5. Regrets: Xavier

"You are my king, more than that, you are my brother and I love you unconditionally. I'd lay down my life for you, for our kingdom." He felt his sister exhale. Heavily. His ice-blue eyes were bleak, face made of stone-like features, jaw and knuckles clenched so tightly, one small move might cost irreparable damage to anyone near him. Except for his beloved and Sofia. "Right now, I'd quell the urge to push you out of this car if you tell me one goddamn good reason why you hurt your queen --hurting yourself. Why, brother?"

Because for the second time in his life --he was afraid. Of rejection.

It was damning to admit that to himself, let alone to his sister and the people around him. Most especially to his beloved.

They all saw him as a hero. A savior.

He was a fucking fraud of the first degree.

From the look on Anna Michelle's angelic face, his actions made her sisters, the Queens, his enemies. Indefinitely. Unless he did something to change their stance. The question was, what?

Last night was not supposed to happen. However, preventing it could have led to bloodlust. Many innocent people could have died from his pain. His thirst.

Only his beloved could prevent such a catastrophic event from happening.

Before he knew it, he had used one of his special abilities on her.

All of them were right, she was the first person he would go to when he woke up. It was given. He even took the risk of using the portal. It was stupid. Their enemies could have followed him.

No matter, nothing could have stopped him. Not even himself.

And when he saw her the first time in two years...

His beloved had grown even more graceful and beautiful and he was speechless. And she touched him. Ran to him in welcome. He lost it.

The feel of her in his arms was like an oasis. Two years of suffering was about to end.

He took from her, his queen, and quench his thirst. Bringing back life to his beast, to him, to his heart.

And she let him. Anna Michelle accepted him.

-What the fuck had he done today?-

He could remember. From her disbelief, written all over her face, he broke her heart.

Xavier snarled. His hands clenched, his beast almost at the surface. "I was afraid."

Sofia just looked at him. Waiting. She knew what he had done. Judging him for his mistakes was never a trait she practiced on him.

"I went to her last night."

"Oliver and I knew that. She is your beloved. Our queen. It was the right thing to do."

"I am not worthy of her. I deceived her." God! The goddess would be so disappointed in him. A coward vampire king. "I fed on her last night. In an illusionary world. She thought it was all a dream. And today, because I was so afraid of her reaction, I had to pretend I don't know her. I hurt her."

His estate, bordering west of Lucas's, came into view. Reaching the forecourt, he didn't wait for his door to be opened and was out of the car as soon as it stopped, not waiting for his sister's reaction.

Feeding and from a beloved was only natural. An intimate act of love. But one had to always ask permission, for their bodies were the temple of their beloved's soul.

-I am one piece of shit!-

Xavier was almost at the entrance of his study when he felt his heart constricted. Breathing deeply, he waited for the pain to pass. It didn't.

The pain was increasing and his beast was twisting, snarling, trying to get out. Trying to reach for their beloved.

Mish

She was hurting because of what he did. Because he rejected her.

Instinct was once again pulling him to her. Urging. Encouraging him to do whatever it was needed to be done to ease her pain. Their pain.

"Fuck!" Gripping his golden locks in frustration, he slammed his head on the concrete wall. Some antique pieces crumbled to the floor.

"Brother,"

"Leave me alone!" Xavier knew he couldn't just appear in her life without any explanation. Not after what he did today.

Locking himself in his office, he sat behind his desk and tried to think of ways to tell her.

Xavier couldn't think. He could still feel her suffering and grief. -Fuck!- How could he hurt her so? His beloved. The other half of his soul. His heart.

He didn't know how long he was staring into space, silently enduring the pain he had brought Mish. Self-recrimination was his penance. He doesn't deserve anyone's pity. Let alone her forgiveness.

The phone ringing on his desk jolted him from his pensive state. He knew who it was before he picked it up. No surprise there. He wondered what took him so long.

Xavier sighed heavily. Again his heart constricted painfully. "Hello, "

"Fuck you, Xavier! You make this right or we go to fucking war. I swear to all the Gods and Goddesses..."

"My friend," he paused. His mind was blanked but he had to pull through. "First, I apologize for my actions. To you and your queen. It was uncalled for."

Xavier paused. How to clean up his mess?

"You made my queen cry." Was the lycan king's gruff answer. Fuck! He really had dug his own grave.

Arrogant prick that he was, he never bowed or apologize to anyone. Nor had he asked helped. It was about to change. "Help me. I don't know what to do. Let's meet at The Mark to discuss it. Mish and I may need to start over again before I tell her everything."

Pausing, he heard his friend took a deep calming breath.

"When?"

"Tomorrow."

"Ok. I will help you but you better fucking promise me you will not fuck this up. Or I will let Alexie and Rie cut your balls off. I'm pretty sure Sofia will join in the fun too." Xavier was sure Alexander was telling the truth.

His and the Lycan's army will never be able to stop the ladies.

"I know. I apologize again, my friend. Our reunion should not have been like this." It would have been a joyous celebration had he not been afraid of her rejection.

"I'm sorry too, my friend. We will see you tomorrow." He was so glad the Lycan King was on his side before he ended the call.

How to win her back?

Without deceiving her?

***

It was dawn. Every fiber in his body wanted to go to her. They needed each other. But he couldn't. He had promised himself they would start all over. Going to her, using his powers will betray her trust. And he had to gain it back more than anything.

-Oliver...Sofia-

It was no surprise his second-in-command and his beloved was waiting outside the door. They came in right away, ready to assist him.

Xavier mentally grimaced. His sister has toddlers, his nieces, and the couple should be with them instead they were here to help him. He was a fucking mess.

"Shhh...don't, Xavier." Sofia knew him too well.

He got up and embraced her. "I'm sorry." He murmured quietly.

He felt her nodded. Accepting his apology. "Just stop being sorry and let us help you. What can we do?"

Sofia went back to her beloved and sat on his lap. Oliver inclined his head to his leader, waiting for instructions.

"We are going to meet the royal Lycans at the Mark tomorrow. They will help us. I may need to start at the beginning, so to speak. Court her, date her. All the works." God! He was desperate.

"How about your past?" Oliver asked.

Yes. Their past. A very painful one. "I will need to gain her trust first before I tell her. She will know everything before the claiming ceremony." Xavier was adamant there would be no secrets between them. He was given a clean slate and he was adamant to use it to his advantage.

He will be with her when they revisit the past. They will share the painful moments together.

The Vampire King will do anything for his beloved Anna Michelle.

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I am happy with the positive feedback I am getting from you, dear readers.

Thank you so so much for all your support.

Xavier really has to redeem himself big time. I hope he succeeds.

Until the next chapter, babies.