CHAPTER FOUR

I enter the house, drenched in water. With every step I take, it's as though the cold intensifies.

"Natalie? Oh, Jesus!" Aunt Ruth screams as soon as she spots me. "Bring me a towel!" She yells. She continues, "For the love of God, Natalie, what have you done to yourself? Did Judith's words rattle you so much?" She asks, checking every inch of my body.

"Where's Louis?" I ask, uninterested in taking care of myself. I needed my son. I needed to comfort him and be comforted by him.

"He's in bed already, you just wait here, let m— I interject, "No, auntie. I'll see Louis first."

***

I enter my little man's room. He's fast asleep, properly tucked in bed. For a few minutes, I stand there, at the door, watching him sleep. I don't want to risk going close to him as I'm wet, so I turn to leave. As I'm leaving, my eyes fall on the metal mesh dustbin. There are a few squeezed up papers in it. I go to it and kneel beside the bin as I go through the trash. I fold my lips together, as I take in the contents of the papers. I breathe in, knowing fully well the decision I had to make. I get up and head out, going straight to the living room.

"Where are you off to again, Natalie?! At least, take an umbrella!"

"I'll be fine, aunt. I've got to do something." I respond, as I rush out.

****

I ring the bell continuously. There's still no answer. I open the Italian barricade doors, and luckily, they open.

"Natalie." I hear Rocket say as soon as I enter. I pause, somewhat embarrassed. "You're drenched, Jesus, did you come under the rain?" He asks. He grabs me, and in a matter of seconds, we're in his laundry room. It is humongous. It looks like an ancient washing room slab. I try to concentrate on his shoes, avoiding eye contact as he uses the towel to dry me up.

"I'm sorry I entered without waiting to be let in. I was in a hurry."

"My house is as much as yours, Natalie. It's always."

I try not to panic internally as I think of how to arrange the words I'm about to say. You can not chicken out. Louis. Louis. Louis. Louis. Louis. Louis. Louis. Louis. Is all my subconscious keeps repeating. I try to keep myself, my heart, from thinking about Luke, and how much of a betrayal it would be. He was alive, I knew. I was certain. It's as though I could feel his energy radiating through me. Momentarily, I was confused. I was put in a very tight spot. I had to choose between the man I loved, the father of my child and my child, my flesh and blood. Remembering the contents of what I'd seen in Louis' dustbin, pictures of his family, something he tried to draw, broke me. He had drawn himself alongside myself and a man at the far back, his head covered with a box. There was another drawing which I'd assumed was a picture of himself, myself and Rocky. It was at this moment that I in-fact, knew what I had to do.

"I'll marry you, Rocky. I'm ready to marry you." I blurt out. If I could, I would marry him at this instance so I could pacify my son.

Rocket laughs. He moves back. "Did I hear correctly or did I over take some whiskey and I'm now hallucinating the thing I desire to hear the most?"

I look away, irritated.

"Can you, please, just say that one more time, Natalie?"

"I said I'll marry you, Rocket. That is, if you're still willing."

"Of course, I am!" He responds, and then, he rushes out. I stand there for a few seconds, confused as I look on. Still dipping wet and shivering, I go out and I see him. He halts.

"You didn't give an answer." I state. Suddenly, he goes on one knee and I see him reveal a shiny ring. The same ring he'd shown me before.

"I figured, I should be the one proposing. I never got the chance to do this, so, Natalie Natty," He chuckles. He continues, "Devaux Richardson. Will you marry me?"

I hesitate to give my answer or give my hand even though I'd already made my intentions known. It was as though his gesture would seal up everything.

"Rocky. I think you've misunderstood me." I respond. I see his face fall.

"But, but I heard you correctly. I'm not drunk."

"You aren't. Yes, I do want to marry you, but I'm not marrying you for me. I'm, I'm, doing it for Louis."

He looks at me, but I can't read what expression he has on.

I continue, "I don't want to lie to you or lead you on. I don't love you, Rocky."

He gets up. I still can't make out what expression he has on. He turns around. "Fine. If that's how you feel, then I have two conditions for this marriage to happen. I love Louis, but don't get me wrong. This is a life partnership we're talking about here so if you don't think you can accept my conditions, then you can go dry up in your house."

I eye him from head to toe, shocked at his tone, shocked at his words. He'd never spoken to me so coldly before. "And, these conditions are?" I ask, my heart beating fast.

"First. I will have as much right over Louis as you do. Secondly, you will perform all your duties as my wife and you will not, under any circumstances deny me my rights as your husband."

I look at him with pure disgust. At that moment, I hated him. He was using my situation to his advantage. He finally got me in the place where he unfortunately had leverage over me. "So, what you're saying is that you will have sex with me whenever and however you wish, without me being able to object to it even when I want to. It's my body you're after."

He tilts his head. "No. You know it's more than that, Natalie."

I move closer to him. We are dangerously close. I take both his hands and place them on my breasts.

"What are you doing?" He asks, dragging them away. I drag them back and place them on my breasts again, and I move in to kiss him. He holds my head to prevent me from doing so.

