Chapter 5

- D I A R Y E N T R Y #1 -

11.06.16 // 10:48 p.m.

I saw him chuck an unconscious Blaire into the trunk of his sleek, black car. He threw in there effortlessly as if she was a rag doll. Part of me cringed at how rough he was being with such a beautiful girl, but another part of me deep, deep, deep down, felt a kind joy–a kind of happiness seeing Blaire’s limp body. He was whispering in her ear, but she was out cold, her hands limp at her sides, flapping against his leg whenever he moved. He carried her gently, though, despite his aggression throwing her into the car. His arm was under her legs, and her head rested on his shoulder. Had I not known either of them, I’d say it was a beautiful picture of lovers: 2 fools, drunk and in love, stumbling the streets of Beverly Hills after a night of fun. And now he carried her back home, gazing at her lovingly with her long curls draped over his arm like a veil. They’d get home, and shower together, and she’d be in the mood for grilled cheese, but he’d just want to go to sleep. However, he loves her too much to say no, so he heads to the kitchen with her close behind. They dance to “At Last” by Etta James as the food cooks, swaying from side to side as the music engulfs them, making it hard to differentiate between a dream and reality. It’s absolutely lovely, right?

But, that wasn’t the story. No, this one is uglier, grittier, yet still beautiful in its own way, the way that most stories are. If it doesn’t have an ugly side, does it really make for a good story? No one can really say that they like a story with a happy ending. If they do, they are living in their own little bubble. They are nothing but ignorant beings floating through space, ignoring all that is truly wrong with the world. Because the truth is, no one here gets their happy ending. It doesn’t exist. Happiness is nothing except something humans made up to impose meaning upon their stupid fucking lives. It’s worthless, all of it. Every single little thing is worthless. Well, except for this.

Blaire was so pretty and perfect, she had everything she ever wanted at the snap of a finger. She could want for nothing, everything and everyone kissed the ground she walked on. Just thinking about the smile she aims towards everything she graces makes me nauseous, but it also makes me want to hug her. To tell her everything will be okay. But, time and time again I have to keep reminding myself that this is what she deserved. She may be perfect on the outside with the looks and the grades and the clothes, but inside, she was disgusting, right? She was disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting.

But, you know what they say,

All roses have their thorns.