THOUGHTS

THOUGHTS

"Ciara? "

I glance up at Flora, seated across from me. "Huh?" We're doing homework outside at the same table as always. Students are passing by us on foot. Some are drinking coffee and appearing like zombies with incredibly black bags under their eyes, while others are with people, staring at their phones alone. I hope they're having a good cup of coffee. Not everyone has the same luck.

She calmly bites into her apple. "At what time are you supposed to...uh..."

I turn to face the screen again, seeing exactly where this is headed. "Oh, uh, the appointment is at four."

"You can still change your mind."

"Stop it." I sag. "I already signed a contract, it's done."

She seems to genuinely care about me, but I need someone to stand by my side. Flora needs to be the one to reassure me that everything would be alright because she is the only person I have left.

"It's not done until there's a fetus in you."

I give her a rolling eye. "I thought you were excited about me having Evans's baby."

"Oh, it's going to be a really beautiful baby," she responds. He's both attractive and menacing. How do you feel about conversing with him?"

I have to admit, "He is a little intimidating."

"While his desire to have a child is endearing, is he really cut out to be a father? Moreover, a single father."

I shrug, saying, "I know." He claims to want this. Perhaps the baby will help him become a little softer.

"So, he's not dating anyone?" "Flora," I say.

"What?" I'm simply inquiring."

"Well, he doesn't talk much so it's not like I can tell you anything anyway."

Her head is shaken. "Never in my life did I imagine you being in this situation."

I mumble, trying to get my homework done, "Believe me, you are not the only one."

I look at the screen of my laptop and take a sip of water. It's driving me crazy that I haven't had coffee in a whole week. Stupid protocol that I have to go through the entire time. I didn't mind not smoking or drinking alcohol because I don't do any of those things either. They went on to discuss caffeine. My daily energy source is coffee.

In addition, I've been taking hormones all week, and they're not improving my attitude. Is this what to expect from being pregnant? I'm evolving into a monstrosity.

"How is the wedding progressing?" I ask Flora, wanting a break from work but not wanting to continue discussing my purported pregnancy today.

"Time is flying by, and I have a ton of stuff to do! March already? Is that right?

I am able to. I chose to schedule the appointment for today for that reason. Within a month, I should find out if I'm pregnant. I'm hoping that my timing is correct because the last thing I want is to get behind in my coursework. In the unlikely event that I become pregnant, I won't be able to display much at graduation, but I can retain the photos and give them to my family. I hope that everything works out the way I want it to since it all adds up in my mind.

Since I don't have a class for another hour, I go to Starbucks while Flora is gone for her next class. I swear that the fragrance of coffee helps me stay calm; I'm not sure if this is all in my brain. I get out my notes and settle down to study at one of the tables.

Could I purchase you a drink?

I have to give it a time to register that this guy is speaking to me. A man is leaning across from me when I gently look up. He has lovely brown eyes and short, light brown hair. His glasses are perched on the bridge of his nose, and a rucksack is draped over one shoulder. He was probably in one of my classes or something when I first saw him.

"Oh?"

He beams. "I was hoping I could get you something, but you're not drinking."

Well. No, I'm OK. For now, I am unable to consume coffee.

How on earth did I tell him that? I get nervous around guys that chat to me, and he does too. He's also kind of adorable in a dorky way.

He scowls. "What brought you here then?"

I sigh deeply and add, "The smell," before bursting out laughing. I sound like an addict now.

"You have a college student's voice."

I know nothing more to say, so I just smile.

Pointing to the vacant chair, he asks, "May I?"

Indeed.

With a start, he introduces himself as Luis and extends his hand. "We have taken some classes together."

I shake it and say, "Ciara." "You appear familiar."

Okay. I didn't want to appear like the eerie man that follows you around the classroom.

My cheeks get warm. "I haven't noticed, so don't worry."

He looks about uncomfortably. "And now I'm that eerie man."

I promise not to tell anyone.

Looking at me closely, Luis says, "You are not as shy as you look."

"Normally, I'm not this way. I chuckle, "It changes me; I haven't had coffee in an entire week.

"What prevents you from drinking coffee?"

How do I do this? I am unable to go around telling everyone what I am up to. I've talked too much already. How come I'm even conversing with him? I'm going to become pregnant, so there's no use in chatting to attractive guys at this time. A pregnant college student—who would want to go out with her?

I get up and start getting ready. "Pardon me, but I have to go—I have class."

"May I—?" he starts, but before he can finish his sentence, I quickly head out the door.

"Until next time!" I attempt to be polite when I call. I study to kill time since I'm thirty minutes early for my class. My phone rings a little later when I get out of class. I mean, really? I feel as though Evans is watching me.

"I'm here, Ciara." "Curtly," he says.

"I'm currently en route."

He then ends the call.

He seemed angry. Knowing I'd better start adjusting to his mood swings, I sigh. He is easily located when I get to the parking lot; he is leaning against his car and talking on the phone. When Evans sees me, he nods and lets me in through the passenger door. Evans walks around the car with an angry expression. Wonderful. He's angry, as if he needed to be more menacing.

Before Evans gets in the car, he ends his call, and I bite my lip to avoid asking him if he's okay. He will probably tell me it's none of my business since I know him. He would be correct, too. This implies that we both remain silent and awkwardly seated without saying anything.

Funny how I can hardly talk to this man and I'm going to be his mother's child's mother.

How I'm going to get through this is beyond me.