"Natalie, what are you doing?!" He asks. I ignore his questions and take his hands again, using them to rub against my entire body and privates.

"Natalie!" He yells, shoving me off lightly.

"Why are you pushing me away? You want my body don't you? Take it, then! If that's the only way you can become Louis' father, take me, Rocket! Bastard."

"So, do you want to tell mommy what happened? Why did you, you know. Fight with that boy?" I ask Louis as I get him dressed for school.

He sighs, "I didn't hurt him mommy. He laughed at me and then he poked me. He poked my head and I was angry."

Hearing him speak, I silently pray that my son does not inherit Luke's anger. Luke could be as scary as a mad man when he got upset. "Why did he laugh at you?"

"He said his daddy was his hero. I don't have a daddy, so I don't have a hero, mommy."

"I can be your hero, my love. Don't you want mommy to be your hero? Huh?" I ask, trying to see if there was anyway at all I could escape being tied to Rocket.

He nods a no, and I give up, defeated.

***

"I'll drive." I hear a familiar voice say as I usher my son into the car.

"Uncle Rocky!" My son screams, excited. He gets down from the car and rushes to hug Rocket. I look away, still annoyed about the incident from the previous night.

"Get in the car now, champ. Let's get you to school."

"Do you mind?" He asks me.

"No. You can have your way." I respond, giving him the keys. He holds my hand just as I turn.

"Can we talk?"

***

"I'd like to apologize for yesterday. I didn't mean to hurt you or make you think that I'm just after your body. No, Natalie. I've loved you since forever. You know that."

"Rocky, you claim you love my son so much and if you do all the things you do for him without me even asking you to, why can't you do just this one thing for his happiness? Louis wants a father, Rocky."

"And you're using me for it. Natalie, I'm sorry for yesterday, but the truth is, you always want someone to be there, for the other person to go all out for you but are you ever willing to the the same for them?"

He wasn't lying. He was saying the unfiltered truth, and it hurt like hell realizing that I'd been too selfish towards people, mostly him. This man had loved me unconditionally since I was just a girl and he's always been by my side whether I wanted him or not.

"It's enough of the arguments, Rocket. Every day that goes by, my son suffers without a father. I want that to end. I agree to both your conditions, however, I will never love you. You can sleep with me, touch me, kiss me as much as you want to but I must warn you that every time you do it, Luke will be on and in my mind and my heart and there's nothing that will ever change that."

"My love is more than enough for the both of us, Natalie. You'll learn to love me again, like you did once." He responds. I frown and look away. Alex had said those exact words to me a few years ago. It's as though I was beginning to hate him everyday. If I'd known, I'd have stopped him from coming close to my son right from the beginning. I would've avoided this entire situation.

He takes my hand. I try to jerk it away but he holds on to it tightly. He reaches for his pocket and brings out the same ring. I look at him and then I watch him slide the ring down my finger.

****

"Do you want to stay back in? You threw quite a fit and spoke harshly with the proprietress the other day." Rocket suggests.

"No. I should go in and at least apologize. Louis, I'll get you down, my love." I say as I get down from the car.

"Come, love." I say to my son as I get him down from the car.

**

Louis' gone into his class. Rocket and I stand at the are for parents as we watch Louis enter one of the classes.

"Ms. Richardson." The proprietress says, walking towards our direction.

"Mr. Gillies." She says to Rocket.

"Hello to you to, Rose." I respond. I didn't like this woman. I could tell that the aura around her was off.

She laughs. "Well, I see you're in better spirits today."

"How's the other kid doing? Is he okay?" Rocket asks.

"Well, fortunately, I was able to coax his mother into settling for just an apology. Nothing against you or the school, given, Louis behaves properly."

"Thank you for all of that, Rose, but if I may ask; did you ask the other boy what he did to my son? My son did not just retaliate unprovoked."

She nods, irritating me further. Was she always this happy? I cringe, as I observe the smug smile on her face. "Regardless, Ms. Richardson. This is a school. My school operates on certain policies and they must be followed."

Rocket coughs. "Once again, Natalie and I are extremely sorry for what happened. Rest assured, it won't be happening again."

"Fantastic. I can understand Ms. Richardson, trust me. I should understand a mother better than anyone else."

"How so? Do you have a child?" I ask her. She didn't look like she had one.

"No." She responds plainly. Our eyes meet and we look at each other directly in the eyes. "But my partner does."

"You're married." I state.

"You can say that," She chuckles.

"Well, in that case, why don't we invite her to our wedding, Natty?"

Rose gasps. "Wedding? You're finally tying the knot, my goodness. Congratulations." Rocket takes her hand for a shake but I do not. I look at Rocket, disappointed but not exactly sure if I was disappointed he invited her or that he made it public just like that.

"My love!" Rocket shakes me, bringing me out of my bubble.

"Hm?" I respond.

"Rose will be at our wedding. I think a friendship between the both of you would be beneficial to you two."

I smile, irked and uninterested. "Of course. We should share a bottle of Cabernet soon."

"Definitely." She responds.