullshit. "

" No, you're right. Now you just have to play a role, and since you are anyway, all you really need to do is be yourself. You can emphasize this by pretending to be that kind, sweet person. Pretend until you get there. Put the anxious person aside; he just left the house. Pretend you're the perfect fit for Edie. You're tall, brunette, good-looking, and you just need the right personality to impress her in no time. "

" I'll try... I guess. I know I sound skeptical about the chances of success.

Bruce listens next to his house, "I just heard a car coming. Come in, and let's greet them."

I slowly followed Bruce inside. As I closed the porch door, I heard welcoming noises in the foyer of the house. I puffed out my chest, took five deep breaths, and walked out the front door trying to look cool and friendly.

Oh, divine kangaroo! She had Edie. There is no doubt about the woman she is. She is even more beautiful than her pictures found on the Internet. She truly is an angel and a work of art, and I'm sure there's a halo over her head. God has given him the best of himself. She has a sweet beauty and an eternal and serene beauty. She is bleeding love. She's Aphrodite... and I feel like a real lump.

Mindy introduced us. I know my whole face is shaking with anxiety. My whole body feels like it's about to go numb, but I try to suppress the urge to pass everyone on the street and my car screams that I have to go home for an unknown emergency.

Edie and I shook hands. His hand was cool to the touch, just right. I don't want to let go, and I guess neither. We both looked into each other's eyes and I found a strength I didn't know I had. We continued to hold hands until someone urged me to go back to the living room.

Bruce serves wine, but I can't taste anything. I'm studying Edie. I try not to look, so I just stare at everyone and then look at Edie for a long time. I wanted to soak in her beauty, and it was just the sense of pleasure I found in her presence. I even knew that one day the evening would end and I might never see this wonderful creature again. I want to have a lot of pictures taken with my camera in mind for later viewing. I wanted to immerse myself in every photon that bounced off her in my direction.

I got a smile from him, and he lit up the sky. We went out to watch the sunset. As we were all standing and talking, I saw Edie shiver from the chill of the night air. I took off my jacket and wrapped it around his shoulder within two microseconds. I want to be his servant, that's all I feel is worthy. Then, when I pick up my coat, I'll know this beauty wore it for a few minutes, and I'll cherish the memory. I tried to act like Mr. Cool, and one who always gives his coat to beautiful women in need. I watched the sunset and thought about that scene from The Great Gatsby, where Robert Redford watched the sun go down from his Newport mansion, showing both its seductive and mysterious sides.

Finally, Mindy led us inside and into the dining room. She cleared the table and I sat on Edie's left. She returned the coat and thanked me for my kindness. I brushed off the comment, but secretly treasured his words. I kept her dinner chair for her, and even got a laugh from her when I placed the napkin on her lap with the same flourish as I have seen a housekeeper do. in a top restaurant. Mindy's friend Rita saw me do this and winked conspiratorially.

The Last Supper got us all talking about many topics: books, movies, our work past and present, what our children and in my case, their grandchildren I'm working. I could smell Edie's aura as she sat next to me. I sent her spiritual messages of acceptance and gratitude for being able to meet her. I was wondering if there is such a thing as ESP. If so, she will receive nice messages from me.

In fact, Edie touched my arm a few times to check on something we were discussing. Every time she did, I felt like I had put my finger in an electrical outlet while soaking in salt water. My whole body was dizzy and shaking. I'm sure she can see it and smell it, but I'm trying to stay calm. I used to put my other hand on hers to show my acceptance. She lit up with her best smile and let her hand on mine under mine for a long time like ten seconds.

We all lingered around the dinner and light dessert that Rita had brought. I think I drank four cups of coffee when we sat down to continue discussing this and that. I realized that I was trying to prolong the evening together before we went our separate ways forever. I was a little less worried.

In the end, Hank and Rita noisily leave, which means Edie will go with them. I also thanked our host and hostess, and soon we were all walking through the door with more goodbye noises. I said goodbye to Hank, Rita, and Edie as we approached our car. I had to shake Edie's hand again, but this time I tried to be a little sweeter. I held her hand with both hands and told her it was nice to meet her. Then we went in different directions. Bruce called me the next morning at 9:30. I can hear Mindy in the background instructing her on what to say to me, and it makes me laugh. Bruce is a devoted husband.

