Chapter 7: So close yet apart

LAGOS, NIGERIA.

OCTOBER 2018.

Glass. She looked as fragile as glass. Her back was to him, she was sitting in the kitchen with one of her hands supporting her chin, the other playing with the cereal she had in her favorite mug. For a while Chris just stood there, taking it all in. It'd been two days since their encounter with Nina. Two days since she left home. At the moment he just wanted to hug her, hold her to make sure she was here; well and sound. He was so worried, he called everyone they knew except her parents. He knew she wouldn't go back, not after their skepticisms about her union to him in the first place. Her going back will surely confirm their thoughts- that he wasn't good enough for her. He knew he wasn’t. It turns out he wasn't good enough from the beginning. At least, that's what he thought at the moment.

"Where are the kids, Christopher?" Pamela asked gently almost like a cloned version of her real person.

Even when he did something really wrong, she never called him by his full name. It was always Ayomi, Babe, baba Ella, or my crown. Chris shoved that little observation down his throat since they were obviously at that place now. A place he drove them to.

"They are at my parents. Temitope where have you been?  I've been so worried" he asked quietly.

Pamela shrugged her shoulders like being away for two days wasn't a big deal. "I just drove around aimlessly, sorry for bothering you"

Something was off about her. She was still so calm, it was eerie. Chris desperately wanted to fight those demons for her; with her. How could he that when he was probably the demon she was fighting. He was still standing at the door, scared of going further into the kitchen like she was going to disappear if he took even a step further.

The swirl of the dancing cereal in their milk bath must have captivated Pamela because she kept staring at the mug’s content and so Chris finally summoned courage to go in. Immediately he stepped in, she got up to empty the cereal down the sink. She loved cereal, so they had a wide range of variety from Fruity, Coco Pops, Krunchy co, Golden morn, Cornflakes, Sweet and tasty, Rice Crispies, even Cerelac. Yet on this day, she couldn't bear to eat it, it tasted like paper.

Chris hugged her from behind and held on tight. It was the only thing he could think of doing. He placed his head in the crook of her neck, that soft spot; the junction between her face and neck was his favorite place in the world. He just breathed in her dreamy smell, it was the same as it had been the last three years. He was expecting rejection, rather she stood still in his arms, not leaning into the embrace or pushing him away.

One second, two seconds, three seconds, one minute... Time continued to move as he hugged her close, hoping she could feel his love and remorse. It was like she knew he needed strength and sanity. He had driven like someone possessed when he was informed of her return.

He held her still, even as she rinsed out her mug and said nothing. His chatterbox was quiet. To someone who loved peace and quiet, her silence unnerved him.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. So sorry. Mine, you and the twins are my life and now it feels like I’m not living. I haven't slept a wink in the last two days. I even went to see Moses." He said trying to break the tense silence and maybe say something right that would ease her mind towards him. "Say something babe. I need you to say something. Anything but this silence" he added. The desperation in his voice clearly noticeable.

"What do you want to hear? I have nothing to say to you. They say denial is the first stage of grief, maybe I’m in denial or my brain cords have finally come loose like I’m mad or something” Pamela pointed at her head as she spoke calmly. Too calm. If it was any other day, he would have laughed but not today.

"I'll go and pick up the twins, I have missed them," she said and walked out.

"Mummy, ish cweem" Ella said in a whinny voice. She was manipulating her mom. It always worked with Chris but not her mom so it was a surprise when Pamela said "Alright pumpkin. Eat your spaghetti first and stop picking out the carrots."

" Daniel eat your food before you start complaining when it turns cold " She continued. The Olugbenga's looked like any normal family, eating dinner together after saying the grace, but it was all an act and the façade was eating slowly at his very soul.

After dinner, the twins got ice cream in small quantities. They had fussed and wanted their mum to do their assignments with them, play soldier and tittie, and every other thing they could think of while leaving Chris right out of it. He was content with listening to their laughter and complaints as they told their mum every single detail of the events that happened over the last two days as best as they could.

In his study, Chris tried to get work done. He had 6 missed calls and 24 unanswered messages most of which were from Nina but tonight he wanted to have no sort of communication with anyone aside his ‘barely together’ family.

After several failed attempts to come up with a plan for an upcoming deal, he finally went up to their bedroom. He entered to find Pamela moisturizing her hair which was now slightly past waist length. The usual liquid oil and cream routine was all too familiar to Chris since he always did that for her. She always complained about how tedious taking care of her hair was so he always did it. It was like their nighttime ritual. He felt cheated and excluded from everything but most of all he couldn’t help but feel aroused so he got in the bathroom to have a cold shower which helped cool his emotions and raging libido.

When Chris came out, she was on her side of the bed with her back to him, just like earlier. He put on some pajama shorts and a silk vest, and got in bed.

The couple couldn't sleep. All Chris wanted was to snuggle up to his wife and sleep peacefully in her arms like always but he fisted his hands in the sheets and listened to her soft breaths. Pamela was also awake and he wanted to do anything but this; to lie beside her like a stranger, to have her at arm’s length when he could reach out to her easily, but who was he kidding, she was so far away.

So instead of holding her like he wanted, "I love you, Temi. With all that is mine, God knows I really do" he said, praying to God that she believed him even just a bit.

Her soft cries came next, his baby was breaking right next to him and all Chris could do was to chant his ‘I love you’ over and over, praying that she at least believed that.