He said informatively, "You have to call Edie and ask her out to dinner." See you soon, especially when there aren't the rest of us around to hijack your conversation. "

" Dinner? I have hardly met a woman, as attractive as she is. What makes you think she's even interested in dating me? "

" Listen," he said, "I'm just a messenger. Either do it or we both raise a glass to Mindy and Rita. "

I gave my passive-aggressive response," I'll think about it. "

Just thinking about calling Edie gives me mixed feelings. And probably the most beautiful woman on the planet. On the other hand, I could also call the White House and invite me out to dinner. I felt so intimidated by her: her beauty, her intellect, and her persona.

Finally, about six o'clock that evening, I pulled out the scrap of paper that Mindy had forced into my pocket the night before with Edie's phone number on it. I took one last glug of liquid courage from my wine glass and then dialed the number.

Edie answered on the third ring.

"Errr, Edie, this is Jim. We met last night at Bruce and Mindy's house. "

" Oh, yes, I hope you'll call. I had a great time talking with you.

I said, "Oh my, she's friendly and inviting, and she obviously likes me."

"Well, I'm wondering if you're going to… have lunch next Saturday. We can meet anywhere you like."

"Oh, that's right. That would be perfect." I think I detected a tremor in his voice. Maybe she was as nervous as I was. She went on in a tentative tone, "How about at Lloyd's Restaurant at noon. They have outdoor seating if the weather is nice, otherwise we can eat inside."

"Perfect. I'll see you there noon on Saturday at Lloyd's."

We rang off, and I sighed in relief. I'd done it. It took me all day to find the courage. My knees are towards Jello and I have to sit down. I walked away from a dinner date because I had to plan the whole evening. Lunch is only locked up for less than 45 minutes if things get painful. Also, I suggested that we meet there instead of picking her up. That way we can go and go in different directions without redefining. The meeting there didn't seem like a date anymore. I definitely avoided getting engaged.

A date? God, I haven't dated anyone other than my late wife in almost forty years. What am I thinking? It's not like high school or college. I knew what to expect then, but now... I'm not so sure anymore. I don't know how a man in his sixties is supposed to behave on a "date".

Texted Bruce, 'Saturday lunch with Edie.'

He immediately replied, "Good. I'll let the authorities know.'

A few minutes after that I got a text from Mindy. 'Coward. You were supposed to ask her to dinner and make an evening of it ... even ending up back at your house for romance. Oh, well. Next time.' Moments later, I got another text from her, "Seriously, congratulations. I know it takes courage. We support you on this point. You and B."

I don't answer Mindy because I think there is a slight impulse there that makes me choose to ignore

I see the caller ID on my cell phone light up with my name and number Jim. My heart jumped in my throat, and I'm sure my body was in shock. I had to cough several times to be able to speak before I pressed the answer button. I felt tears of panic welling up in my eyes.

A few sentences later, I agreed to have lunch with him at Lloyd's, my favorite place. What did I think when I accepted? What does he want from me? He was so suave last night, but then here and there I detected some nervousness. He's an oxymoron nervous yet confident. He was so nice. I liked him.

I immediately started questioning myself. I haven't had a real "date" between girls in decades.

Harry reminds me that I scare people for who I am and what I've done in my career. I used to be a top model in fashion and photography, knocking out tens of thousands of people for a single photo session, and then even being on the cover of several popular magazines. Even now my old pictures are all over the internet, some of me naked, not pornographic, but works of art by one of the greatest photographers of the time. now more than thirty years ago. Oh my god, has Jim seen them? Is that why he pursued me? If I bully him, why is he so "sweet" and posing for most of the evening? I pretended to be like that myself, when I really wanted to take off my shoes and go barefoot.

Saturday! Damn, only six days left. Why do I swear? I needed to wear something to signal to her that I had gotten through all those years of my life where I was always demanding, intimidating, and sexy. I pretended to be sophisticated at the time. I'm just a country girl with good looks. Damn, even now I have signs of aging that make me forget what I looked like when I was younger. I'm wider at the hips. I have crow's feet in my eyes and wrinkles on my neck and forehead. My skin is a bit mottled with what my mother calls liver spots not many, but a few. My breasts sag. I think my butt sags even more. I have cellulite forming on my thighs. My eyelids drooped. I dye my hair. I'm totally confused, why would Jim think of being caught in public with me?

As I wandered around the house I suddenly stopped in a panic. What will we talk about? Oh, crap. I need to brush up on the latest movies and books, and ... the news. I wonder what his policy is... his religion? That's it; I will watch the news. I can't just watch TV Home and Garden all day like I did before Harry died. I have to go back to the real world. When was the last time I traveled? Oh, it was last year and I went to Rome for a few days with Rita. Do I still have photos on my iPhone to show her? Am I trying to overshadow it by talking about this trip?